WHAT HAPPENED, THIS WEEK, @ IMPACT WRESTLING

Posted June 1st, 2016 by jshannon

TNA is marching towards Slammiversary. Welcome to “Pick Your Poison”. More on that in a bit…

Dixie Carter said it was time to regain control of TNA. Dixie brought in a mystery person to put everyone in their place. Interesting.

TNA then looked at Jeff Hardy winning his match with Matt Hardy. Ethan Carter III faced Matt Hardy. Ethan had to win by pinfall or submission to get Mike Bennett. Since he didn’t, Mike has denied Ethan his desired rematch.

The Bennetts made their way to the ring. Mike wasn’t impressed that Dixie has called in help to keep people in check. Mike knew it wasn’t him or his lovely wife, Maria. Maria took the stick and said she should be in charge. Mike said THEY should be in charge. Mike asked the person to come and join them…

Ethan Carter III strolled from the back. EC3 is now in control of things. You just know this ain’t going to be good for the Bennetts. Ethan was upset that Mike did him wrong on their deal. Ethan made it official that Mike WOULD face him, at Slammiversary. Ethan gave Mike the night off to be sure he was at 100% for their epic rematch. Mike screamed about how much he helps the ratings of Impact. Mike decided to take the night off. Mike thought he was going home but Ethan had a Blue Collar Plan for Mike. Kenny brought out a mop bucket so Mike could clean toilets and other stuff related to Taco Tuesday.

Ethan then stated he was going to do a Job Evaluation, with the help of Gail Kim. If Maria fails, she will be fired. Ethan then ordered Mike and Maria to get out of the ring. Mike refused to go. Ethan was ready to kick Mike’s *ss if he didn’t get out of the ring, right now. Mike then did the typical outted bully thing of “I’m leaving because I WANT TO”. The crowd the “Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye” chant.

Bobby Lashley then came out to talk with Ethan. Bobby knew he and Ethan will fight, sooner or later. Ethan didn’t back up a step. He called out Drew Galloway.

Pick Your Poison: Drew and Bobby will choose opponents for the other person. Drew and Bobby can’t refuse to accept the opponent.

Mike was whining in the bathroom. Takes me back to my favorite classic vignette between “Gorgeous” Jimmy Garvin and Sunshine and David Von Erich.

Back in the arena, Drew announced BRAM as Bobby Lashley’s opponent.

Bobby Lashley vs Bram
Non-Title Match

Bram’s King of the Mountain title was NOT on the line. Pope was thrilled to see Bobby have to face the crazed Brit, Bram. The two circled each other. Collar and Elbow and both men held their ground. Hocky Fight! Bram took Bobby to the corner and wailed away. Bobby turned things around and brutalized the Brit. Bram took back control with sheer violence towards the former World Champion. Bram kicked away. The ref pulled Bram back and Bobby used the opening to level Bram.

Bobby clubbed Bram in the face, over nad over. Bram came off the ropes with Clotheslines. Bobby went to the floor. The fight went to the floor. Bobby threw Bram back in and worked him over. Bobby drove his knee into Bram’s back. Bram kicked Bobby in the face and then clocked him with a Flying Knee. Bobby blocked Brighter Side of Suffering and Bram avoided the Spear. Huge Clothesline by Bobby. Bobby went out to the floor and found a chair. Bobby bashed and battered Bram with the steel chair, pulling the DQ. Earl hebner took the chair away from Bobby. Spear to Bram!

Your Winner (by Disqualification): Bobby Lashley
Impact Scorecard: 2.0

Bobby hit a second Spear on Bram. He then poised and waited. Drew Galloway rushed in to send Bobby out of the ring. Drew had a chair in hand and tried to hit Bobby, over the ropes. Drew chased Bobby all the way out of the arena.

Suddenly, E-Li Drake came from the back. He cashed in Feast of Fired.

E-Li Drake vs Bram
King of the Mountain Title Match

Bram kicked out of the pin attempt. Drake worked over the ribs and hit a Rolling Belly to Belly. 1-2-3!

Your Winner (and NEW King of the Mountain Champion): E-Li Drake
Impact Scorecard: .25

The BroMans discussed their Guru, Raquel. She came up, looking seriously hot. She said they needed to focus to become the best. She was wearing a smoldering gold bikini. DAMN!

Ethan was back to check the bathroom. Ethan was happy to see the progress that Ethan has made. Earl Hebner came in and called Mike “An *ss**le”. Ethan had another task for Mike. Ethan asked Earl to get Mike a ref’s shirt. Mike will be the Zebra in Charge of the next match.

There will be a contract signing between Matt and Jeff Hardy…next.

Drake walked around backstage, crowing about his championship win. He shared champagne with a few people. He was mostly being a jerk to everyone in sight.

We then went to the Matt Hardy Estate. Matt wanted the document signing forever chronicled on film. Matt wanted all to see it.

Rock Star Spud and Tyrus vs The BroMans (w/Raquel)
Special Guest Ref: “Miracle” Mike Bennett

The winner of this match will get a tag team title shot, at Slammiversary. Robbie E and Jessie Godderz seemed so much more confident with the purple-haired Guru at their sides. Spud darted around and got grabbed by Jessie. Spud used a Back Elbow to get free. Spud wanted a tag but was too far away. Huge Dropkick to Spud. Tyrus finally got the tag. Tyrus did Push Ups on Robbie’s back. T-Bone Suplex to Robbie. Spud tagged back in and tried for a pin. He only got a two. Robbie faked a hair pull but fell to the Tyrus Side Drop Slam. Tag to Jessie, finally. Raquel flirted with Tyrus. Spud begged his partner to get away from the manager/guru. The BroMans worked over the opponents. BroDown into the Adonis Crab. Tap Out but Mike wouldn’t make the call. Eventually, Mike called for the bell.

