WHAT HAPPENED, THIS WEEK, @ MONDAY NIGHT RAW

Posted August 12th, 2016 by jshannon

Summerslam is almost here and we are here to look at the lead-ins.

I’m so happy to have my writing partner, Lottie, back at my side. After a really rough week, my girl is right here to give Chris Jericho a hard time. Smile.

We strted with a Flashback segment that showed Finn Balor getting up in Steh Rollins’s face. Also, Rusev said no one could defet him. Roman Reings took exception. Also, Randy Orton surprised Brock Lesnar with an RKO, out of nowhere. Randy let the ring nad ran into the crowd. Brock would get his revenge on Smackdown, when he nailed the F5.

Roll the Opening Montage!

We are right down the street from the Magic Kingdom, in Anaheim, CA. Both Mick Foley and Daniel Bryan will be on Raw to discuss te Orton vs Lesnar situation. Sean Combs was also on the show to talk about he music in the latest WWE1K video game.

Enzo Amore and Big Css came out to start the live portion of the show. Typica Enzo/Cass into. My Lottie has been joking that I shoulud get my hair down like Enzo. Sure, why not? LOL. Enzo discussed how he was flirting with Sasha Banks, last week. Chris Jericho crashed the party and screwed it all up, even though Sasha was smitten. Enzo knew ht had that “in the bag”. Cass was backing up his little buddy. Lottie just couldn’t stop giggling as Enzo tried to act like such the stud. Enzo said the sight of Jericho made him “Baby Bump”. Enzo called Jericho an “Axl Rose Wannabe”.

That brrought out the leader of Fozzy, Jon Bon Jericho (Enzo’s term for him). Jericho called Cass Enzo’s “Maid”. Jericho mentioned how Enzo always had back up. Jericho now had his own back-up…Kevin Owens.

K.O. strolled out to join his Canadian ally. Jericho said they were Canadian Brothers. Jericho confirmed with Owens that they had each other’s backs. Cass made some serious sexial orientation jabs at Jericho and Owens. Cass told Jericho to do something about it. Kevin stopped Jericho and said he used to like Cass. He compared Enzo to Sami Zayn and called them both “dead weight”. Kevin blamed Cass for bringing in Enzo to “vomie nonsensically”. Kevin said either he or Jericho would hurt Cass. Cass was ready to go.Jericho back peddled, big time. Jericho called Enzo a “Hip Hop Hobbi”. That will be trending. Enzo jumped up in Jericho’s face adn the Canadians backed off.

Enzo Amore vs Chris Jericho

The Finish:

Chris put Enzo in the Walls of Jericho but Amore got to the ropes. Crossbody by Enzo, from the top. 2 count. Chris went to the floor but Enzo flew over the top. Kevin Owens got involved. Code Breaker by Jericho. Cass rushed in and hit a Big Boot.

Your winner (by Disqualification): Chris Jericho
Raw Ranking: 2.5 out of a possible 5

Big Cass challenged Jericho and Owens to a tag match at Summerslam. Both sides agreed.

Raw announced that Lana and Rusev recently got married. Congratulations to the happy couple. Fresh love can be grand, as I am quickly learning with my beautiful Lottie (she just blushed). Smile. The newlyweds will be out soon to celebrate with all of us.

In the back, Mick Foley was on the phone with Stephanie McMahon. Sasha Banks came in to chat. She was tired of dealing with Dan Brooke. Foley set up a match for later tonight. If Sasha wins, Dana will be banned at the SummerSlam Women’s title match. If Sasha loses, it will turn into a 2-on-1 Handicap Match.

Braun Strowman vs Jerrell Nelson

Byron tried to intervuew Jerrell but he couldn’t even speak. Nelson is an accomplished West Coast wrestler but he was so darn over-matched. The ref had to restrain Braun. Jerrell went to the apron and got knocked off it. Braun came out and got the kid. He threw him in the ring nad nailed the Inside Out Clothesline. Reverse Chokeslam.

