A LOOK BACK AT THE HARDY’S SHOWCASING “THE YEAR THAT WAS!”

Posted December 31st, 2016 by 1Wrestling News Team

This week, the Hardys showcased the year that was.

We start at the Hardy Compound.Matt and his crew sang “The 12 Days of Deletion” and they mentioned that Reby is pregnant, again. Matt felt the gender of the newest Hardy member will be announced soon. Matt wanted to look back at 2016, first.

We started the look back with showing a limping Matt Hardy joining his broher in the ring.

Matt Hardy vs Ethan Carter III
World Title Match

Highlights:

The two men slugged it out to open the contest. Matt chunked Ethan to the outside. Matt whipped Ethan into the ring steps. Matt got a two count, once they got back in the ring. Ethan blocked a Twist of Fate but fell to a Side Effect. 2 count. Matt hit a pair of additional Side Effects but still only got a two count. Ethan held the ropes to block the Twist of Fate. TK3s by Ethan. Matt connected with a Twist of Fate. Matt went for a pin but Ethan ws on his stomach. Ethan reversed a Twist of Fate to hit the 1%er. Could be…might be…Denieid!

Twist of Fate, again. 2 count. Matt ran Ethan into the corner and punched away. They fought on the top rope and Ethan hit a 101%er (1%er off the top ropes). Ethan wins the World Title.

Your Winner: Ethan Carter III

After the match, Tyrus attacked Ethan! Tyrus became part of the Hardy Crew.

We are back at the Hardy home. It is a really nice place. Reby and Maxel were thrilled about the new baby on the way. Matt headed over to Jeff’s place. Vanguard One was intoxicated. I’m not sure how you do that to a drone, but these are the Hardys.

Matt Hardy vs Ethan Carter III
Career Threatening Match (for Matt)

Highlights:

Ethan went up onto a ladder and flew onto Matt. That drove Matt through a table. This was Last Man Standing Rules. Twist of Fate, off the apron, putting both men through a different table. The count began on both men. Ethan got up at 9. Matt wrapped a chair around Ethan’s neck and hit a Twist of Fate. Damn! This was the beginning of Matt’s turn to the dark side. Ethan barely got up to his feet. Ethan was spitting up blood. Reby gave Matt a hammer from her diaper bag.

Matt missed with the hammer. Low Blow by Ethan. 1%er. The ref began to count both men down. Tyrus strolled down to the ring. Tyrus got in the ring and looked at Matt and then at Ethan. Ethan smiled but took a Big Ending. The ref counted Ethan as Tyrus and Matt hugged each other. Ethan still survived the 10 count. Ethan told them both to come get him. Ethan took them both out. Matt cracked Ethan in the face with the World title belt. The crowd was losing their minds as this travesty continued to unfold. The ref was counting. He reached 10.

Your Winner (and NEW World Champion): Matt Hardy

We saw a clip of Jeff Hardy hitting the ultimate Swanton onto his brother, 20 feelt below. That sent us to break.

Matt and Senor Benjamin arrived at Jeff’s place. They couldn’t find Jeff, at firs. Vanguard One found Willow and Itch Weeed. So, Jeff Hrdy tries to be the new Mick Foley?

Jeff Hardy vs Matt Hardy
“I Quit” Mtch

Highlights:

Jeff pulled Matt’s arm around the metal barricade. Matt still wouuld not quit. Jeff then Dropkicked the barricade into his brother. Later on, Matt used a chair to attack his brother. He drove it into Jeff’s ribs. Matt put Jeff’s neck into the chair and promised to end his brother. Jeff bit Matt’s thumb to avoid aTwist of Fate. Jeff drove the chair into Matt’s throat. Jeff then hit the back of his brother, over and over, with the chair. They went up the catwalk stairs. Jeff slid down the rail to drive a chair into Matt’s face. Jeff pounded on Matt and put him in place. Jeff headed up a ladder but got caught. Matt and Jeff traded hard punches. Side Effect put Jeff through a railing.

