Posted March 18th, 2014 by jshannon

The main event of Wrestlemania got a huge shift during this week’s Raw. Wait til you hear this…

The show opened with a look back at the whole Daniel Bryan situation. Daniel “Occupied WWE” until he got what he wanted. He got the match with Triple H with the extra stipulation that if he beats HHH, he goes into a Triple Threat for the WWE World Title.

Live and HHH was in the ring, grumpier than usual. HHH blamed the fans for all the things that were going wrong with Daniel Bryan. He was determined to crush the “Yes Movement” and eliminate Daniel Bryan from WWE. HHH said he was going to be cold and calculating in the ring. HHH wanted to talk with Daniel Bryan, later in the night.

Batista cut off HHH with his entrance. Dave just didn’t look cheery, at all. Batista said HHH had huge problems with him for making it possible for Daniel Bryan to get in the match that he earned. Batista said he didn’t come back to go into a Triple Threat Match where he didn’t even have to be pinned to lose. As HHH started to question Batista, Randy Orton joined the party. Randy agreed with “Big Dave” about the Daniel Bryan situation. HHH was offended that they both thought Bryan could beat him. HHH wondered if Daniel had gotta into their heads. “Not as much as he has gotten inside yours!” Randy wanted to fight Daniel in a No-DQ match. Randy brought up that Batista lost to Daniel, last week. HHH green-lighted the match. Randy then said the fans didn’t believe in Batista. He said no one cared when Dave left and cared even less when he came back. Dave countered that Randy sucked as champion. Dave accused HHH of “handing” the belts to Randy. The two almost came to blows. Randy shoved HHH out of the way. HHH started to leave but Batista demanded that this get fixed. HHH said he was sick of “this crap”. HHH went off on Batista for being a “Hollywood Movie Star” telling him what is best for business. He was also sick of having to hold Randy’s hand to keep him champ. HHH said there Would be a Triple Threat. The third person will be either Daniel Bryan…or Triple H! Sweet! The fans exploded for that option.

Randy surprised Batista with an RKO.

In the back, Batista stormed off. Renee Young tried to interview him. He said “Coming back here was a big mistake. I’m outta here!”

Jack Swagger and Cesaro (The Real Americans) vs Jey and Jimmy Uso
Non-Title Match

The Finish:

The Usos had been flying. Jey and Cesaro were in the ring. Martial Arts Strikes by Jey. Flying Forearm by Jey. Rikishi Run by Jey. 2 count. Cesaro wanted the Cesaro Swing but Jimmy stopped it. Double Team Samoan Drop for a two. Jey went up top but Jack pulled Cesaro out. Double Thrust Kick. Jimmy with a Tope Con Hilo. Jey went for the same but Cesaro hit a European Uppercut, on the fly. Cesaro then rushed back in the ring and connected with the Neutralizer!

Your Winners: The Real Americans
Raw Ranking: 3.5 out of a possible 5

WWE promoted the new Slam City program. Cute thing for kids, I think.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day to one and all. I’m typing away at this column dressed in my green shorts and D-X T-Shirt. Yes, it’s winter but it’s really warm out here in the desert.

Raw looked at the brewing issue between Kane and The Shield. Kane had ordered The Shield to be in his corner, on Smackdown. Kane ordered Seth to attack Big Show but they refused. Big Show hit the Chokeslam to take the win. Kane went to Chokeslam Seth, after the match, but Roman nailed the Spear.

In the back, Kane said it got out of hand and people made bad choices. Dean said the problems might be Kane’s. Kane said he needed a united Shield by his side. Kane said the Shield were risking becoming a liability. Kane waned to know if he could count on the Shield. Seth said they were united. Kane said The Shield would do the right thing or find out about being replaced.

Hornswoggle came out to give St. Pat’s goodies to the crowd. He was stopped by the arrival of Wade Barrett on his goofy elevated stage. I hate this use of a talented wrestler. Wade made fun of Hornswoggle being a Leprechaun. Wade ridiculed the holiday. Jerk.

Sheamus then came out for a little Irish fun. He was wearing a rugby shirt. I personally support the Leeds Rhinos.

