THE GONZO SHARK’S IMPACT WRESTLING REPORT

Posted May 3rd, 2018 by 1Wrestling News Team

Gonzo Shark’s IMPACT Wrestling Report – May 3, 2018

This week’s episode starts with a video package of last week’s events and highlights the IMPACT Championship scene and the Tag Team Championship scene. We also see some footage of Su Yung and Rosemary going face to face last week.

Eli Drake hits the arena with his briefcase and tag team championship in hand. He grabs a mic and the fans chant “You Suck!” Drake claims he gave his partner Scott Steiner the night off to be with his freaks and work on his peaks! He says he wants to become a two time Impact champion and he doesn’t appreciate the fact that Austin Aries interrupted him last week. He claims he will challenge the champ Pentagon Jr next week, but Pentagon decides to come out to the ring. The two men get in each other’s faces and talk lots of trash to each other.

Tonight! Taya Valkyrie takes on Kiera Hogan and Matt Sydal goes against Taiji Ishimori! Huge 6-man main event pitting the team of Drago, Fantasma and Aerostar against the team of Andrew Everett, Desmond Xavier and the returning DJZ!

Kiera Hogan has a quick interview in the back and she’s interrupted by Tessa Blanchard and she thinks Kiera isn’t on her level and she will always take a back seat to a woman like herself. Hogan responds by telling her to do what she does best and “sit and watch” as she will go out there against Valkyrie and show her what a real IMPACT Knockout does!

After a commercial, we see Joseph Park and Grado backstage having some fun with each other. They are paid a visit from Austin Aries and he is assuring them that he is still the man around, but the two men seem much more interested in a banana.

OVE makes their entrance, but the Crist Brothers are without their leader Sami Calihan. Next, the odd duo of KM and Fallah Bahh make their entrance for this tag team match. Apparently, KM has apologized and made peace with Bahh after “fat shaming” him a few weeks ago. The Crist Brothers immediately attack KM, but he quickly rebounds and starts tossing the Crist Brothers around. It is short lived because the Crist Brothers don;t mind cheating and work well together. They begin to take turns battering KM with strikes and quick holds. They attempt a double team suplex, but KM reverses and sends both brothers crashing to the mat with a serious suplex on the two. Fallah Bahh gets the tag and flattens both brothers with a cross body. He follows with some huge splashes in the corner and crushes them both with the huge steamroller move. KM tags in and they take turns doing the steamrollers on the brothers. The Crist Brothers quickly rebound and get KM out of the ring. They double team Bahh real quick and one of the brothers rolls up the big man and gets the pinfall victory. KM is not happy about the loss but shakes Bahh’s hand anyway.

OVE defeated KM & Fallah Bahh by pinfall.

Moose has an interview backstage and says he never won a World Championship in football or in IMPACT Wrestling. But, he is “Mr. IMPACT” and he will become champion in 2018! Jimmy Jacobs comes strolling over and starts ranting but he gets snatched up by Moose almost immediately. Jacobs says he wants the Moose to meet The Monster next week. He tells Jacobs to bring Kong and he will whip his big ass!

Taya Valkyrie makes her entrance for her match against Kiera Hogan, who makes her entrance second. Valkyrie hots a big spear and a barrage of punches right away. She slaps Hogan around a little bit and tosses her halfway across the ring. Hogan dodges a splash, but eats a huge clothesline on the rebound. Taya starts smashing the back of her head into the mat and screams to the crowd. Hogan gets back up and hits a few clotheslines and a big kick. She gets the head scissors and sends Taya outside, but Blanchard comes out and starts brawling with Hogan outside the ring. Blanchard smashes Hogan into the post and tosses her into the ring steps. She throws Hogan into the ring and drops her with the hammerlock into the DDT. She stands over her and makes a huge statement with her assault!

We return from commercial and see a video of the newest force in IMPACT Wrestling, “The Machine” Brian Cage. He has left nothing but sheer devastation in his wake since bursting onto the seen in TNA! He is unbeaten and has taken out the likes of Bobby Lashley and Trevor Lee.

We see a special appearance four way match from Australia that is featuring Brian Cage. The three men immediately gang up on Cage and send him to the outside. Cage gets back in the ring and hits a standing frankensteiner on Nick Moretti in an incredible display of athleticism from the gigantic man. Slex manages to drop Cage with a huge back suplex and sends him out of the ring again, but Cage gets right back in there and starts cleaning house. Moretti tries to copy Cage and ends up getting laid out by Cage in a crazy double fallaway slam with Slex. Cage hits a huge front flip suicide dive on all three men on the outside. Slex manages to get the upper hand on Cage in the ring with a huge suplex, but gets dropped with a fisherman brainbuster by Moretti. Cage cleans house again with a series of powerbombs and an Alabama Slam but gets sent out of the ring again. He gets back in and hits the Tornado Claw and Drill Claw combo on Slex for the 1-2-3 pinfall win!

Brian Cage wins the fatal four way match from Australia.