Matt punched his brother but Jeff locked in a modified Kokina Clutch. Matt would not quit. Jeff screamed at his brother to give up. Matt passed out before saying the two words. The ref told Jeff that Matt was out. Jeff refused to stop this massacre. Super Swanton, as I mentioned a moment ago. Lottie couldn’t believe what she just saw. The ref called for medical help. No one said I Quit but Jeff definitely won this one.

Your Winner: Technically, no winner

Matt was completely immobile. Jeff showed signs of being hurt by this crazy match.

Jeff went up top, in the next segment clip, and hit a Swanton onto his brother, on a table…on the floor!

Jeff Hardy vs Matt Hardy
Full Metal Mayhem

Highlights:

Jeff went off on Matt with a garbage can. Jeff used a Slingsht to fly onto his brother and drive him through a table. Matt set up a ladder as Jeff was lying on a table. Matt had the new, twisted look in this one. Jeff got up and fought his brother on the ladder. The ladder fell over and both men hit hte ropes. The two punched away and Jeff hit his trademark Inverted Atomic Drop/Double Leg Drop thing. Twist of Fate by Jeff. Jeff went up for the Swanton. He hit it. 2 count.

Matt was sent out to the floor. Matt attacked his brother and tried to bounce him off a table. Jeff pulled Matt up on the tables. Twist of Fate sent them both through the wood. 2 count. Jeff set Matt on a 2nd table. Jeff did the Swanton that they previewed in the last segment. 1-2-3.

Your Winner: Jeff Hardy

TNA looked at the weird Compound Clash between the two brothers.

Matt Hardy vs Jeff Hardy
Compound Clash

Highlights:

The two brothers fought on Matt’s estate. The lighting was horrible and the music was kind of annoying. Jeff flipped Matt into a trellice and almost pinned him. Matt came back with a Twist of Fate, for two. Matt wore out his brother with a Singapore Cane. Matt cracked Jeff with a laldder and then choked him with it.

Jeff fought back and hit a Twist of Fate. Jeff headed up top for the Swanton. 2 count. Jeff set up the ladder and nailed a Jawbreaker to put Matt into position, on the ladder. Matt climbed a big tree and got ready to fly. Damn, this tackes me back to me and my best childhood friend, Fred, doing stupid crap like this. Of course, we were like 12, then. Jeff flew out of the tree and onto his brother. 2 count, once again. Matt found the infamouse Roman Candle to send fireballs and sparks towards his sibling. Intersting special effect but foolishly dangerous. Matt went looking for his brother. Now this started to look like a Rob Zombie film. Jeff had a Roman Candle for his brother and Matt hauled butt. Matt used his little boat for protection. Lottie “Who writes this crap??” Matt cinched in a Sleeper. They fell into the pond and Jeff disappeared.

Willow came up from the depths to attack Matt witht the Umbrella of Doom. Senor Benamin used the stun gun on Willow to help Matt. Willow was down and Matt appeared to pin his brother. 3 count but when the mask was removed, it was Senor Bejamin under the black and white hood. We kept waiting for Rick Grimes and the Zombie herd to show up.

Matt and Jeff fought in the dirt and Jeff clamped on a Sleeper. Matt punched and such but seemed to pass out. Jeff looked at the Hardy Boyz structure and climbed up top. Reby handed fire to Matt and he set hte structure on fire. Jeff fell off the thing and Matt pinned him.

Your Winner: Matt Hardy

Believe it or not, this was NOT the dumbest match of the year. That would happen at a future point.

Matt came into a warehouse where a ring was set up. Suddenly, I was mentally standing on Wells Avenue, in Reno, looking at a PWD Flashback. Smile. Jeff wanted to leave the past in the past but Matt wouldn’t let it happen. Matt said the Seven Deities came to him to show him the path to Final Deletion. Jeff admitted that his brother made him stronger as Brother Nero. They took a boken table and headed out.

