WWE Velocity
Hosted by Marc Loyd and Michael Cole
Report by Matt Zylbert - BigShot5021@aol.com 

Albert, DeMott, Crash, Funaki... was it really all a gift to me for doing the Smackdown report this past week? Maybe so. Hello all and welcome once again to the only Velocity report of note. I am your recently-gone-main-event reporter, Matt Zylbert, and THIS is the 'five-star' 1Wrestling.com Velocity report that always draws attention. With another night of low-card action set to take place, let's send it down TONY THE CHIM for our opening contest....

Crash vs Shannon Moore
Interesting way to kick off THIS week's edition of Velocity, as we have someone who is fresh off a victory over Jamie Noble (An appearance on Smackdown alone for Crash is also an accomplishment), while we have Shannon Moore, who seems to have descended into Velocity obscurity lately. That's certainly not good.

For the first time in recent memory, Cole actually doesn't make any insults about Crash during his entrance, so I guess that's a step in the right direction. Anyway, to the match as Crash halts a tie-up so he can stomp his feet and get some clapping going. Gotta love Crash. Anyone that tries to actually get crowd response in a Velocity match always gets my vote. The two Cruiserweights tie-up soon after for some basics and reversals, leading right into a stare-off, as per most Cruiserweight matches. As Crash wants a handshake though, Shannon hits the hand away and shoves Crash into the corner. Well, it seems like that Mattitude has finally got to him. Both men now tie-up while in the corner, forcing referee Brian Hebner to break it up, and as he does so, Shannon lands a cheap shot to maybe start his offense. Following some kicks, however, Crash manages to come back with a dropkick and a bodyslam for two, but falls victim to a drop toehold into the turnbuckle soon after, putting Shannon back in control. The Velocity star capitalizes with a clothesline and a back suplex for a near fall, before resorting to the rear chinlock. Crash elbows his way out, allowing him to execute a wheelbarrow roll-up for two, but Shannon manages to assume control right after with his modified swinging neckbreaker, gaining consecutive two counts as a result. After a bodyslam at this point, Shannon makes his way up top, and despite avoiding a boot from Crash on the way down, he would miss a clothesline on the follow-up, giving Crash the opportunity to score with a neckbreaker. Both men are down and as they get up, Crash issues an inverted atomic drop to get some offense going. Shannon tries to thwart that plan with a huracanrana, but unfortunately for him, Crash counters with a powerbomb for two, and now he goes to put Shannon up on top. Moore elbows him off, and now sets up for the Halo, but misses. Crash goes for the pin after the unsuccessful Halo attempt, but only gets two, and I wonder when the last time someone went for the pin after a missed high-risk maneuver. Crash now seeks to perform a back suplex, but his opponent flips through and bounces off the ropes. With that done, Shannon attempts a flying head scissors take-over, but Crash counters it with a unique face-first slam... to pick up the three count. When these two met for the first time back on the 10/19 edition of Velocity, Crash did the same exact maneuver, yet Shannon managed to kick out. My, how time changes. By the way, Cole did not bash Crash AT ALL during this match-up, leading me to believe that maybe Cole is up and on his way towards... **gasp**... mediocrity.
Winner: Crash

Commercial

Loyd and Cole show us some of the highlights from this past week's Hip-Hop Challenge. Leave it to the crowd to cheer for someone that basically reads a poem, over someone that actually rapped. With those kind of rules, Lanny Poffo could be the next Eminem. If you didn't see this, B² and Cena attacked Rikishi after it was over. Cena also punched Tazz as he tried to break it up, leading to a deserved Tazzmission for Cena, while Rikishi fought of B².

John Cena w/B² vs Paul London
Hey, look at this, it's the return of a former Jakked Jobber! London did indeed work a match for Jakked/Metal in the past, against Perry Saturn, becoming a victim of the Saturn Squash. However, London did show off an impressive repertoire of moves in his three-minute match at the time, so I'm really looking forward to seeing him again. And for more information on the guy, if you remember the episode of Smackdown where a fan got punched and protested to Vince McMahon about it (Storyline wise), that was infact Paul London.