Fantasma, Aerostar and Drago make their entrance for the Lucha Libre Six Man Tag match and we cut to commercial. We return and the team of DJZ, Everett and Xavier make their entrance. Fantasma and Xavier kick it off with a crazy exchange of lucha libre moves and you will not have to tag in this match, but just slide out of the ring instead. DJZ comes in with a missile dropkick and madness ensues as these guys start sliding in and out of the ring. Aerostar hits a crazy armdrag on Everett, but eats a huge lucha splash off the ropes from Everett. Fantasma comes in and starts slapping Everett repeatedly on his chest. He slams Everett down and goes for a pin but can’t pin him. Drago comes in and they double team Everett with a submission and kick to the face in a double team combo. Drago is pounding Everett and Aerostar make his way in and is met by Xavier. Everett and DJZ hit double missile dropkicks on Aerostar. Fantasma starts taking it to DJZ and four of the men lock each other into submission holds at the same time. Xavier gets put into a crazy submission by the three men on the other team and he is saved by his partners who hit double codebreakers. The men starts taking turns hitting insane suicide dives to the floor and all six men end up down on the ramp. We cut to commercial..

When we return and all six men are battling it out in the ring in the wild affair! DJZ, Everett and Xavier all hit crazy flying moves from the top and try to pin their adversaries, but all three men kick out. Xavier gets flattened and pinned, but DJZ saves him. Everett hits the steps up enziguri on Fantasma and Aerostar almost pins Xavier with a springboard splash. DJZ hits the ZDT on Aerostar for the 1-2-3 pinfall victory!

Desmond Xavier, DJZ and Andrew Everett win the Lucha Libre Six Man Tag Match by pinfall.

Eli Drake runs into Austin Aries in the back and addresses Drakes decision to challenge for the IMPACT Championship match he will have next week against Pentagon Jr. Aries claims he’s glad about the match and hopes that Drake will win because he already knows he can beat him!

We return from commercial and KM and Bahh are very upset in the back and KM claims he will help transform Bahh. We cut to a shot of another IMPACT Wrestling employee laid out again in the back. The commentators feel nervous and wonder who is doing this..

We see footage of Eddie Edwards trying to call somebody and Tommy Dreamer pulls up in a car and makes him get in. It seems like Dreamer is trying to save Edwards from doing something really stupid that he’ll regret to get back at Calihan.

Ishimori makes his entrance to challenge Matt Sydal for the X Division title. Matt Sydal comes out next and the two men lock up right away. They exchange a few holds trying to gain the upper hand on one another. Sydal gets the advantage and kicks Ishimori in the legs, but Ishimori gets Sydal outside of the ring and he has to regroup as we cut to commercial. Taiji is pounding the champ in the corner when we return but Sydal reverses in the corner and goes for a weird pin combo, but it’s only a two count. Sydal puts Ishimori in a crazy neck crank/kneebar submission. Ishimori breaks out and eats a spinning heel kick and a dragon screw leg whip. Taiji is trying to gain the advantage but Sydal is too much. He locks Taiji in a half boston crab and keeps kicking the knee of Ishimori. Ishimori gets Sydal in the corner and hits the double knees, followed by the double stomp and Sydal in reeling. Matt breaks away and lands another knee kick, but misses a moonsault. Ishimori hits the Death Valley Driver and a knee to the face. Ishimori misses the 450 splash and eats two kicks to the face – Matt goes for the pin and Taiji kicks out. Sydal misses the huge splash from the top and Taiji climbs after hitting the double knees, Sydal manages to get Taiji off the top rope and hit a slam/pin combo for the 1-2-3 pinfall win!

Matt Sydal defeated Taiji Ishimori by pinfall.

Tommy Dreamer is in the back trying to talk some sense into Edwards and he can’t do it because Eddie is hell bent on getting the best of Calihan and taking him out for good. He tells Dreamer that he isn’t his father! Allie wants to be by Rosemary’s side tonight and she is shot down on that by the fan favorite. Rosemary says she has to do it alone! We cut to commercial…

We return and LAX is sweating over losing their titles and tons of money and girls. They want to know where Homicide and Konnan are and they are going to teach Andrew Everett and DJZ a lesson next week!

Su Yung makes her entrance and crawls around the ring awaiting her opponent. Rosemary comes out and the place goes crazy! The two women start trading forearms and shots outside the ring before the bell even rings. Rosemary starts smashing Yung around on the outside, but Yung manages to hit a devastating palm strike to Rosemary’s chin and a Panic Switch on the floor. Rosemary seems to be hurt and the lights go out. Su Yung summons the “Undead Bridesmaids” out to the ringside area with a casket. Allie comes running down and attacks Yung from behind and smashes her into the guard rail. Rosemary is screaming at Allie and is totally irate. Allie says that Rosemary is her best friend and she refuses to leave her side. The bridesmaids attack Allie and Yung has them hold her so she is forced to watch what she’ll do to Rosemary. She manages to fight off Yung with a kendo stick, but gets the mist in the eyes of the Demon Assassin. She carries her to the edge of the stage and hits the Panic Switch off the stage through a table and Rosemary appears to be very badly injured. Yung picks her up and carries to the ramp and summons the bridesmaids to drag Rosemary to the casket. Allie is forced to watch them put Rosemary into the casket. Allies screams for her friend but can’t do a thing about it. Yung starts convulsing in some sort of sick joy and we go off air!

Category: Wrestling.

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