Your Winner: Braun Strowman
Raw Ranking: 1.0

In the office, Mick was paying with his tablet. Puff Daddy came in to chat. Combs invted Mick and his family to come see one of his shows. New Day, minus Big E, came in to chat. Xavier Woods mentioned his podcast and then thanked Combs for the new music on WWE2K17. Combs asked about Big E’s nethers. Big E was taken out by Gallows and Anderson. Combs left with Kofi and Woods to call Big E.

Darren Young (w/Bob Backlund) vs Titus O’Neil

Titus hit a wicked Clothesine but Darren came back with a Back Elbow. Titus lifted up Darren for a Running Powerslam but Young slid under and used the tights in a School Boy.

Your Winner: Darren Young
Raw Ranking: 1.5

Sheamus vs Cesaro

The Finish:

Cesaro hit the Uppercut Train. The ref took a bump. Cesaro rolled up Sheamus for the win.

Your Winner: Cesaro
Raw Ranking: 2.0

The Brock Lesnr vs Randy Orton match was analyzed.

The Dudley Boyz vs Neville and ?

Neville came out first. We haven’t een him in a month of Sundays. Who would Neville chose as a partner? The Dudleys gave Neville crap before Raw got started. So…

The Dudley Boyz vs Neville and Sin Cara

Sin Cara needs new music. He used the old Lucha Dragons theme.

The Finish:

D’Vpm jot a Back Elbow but D’Von accidentally took out Bubba Ray. Roll Up brought Neville a two. Neville did a Flip Dive to neutralize Bubba. Neville hit a Missile Dropkick after Sin Cara hit the Jumping Enziguti. Red Arrow!

Your Winners: Neville and Sin Cara
Raw Ranking: 3.0

In the baack, Rusev prepped for the Wedding Celebration. That is up next!

Daniel Bryan arrived at Raw.

The ring was decked out for the celebration. Rusev came out dressed to the nines. The music changed to a pretty love theme. Lana came out looking absolutely beautiful in her wedding dress. You just know that wedding cakes and wrestling rings NEVER, EVER lead to good things. Grin.

Lana said she was Rusevs Princess. Lana said she got the Fairy Tale Wedding that she wanted. She insulted the crowd and when they reacted, Rusev got all kinds of cranky. Lana said they were going to relive the whole experienc with the fans, even though they did not deserve it. Rusev said Lana was all his. Lana kissed Rusev’s bicep. Lana sent it to stills from the actual wedding. Very beautiful. The fans were actually chanting “Boring. I have to agree. Lana kept rambling about renting a private beach. Lottie ” So, when did they forget that this was a wrestling show?”

Plese, dear God, send someone out here to interrupt this long, boring segment. Lana wanted everyone to take pictures of them. Rusev climed everyone was jealous of them.

Oh, thank GOD, Roman Reigns showed up. The boos for Roman were even louder than those for Lana and Rusev. Roman claimed he wasn’t out to ruin all this. Roman noticed that Rusev didn’t have a Best Man at his wedding. Roman wanted to be Rusev’s Best Man. Roman wanted to toast the happy couple. Rusev told Roman to leave. Roman then threw out a challenge for a U.S. title match, at SummerSlam. Rusev declined. Roman decided to go back to doing the toast this.

Roman poured out some champagne. He thanked them for showing him a Mail Order Bride marrying a Bulgarian Sasquatch. Roman just wanted to have a little bit of fun. Roman expected more. Roman took it to the next level when he talked bout Rusev’s wedding night. Rusev attacked Roman. Rusev just exploded on Roman. Roman ht Rusev and he crashed into Lana. She end dup in one of the cakes. Lana had a sugar-coated meltdown. LOL. Rusev and Lana destroyed the entire set. All that cake gone to waste. “Jay, Babe, you ARE diabetic”. Smile.

Backstage, Lana was freaking out. Rusev screamed at Mick Foley. Rusev demanded that this situation should be fixed. Mick made the US title match that Roman wanted. Rusev screamed in Bulgarian.