Sheamus vs Titus O’Neil

Titus looked goofy in a big hat and tie with a fake red beard. Christian was at ringside. He announced he would be in the Andre the Giant Battle Royal. (sigh, more small guys in a Battle Royal for big guys.

The Finish:

The match went in and out of the ring. Battering Ram by Sheamus, off the apron. Titus ran Sheamus into the ring post. Side Backbreakers by Titus. Titus got in the ring and punched and stomped. 2 count. Sheamus fought back . Fallaway Slam by Titus. Titus barked and then grabbed Hornswoggle. He pitched the midget into the ring and got ready to attack Hornswoggle. Titus slapped away as Sheamus began to stir. Sheamus caught Hornswoggle on the Fallaway Slam. Double Headbutts. 10 Beats by Sheamus. Powerslam by Sheamus. Brogue Kick!

Your Winner: Sheamus
Raw Ranking: 2.5

Renee interviewed Sheamus. She asked him how he was going to celebrate. He called O’Neil “Tight-Arse”. Sheamus put himself in the Andre the Giant Battle Royal. (At least he’s a good sized guy).Christian rushed into the ring to jump Sheamus, from behind. Sheamus was sent into the ring steps. KillSwitch, on the floor!

A great promo ran for Undertaker vs Brock Lesnar. It showed some of the men’s greatest conquests. They are pushing it as a “War Comes This Way”. That one just might steal the show.

The stars of Sabotage, including Arnold Schwarzenegger, will be on next week’s Raw.

The Scooby Doo and the Mystery Machine will also be there. I hope that bring that gorgeous girl who played Velma in the live movies. She was beyond cute.

John Cena jogged down to the ring for the Hour Turner (1) segment. Cena wasn’t getting the warmest reaction from the locals. This is so similar to shortly before Hulk turned into Hollywood. Cena talked about having over 3,500 matches in 12 years. He said he and the fans were like an old married couple that sometimes gets along and sometimes doesn’t. Cena admitted to being afraid of Bray Wyatt. He was also afraid that the fans were listening to the Bray. Cena said Bray only wanted to destroy things, including John’s Legacy. Cena was worried that Bray had the fans believing that Cena was lying to them and a phony. Cena said he believes in all he says and does. Cena said he would fight for everything, even his Legacy.

The lights went out and Bray whistled on the Tron. Bray went off about Superheroes and good people. Bray said it was all a lie. Bray discussed how the world gave him scars as a “birthright”. Bray talked about how all the things we love eventually wither and die. “Follow The Buzzards”

Backstage, Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton got ready to fight.

Randy Orton vs Daniel Bryan
No-Disqualification, Non-Title Match

The Finish:

Randy brutalized Daniel with a kendo stick and then took Daniel to the outside to drop him on the barrier and then to “Post” Daniel. Randy pitched Daniel back in and got several 2 count. Full Mount Punches by Randy. Orton Stomp. Orton stalked his foe to the corner. Straight punches and kicks by Randy. He mocked the chants of the crowd. Whip by Randy but Daniel with his Flying Clothesline. Daniel psyched himself up and hit the Hesitation Dropkick and Hurancanrana for two. Daniel got the kendo stick and just walloped the bejesus out of Randy. He mixes cane shots with kicks. Dang! 2 count.

Daniel went up top but was tripped. Randy wasted so much time before going after Daniel. Headbutt to the fuzzy jaw of Daniel. Superplex! Lax cover that only brought 2. Orton stomped away at Daniel and threw him to the apron. Rope-Assisted DDT! Randy went to that “Special Place” and got ready for the RKO. Daniel rolled out to the floor to break the momentum. Daniel grabbed the kendo stick and waited. Daniel with a wicked Home Run Shot. Daniel unloaded with a series of kendo shots and a Running Dropkick.

Randy cracked Daniel in the spine with a chair. Randy got in the ring and got Speared…by Batista. Daniel with a Dropkick to Batista and pin of Randy Orton!

Your Winner: Daniel Bryan
Raw Ranking: 3.5

After the match, Batista laid out Randy with a Batista Bomb!

