Raw Recap for 12/1/2003.

Live from the Arco Arena in Sacramento, California.

Your Announcers are Jim Ross and Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler.

We open cold with Raw GM Eric Bischoff standing before a black background. After a bit of putting over of self, he announces tonight’s Main Event will be a Handicap Match: Intercontinental Champion Rob Van Dam & Shawn Michaels vs. Kane, Randy Orton & Batista.

Let’s do this…

Pyros go, J.R. and the King welcome us in as World Champion Bill Goldberg makes his way to the ring. Bill gets on the mic, announces he’s pretty damned sick of being jumped from behind by the likes of HHH and Kane. He announces he’s not interested in waiting until December’s Armageddon PPV, where he’s scheduled to face the 2 in a Triple Threat match-he invites either of them to get down to business right here, right now.

No Hunter or Big Red appears, Goldberg instead gets an enraged Bischoff. Eric tells Bill only HE books the matches, then threatens to fire him if he ever again attempts to undermine his authority. Eric continues to rant pompously until…

THE CARS CRASH, and former WWF Champion/Best Selling Author/Hardcore Legend MICK FOLEY (wearing a suit!) joins Eric and the champ in the ring. My man Mick announces he’s been hired by Linda McMahon to be an outside consultant for the Raw brand. First order of business-since Bill wants to wrestle tonight he’ll get his chance, teaming with HBK and RVD against Kane, Batista & Orton. Goldberg leaves after shaking Mick’s hand. Next subject: former Raw co-General Manager Stone Cold Steve Austin. Mick produces a petition that demands the Rattler be brought back to Raw in some capacity and has Lillian Garcia pass it into the crowd. Finally, Mick announces he’s used his power as a consultant to hire a new co-General Manager for Raw-himself. Crowd goes nuts, Eric’s face says ‘why me?’ as Mick issues a cheery, ‘Have a nice day!’ Break.

Back, in the GM’s office Bischoff vents to Jonathan Coachman. He decides to call Linda McMahon to voice a grievance, Coach’s warnings against the move go unheeded, Eric dials, connects-promptly gets hung up on.

We get down to business. First match: Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak get a shot at Bubba Ray & D-Von Dudley’s World Tag Team Championships. Pre-match we get footage from last Monday’s show-Garrison exhibited a pointed lack of respect for Bubba Ray after teaming with him in a match set up by Bischoff. Bell rings, we get a very short basic match, end saw Garrison rolling D-Von up while tugging the tights-just got 2. Moments later D-Von got the 1-2-3 after the exact same ploy. Post-match the Dudz split and Garrison got on the mic. He demanded an instant replay on the Titantron-and we again saw him tugging D-Von’s tights. Oops. Seconds later footage rolled of D-Von getting the less than clean win. Enraged, Garrison demanded a rematch-no response from either co-GM.

In the back Mick says howdy to Al Snow and Coach. He starts to reminisce about the old days and the painful injuries he’s suffered-then claims the greatest pain he’s ever suffered was listening to Coach and Al call an episode of Raw. Mick making reference to the announcer wars of the recent past, announces a re-match…of sorts. Coach and Al brighten at the thought of once again being the Monday night announcers-Mick takes the wind out of their sails quickly by stating it’s to be a singles matchup, Coach vs. The King, with Al barred from ringside. Stakes: Coach loses, he’s out of a job. Break.

Straight back for Test, with Stacy Keibler, vs. Booker T. Another short match, as usual Stacy’s presence proved more of a hindrance than a help to Test, Booker got the rather easy win after the Scissors Kick. Post-match Book did the Spinaroonie, then invited Stacy in to give it a try. As she complied Mark Henry, with his manager Theodore Long, hit the ring to lay Booker out with the World’s Strongest Slam.

We cut backstage to Trish and Lita. Former gets all gooey about Living Legend Chris Jericho, hints ‘tonight may be the night’. Break.

Back, J.R. feverishly asks us to log onto WWE.com and add our names to the ‘Bring Back Stone Cold’ petition.

We get a quick glimpse of the world of hurt Batista hung on Shawn Michaels last week.

Cut to Terri talking with Batista and Orton. Former claims HBK will be lucky to make it to Armageddon after their match tonight.

Sirens hit, and Scott Steiner and Test practically drag Stacy to the ring. They announce it’s time for Stacy to be put in her place-tonight, she joins ‘The Steiner and Test Kiss My Ass Club’. Backs are turned, pants are dropped-thankfully, Mick appears atop the stage to halt the proceedings. He invites Stacy to join him, she rushes to his side, Mick claims she’ll never again have to be humiliated by Test or Scott again. Test reminds him Stacy is his ‘property’, as per his WWE contract. Mick announces that contract is now null and void, because as of this moment he’s fired. Scott protests, Stacy whispers in Mick’s ear, bye bye Big Poppa, you’re fired too. Stacy cartwheels into Mick’s arms as her former clients bellow with rage. Break.

Back, Scott and Test demand Bischoff reinstate them. Eric claims the matter’s out of his hands, but he’ll call Vince McMahon to see if he can help out. Test and Scott exit, (off camera) Kane asks if Eric’s really going to call Vince-nope he fully intends to deal with the mess solo.

Mick joins J.R. and the King for our next match: Lance Storm & Val Venis (w/2 anonymous young ladies) vs. René Dupree & Rob Conway. Bell rings, good straightforward match, La Res just get better and better-but come up short tonight, Lance gets the win for his team, pinning Rob after a double-team powerbomb/clothesline combo. Post-match Mick invites La Res to ingratiate themselves to the fans by joining in on the Pledge of Allegiance. Crowd and Mick recite, Rob mumbles along, René is all, ‘WTF?’ Post-pledge Mick chastises René, Rob comes to his defense, claims his French partner doesn’t know the words. Mick bids La Res au revoir-they get to join Test and Steiner on the unemployment line. Yow.