Sasha Banks vs Dana Brooke
Non-Title Match with Special Stipulations

If Dana wins, she gets added to the title match at SummerSlam. If Sasa wins, she gets Charlotte, solo. Raw looked back at last week’s mixed tag team match.

The Finish:

Sasha planted Dana with Double Flying Knees. Sasha ran Dana into the corner. Dana hit a Corner Hot Shot on Sasha. Dana pounded on the Women’s champ. Crosstie Clutch with the knee planted in the back. Sasha threw Dana into the ropes. Flying Clotheslines by Sasha. Dropkick by Sasha. Double Boots by Dana led to a massive Clothesline. 2 counts. Dana slapped away at Sasha. Charlotte accidentally slapped Dana. Sasha kicked Charlotte away. Dana charged and hit hte corner. Double Knee Drop!

Your Winner: Sasha Banks
Raw Ranking: 2.0

A promo piece about Nia Jax aired. She reminds me of Tamina mixed with Awesome Kong/Kharma.

Raw flashed back to The Kid (Sean Waltman) beating Razor Ramon from 1993. I remember that match.

Raw did a promo piece with Finn Balor. He explained that genesis of his ring name. Interesting. I love mythology.

Anderson and Gallows did a silly medical bit about Ringpost-itis. They joked about removing Big E’s testicles. They planned on doing the same to Kofi Kingston, later tonight.

Kofi Kingston (w/Xavier Woods) vs Luke Gallows (w/Karl Anderson)

Guns and Gallows will get a shot at the tag belts at SummerSlam. Go Behind by Kofi. Luke pounded away and hit an Uppercut. Sunset FLip but Kofi couldn’t take Doc off. Reverse Flip Dive to the outside by Kofi. Kofi pitched Doc back in the ring. Karl got on the apron but Xavier pulled him down. Luke popped.Kofi. Reverse F5

Your Winner: “Doc” Gallows
Raw Ranking: 1.0

Woods prevented another case of Ringpost-itis, thanks to a steel chair.

Outside, Goldust ran into Scooby Doo and the Mystery Machine. R-Truth was tripping out. It was a promo for the new Scooby Doo movie. Truth was ready to fight Scooby. Jeez.

Mick Foley came out to the ring. He welcomed Daniel Brayn to Raw. The Smackdown GM came out to join his Raw counterpart. Daniel said Mick has been doing a great job running Raw. Mick praised Daniel for Smackdown and CWC. Daniel was impressed that he was invited to Raw. Mick wouldn’t let Daniel plug Smackdown. Mick wanted to apologize to Daniel for Brock Lesnar’s actions on Smackdown. Daniel didn’t need the apology since Randy invaded Raw, a night before. Mick was done with the niceness. Mick showed how Danile trash talked the new Universal title. Mick was offended with Daniel’s comments.

Suddenly, Rusev crashed the party. Rusev screamed that he was Raw’s champion. Rusev promised to crush anyone from Smackdown that would show up. Daniel mocked Rusev for sucking up to Mick. Rusev threatened to crush Daniel. Cesaro then came out to confront Rusev. Cesaro wanted his championship opportunity. Daniel said Cesaro was being under-utilized on Raw. Mick said Cesaro would get to fight Rusev, tonight, for the US title.

Rusev vs Cesaro
United States Title Match

The Finish:

Cesaro escaped the Accolade. Uppercuts and punches flew. Springboard Corkscrew Uppercut by Cesaro. Cesaro Swing! Sharpshooter! Sheaus ran down to distract. Thrust Kick by Rusev. 2 count. Rusev held his lower back and moved to the corner. Cesaro hit the Neutralizer but the ref was down. 2 count after the ref was pulled into position. Rusev went tot he eye. Sheamus it a Thrust Kick. Rusev then hit one.

Your Winner: Rusev
Raw Ranking: 2.0

After the match, Rusev was headed to the back. Out of nowhere, Roman Speared the champ.

Peace

–Jay and Lottie
WordslingerJay@gmail.com

Comments are closed.