THE GONZO SHARK’S IMPACT WRESTLING REPORT

Posted March 16th, 2018 by 1Wrestling News Team

Gonzo Shark’s IMPACT Wrestling Report – March 15, 2018

Jeremy Borash opens the show with a slew of wrestlers that will be featured in tonight’s special “Feast or Fired” match! Four Briefcases above the ring, 3 containing title shots and 1 containing a pink slip! He explains the match and the rules. We also see a video package highlighting last week’s episode of IMPACT Wrestling.

Sami Callihan makes his entrance with OVE to take on Fallah Bahh, who makes his entrance last. Callihan runs at Bahh and immediately backs down as he begins to get taunted. Bahh grabs him and tosses him across the ring. Callihan regroups and kicks Bahh in the gut, runs off the ropes, and then eats a huge shoulder block. He rolls out of the ring, comes back in and get squashed from a huge cross body from Bahh. Callihan kicks out at two and Bahh tries to stomp his face, but Sami blocks it and bites the big guy’s foot to gain the upper hand! HE runs in as Fallah gets up and decks him with a hard fist to the face, and follows that up with a face raking and a chin lock. He begins to stop Bahhand picks him up to hit him with a knife edged chop, but it only enrages the big man! Bahh hits him back a few times and flattens him with a belly to belly suplex and pins for a near fall at two! Callihan gets back up and tries to clothesline Bahh a few times and can’t knock him down. Bahh catches him and executes a Samoan Drop, drags him to the corner for a Banzai drop but Callihan kicks out his knees. HE grabs the nearly 500 pound man onto his shoulders and lays him out with a Death Valley Driver for the 1-2-3 pinfall victory.

Callihan then grabs Bahh as he’s walking up the ramp and throws him back in the ring. The Crist brothers hold a chair over Bahh’s face just like the chair was set up over Eddie Edward’s face before he got his eye smashed with a baseball bat! Callihan is ready to swing for the fences and Eddie Edwards’ music hits. He comes running out with a lead pipe of his own and chases OVE out of the ring! His eye is still messed up and he’s calling out Callihan!

Sami Callihan defeated Fallah Bahh by pinfall.

Still to come after the break: Rosemary battles Taya Valkyrie and who is Matt Sydal’s real spirit guide?

Returning, Matt Sydal expresses how happy he is to share the gift of his one true spirit guide with the world!

Josh Matthews talks about how it’s great to see Eddie Edwards is ok after suffering the baseball bat to the eye from Sami Callihan. The situation between Bobby Lashley and Brian Cage is under the spotlight as well – Why did Cage help Lashley but wouldn’t shake his hand? Austin Aries will also have an exclusive interview after his victory of Johnny Impact last week!

Next we see a highlight video from a previous Feast or Famine match. We will see the interview with World Champion Austin Aries after the break!

A highlight of Kongo Kong choking our Joseph Park from 2 weeks ago is played just before getting into the Aries interview. He is asked how he feels and he says that he feels really great and was surprised to come back and win the IMPACT Championship in under one minute. He admits that it’s been a hell of a month. After being asked to tell a little bit more about himself he goes on to explain how he’s vegan. Enter Alberto El Patron. Austin is not happy and says, “What, nobody knocks anymore?” El Patron says he really needs to talk to Aries and Mckenzie leaves the room. Alberto shakes his hand and welcomes him to IMPACT Wrestling. He explains how he never lost the title but he respects Austin as well and thinks he’s a real champion who can take on the champion that never really lost his belt – himself! He says all of this while he has his hand on the championship thats on Austin’s chair. He gets up and tells Aries that he has a surprise for him, a welcome present to show his appreciation. A guy rolls in a cart with wine and a steak dinner on it. Patron says that Aries is in his casa and he has to offer him something nice. He grabs a piece of meat on a fork and puts it in Austin’s face, but Austin grabs a banana and says he’s fine with that. Patron feels very disrespected by this and says Austin should try it. Aries will not try it and slaps the meat out of Patron’s hand. Alberto  apologizes and tells Aries that he will buy two of his books, but Austin says that he doesn’t need his money because he makes a “Champion’s Purse” now. He asks El Patron if he remembers what that feels like and Patrons smiles as he walks away. We cut to commercial.

Coming back, Knockouts Champion Allie is congratulated in the back by Kiera Hogan on her title win last week. They hug, and Braxton Sutter comes over to see Allie which makes Kiera walk away. Allie tells her she doesn’t have to go and Braxton says he wants to go somewhere and talk. She wants nothing to do with it and walks.

Kongo Kong and Jimmy Jacobs make their entrance. Jacobs is warning about how he will unleash Kong on a path of destruction like no other if Joseph Park doesn’t produce Abyss. All of a sudden James Mitchell comes out to the ring. Mitchell introduces himself and shakes Jimmy’s hand. Mitchell claims that him and Jacobs have a lot in common and he also wants to share some wisdom with him as well. He poked the wrong bear and he will have to pay the piper. Jacobs interrupts and tells him he IS THE BEAR! Mitchell explains that he isn’t there to humiliate Jacobs but to thank him instead for waking up the sleeping giant. Abyss’ music hits and he comes storming down the ramp and jumps in the ring. Hima nd Kong start trading blows and Abyss knocks him over the top rope with furious rage! Mitchell tells them that, as a token of gratitude, he has two tickets in their names for next week to the Monsters Ball! Show up if they dare!