Paul Heyman came out to talk with the crowd. He introduced himself and discussed being the advocate for “Brawk” Lesnar. Heyman ran a video about how the Undertaker has been slipping, in recent years, while Brock has been destroying the same men. Heyman bragged the Brock will conquer The Streak. Heyman said Undertaker’s Streak would “Rest in Peace!”

Stephanie and Triple H had a little “discussion” in the back. Stephanie was not happy that HHH was crossing over from executive to wrestler. Stephanie also didn’t like that Daniel Bryan had disrespected the McMahons. Stephanie wanted to know what HHH would do when he won the WWE World title. She accused HHH of not thinking. HHH said “I got this”. He told her to let this alone and let him handle it. She warned him that he better have this. Trouble?

Summer Rae and Fandango danced their way from the back.

Fandango vs Goldust

Cody Rhodes was at his brother’s side. The Brothers Rhodes danced on the ramp. Too funny.

The Finish:

Goldy flirted with Summer. Hammer Throw by Fandango for a two. Cravat by Fandango. Fandango with various strikes and a rope choke. Knee Dop by Fandango into another Cravat. Goldust rolled free and punched away. Fandango reversed a Whip. 2 count. Fandango is in the Andre Battle Royal (WHY?) Whip by Fandango but Goldy got the boot up. Goldust screwed up, big time, on the Goldy-Rana. Goldy was busted up. Goldust collapsed on a Suplex attempt. Fandango kept going. He missed the Perfect 10. Final Cut.

Your Winner: Goldust
Raw Ranking: 1.5

Goldust showed his frustration at getting hurt during the match. Bet there was Hell to pay, in the back.

Kane came out to speak. He figured out that Jerry Lawler was responsible for Daniel Bryan being able to “Occupy WWE”. He ordered Lawler to come into the ring for his punishment. When Lawler hesitated to go in, Kane called in The Shield. Seth, Dean and Roman ushered Lawler into the ring. It looked like they were going to attack Lawler but suddenly switched allegiance. The crowd popped as The Shield turned and Lawler bailed out. Kane told them that they were about to make a huge mistake. Kane threw the first punch and the trio swarmed him like bees. Eniguri by Seth. Spear by Roman. Sword of Justice Triple Powerbomb!

The Bellas, looking awesome, were at the announce table. It was time for the return of Naomi. She had been out with a serious eye injury. She is still wearing a patch.

Naomi and Cameron (The Funkadactyls) vs Tamina Snuka and A.J. Lee

The Finish:

A.J. with a Body Lock on Cameron. The twins flirted with JBL. Cameron tried to fight back but Lee pulled her down by the hair. Tag to Tamina. Tamina dropped Cameron and got a two. Cameroon with a modified Sunset Flip and Dropkick. Tag to Naomi and Lee. Dropkicks by Naomi. Naomi took out Tamina and hit a Bubba Bomb. It broke down into chaos. Enziguri, to Tamina, by Naomi. Lee tried to apply the Black Widow but didn’t have it completely locked in. Powerslam by Naomi. Split Legged Moonsault. 3 count!

The Winners: The Funkadactyls
Raw Ranking: 1.5

A.J. and Tamina had a little problem, after the match. Lee blamed Tamina for he loss. She shrieked at Tamina, who shoved her on her skinny little butt. Lee went into the psycho-princess mode.

They pushed WWE 2K14. I don’t have that one but I do have several earlier versions. I’ve been enjoying playing the 2010 version.

It was time to announce the next member of the WWE Hall of Fame, Class of 2014. This time, it was someone for the Celebrity Wing. Normally, I really disapprove of this area of the Hall. This is a definite exception. This inductee was a major player in the first 2 Wrestlemanias…MR. T! Honestly, Mr. T should have been the 1st Celebrity inducted (along with Cyndi Lauper). Forget old baseball players who make a few cameos or game show hosts that used to be comics. Put someone in the Hall that actually did something more than a cameo. Mr. T was a hero to millions of kids and helped to launch the MTV/Wrestlemania era. I’m enjoying working on his Hall of Fame Profile. Wait til you learn about where he first got his trademark gold chains and about his time in the military. He is a role model for so many, even today. Not sure if that’s the full class but it’s a decent one. Still, of course, bummed out that Randy Savage has been left out. Come on, WWE, listen to the Universe! We want Savage in the Hall of Fame!

