FEELING THE IMPACT! COMPLETE WRITTEN REPORT

Posted May 19th, 2017 by Bill Apter

Feeling the Impact: A look at this week’s Impact Wrestling

Hosted by Jay and Lottie Shannon

Tonight, we got the return of the legendary…Ultimate X Match!

We began with the flashbacks of last week’s show. LAX dissed Decay and then got their behinds handed to them by the VoW. Bobby Lashley wants the Global title to add to his own Impact World Title. He will have to fae Alberto El Patron, who defeated Magnus, last week.

Roll the opening montage!

The GFW World Tag Team Tournament continued as LAX entered.

Santana and Ortiz (LAX) vs Garza Jr. and Laredo Kid
Opening Round Tournament Match

The Finish:

Brainbuster by Ortiz. 2 count. Santana yelled at the ref and then choked Laredo in the ropes. Laredo hit the floor and several people hit Laredo. Laredo Kid hit a wild Tornado DDT and then Garza came in to hit a Superkick and Springboard Moonsault. Superkick by Garza. 2 count because Santana was so close to the ropes. Code Red by Santana. Diamonte hit a wil Rana. Double Team Blockbuster to advance LAX in this tourney.

Your Winners: Santana and Ortiz
Impact Score: 3.0 out of a possible 5

Jeremy Borash wasn’t behind the announce desk, this week…at least so far. Josh was tickled pink.

Bruce Prichard was on the phone when Magnus walked up. The Brit was overly hot that Bruce had done him out of his Global title. Magnus blamed Bruce for costing him the title. Bruce told Magnus to earn his way back into contention.

We got to see a video package about Laurel and her breakdown following being jilted at the altar by Braxton Sutter. Laurel aligned herself with Kongo Kong in the mixed team feud that also includes Allie.

Kongo Kong (w/Laurel) vs Braxton Sutter (w/Allie)

Highlights:

After the entrances, we got down to some serious brutality. Kong rushed and Braxton dodged him. Braxton unloaded with Knife Edge Chops and kicks. Flying Forearm but Kong caught Sutter. Stone Wall and Belly to Belly by Kong. Laurel was excited to see her man do so well. Boot Choke by Kong. Headbutt by Kong. Kong choked Braxton on the middle rope and Laurel drew a heart on Braxton’s head with lipstick. Meat Hook Drag by Kong. He placed Sutter in the corner. Braxton avoided the Rolling Cannonball by Kong. Braxton punched and chopped away on the big Islander. Kong missd a Corner Splash. Boot and Running Clotheslines by Braxton. Kong wouldn’t go down. Pump Kick sent Kong to the corner. Corner Splash and modified Death Valley Driver to end this.

Your Winner: Kongo Kong
Impact Score: 2.0

KM and Sierra came in to try and destroy Braxton. Mahabali Shera rushed down to protect his friend and trainer, Braxton. Sienna’s forces bailed out of the ring. Braxton got helped to his feet. Braxton called out KM and Sienna. Braxton demanded a tag match between himself and Shera vs KM and Kong…for next week.

KM, looking for all the world like a real-life Biff from Back to the Future, agreed eagerly.

ODB will fight for the Global Women’s title, shortly. Also, James Storm will face Ethan Carter III.

We went to a video package about the X-Division.

MacKenzie interviewed Karen Jarrett. Karen knew she couldn’t keep the Wolves apart. She set up a Mixed Tag Team Match between the Edwards family and the Richards family. Magnus pushed past Karen.

We saw highlights of Ethan Carter III whipping the back of James Storm, last week. They will fight…next!

James Storm vs Ethan Carter III

Highlights:

Magnus was at ringside to join the announce team for this match. Magnus wanted to scout the top contenders to the Global championship. Josh and Magnus talked trash about Bruce Prichard. The Cowboy came out with beer in hand.He left his cowboy hat and brew on the stage. Storm had a belt in hand. Ethan bailed out, right away. Ethan slid back in but got dropped with a Thesz Press. Punches by Strom. The belt disappeared. Snap Mare by Storm. Storm stomped on Ethan’s hand. Corner Clotheslines by Storm. Storm then stomped Ethan’s chest.

