FEELING THE IMPACT–TNA IMPACT REPORT

Posted February 24th, 2017 by 1Wrestling News Team

The Hardys continued their World Tour to capture all available tag team title belts. This week, they headed to the legendary Mid-Atlantic territory. Ring of Honor has already announced that the Broken Hardys will appear at Ring of Honor to fight the Young Bucks.

We want to praise TNA for showing the respect to all those we lost. Unlike other promotions, Chavo Guerrero, George Steele, Ivan Koloff and Nicole Bass were all given an “In Memory” banner. Thank you.

Matt Hardy talked with his giraffe about changing identities to his Egyptian roots. Matt told Vanguard One that the 7 Dieties were worried about them and George Washington (the Giraffe) was worried about V-1′s drinking. Matt transferred his essence into Brother Nero. Nero had a “preemon-knee-tion.” Matt was supposedly off to Egypt. He used the transporter to get there.

We are supposed to have the wedding of Braxton Sutter and Laurel van Ness.

Josh Mathews welcomed everyone to the show.

Cody and Brandi Rhodes came out to the ring. I’ve had so many emails from people that didn’t know who Brandi was. When we explained it was Cody”s wife, they all agreed that Cody is one very lucky dude. She is absolutely beautiful. Nice to see Cody back. Cody is a Face here but a Heel in ROH and Japan. Cody has an issue with Bobby Lashley. Cody said he was there for his wife. Cody wondered about the title of “Mini-Moose”. Cody wanted Moose to come out so he could thank him.

Lottie, my co-reporter, is yelling for Moose not to go there. Cody said Moose was now an honorary member of the Rhodes family. Moose told Cody that he was always there for Cody and/or Brandi. Cody made an odd face and then grinned. He didn’t like that Brandi had Moose’s phone number. The Green Eyed Monster is awakened. Cody wondered if Moose was trying to sleep with his wife. Moose stated he was only a friend. Cody said Moose was not a friend but some kind of slut. I couldn’t spell the word he used. Brandi didn’t appreciate being embarrassed like this, on world Wide TV. Cody said it was only a joke. He kissed his lovely bride. They shook hands and he kicked Moose in the crotch. Brandi tripped out as Cody beat the stuffing out of the former football player. Crossrhodes to Moose. This is not going to end well. Cody did the Bullet Club sign to his new arch-enemy. Cody ordered Brandi to get out of the ring and go to the back.

Cody and Brandi started to leave. Cody yelled at the cameramen to get away from his wife.

E-Li Drake complained about Tyrus. Tyrus said he was not a big fan of Drake. Drake was ticked off that Tyrus set up a 3-on-2 match against the D.C.C. Drake left to teach Tyrus a lesson. Drake stated he owned Tyrus.

E-Li Drake vs Tyrus

Drake cut a rant about what a dummy Tyrus is.

The Finish:

Drake wanted Tyrus to take a Dive. Tyrus poked Drake to have him take the fall. Drake knew Tyrus was too stupid to understand this. The match started and Drake knocked out Earl Hebner. Tyrus Goozled Drake. Drake offered a raise to the big man.

Your Winner (by Disqualification): Tyrus
Impact Rating: 1.0

Tyrus gave Drake a hug when offered a raise. They are now buddies again.

The Maria Squad were getting ready for the Wedding from Hell. They were upset that Allie wasn’t there. Hmm…wonder if Braxton and Allie did SOMETHING to prevent the wedding?

We want to send out a special congratulations to Ring of Honor. They turn 15 today. They will be doing some cross-promotional stuff with TNA in the near future. Cody coming back was just the first step.

We were back with the Hardys. Matt quickly returned with a boat. Matt said he now has the abilities of the King of Gold. Matt’s boat was now his Golden Ark. The Hardys were off to their next target.

Jade was in the ring. We would love to see Jade vs Asuka in NXT. Jade said her feud with Rosemary was far from finished. She brought up their Monster’s Ball Match. She ordered Rosemary to bring her *ss out to the ring. The Knockout Champ made her demented way down to the ring. Rosie oozed into the ring. Josh was getting hot as Pope again suggested that Josh might be replaced.

Rosie chuckled at “Blue” and called her a Valiant Warrior. Jade asked for a Last Knockout Standing Match. Rosemary acepted but warned of the danger.

Mike Bennett talked with Braxton Sutter. Braxton didn’t want this but Mike ignored him. Mike complained about how Maria treated him. Mike started thinking and talking semi-dirty about Laurel getting out of the wedding dress. Braxton couldn’t sop thinking about Allie. Mike had already been hitting the bubbly. He shared it with Braxton. Braxton just put it down

Bram vs Jessie Godderz

The Finish:

Jessie says he is now buddies with William Shatner. Josh pushed the FITE Network. I have it on my phone and it is pretty darn good.

Kingston got involved in this one. Bram almost got the 3. Jessie began to battle back. Bram pitched Jessie out and Kingston attacked. Bram kicked away at Mr. Pec-tacular. Snap Powerslam by Jessie. High and Tight Side Suplex. Blockbuster by Jessie. Adonis Crab locked in. Bram would not give up. Kingston pushed hte ropes closer to Bram but it didn’t matter. Jessie used a Slingshot to send Bram into Kingston. Roll up.