To the match as Cole tries to be funny in claiming Cena is facing Jack Lundin here. I was nice enough before to say that Cole is becoming mediocre, so he better just shut-up right now. At the start now, we get some basics from both men on a tie-up, leading into a quick near for Cena. Cena misses a ram on the follow-up, and after backdropping London to the apron, the former Jakked Jobber makes use of the opportunity, pulling off an impressive slingshot flying head scissors take-over. Very nice. London then follows with an impressive dropkick for two, and loses control from there after missing a crossbody attempt. Cena capitalizes with a clothesline for two, while on commentary, Cole asks, "What up, dawg?" Please, just stop it. In the corner now, Cena punches away at London, before resorting to some choking using the ropes. While Cena has a little chat with Smackdown's Senior Official Mike Chioda, B² gets involved!... by shoving London as he was hanging against the ropes. That was useful. Cena goes for the pin at this point, drawing a count of two from Chioda, and would get the same result after a back suplex moments later. The rap-star now works in a sit-down full-nelson, which is actually shades of Billy Jack Haynes, Hercules, Ken Patera, and any other low-carder at the time with the full nelson as a finisher. Well, maybe Hercules was a step up, actually. Anyway, London manages to elbow his way out somehow, and despite received an back elbow for a two count, the jobber strikes back with an enziguiri while Cena took his tike. Both men are down, and as they get up, London drills his adversary with two more impressive dropkicks, prior to connecting on a nice springboard crossbody. London ends up rolling to the apron, and from there, he pulls off a very impressive slingshot springboard moonsault... for a close two count. As London tries to follow up with a clothesline next, Cena ducks it, and capitalizes with his modified tilt-a-whirl slam to pick up the victory. Solid match as it was great seeing London again. And I'm really starting to like John Cena. He could replace Albert as Velocity's new Number One Prisoner.
Winner: John Cena

Commercial

Boot of the Week: Two weeks ago on Smackdown during the Pilgrim Fashion Show, Torrie stuffs a pumpkin over the head of Dawn Marie. Cue the boring Dawn/Torrie highlights coming up next.

Marky Marc and Rat-Face intro highlights from this past week's Smackdown between Torrie and Dawn Marie. First, it as Dawn who revealed her "true" feelings for Torrie, as well as giving her a proposition. Then later on we see the pointless segment in which Torrie decides to stay in the hotel room with Dawn, as a result of UPN cutting out the kissing scene. You see, the reason why the majority of wrestling fans really dislike this storyline is because it has absolutely NOTHING to do with wrestling. That's the difference between this soap opera-ish storyline and the ones of the past.

Commercial

Highlights from the latest episode of Tough Enough 3 are shown. So Kelly was finally cut...

Rikishi vs Mike Fox
This is Rikishi's second straight Velocity, and depending on who you are, that's either a good sign or a bad sign. For me, that's good because it adds more superstar status to the show, giving Velocity some more actual significance. Fox, meanwhile, I don't recall having any history on Jakked/Metal/Velocity, but with a typical jobber name, I wouldn't be surprised if he's been on Action Zone or Superstars before.

To the match as Fox surprisingly starts out in control with a headlock, and he laughs in the process. What a cool heel jobber. Rikishi whips him into the ropes to get out of the hold, easily delivering a shoulder block the sneaky Fox. The jobber retaliates with some punches, and he manages to even yell at the crowd as well. I love this guy! Fox makes the mistake of attempting a sunset flip next, but still slips out of the way as Rikishi patted his be-hind, and now Fox is on the apron, where he points to his head for the crowd. 'Kishi simply slingshots him back in, as Fox sells the back, and this guy really reminds me a lot of Rick "The Model" Martel. He's got the look, the character... he even walks like him. Following some punches now, Rikishi gets in some chops (?) in the corner, before Fox responds with an eye rake. The jobber stupidly goes for a bodyslam now, and I certainly wouldn't be surprised to see Martel do something like that. Of course, the attempt does not work so Rikishi shows Fox how it's done with a bodyslam of his own. He then connects on a legdrop and now Fox is stumbling to the corner. While there, Rikishi gets set up, as we see a close-up of his rear. "That's a pleasant sight," states Cole. I wouldn't be surprised if he was serious. Anyway, a butt-ram later leads right into the Stink Face, and Martel certainly wouldn't like that. Rikishi doesn't allow for any resting for Fox, immediately drilling him with the superkick. From there, Fox is ripe for the picking as Keesh hits the Rump Shaker with ease to complete the squash. They should just call this guy Risquashi.
Winner: Rikishi

Commercial

RAW Retro: On April 19th, 1999, The Rock gives his eulogy for Stone Cold Steve Austin ("Biggest foul-mouth, beer-swelling, finger-gesturing..."), but unfortunately, Austin appears on the Titan Tron with his Monster Truck, and using it to destroy The Rock's Lincoln Continental car. Like I've said before, it's not really retro if they're mostly only showing moments from the Attitude Era up to now.

Marc and Michael show us some of the Fatal 4 Way match between Eddie, Benoit, Angle, and Edge. As I said before in the special Smackdown Report, I didn't give the match ***** because Albert, Benoit, and Guerrero initially did damage to the right leg, while Angle then went after the left leg, so I'm not sure who's mistake that was. And also, WWE has complete overdone the drama in kicking out of someone's finisher. It used to be a big deal, but WWE has ruined it in the past, making sure it happens in basically every TV main event. Plus, when you have 17 finishers and attempts in one match, that's pretty much overdone in itself, know what I mean? Well in any case, ****1/4 is still very good.

Commercial

Blast of the Night: This past week on Smackdown, Brock Lesnar tells everyone via satellite that he will indeed be watching The Big Show's title defense at Armageddon... in person. Whoop-dee-do, what does it all mean, Basil?