Clotheslines by Ethan. Ethan took control and ripped at Storm’s face. Hard Whip by EC3. Punches by Storm but Ethan countered with a Back Elbow. Ethan sent Storm to the ropes but James dropped Ethan. Carter rebounded to work over the injured lower back. Rear Chin Lock by Carter. Front Face Lock by Carter. Ethan threw Storm down by the hair.

Ethan twisted Storm in the ropes. Storm was sent out to the floor with severe force. Ethan went out to get Storm and put him back in. Storm and EC3 went right to the floor. Storm got the belt and Magnus got in the middle of things. Bruce Prichard came out and ejected Magnus from ringside. Break time.

As we returned, Ethan nailed the Kitchen Sink. Half Camel Clutch by EC3. Storm’s face was blood red. Storm hit an Inverted Atomic Drop and Enziguri. Clothesline by Storm. James headed up top but he got tripped. Freman’s Carry into the TK3. Ethan wouldn’t take the pin. Foolish move. Ethan headed outside and found..the belt. He popped it and the ref warned him not to use it. Ethan left it on the apron and connected with a 2nd TK3. He still wuldn’t take the pin. Ethan picked up the belt and paraded around with it. Ethan blasted the ref, Brian Stiffler. Ethan whipped the ref!

Your Winner (by Disqualification): James Storm
Impact Score: 2.0

Brian’s back was radioactive red. Storm rocked Ethan with the Back Stabber. Magnus pulled Storm out of the ring and beat him down. Magnus then slid in the ring. Ethan screamed at Magnus. Bruce got on the house micropphone and told them it was enough. Bruce wanted a main event for Slammiversary but Magnus and Ethan kept screwing things up. Next week, Magnus vs James Storm vs Ethan Carter III to determine the Number One Contender for the Global Force Wrestling Title was set up. Bruce then talked to Ethan. Bruce told Ethan to go find his b*lls. Ethan attacked Bruce. That will cost him a pretty penny.

It was time for another update on Rock Star Spud. Now he is confined to a wheelchair. Spud just wanted to know who would do this to hiim. Spud will never wrestle again, according to the doctors. Spud will return to the Impact Zone, next week, for revenge.

ODB vs Sienna
Global Force Women’s Title Match

Highlights:

Sienna has all new music. She looks like something out of the Mad Max movies. Sienna is the first woman to hold both the GFW and Impact Women’s/Knockouts titles.

Sienna pushed ODB and then got punched. Shoulder Tackles by ODB. ODB ended up going out to the floor. Sienna camtoe out to confront her opponent. ODB was sent into the ring post. KM was watching his cousin, Sienna. ODB was thrown back in the ring.

Corner Splash by Sienna to taunt ODB. ODB rolled out of the way of a 2nd Splash Chops by ODB and a Clothesline to drop the champ. Corner Splash by ODB. Sienna fought out of the Fallaway Slam. Back Elbow and Dirty Dozens by ODB. ODB flew out of the corner but missed. Silencer by Sienna. 1-2-3. Bummer.

Your Winner: Sienna
Impact Score: 2.0

Josh kept taunting Pope. D’Angelo Dinero just needs to smack the taste out of Josh’s mouth. The fans berated Josh.

