“FEELING THE IMPACT!” COMPLETE IMPACT WRESTLING REPORT

Posted May 11th, 2017 by 1Wrestling News Team

Feeling the Impact
by Jay and Lottie Shannon

The Global Force Wrestling Global title was on the line as Magnus defended against Alberto El Patron. This plus tons more action from the rapidly combining companies of Impact Wrestling and Global Force Wrestling.

We want to cross over and send out our best wishes to the Danielsons, Bryan and Brie. Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella, as they are known “other places” just welcomed their baby girl, Birdie Joe Danielson, into this wonderful world around midnight Tuesday night. Wishing them great health and much love.

As usual, we began with a flashback to last week. Magnus defended his GFW title against Matt Morgan. A lot of people want a shot at that title, as well as Bobby Lashley’s Impact World Title. Can we expect a title unification match at Slammiversary?

Roll the Opening montage!

Andrew Everett vs Caleb Connelly vs Desmond Xavier vs Matt Sydal
Four Way X-Division Match

Sonjay Dutt is still out with his eye injury. Nasty injury.

Highlights:

All four men really showed why the X-Division is such a great group. Matt and Andrew both put on submissions but the other two would not tap out. Xavier threw everyone around with Ranas. Impact is headed to India, in a few weeks. Everett rocked Xavier with a wild Enziguri. Matt hit a Stunner/Final Cut combo to drop Andrew and Desmond. Caleb went all Suicidal on the three foes. Caleb hit an impressive Moonsault but Matt stopped the count.

Matt and Desomnd unloaded on each other with Roundhouse Kicks. Andrew took them both out. Flip Dive by Andrew. They don’t call him the Skywalker for nothing. It’s not cause he looks like Mark Hamill. Smile. Desmond hit an incredible Springing Flip Dive. Matt almost got the pin, once they got back in the ring. Back Fisherman’s by Caleb. Frog Splash by Savier.

Xavie got the boots up. Frankendriver by Everett to bring this to an end.

Your Winner: Andrew Everett
Impact Score: 4.0 out of a possible 5

Much respect shared by these fantastic superstars. Jeremy Borash was behind the announce desk, once again. Josh began to lose his cool, early on.

Ethan Carter III was walking around, insulting “The Cowboy” James Storm. EC3 promised we would see The Cowboy, this week.

We got another silly KM vignette. He stole a pizza and then bullied the delivery guy. These video segments are getting boring, double quick.

Back to the ringside area and Ethan Carter III came out dressed like Stan Hanson. It was to mock James Storm.Ethan did a John Wayne impression to introduce himself as Ethan Cowboy III. This promo was amusing and got the girls all excited. Well, most of them. Ethan knew James had tears in his beer after the title loss to Lashley. Ethan was ready to run Storm out of town like a desperado. Ethan then had a song to sing. Please spare us. It was a butchered version of Friends in Low Places. Sounds like about midnight at the Wagon Wheel on Karaoke Night when the beer really kicked in. Shut the HELL up, please!

James Storm came out to shut him down. Storm slid in the back door and started laying a whuppin’ on EC3. Storm pitched the cowboy hat out into the crowd. Ethan tried to crawl out but it didn’t happen. Ethan bashed Storm in the face with a cowboy boot. Ethan then brought out some handcuffs and locked Storm on the middle rope. Ethan pulled off his leather belt and whipped Storm like a government mule (nod to Good Ol JR). Damn, he tore that back up. It went redder than a summer field worker’s face and neck. Ethan started to go after Earl Hebner, as well. Ethan strapped Storm over 20 times. Ethan then went off on a ringside attendant. Fire his keister. Pat Kenney and Scott D’Amore rushed down to stop this insanity.

There will be a GFW Tag Team Tournament

Hakim Zane and Idris Abraham vs Laredo Kid and Garza Jr.

The Finish:

The Luchadores really showed their greatness in this match. Dropkick version of the Doomsday Device by Garza and Laredo. Wheelbarrow Drop by Garza. Garza stripped off his pants. Poetry in Motion failed by Idris and Hakim. 450 and Moonsault by Garza and Laredo sealed the deal.

Your Winners: Garza Jr. and Laredo Kid
Impact Score: 2.75

Garza and Laredo were interviewed, backstage. Garza said they were there to represent Mexico and their familias. Laredo swore nothing would stop them.

Pope did a Make Impact Great Again promo.

Ava Storie vs Laurel van Ness (w/Kongo Kong)

Laurel fell around and Ava almost pinned her within seconds. Spear by Laurel. This was ridiculous to watch. Flying Bulldog by Laurel. The two women fought from their knees. Wild kick by Laurel. Stomp by Laurel to bring this train wreck to a merciful end.

Your Winner: Laurel van Ness
Impact Score: .5

Laurel was pulled off Ava by Earl Hebner. Kongo rushed in and Earl made tracks.

It was time for LAX to party it up with a funeral. Before that, we got another update on the injured Rock Star spud. His knee was decimated by the rabid midget, Swoggle. Spud just didn’t understand why he was the target.

On to La Fiesta de Muerte (Death Festival). They all joked about showing respect to those gone. LAX entered the arena. They came out to a funeral dirge mix.This was the funeral for Decay. The gunshots kept going off during the musc. Creepy. All the LAX members (except Konnan) had the white face paint like the sugar skulls worn in some Mexican funerals. Konnan said this was hard for him to do. He knew this was a solumn moment. Suicide watched from the rafters ala Crow Sting. Konnan turned into a disrespect moment as the ashes were thrown down onto the ring and stomped into the canvas. Konnan said the Good Ol Boys din’t know what they were doing when they put Decay in a Street Fight. Konnan called his team Los Caras de Muertos (Faces of Death). I hate using the Race Card to get heat. Konnan went off on a guy, in thecrowd, who was waving the American flag. Konnan threatened to shove the flag up the fan’s *ss. The dude backed down. I wouldn’t have. The dude grew a pair and stood up and waved teh flag. Konnan tried to hurt the guy but Mayweather and Wilcox (the VoW) showed up to kick it with LAX. Hell, Yeah! VoW cleared the ring of LAX. Cut to commercial.

