WHAT HAPPENED, THIS WEEK, @ MONDAY NIGHT RAW

Posted August 25th, 2016 by jshannon

We have a new Universal Chammpion…or do we?

Welcome to Yerington Springs, the new home for our review of Raw (and other shows). Lottie and I are cuddled up on a big comfy couch to watch all the great action.

The show began with highlights from SummerSlam. Lottie was tripped out by Demon King’s look. Smile. Finn hit the Coup de Grace to become the first ever Universal Champion.

Roll the opening montage!

THe live portion of the show starts with Breaking News. Finn Balor’s shoulder was severely injured during the Universal title match. They showed the footage where Finn hit hte barricde and messed up his shoulder. Finn had to pop hi sown shoulder back into place to continue the match. Pain kept getting worse and Finn went for testing. He will be out for somewhere near six months. Finn will have to give up the title.

Stephanie McMahon and Mick Foley were in the ring. They brought out Finn Balor, who had his arm in a sling. He got a monster pop. Finn gave an incredible speech, thanking so many good people (including Seth Rollins). He then relinquished his newly won title. Seth Rollins rushed out to claim the gold. Not gonna happen. Several others also made their way out to lay claim to the brand new championship. Mick and Stephanie talked it over and decidd to set up qualifying matches and the four men who won those matches would battle, next week, to determine the new chmpion.

Sami Zayn vs eth Rollins
Universal Title Qualifying Match

The Finish:

Sami tweaked his ankle on a Float Over. Seth tried to take advantage but it didnt happen. Low Bridge sent Seth to the floor. Flip Dive by Sami. The ankle was badly hurt. Springboard Knee Tremble brought Seth a two count. Sami punched away on Sth. It almost turned into a Hockey Fight. Sami couldn’t hit the Blue Thunder Bomb, due to his ankle. Knife Edge CHops and machine gun elbow by Seth. Seth put Sami up top. Sami used a Headbutt to send Seth off the ropes. Seth ran back up the ropes. Super Powerbomb off the ropes. 1-2-kick out.

Sami blocked hte Pedigree and hit an Exploder into the corner. Sami wante dhte Helluva Kick but Seth hit hte Harley Rac Knee. Seth worked over the bad ankle and put Sami in the Ankle Lock. Sami rolled over to the ropes and then stomped Seth in the face (with the good foot). Sami wanted a Suplex but chouldnt lift him. Pedigree by Seth Rollins!

Your Winner (Advancing): Seth Rollins
Raw Ranking: 3.0 out of a possible 5

We got highlight stills from SummerSlam. The show was insane.

Kevin Owens vs Neville
Universal Title Qualifying Match

The Finish:

Lottie was just so impressed with Neville. This was her first time seeing him in action. She mentioned that it is a crime if this kid isn’t wearing gold in the near future.

Neville avoided the Bull Frog Splash. He then hit a Spinning Corkscrew Moonsult to pull a two. Neville sent Kevin over with a Dead Lif German. Holy crap! Chris Jericho ws out to watch his new BFF, Owens. Neville went up top for the Red rrow. Kevin dodged it nad hit the Superkick. Neville twisted out of the Pop UP Powerbomb. 2 count. Step Up Enziguri by Neville. Jericho distracted Neville. Neville hit a Slider Dropkikck off hte apron. Enziguri by Neville. Neviile went up top but was tripped. Torture Rack Neckbreaker by Owens.

Your Winner (Advancing): Kevin Owens
Raw Ranking: 3.0

New Day was partying backstage. They retained the tag belts, on Sunday.

Kofi, Big E and Xavier brought the Booty-O Bash out to the ring. New Day has reached the one year anniversary of being tag champions. Big E is back about a brief bout with RIngpost-itis. Kofi said New Day was magical. The fans popped big for the idea of New Day being on top for a solid year. Kofi gave eh fans credit for New Days success. Xavier showed off a Unicorn Pinata. It was filled with…Booty Os!

The party came ot a stop when Anderson and Gallows came out. They have new matching robes. Karl Anderson felt this whole thing was stupid. It may be, but it is fun. Smile. New Day lost the match, last night, but he titles are still with The Unicorn Posse. Luke Gallows said Karl Anderson was about to dismantle Big E. Big E cut Karl off, mid-speech. He got the “New Day Rocks” chant going.

Karl Anderson vs Big E

The Finish:

Karl stomped away, in the corner. Xavier and Kofi encouraged their companion. Big E began to punc the ribs. Lift Drop to send Karl over the top rope. Luke took out Kofi and Xavier. Karl drove his knee into Big Es face. Luke ot on the apron but Kori and Woods took him out. Big E caught Karl and put him down with the Big Ending!

Your Winner: Big E
Raw Ranking: 2.5

Raw showed the debut of the Dudley Boyz, back in 1999. Bubba Ray and D’Von are going to retire, tonight. Say it aint so…

Titus O’Neil cut one of hte worse promos that I’ve heard. He stumbled over just about every line. All steak…no sizzle. Titus tried to discuss dropping the Dead Weight of Darren Young. He wanted to fight his old partner. Darren started talking trash about Bob Backlund. THe former 2 time champ came out and put Titus in the Crossface Chicken Wing! SWEET! Titus got free and stomped away. Huge Slam to Backlund. Darren Young rushe dout to protect his mentor. Darren suffered the Clash of the Titus. Titus stinks as a Heel. You need to be able to cut a promo to be an effective Heel. Im just saying…

Stephanie McMahon was interviewed about Brock Lesnar’s actions at SummerSlam. Befo she spoke, they showed high—make that Lowlights—of that massacre of Randy Orton. Brock went way too far, including attacking Shane McMhon. Brock won by TKO. Stephanie said there would be consquences for Crossing the Line.