Your Winner: Jessie Godderz
Impact Rating: 2.0

The Hardys had arrived at their new destination. The Mid Attlantic Outlaws did not want to just give them the shot. Some guy came up and said the tag champs haven’t been beaten in 12 years. He felt that the Hardys could help them make it to the next level. The Outlaws backed down and supported the Hardys. That fight will happen in a bit.

Allie grumbled about having to be at the wedding. Maria ordered her to go to the wedding or else. Allie said she would not be part of this.Allie ran into Braxton and asked hwhat he really wanted. It ticked him off to see her so upset.

The Hardys were presented to the tag champions. One Hell of a fight went down in the locker room.The tag champs agreed to the tag title shot. The champs wanted to hurt the Hardys.

The Broken Hardys vs Mathis and Rage.
Mid Atlantic Title Match

The Finish:

The crowd was really into the Hardys. They dominated the 12 year champs. Inverted and regular DDT at the same time to the champs. Twist of Fate by Nero, on the floor. Matt with a Muta Leg Drop. Mathis, I think it was, was placed in a dumpster and sent down a stairwell. Twist of Fate and Swanton finished this one.

Your Winners (and Triple Champions): The Broken Hardys
Impact Ranking: 2.0

The Hardys transported back home.

Josh Barnett cut a promo against Bobby Lashley.

Bobby Lashley cameo ut to watch the next match,

Josh Barnett vs Bad Bones

Josh went right to work on the tattooed German. Single Leg to ride BB to the corner. They went to the corner and BB kicked and chopped and bashed. Josh exploded with several hard striks. BB was sent to the floor. Josh looks like a less developed Brock Lesnar. BB hit a Spear through the ropes. BB choked the former UFC champ on the ropes. Josh blocked a Suplex and hit a Gut Wrench Throw. Powerbomb by Josh. Josh threw elbows and it a Northern Lights. Submission Hold. Tap Out.

Your Winner (by Submission): Josh Barnett
Impact Rating: 2.0

Bobby was not all that impressed by Josh’s Keylock variation submission.

DJZ vs Trevor Lee
X Division Title Match

Hghlights:

DJZ took a pre-match advantage, battling the champion on the outside. DJZ got a near fall. DJZ tackled Lee, several times. 2 count. DJZ seemed to have hurt his ankle.. Lee hit a German Throw. Lee almost pinned the injused DJZ. Ankle Snap by Lee. DJZ just kept kicking out. DJZ punched away. DJZ missed the Enziguri but DJZ did roll through to 2 count the champ. Dropkick by DJZ. Jawbreaker by DJZ into a Reverse Rana. Damn that was pretty to watch. Helms got involved. School Boy with tights for Lee to retain the title.

Youer Winner; Treveor Lee
Impact Rating: 1.75

Lee wanted to end DJZ’s career but Andrew Everett came out to destroy Lee and Helms. He beat the crap out of the X champ. Skywalker hit the Shooting Star Press. Sweet!

Maria came up to find Braxton. She wanted to know if he was ready. Braxton tried to object but Maria threatened him with some hidden agenda that he knew all about. The wedding is next. Remember when wrestling was about wrestling?

Next week, Bobby Lashley will fight Josh Barnett for the TNA World Title.

The Wedding

. Mike Bennett was the Best Man and he was already intoxicated (or so it seemed). Rock Star Spud and Aron Rex came out to be part of this wedding. Spud was the Flower Girl for this wedding.

The fans chanted ODB as Laurel came down the ramp. They remember that great wedding of years gone by. Grin. Laurel was pretty but no Allie. Maria had the microphone. Why? Allie was ordered to come out to the ring. Damn, she looked hot as a Las Vegas summer sidewalk. Braxton just glared at the gorgeous blonde. Maria told the padre to get started. The entire audience kept chanting “We Object!” You could barely hear the preacher. Maria told him to hurry it up.

Laurel began to read her vows. She was more interested in money than love. The fans booed like crazy. Braxton s finally allowed to speak and just wanted to move to the next part of the ceremony. The audience started a deafening “We Object” chant. Maria went off on Allie for not taking that part out about anyone objecting. Maria told Allie to bing over the rings. She tripped and dropped them.

The ref asked Laurel if she took Braxton. Of course,she did. Braxton was asked the same. Braxton paused for a long time. Laurel kept screaming for him to say I Do. Braxton stopped when the Just Say No chants broke out. Dramatic Pause. He refused to marry her. Allie smiled and Spud was irate. Braxton didn’t want Laurel for his anything. He finally told her just how much he dislikes her. Braxton refused to let her marry him as he was in love with someone else. Braxton professed his love to Allie (his real life wife). Maria freaked out. Braxton told all of Maria’s plans and said he was tired of these games. He said there was nothing Maria could do about it. Maria fired Allie. Allie screamed that Maria couldn’t fire her because she quit! Maria kicked off her shoes and all Hell broke loose. Braxton took out Mike. Brooke and Robbie E got in on the action. Braxton kissed his love as Laurel had a massive meltdown. Hot Damn! This turned out better than most fights. Josh got ticked off at Pope’s comments and stormed off.

Peace and Love

Jay and Lottie Shannon
JayCShannon@gmail.co

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