Marshe Rockett vs Moose
Grand Championship Match

Round One:

Rockett started with a hard kick and a Dropkick. Moose came back with Knife Edge Chops. Pump Kick by Marshe. Knife Edge and kicks by Moose. Marshe moved to the corner and kicked Moose in the face. Dropkick sent Marshe tumbling off the ropes and out to the floor. The “Moose” chant got rolling.The ref started the count. Marshe got back in with a few seconds to spare. Moose hit a wicked Headbutt. Marshe slid out of the ring to wind down the clock.

Round One goes to Moose (obviously)

Round Two:

Marshe dodged a Big Boot and hit a hard shot. Kick by Moose into the Pop Up Powerbomb. Senton! Chokeslam Powerbomb aka Go To Hell!

Your Winner: Moose
Impact Score: 2.0

Tyrus strutted out to face Moose. E-Li Drake used the distraction to Pearl Harbor the champ. Double eam on Moose. Heart Punch by Tyrus. Chris Adonis rushed down to cinch in the Adonis Lock (Masterlock) on the wounded warrior. Drake iced the cake by bashing Moose iwth a steel chair.

Josh was fuming that JB was tstill there to aggravate him. Josh told JB to get the Hell out of there.

MacKenzie talked with Dutch Mantell. Dutch had a big announcement to share. Next week, the Ultiamte X match will return with Low Ki vs Trevor Lee vs Andrew Everett. Awesome!

Angelina Love-Richards vs Alisha Edwards

Highlights:

After a rewind video package from last week, the women came out to fight. Angelina Love has all new music. Davey Richards was with his wife. The couple embraced and showed their love to one and all to see. Eddie came out with Alisha Edwards. Eddie was on crutches and she asked her man to stay in the back. Alisha rushed hte ring and the Cat Figth was on. The fight went in and out of the ring.

Alisha slammed Love’s face into the ring steps. Love was pitched in the ring. Love hit a wild Clothesline. Love punched away on Edwards. ALR stomped away and stood over her foe. Angelina missed a Big Boot and Alisha hit the Future Shock DDT. Alisha popped Davey. ALR grabbed a chair and hit Alisha in the lower back. The ref saw it and called for the bell.

Your Winner (By Disqualification): Alisha Edwards
Impact Score: 1.25

The ref was taken out. Eddie got in the ring to confront Angelina. Crutch to Eddie’s knee by Davey. The Richardses double teamed the bad knee of Eddie. The Edwards family was down and out.

Bobby Lashley talked about holding all the titles, so far. He wanted to add the Global one to his resume. I smell a serious unification match coming soon.

Alberto El Patron vs Magnus
Global Force Wrestling Global Title Match

Highlights:

Magnus charged El Patron but Alberto dodged him. Cross Armbreaker, in the ropes, by Alberto. El Patron kicked and punched away. Corner Mount Punches by El Patron. Dropkick to the back of Madnus’ head. Magnus hit a nice Suplex to regain the momentum.

Back Drop Suplex by Magnus. 2 count. Rear Chin Lock by the champ. Standing Switch led to an Alberto Back Drop. The fight headed out to the floor. Alberto sent Magnus into the ring post. Alberto flew off the ropes to hit a modified Ax Bomber to Magnus. Alberto went back to the Rear Chin Lock.

Magnus powered up and hit a Jawbreaker. Magnus went up the ropes but got tripped. The two jockeyed for position on the ropes. Headbutt sent both men tumbling to the floor. Break time.

We returned to see both men unload with wild punches. Clothesline by Alberto. Step Up Enziguri by Alberto to draw a deuce. Alberto Tuned up the Band but missed the Superkick. Michinoku Driver by Magnus. Magnus hit the Savage Elbow to get another two. Both of them were winded, by this point. Alberto fought free from the Cloverleaf. Magnus worked over El Patron’s lower back.

They went to the floor. Back Drop Suplex, on the ramp, by Magnus. Magnus slid back in the ring as the ref started to count. Alberto slid back in at 9. Magnus went after the challenger like a shark smelling blood. Back Stabber by Alberto. Cross Armbreaker! Magnus shrieked but would not give up. Magnus spun around to finally reach the ropes. Magnus fell out to the floor. Alberto came out to get him.

Alberto rammed Magnus’ arm onto a steel chair. Alberto tossed Magnus back in the ring. Alberto waited on the turnbuckles. When he jumped, Magnus hit a Clothesline. Cloverleaf! Alberto arched up to break the hold. El Patron clawed towards the ropes. He barely made it.

The weakened competitors got up slowly. Flying Arm Bar and Superkick by El Patron. 1-2-No! Magnus reversed the Cross Armbreaker and hit a Chop Block. Alberto was down and hurt. Alberto grabbed the ring skirt to avoid being dragged into mid ring. Magnus pulled Alberto up for a Superplex but El Patron punched aMagnus down. Double Stomp missed. The knee gave out on Alberto. Clotheslines and Big Boot by Magnus. Powerbomb by Magnus but he only got a portion of it. Magnus waited and watched his opponent. Alberto flipped around to cinch in the Cross Armbreaker! TAP OUT!

Your Winner (by Submission…and NEW Global Champion): Alberto El Patron
Impact Score: 4.50

Peace and Love

–Jay and Lottie Shannon
JayCShannon@gmail.com

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