Rusev has bad ribs. The US title match between him and Roman Reigns never happened. Roman just about destroyed Rusev’s ribs.

Rusev vs Big Cass
Universal Title Qualifying Match

The FInish:

Cass worked over Rusev’s ribs, all through the match.. Rusev rolled out of the ring to avoid the Empire Elbow. THe fight went tothe floor. Rusev was sent into the steps, ribs first. Cass threw Rusev back in the ring. Running Thrust Kick but Cass came right back to drop the big Bulgarian. Rusev looked to be taking the count out loss.

Your Winner (Advancing by Count Out): Big Cass
Raw Ranking: 1.0

Chris JEricho and Kevin Owens were interviewed. PHil drove a bit of a wedge between the Canadian Brothers by bringing up the possibility of Jericho and Owens fiighting each other in next weeks Fatal Four Way.

Charlotte and Dana Brooke came out to the ring. Charlotte beat Sasha Banks to start her 2nd title run. Sashas injured lower back made all the difference in that title match. Dana was doing the cheerleader bit. Charlotte claimed she was the greatest female athlete in the world. Charlotte was proud that she won the title without any help. Charlotte mocked Sasha for not being able to be there. She told Sasha never to return.

Mick Foley interrupted Charlottes little party. He had a little surprise for the Queen. He wanted her to meet the next contender for the championship (and NEWEST member of the Raw Roster)….BAYLEY. Little Davina Rose finally gets her time in the brightest of spotlights.

I was an original member of the Hugger Squad. Got hugged by her way back around 2010. Smile. Bayley handed out headbands and danced around. Bayley was so nervous as she cut her first Raw promo. “You Deserve It’ rang out. Yes, little lady, you so do. Bayley waned to hug Mick. Bayley did the Foley Pop and then hugged the GM. Charlotte mocked Mick for putting Bayley on the roster.Charlotte made fun of “Miss Left Behind”. Bayley threw out a challenge for the Women’s title. Charlotte said Bayley would have to earn a shot. Charlotte put Bayley against Dana.

Bayley vs Dana Brooke

The Finish:

Bayley kickd out of a pin and began to punch the ribs. Bayley ran Dana into the corne rnad hit Shoulders. Cute Butt Bash by Bayley. Corkscrew Elbow off he ropes. Bayley to Belly!

Your Winner: Bayley
Raw Ranking: 2.0

Roman Reigns walked backstage. He was asked about his upcoming match. Roman was amused that Jericho was running his mouth. He promised to shut Chris’ mouth.

The Cruiserweights arrive on Raw on September 19th.

The Sheamus vs Cesaro Best of Seven series was analyzed. Sheamus took the first match, at SummerSlam. Sheamus was interviewed. Lottie always smiles when she sees the Celtic Warrior. Sound I be jealous? Nah! Sheamus was determined to take out Cesaro, quickly. Sheamus insulted all the sports teams in the New York area. Sheamus was confident that he would be a winner.

Braun Strowman vs Johnny Knockout

Johnny said he liked big sweaty men. Ewww (Lottie’s comments and I echo them). Johnny dodged Brauna nd kicked away. Braun hit a vicious Clothesline. Braun cluubbed the upper back. Johnny was thrown into the corner. Corner Splash by Braun. Reverse Chokeslam.

Your Winner: Braun Strowman
Raw Ranking: 1.0

Braun picked up Johnny and hit a version of hte Big Ending. Braun demanded another 3 count, which he got.

We saw the return of the Dudley Boys, last year. They say their good-byes, next.

Bubba Ray and DVon came out to say their good-byes. They talked history and mentioned being in their own backyard. Suddenly, Epico and Primo showed up. Why? The Shining Stars felt the Dudley Boys were all washed up. The fans began to chant for tables. Epico and Primo said they had tickets for the Dudleys to head to Puerto Rico. This segment so sucked. Thankfully, the Dudleys kicked Primo and Epico’s butts. 3D and Wazzup! “D’Von, Get the Tables!” He did. Anderson and Gallows jumped the Dudleys. Magic Killer to Bubba Ray, on the floor. The table stood alone in the ring. D’Von tried to fight but got double teamed. Magic Killer to put D’Von through the table. I won’t repeat what Lottie just called Karl and Luke because this IS a family friendly site. Smile.

Chris Jericho vs Roman Reigns
Univesal Title Qualifying Match

THe FInish:

Jericho kicked out after taking a Superman Punch. Roman set for the Spear but Jericho kicked him in the face. Roman blocked the Code Breaker into the Sit OUt Powerbomb. 2 count. KEvin Owens rushed out to distract Roman. Roll Up but ROman got out and hit another Superman Punch. Jericho caught Roman, running in, nad went into the Walls of Jericho. They were dead in the middle of the ring. Roman powered up and crawled towards the ropes. He forced the break. Kevin popped Roman in the face. Code Breaker. 1-2-kick out!

Kevin screamed t Jericho to “Do It!” Chris slapped Roman in the face, which ticked off the big Samoan. Roman slapped back, over nad over. Superman Punch to Owens. Spear! to Jericho.

Your Winner (Advancing): Roman Reigns
Raw Ranking: 3.0

Peace and Love

–Jay Shannon and Lottie Smith
WordSlingerJay@Gmail.com

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