Raw looked back at Hulk Hogan announcing the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. I still think it’s a lock that Big Show will win it.

Big Show, Big E, Dolph Ziggler and Mark Henry vs Ryback, Curtis Axel, Damien Sandow and Alberto Del Rio
8-Man Tag Team Match

Big Show talked about how he has been compared to Andre since day one. Big Show was determined to enter and win this one. These 8 are going to be in the Hall of Fame.

The Finish:

All 8 men got time to shine in this match. It all broke down into chaos. The ending turned into a Battle Royal like match. Dolph took a header into the post. Sandow tried to toss out Show but fell to the Chokeslam.

Your Winners: Big Show, Big E, Delph Ziggler and Mark Henry
Raw Ranking: 1.5

Renee asked Batista if he reconsidered his thoughts, from earlier, of quitting. Batista said he had never quit anything and he was determined, no matter who he had to face, to take the WWE World Championship.

Kofi Kingston vs Bray Wyatt

After a quick promo video, Bray attacked Kofi. Bray with a kick, and Headbutt. Kofi with a Dropkick and a little dance. Kofi with a few kicks but Bray blasted Kofi with a hard punch. Uppercut by Bray that knocked a dreadlock loose. Kofi with the Pendulum Kick and a Springboard. He didn’t hit anything but Bray ran over him. Bray started to sing a hymn and then stomped away. Full Mount Punches. Wild Spinner Butbuster by Bray. Kofi threw a few punches but they had no effect. Bray with a Corner Splash. Upside Down Stare. Sister Abigail’s Kiss (new name from Michael Cole).

Your Winner: Bray Wyatt
Raw Ranking: 1.25

Triple H came out to talk with Daniel Bryan. HHH invited Daniel to join him in the ring. HHH said he wasn’t sure if his wife would talk to him, after this. HHH said all he has done was because he thought it was “Best for Business”. HHH said Daniel crossed a line and HHH wanted to be sure Daniel understood that this was going to be a fight that neither would or should apologize for. HHH said he had no choice but to put an end to all this. HHH promised to quell the Yess Movement. HHH knew there would be no apologies for what he had to do. HHH told Daniel there would be no hard feelings, after it was all said and done. HHH offered a handshake. Daniel refused it. HHH admitted that he had dumped a ton on Daniel, since Summerslam. HHH tried to mask it but he showed his admiration of Daniel. HHH said anyone else would have folded and gone home. That started a “C.M. Punk” chant. He did a great job on Talking Dead, Sunday. HHH said Daniel had earned his respect.

Stephanie came out and went off on Daniel for endangering the fans and her family. Stephanie called out the police to arrest Daniel Bryan. She was determined to press charges for what Daniel did, last week. Seriously? The Power Couple screamed at each other. The cops circled Daniel, in the ring. The cops took down Daniel and beat on him. This was ridiculous. HHH returned to the ring and told the cops to back off. He ordered them to let him go. HHH said these weren’t real cops. HHH then stomped on the handcuffed Daniel Bryan. This is complete B.S.. HHH dragged Daniel out of the ring and threw him into the ring steps. HHH threw Daniel into the ring steps. Daniel with a kick and Headbutt. Scoop Slam sent Daniel onto the announce desk. Stephanie mocked Daniel, from a safe distance. HHH tossed Daniel into the barricade. HHH then slapped and punched Daniel. Stephanie said to tear Daniel’s head off. Daiel tried to fight back with kicks and Headbutts but he was too overmatched. HHH threatened to drown Daniel in the water trough. This got even more stupid as it went. Front Drop Suplex on the announce table. Stephanie laughed that there wasn’t much left in Daniel. The crowd booed the Hell out of HHH. Stephanie came out and slapped Daniel. She screamed that Stephanie hit like a girl. Somebody get Brie to come out nad kick Stephanie’s butt. HHH put Daniel against the post nad then drove a chair into his head. Really?


–Jay Shannon

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