In the back, Y2J and Trish prepare for their upcoming tag match. Break.

Next match: Chris Jericho & Trish Stratus vs. Rico & Jackie Gayda in a mixed tag match (guys only/girls only stipulation is in effect). We get-a DAMN good match! Rico & Jackie pull out all the heel tricks in the book, Chris & Trish played the fiery babyfaces to perfection, Trish gets the win for her team, pinning Jackie after the Stratusfaction. Honest, this one was as fast-paced as a good Smackdown/Velocity cruiserweight match. Excellent.

In his office, Eric whines about Mick spoiling his night. Camera pans back-Kane asks why he should care about Bischoff’s problems. Eric feeds him a line about Foley wanting to remove Kane from the title match at Armageddon. Bischoff exits as Kane seethes. Break

Boot of the Week: From last Monday, in WWE’s first ever Women’s steel cage match, Matt Hardy helped Victoria pick up a win over his former girlfriend Lita. Post-match Matt was run off by Christian.

Next up: Matt Hardy vs. Christian, with Lita. Matt to the ring first as footage airs from last Monday-Sensei of Mattitude walked out on Christian while teaming with him against Bubba Ray Dudley & Garrison Cade. Bell rings, pretty good back and forth match, end saw Christian setting Matt for the Unprettier-when Women’s Champion Molly Holly ran to ringside and rammed Lita into a ring post.  Christian broke off to deal with her, Matt seized the opportunity, roll-up got the 1-2-3. Post-match Christian checks on Lita.

Upcoming matches are hyped before we break.

Back for Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler vs. Jonathan Coachman. Bell rings, total squash, King gets the 1-2-3 after the flying fist. Post-match Coach bawls as J.R. and the King lead the crowd in a (rather half-hearted) rendition of the ‘Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye’ song. Break.

We return to see Mick’s petition being passed through the crowd.

Our announcers go over the Armageddon card as it currently stands:

1.     HHH and Kane challenge Bill Goldberg for the World Championship in a Triple Threat match.

2.     Shawn Michaels vs. Batista.

3.     Randy Orton gets a shot at Rob Van Dam’s Intercontinental Championship.

4.     Booker T vs. Mark Henry.

5.     In a match just booked by Mick Foley, Tag Team Turmoil: The Dudley Boyz vs. Rosey & The Hurricane vs. Lance Storm & Val Venis vs. Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak. Bubba Ray & D-Von’s  titles will be on the line

In a dressing room, Christian and Y2J crow to each other about having Lita and Trish bamboozled. The cads! They make a bet about who’s going to ‘score’ first-stakes: $1, Canadian. Camera pans back-we see Trish standing outside the door crying. Break

WWE Rewind: From last Monday, HHH challenging Goldberg for the World Championship was ruled a No Contest due to interference by Kane.

Main Event: Bill Goldberg, Rob Van Dam & Shawn Michaels vs. Batista, Randy Orton & Kane, with Ric Flair. As entrances are made J.R. and the King wonder why HHH hasn’t accompanied his Evolution faction colleagues. Bell rings, Randy and RVD start out with some basics, Batista gets the tag, Rob gets clobbered. Tag to HBK, match becomes chaotic when Kane comes in untagged and issues a chokeslam. Shawn and Batista are both down as we go to break.

Back, Shawn gets isolated and pummeled, tag is finally made to Goldberg. All hell breaks loose as Kane hot tags Orton. Crowd pops huge as he and Goldberg stare each other down. Kane tries for the chokeslam, Goldberg evades and connects with the Spear. Pier 6 brawl breaks out as Bill sets Kane for the Jackhammer. Goldberg and Kane brawl into the crowd, Shawn and Batista do the same, Orton gets hit by Rolling Thunder, RVD covers-Flair pulls the ref from the ring before the count of 3, then decks him. Rob blocks the RKO, hits Randy with the 5 Star Frog Splash, Mick Foley rolls into the ring to count the 1-2-3.

Post-match Mick raises Rob’s arm as Bischoff, boiling mad, enters the ring. He dismisses the competitors, then rages at Mick for depleting the Raw roster and thereby providing a potential influx of talent for Paul Heyman’s Smackdown. He even gets in some kind words for Stone Cold, describing him as ‘at least competent’. Mick plays it cool, announces the firings were a hoax-he only wanted Eric to see firsthand what it’s like to deal with someone intoxicated with greed, power and ego. He announces next week he’ll make like Austin and give the fans what they want to see-Goldberg vs. Kane. But for tonight, he now wants to give the Sacramento crowd what they’ve been waiting to see. Eric gets decked, Mr. Socko is produced and donned, Bischoff takes a massive dose of the dreaded Socko Claw. Show ends with Mick posing for the fans.

Short form match results (all victories by pinfall):

1.     Bubba Ray & D-Von Dudley defeated Mark Jindrak & Garrison Cade to retain the World Tag Team Championships.

2.     Booker T defeated Test.

3.     Lance Storm & Val Venis defeated Rob Conway & René Dupree.

4.     Trish Stratus & Chris Jericho defeated Rico & Jackie Gayda.

5.     Matt Hardy defeated Christian.

6.     Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler defeated Jonathan Coachman.

7.     Bill Goldberg, Rob Van Dam & Shawn Michaels defeated Batista, Randy Orton & Kane.

Thanks for reading, check out Tim Whitehead’s full report, due up later, for all the details. Please send any feedback to john.f.keane@worldnet.att.net.