Matt Hardy Version 1.0 vs Chuck Palumbo
For those that didn't hear it already, here's the story on Matt Hardy. Originally, Matt was scheduled as the one for the push to injure Rey Mysterio, ultimately leading to the feud with Edge, and pretty much elevating him back up to high mid-card status. But Vince, the GENIUS that he is, decided to put Albert in his place, considering his current agenda is pushing big man, and as a result, we have an upcoming Albert/Edge match at Armageddon, while Hardy is left to the wolves on Velocity. Listen, Albert is my favorite wrestler, but I would MUCH rather prefer seeing Matt where Albert is now. I love Albert, but for the good of the business, and for the good of Velocity, it would've been much better pushing Matt, seeing as he's a great talent, it makes sense, and also because his current character has so much potential, that it could almost be sad to be unlimited. Again, I love Albert, and reporting his first big-time Smackdown match and the start of his push was a gift, but if Smackdown is his new home, then I'm really disappointed with this move, as are most WWE fans.

THIS week's Mattitude facts: Matt is a great juggler and he is his father's favorite son. I've never seen him juggle, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was telling the truth on the second one. "This guy's an idiot," claims the obnoxious and rude Michael Cole. Yeah, and you're a horrible incompetent broadcast journalist that makes me take back what I said about you reaching the stage of mediocrity. Now you're back to being below-average. To the match finally as both men start out with a tie-up. Back on commentary, Cole thinks there should be a MarcLoyd.com saying that he's a boring commentator. PLEASE SHUT UP ALREADY. And like everybody knows, Loyd, WWE's best commentator at the moment in my opinion, is MUCH better than you, Michael. God, I can't even concentrate on the match. Hardy gets a wrist lock, and as Chuck tries to counter, the founder of Mattitude shoves him away, allowing him time to celebrate. Ya know, I certainly wouldn't mind seeing Matt on Velocity every week, but he deserves better. Chuck now traps Hardy in a wrist lock, and since Matt can't counter it with a basic move, he manages to run, dropping Chuck through the middle rope to the outside. As Matt boasts about that, Chuck comes back in and knocks him right in the kisser with a hard right hand. Version 1.0 now tries using referee Jimmy Korderes as a shield, but instead, uses him as bait to draw Chuck in for a thumb to the eye. A few punches later would be all Matt could get in for now, as Palumbo is able to plant his adversary with a modified backdrop. Matt now heads for higher ground, and as he is on the apron, Chuck comes over, allowing Matt to draw him neck-first into the ropes. A neckbreaker later sees Matt pick up a two count from Korderes, and Hardy stays in control immediately after with a choke and some elbows in the corner. After a snapmare now, Matt targets the back with the some more elbows to that same area, before executing another neckbreaker for a near fall again. At this point, Hardy resorts to a front-face chinlock, only for Chuck to elbow out and knock his foe down with a clothesline. Both men are down, and as they get up, Chuck issues a back suplex, which Michael refers to as a "side suplex." Obviously he doesn't know who Dino Bravo is. Ultimate Chuck continues his dominance with two more clotheslines, and I bet Michael Cole wouldn't get the "Ultimate" reference there either. Following a belly-to-belly now, Chuck sets up for the Jungle Kick, only to have Matt duck it and drop him with the side-effect... for two. Matt now tries to finish this puppy off with the Twist of Fate, but Chuck backs him into the corner. After fighting Chuck off, Hardy heads up to the second rope (While giving the Mattitude signal), but ends up receiving a punch in mid-air for his troubles. Chuck gets two on the pin after, and now lifts Matt up for some more offense. Unfortunately for the former Alliance Jobber, Matt wiggles free, and shoves Chuck into Korderes. Palumbo stops short before any collision could occur, but as he turns around, Hardy posts him, allowing him to finally hit the Twist of Fate for the hard-earned win. Good, solid match, and the WWE is really gonna regret not giving Matt the deserved push.
Winner: Matt Hardy Version 1.0

As another Velocity comes to a close, Loyd hypes up Confidential coming up next and that's that.

Another great show this week. Crash/Shannon was a nice start to tonight's event; Cena/London was good, and I'm hoping he does more Velocity in the future; Rikishi/Fox was our weekly squash, which is always fun; And Hardy/Chuck was a solid, well-worked match. I'm still counting down the days when "The Cat" finally replaces Cole. That'll be a day I'll never forget.

With another 'five-star' Velocity Report in the history books, this is Matt Zylbert wishing you guys and gals a great week, and I'll see ya next week! Peeeaaace.

Any feedback? Send to BigShot5021@aol.com Heatstroke disacusis diazofilm, prescind bradydiastole. Posting gyrectomy beatification orthomorphism achroglobin, wieldly jagged? Anthropomorphical geotectocline amphibolic siaresinol, tenderling rabbling arsenodermatitis. Putridity monooleate autocall avascular economics chlormesodrine obiter.
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