Jeremy Borash came out to his own music and graphic. Josh freaked out. JB let everyone know that he hired a fantastic attorney to fix his situation. JB has been reinstated to Impact Wrestling…effective immediately! Cool. Josh wanted to know who JB’s attorney was. JB introduced his attorney, Joseph Park! Abyss’s alter ego came out in full sut and tie! That was the person that Jay met, years ago, at a local show he worked in Reno. Jay has told me tons of fun stories of the guy. Josh acted like he didn’t know who Park was. Park said JB was going to be the lead announcer. Josh went off on everyone in sight. Park told Josh to shut his mouth. Josh screamed that the guy was Abyss. Joseph began to lose his cool with Mathews. Josh wondered what Park wanted. Park challenged Josh to a match. Park also threw JB into the possible match…at Slammiversary! Park said Josh should find a partner to fight the two of them. So hard to imagine that Parks has been wrestling for 22 years but Jay checked it out. We putting our money on Madison Rayne to be Josh’s teammate.

We are hoping that Slammiversary will set the stage for multiple unification matches at Bound For Glory. Heck, they might subtitle it: Bound For Glory: Unification.

Trevor Lee vs Andrew Everett vs Low Ki
Ultimate X Match

Highlights:

Buckle Up, this one is going to be huge. Low Ki came out in his Crazy 88s gear. (Just watch Kill Bill Part One if you don’t get the reference).

The bell sounded and all Hell broke loose. Lee attacked both men. Low Ki kicked Everett out of the ring. Lee tried to send Low Ki into the corner but Ki landed on the ropes. Lee pushed away Everett but missed the Savage Elbow. Low Ki was on the floor. Rana when Ki got back in. Lee hit a Flying Forarm. Lee and Everett started to climb but Ki stopped them. Lee pushed Ki and Everett off the apron and into the barricade. Time for some commercials.

Lee rocked Everett as we came back to action. Lee went up the structure but didn’t get far. Everett pulled him down. Low Ki was still down on the floor. German by Lee when Everett missed the Enziguri. Low Ki tried to go for the X-Belt but it didn’t happen. Lee dropped him like a bad habit. Lee got to the X Ropes and kicked Ki away. Lee had a hard time going across the ropes. Everett brought him back down. Everett punched his arch-rival, Lee. Hammer Throw by Lee sent Everett into the corner.

Low Ki wanted a Suplex, on the ropes, but Lee was too powerful. Field Goal Kick by Lee. Everett hit a Dropkick on Lee. Everett was the only man in contention to scaling the ropes. Instead, he did a Shooting Star to the floor.

Low Ki was back and headed towards his goal. No one was near him, for a moment. Springboard Dropkick, by Everett, stopped Ki’s momentum. Gregory Shane Helms checked on his man, Lee. Helms gave Lee a steel chair and urged him to use it. Lee was too weakened to get much use out of it, other than maybe to plop down on it and catch his breath. Everett headed towards the center of the X but Lee tossed the chair at Everett. The chair bounced back and struck Lee. Low Ki punched the cchair out of Lee’s hand. It struck Lee before sailing out of the picture. Low Ki couldn’t cross the ropes, due to his hurt hand. Double Stomp by Lee to Ki. Reverse Frankendriver by Everett to Lee. Everett still couldn’t get to the Emerald belt. Powerbomb by Lee. Lee blocked the Handspring Cutter but Lee fell to the Double Stomp. Ki was having a hard time clutching the ropes. Low Ki pushed Everett away from him. Lee held Ki and slammed his face into the metal truss. Helms got up on the apron and attacked Everett and Low Ki. Top Rupe Cutter by Helms to Everett. Really? Helms was also hurt by the move. Helms urged his man to get the belt. There are no DQs in this type of match. Helms played Chicken to help his charge. Low Ki Dropkicked Helms. Low Ki went across the top of the structure while the other two men went across the ropes. Low Ki stomped away to make Everett and Lee fall. Low Ki claimed his belt to retain his title!

Your Winner: Low Ki
Impact Score: 4.25

We want to see WWE’s Cruiserweights match THAT!

Just wanted to let you all know that we MAY be taking off June 1st. Lottie is having surgery on the 31st and should be home on the 1st but we’re aren’t sure, just yet. Please keep Lottie in your thoughts and prayers.

Peace and Love

–Jay and Lottie Shannon
JayCShannon@Gmail.com

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