Returning from commercial, we see a video package hyping the matchup between Rosemary and Taya Valkyrie, who makes her entrance first. Next Rosemary makes her entrance. Rosemary immediately spears Valkyrie and they start rolling around and throwing punches. Valkyrie rolls out of the ring and Rosemary jumps on her off the apron head first. Rosemary hits a flying cross body from the top and throws Valkyrie in the corner to beat her some more. She runs in shoulder first, but Taya moves and she eats the post with her shoulder! Valkyrie slaps her in the face after an arm drag and Rosemary is now in the corner. Taya comes in with the big splash and Rosemary drops down to a seated position. She comes running in and Rosemary moves and drops her with a german suplex. Rosemary goes for a sunset flip but she can’t get Valkyrie down, so she bites her. Valkyrie jumps up and does a double stomp to Rosemary’s chest. She pins her for a near fall at two! She starts smashing on Rosemary in the corner again. Rosemary tries to fight back, but Valkyrie grabs her by the back of her hair and slams her down. She starts slapping her chest while she has her propped against the ropes. She gets her on the top rope and Rosemary counters and goes for the submission on the ropes. Valkyrie counters and locks on a submission of her own, but Rosemary starts to fight back. Valkyrie gains the upper hand again quickly and does a modified curb stomp move that hurts Rosemary badly. She misses the moonsault from the top rope and Rosemary wills her way back. She hits a running knee to Taya’s face and hits a clothesline against the ropes that send both women to the outside. Neither women makes it back in the ring and it’s a double countout. They start fighting at the top of the ramp and Rosemary misses a spear. Taya slams her face down with another Road to Valhalla on the ramp and we go to commercial.

We return and Eli Drake is on the phone in the back. Whoever he is trying to call isn’t answering. He finally gets ahold Chris Adonis, who he apparently had a plan with for the Feast or Fired match. He isn’t coming to uphold his end of the plan and Eli flips out and breaks the phone.

EC3 is in the back for an interview and he says he knows which case he has to grab and he has already seen his destiny! Josh Mathews informs us that the main event for the Redemption PPV will be Austin Aries defending his title against Alberto El Patron!

We see a video of Lashley confronting Cage in the IMPACT zone earlier in the day. Lashley challenges Cage to a fight, but Cage just brushes it off and walks away! Matt Sydal is ready and we will see him after the commercial!

We see a video of Konnan and LAX in the back playing dominos. A briefcase is delivered and Konnan flips out because he feels like the money is short in the case, They will watch the Feast or Famine match to find out who they will have to defend their title against.

Sydal comes out and thanks the fans for supporting him throughout his whole career

He wants to introduce his spirit guide to the world Josh Mathews. Sydal claims that Mathews has helped him more than anybody and he give him his IMPACT Grand Championship! Next, is out main event Feast or Fired match!

We return and Eli Drake is making his entrance. The ring is already full of superstars that are going to be in this match – Moose, EC3, Petey Williams, Trevor Lee and Tyrus to name a few. The match starts and it is pure chaos in the ring. Tyrus and Moose double team Eli Drake in the corner. EC3 jus starts hucking guys out of the ring left and right. Tyrus starts beating on EC3 and tosses him out of the ring. Eli and Moose are the only guys in the ring but they make their way to the outside. Petey Williams starts heating up in the ring and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Ishimori hits a huge kick on him and follows it with the double knees in the corner. Trevor Lee comes in and goes for a case, but he gets knocked off the ropes. Petey Williams does a springboard over the top rope to the outside right into a hurricanrana on Lee! Rohit Raju hits a suicide dive through the ropes and Ishimori does a golden moonsault onto the outside. Petey Williams wipes out Konley with a lungblower and follows that with the Canadian Destroyer! Williams captures case #2!

We return from commercial and the battle is raging on in the ring and Moose is laying out people with headbutts and kicks. He hits Rohit with the buckle bomb and a flying dropkick to the face while he’s laid out in the corner! EC3 runs in and stops Moose’s momentum and goes for a case, but Moose knocks him off the ropes and captures case #4! Ishimori escapes a german suplex attempt from Lee and hits a nast springboard headstand kick on him that nearly knocks his head off! Konley rushes Ishimori to avenge what he just did to his partner and starts slapping his chest in the corner. He fights his way out and takes out Konley with a springboard plancha! Ishimori rips his shirt off and he is fired up! He gets caught between Cult of Lee and tries to fight them both off but ends up getting suplexed by Konley. Rihot comes in and starts punching Cult of Lee relentlessly but ends up eating the drop toe hold into the knee. Tyrus comes in and starts getting pounded by Cult of Lee but he reverses them and starts T-Bone suplexing everything in sight! Tyrus steps on Eli Drake’s stomach as he goes for a case. Low blow by EC3 and he climbs the corner over Tyrus to grab case #3! He smashes Tyrus in the head with his case before he exits the ring. Ishimori goes for the last case but Eli Drake is trying to get him off the top rope. Eli gets him off and drops him with the Gravy Train. KM comes in and Eli gets him with Gravy Train as well! Rihot comes running in and gets a GRavy Train for his troubles too! Cult of Lee comes in and Drake dumps Konley over the top rope as Lee is climbing to get the last case. Drake quickly runs over and cimbs the ropes behind him and launches Lee of the top rope with an insane German Suplex. Eli Drake gets the last case!

EC3, Petey Williams, Moose and Eli Drake all capture a case.

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