KIRKHAM PLAYS CONSULTANT FOR W
By: TC Kirkham
11/19/2003 11:32:00 AM
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The SyxxNet Side
By TC Kirkham
This week: TC The Consultant
So, Vinnie Mac and Princess have hired a group of
consultants to review the WWE creative process, eh? Why throw good money away
when you've got thousands of consultants on the net giving ideas (some good,
some not so good) everyday?
Well, here's my own personal two cents worth, and it
won't even cost them that. I would like to provide some consultation on some
of WWE's talent and programming, rather than the creative process itself.
So Here Goes.....
1) Put more spotlight on "Velocity".
This show has languished as one of WWE's after-thoughts
for a long time, and yet it's been better than it's parent show, Smackdown, as
of late. I admit there was a time when I would watch Velocity only once in a
while, when someone I liked had a match. However, since Velocity introduced
the concept of "exclusive wrestlers" (aka, excellent talents whom
Vinnie Mac has a disdain for and won't put on Smackdown because they're either
small, from WCW, from ECW, or all three), it has become a more of a must-see
show than Smackdown, which I've been skipping and skimming on videotape the
last month or so. That, along with the fact that Josh Mathews is, IMHO, the
second-best announcer on the WWE team behind Michael Cole right now, makes the
show worth watching. And some weeks, if you include the highlights from SD,
Velocity actually has MORE wrestling in 65 minutes than SD has in 120. If you
cut back on the recaps, and add another original match, it might even develop
a loyal following.....
2) Give Spanky and Paul London a name.
If you're going to let two of the brightest stars of the
future languish in Velocity-Land, and insist on pairing them as a tag team,
then at least come up with a catchy name for their team. The Spankster -
easily my favorite WWE Superstar at the moment - and London bring so much to
the table, and are the true stars of Velocity at the moment. They deserve
better than they're getting. Come with with a flashy name to match their
flash, and a new video and theme for the team. Heck, London doesn't even have
his own video and music yet - they've been using Spanky's. How about calling
them "The Wild Boys"? Or Maybe "Spaz Central"? Oh, hell,
ANYTHING would be better than just, "Paul London and Spanky" or
"Spanky and Paul London"? Come On, WWE Creative, could you at least
TRY BEING CREATIVE for a change?
3) Don't let the power of All That And MOORE languish.
Now that Matt Hardy has departed the roster for RAW,
Shannon Moore is once again floating around, looking like a lost puppy. WRONG!
Why waste the opportunity you've had delivered in your lap? Moore is a "Mattitude"
follower. He knows that attitude carries you. Now, before it's too late, have
Moore slip into Hardy's shoes, and have him be the teacher and someone else (Zach
Gowen? Orlando Jordan?) can benefit from his teachings.
4) Sean O'Haire: I'm not telling you anything you don't
already know.
Almost six months have passed since Roddy Piper left WWE
again, and Sean O'Haire has been pretty much non-existent since then. Why
don't you pick up the excellent gimmick where you left it off? WWE spent
thousands of dollars on the promos they ran for O'Haire earlier this year, and
had even started to build up a professional relationship with O'Haire and
several other superstars. Now is the time to relaunch this campaign. It was a
brilliant concept to begin with. Now the time has come to dust off the promos,
begin running them again, and relaunch O'Haire's career as a major SD brand
heel. He has more talent and charisma than WWE knows what to do with, so why
not just do what you were going to do in the first place?
5) Rico: Time for a "Fab 5" Makeover
Rico has been so misused in his two plus years with the
WWE. This latest gimmick, a cross between Goldust and ....and......well, hell,
I can't think of what else right now, but it just isn't working. If WWE
insists on having an athlete the caliber of Constantino play gay, then stop
concentrating on the gay stereotype and remold him into an gay athlete
patterned after today's gay role models: the Fab 5 from Bravo's monster hit
"Queer Eye For The Straight Guy". Why not bring in the Fab 5
for a couple shows to be "consultants", showing "straight
guy" Rico how to play gay without being stereotyped? Carson can have a
field day with Rico's atrocious wardrobe, Ted can whip up some energy drinks
to give Rico that "edge", Jai can show Rico what kind of music he
should use to work out to, Thom can give Rico's pad a sprucing up, and Kyan
can show Rico why that sparkly makeup he uses is so bad for him. You could
even have the Fab 5 on RAW one week to "introduce" the new and
improved "Rico", who by this point would be known to be a straight
guy forced to play "gay" by WWE head Eric Bischoff, to get "the
homosexual demographic". In other words, if you insist on making it a
storyline, make it count for something, and talk to Bravo about getting the
Fab 5 involved. They've helped boost ratings on a number of other programs,
why not RAW?
Well, that's MY take on some improvement ideas that WWE
is free to use. I think they'd help spruce up the place a bit, and make things
a bit more fan-oriented again. And of course, the fans are always the MOST
IMPORTANT element in the success of wrestling. Isn't that right, Vince?
Until next time, Reprise the Theme Song And Roll The
Credits!
***
TC Kirkham is the Honorable Right Left Reverend of
the Church of Spanky, Red, and Waltman, the world's most optimistic pessimist,
and the owner of RadioTC Productions. The opinions in this column are just
that --OPINIONS -- and should not be thought of as representing the thoughts,
whims and wishes of anyone at 1Wrestling.Com. Void where Prohibited. E-mail,
Good and Evil Alike, should be sent to "syxxnetside@comcast.net"
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