Ok, the zombies are about to show up in the next segment. Somebody call George Romero.

Matt wanted to recreate Brother Nero from something Broken into something useful. Matt knew Jeff had multiple personalities and they were all excellent. Matt returned the soul, sprit and aura of his brother. Matt allowed Jeff to become who he wished to be. Matt called for the Seven Deities to restore Jeff Hady. This was just bizarre.Matt showed he could toss fire and burn up obsolete things.

Decay walked through the blue mists to cut a weird promo. They were coming to the Hardy home to threaten Matt’s family. Matt knew they would show up and lured them away from the house, proper. They ran like Hell away from the Roman Candles. Jeez, do the Hardys own stock in a fireworks company or what? Matt ordered Reby to protect Maxel, at all costs. Joseph Park (Abyss’ alter ego) showed up and got tasered by Senor Benjamin. Crazzy Steve appeared to have been drowned in a pool but he was still very much alive. Rosemary tried to attack Matt, much like a member of the Walking Dead. Matt just avoided being struck by Janice. Jeff took Janice to the ribs. Vanguard One came to aid his master against Steve and Abyss. Even Vanguard One had Roman Candles. Good Lord, this is almos as bad as the film I got for Christmas: Zombies vs Strippers. Hey, don’t judge me. Grin.

Rosemary tired to kidnap Maxel but Vanguard One stopped her, for a moment. Rosemary Misted the drone. Maxel disappeared while Rosie did that. Matt showed up and got rea dy to destroy Matt. Rosemary Misted Matt but he absorbed the mist and sprayed it back at her. That was just gross as Hell. Maxel walked up to his parents. Group Hug. Anyone ever heard of a bad soap opera called Passions? This would fit right in.

The Hardys vs Decay
World Tag Team Match

Highlights:

Reby got Misted. Jeff went to work on Abyss and Matt bounced Steve’s face off the ring apron. Abyss ran Matt into a UHaul truck. Abyss wanted to choke Matt out but Rosemary brought him Janice. Some redneck showed up to fight. Rosemary kicked him in the groin and threw him into bushes. Itch and Willow showed up to battle. Matt threw fire at Abyss and Rosie. Janice was on fire! Matt and Abyss fought in the bed of a moving truck. Vanguard One locked heir path. Vanguard One Misted Rosie.

Back in the arena, Reby Powerbombed Rosemary through a table. In the ring, Steve was placed on another table. Jeff nailed a Swanton off the ladder to put Steve through a table and pin him.

Your Winners (and NEW tag team champs): The Hardys

This was The Great War from Bound for Glory.

For the handful of people who e-mailed me to ask if TNA Impact was done, I’m happy to say that a Live edition will air, next wek. The World, Grand and Tag titles will be on the line.

The Hardy Brothers discussed the gender of the upcoming birth. Matt asked Jeff which he would hope for. Jeff liked both options (boy OR girl). Jeff just wanted it to be healthy.

Apocalypto

This was the worst thing we ever saw on televised wrestling. It was a tag team melee with numerous teams involved. Several wrestlers appeared to be “killed” during the so-called match. This was what had the rumors exploding that TNA was done. The Rock and Roll Express were in it. Three Count (2016 version) showed up. Hurricane made an appearance, as did the wrestler formally known as Hornswoggle. The Roman Candles returned. The Hardys won the thing, whatever it was.

Your Winner: The Hardys

At the end of that ridicuous waste of time, Reby announced her pregnancy. Matt rushed them to the volcano to determine the gender of the child. Blue smoke erupted, so it is a Boy. The Next Generation of Hardy Boys is ready to be born. Vanguard One will be he new baby’s godparent/drone. The whole family was thrilled at the reveal of another new male Hardy.

Whatever.

Peace and Love

–Jay and Lottie Shannon
WordSlingerJay@Gmail.com

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