Heat Report for 3/30/2003.

Live from SAFECO Field in Seattle, Washington.

Your Hosts are Jonathan Coachman and Lita.

Your Wrestlemania 19 Pre-game show.

Coach and Lita welcome us in as the crowd files into SAFECO. The top 5 matches on tonight’s card are quickly previewed:

1.     Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon in a ‘street fight’.

2.     Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. The Rock.

3.     Brock Lesnar challenges Olympic Hero Kurt Angle for the WWE Championship. Stipulation in place: If Kurt gets DQ’ed, counted out or receives any interference on his behalf he forfeits the title to Brock.

4.     Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho.

5.     Booker T challenges HHH for the World Championship.

Footage rolls from ‘earlier today’ of Booker running the steps of the empty arena. Short interview wherein Book guarantees a victory leads into a video package that chronicles he and Hunter’s month-long feud.

Before we break Coach announces a match for later on Heat: Rob Van Dam and Kane will challenge Raw Chief of Staff Sean Morley and Lance Storm for the World Tag Team Championships.

Wrestlemania Moment: From WM14, Gennifer Flowers interviews the People’s Intercontinental Champion.

Coach and Lita return to show us scenes from the pre-Wrestlemania Fan Axxess event. Most of the big names were in attendance. John Cena treated us to a short Wrestlemania rap.

Speaking of John C., we’ll be finding out who’s accepted his challenge to a rap-off after a break.

(Commercial airs reminding us that Heat moves to TNN next week.)

Back, SAFECO looks to be near capacity. We see R&B star Ashanti entering the arena-she’ll be singing ‘America the Beautiful’ to kick off the show.

John Cena walks down the ramp and after some mic difficulties rags/raps on Jay-Z and Fabolous for ducking out on his rap challenge. No challenger appears. Bah.

Torrie Wilson’s upcoming appearance in Playboy magazine is hyped. Issue hits the stands this Tuesday.

In the backstage area Tommy Dreamer is talking to Nathan Jones about the importance of Wrestlemania. Nunzio brushes past Nathan and heists his wallet. Nathan gives chase, action goes off-screen, after bashing noises we see Nunzio walking away, followed by The Big Show and A-Train. Camera pans right, we see Nathan lying unconscious under a folding chair. Break.

Boot of the Week: From last Monday, Trish Stratus and Jeff Hardy got a win over Women’s Champion Victoria and Steven Richards. Post-match all 4 participants, plus Jazz, engaged in a brief brawl.

Coach and Lita return for more Wrestlemania preview: Trish, Jazz and Victoria will square off in a triple-threat match, title on the line. Lita mentions a near-identical matchup took place last year at WM18, with herself in Victoria’s place. She and Coach wonder if another scheduled match, Nathan Jones and The Undertaker vs. The Big Show and A-Train, will be taking place after what’s taken place a few minutes ago. Angle/Lesnar is hyped, video package documents their feud that began in earnest at January’s Royal Rumble.

We see Limp Bizkit’s Fred Durst entering the arena. The group will be performing later on. Break.

(WM commercial sees Arnold Schwarzeneggar picking Hulkster getting the win over Vinnie Mac.)

Back, we see the Hulkster entering the arena with his son Nick and Jimmy Hart in tow. We’re reminded that if Hulk loses tonight he retires from wrestling permanently.

Video package chronicles the Hogan/McMahon feud.

Coach and Lita hype Ashanti’s performance before sending us down to Jim Ross and Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler at ringside.

Heat match: For the World Tag Team titles: Rob Van Dam and Kane vs. Champions Lance Storm and Sean Morley.

Lance and Sean out first, they’re accompanied by the newest lapdogs of the Bischoff/Morley regime, Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley. RVD and Kane make their entrances as footage rolls from last Monday of them defeating the Dudz to earn their shot at the titles tonight. Bell rings, all 4 men brawl to start as the Dudz stay clear. Kane tosses Lance from the ring as Sean lays in the boots to Rob in a corner. Kane out, Sean in with a chop, Rob is whipped off the ropes, Sean sets for a back body drop, Rob somersaults over, scores with a spinning heel kick, Sean down. Rob goes for Rolling Thunder as Sean bails from the ring to confer with Lance. Kane enters, whips Rob over the top rope, somersault plancha sends Lance and Sean down on the outside. Rob gets in the pointing of the thumbs, invites Kane to go aerial as Sean and Lance get to their feet, offer accepted, Kane goes over the top, flying crossbody sends the champs down at ringside. We go to break.

Back, Sean and Lance are in the ring with Rob as Kane and the Dudz continue to look on-J.R. states Rob has been taking a pounding during the break. Lance out, Sean tosses Rob headfirst into a neutral corner turnbuckle. Rob goes down to a series of chops, Sean follows up with forearms and kicks until warned off by ref. Sean props Rob up, whips him to opposite corner, charges, forearm to the face sends Rob sprawling in the center of the ring, Sean covers for 2. Sean slaps on a rear chinlock, Rob gets to his feet, elbows out, goes off ropes, Sean grabs him, applies a sleeper hold. Rob breaks out, shoots Sean off ropes, Rob tries for a sleeper of his own, Sean counters with a powerbomb. Rob down, Sean goes up top, tries for the flying elbow, Rob rolls clear, Sean to canvas. Rob tries to tag Kane in, Sean stops him by grabbing the boot, Rob misses with the enzugiri, scores with the mule kick, Sean down, tag to Kane. Rob out, Sean crawls to corner, tag to Lance, who charges into a clothesline from Kane. Sean does likewise, Lance takes another knockdown clothesline as Sean gets to his feet, more clotheslines all around. Kane whips Sean off ropes, back body drop sends him to canvas. Kane follows up with a sidewalk slam on Lance and a boot to the gut of Sean. Lance staggers to his feet as Sean rolls out, Kane goes for the chokeslam, Lance elbows out, goes off ropes, charges into a tilt-a-whirl slam (at this point J.R. refers to Lance as Rob, King corrects him-not a good sign.), Kane covers for 2. Kane gets in a cheap shot on Sean on the apron, sends him to the mats below. Lance slowly to his feet, Kane goes up top, flying forearm sends Lance down, Kane covers, Sean runs in, breaks up the pin attempt with a double-axehandle. Rob goes up top in the corner, sends Sean down with a missile dropkick. Sean and Lance to opposite corners, Kane whips Lance into Sean, charges, clotheslines both men. Kane whips Lance into a spinning kick from Rob, Lance to canvas, Rob somersaults into corner, monkey flips Sean to center of the ring, Kane follows up with a clothesline, Sean goes over the top to the mats outside. Lance staggers up, Kane sets for the chokeslam, scores, Lance down. Tag to Rob, he enters the ring to chat with Kane, Big Red tells him to set for the 5 Star Frog Splash. Rob is like ‘Oh, yeah, Frog Splash…’, he goes up top, gets tossed into the guard barriers by Sean on the apron. Kane elbows Sean to the mats below, follows him out, brawl ensues, ref bails to break it up, Bubba Ray and D-Von enter the ring and hit Lance with the 3D. Huh? D-Von rolls Rob into the ring, cover is made on Lance, ref tells D-Von to beat it-and Bubba Ray drops the elbow on Rob? WTF? Bubba Ray tosses Lance over Rob before bailing, ref re-enters, counts the 1-2-3.

Winners and Still World Tag Team Champions: Lance Storm and Sean Morley.

Video package hyping Austin/Rock 3 ends the show. Wrestlemania is next.

Short form match result:

1. Sean Morley and Lance Storm defeated Rob Van Dam and Kane by pinfall to retain the World Tag Team Championships

I’d have to rank tonight’s Heat as pretty much a major clusterf***. Coach and Lita seemed out of synch, and a match that has potential to steal the show, Rey Mysterio vs. Matt Hardy, didn’t get a single mention. Tag match was just weird, and John Cena’s rap was borderline embarrassing. Hell, after tonight’s show I can’t blame MTV for wanting out. Thanks for reading, please send any feedback to john.f.keane@worldnet.att.net.