Your Winners (by Submission): The BroMans
Impact Scorecard: 2.0

Maria was on the phone to Billy Corgan. She was whining about how things were going but Ethan came up and hung up Maria’s phone. Ethan was about to bring both Gail and Maria to the ring to sort out their issues, next.

Jeff Hardy arrived at the Matt Hardy Compound.

Maria and Allie and Sienna strolled to the ring. Allie squeaked about how Maria needed her associates. Ethan dismissed both Allie and Sienna. Maria tried to go off on Ethan but he wasn’t backing up. Ethan knew Sienna and Allie were her girls. Ethan stuck to his guns that he wanted Allie and Sienna to go. They left. Maria said she was doing a wonderful job as the person in control of the Knockouts. Ethan disagreed with her. Ethan said the final decision would be made by Gail Kim.

Maria knew that the wrestlers should never be in charge. Ethan reminded Maria that she put her hands on Gail, first. Ethan could fire Maria but decided to allow Gail to make the final decision. Gail proposed that they have a match, at Slammiversary. Gail knew the fans wanted that. Maria reminded Gail that Maria was the leader. Ethan stopped her and would not allow her to refuse the match. Ethan made the match: Maria Kanellis-Bennett vs Gail Kim! Maria said Gail would have the worst night of her life at Slammiversary. Maria promised to kick Gail’s *ss.

Ethan then had an idea. He put Gail and her partner, JADE, against Sienna and Allie. That was on deck.

Jade and Gail Kim vs Allie and Sienna

Allie whined and whimpered about not being ready to wrestle. Ethan had Maria join him to watch this massacre. Gail rocked Allie with several shots and then ran her into the corners. This was so pathetic to watch. The fans chanted for Jade to get in the match. Allie finally reached her partner.

Sienna was much more capable than Allie. Tag to Jade. Jade whipped Gail into Sienna. Bridging German Suplex to Sienna. Allie tried to get involved. That allowed Sienna to drop Gail. Corner Shoulders by Sienna. Stall Brainbuster by Sienna but she only got a two. Sienna punched away on Gail and hit a wild Clothesline. Allie came in to help Sienna. Allie almost pinned Gail Kim. Gail kicked away and Allie did the cockroach run. Lung Blower by Gail to Sienna. Wild Dropkick and Pele Kick by Jade to Sienna. Two count.

Missile Dropkick by Jade. Allie made the save. Allie was tagged in. Allie tried to talk with Jade but got blasted with punches and kicks. Sienna tried for her finisher but Fail rushed in to hit Eat da Feet. Jade hit he Package Piledriver on Allie, who got accidentally tagged in.

Your Winners: Jade and Gail Kim
Impact Scorecard: 1.75

Reby said she was done with this entire Hardy feud. She got in a car, with the baby, and took off. Matt was playing the piano, in the house. Matt knew Jeff wanted Matt to sign the contract. Matt invited Jeff to follow him to “where it all began”.

Maria was still throwing a fit at ringside. Mike Bennett came down to join her in a Pity Party. Mike screamed and complained about how they have been mistreated. Ethan said Mike would actually get to wrestle, tonight. Ethan brought out…”Cowboy” James Storm! Storm came out on the Boozer Cruiser. Yeah!

James Storm vs Mike Bennett

Storm Hip Tossed Mike, who wrestled in street clothes. James clocked Mike with a straight fist to the face. Maria was freaking out. Back Elbow by Mike. He then dropped Storm with a Clothesline. Mike ran James into the corner and kicked away at him. Whip and Corner Clothesline by Mike. Mike did the same to another corner and dropped Storm with a Running Boot. Mike took Storm down and worked on the neck. Storm powered up to his feet. Storm Elbowed free but Mike pulled Storm down by the hair. Storm retreated to the corner.

Mike worked over Storm’s neck. Snap Suplex by Mike to draw a deuce. Mike went back into the Rear Chin Lock. Storm took Mike to the corner. That seemed to tick off Mike. He cracked Storm with hard blows. Storm opened up on Mike with a Flying Forearm and Inverted Atomic Drop. Storm rushed the corner and hit an Apron Enziguri. Calf Wrangler (Sling Blade) by Storm. Mike kicked Storm in the chest. Storm quickly came back with a Side Russian Leg Sweep. Eye of the Storm! 2 count. Calf Wrangler and Lung Blower by Storm. Maria was going postal at ringside. She got on the apron with a beer bottle. Maria gave Storm the bottle. Mike used a School Boy to pin the distracted James Storm.

Your Winner: “Miracle” Mike Bennett
Impact Scorecard: 2.5

Ethan then got on the microphone. He said he would be the Devil to Mike’s God. Ethan threw it back to Storm, who hit the Last Call Superkick!

Al Snow knew the fans were proud of him for taking back control of professional wrestling. Snow pushed his training academy in London, England. Al introduced his Tribunal…Baron Dax and Basile Baraka (someone has been playing Mortal Kombat, I guess). Smile. Snow said he was taking back the steering wheel and running wrestling the way it should be. Snow showed how he defeated Grado with a single wrestling move.

Snow was cut off by some cool music. Grado and Mahabali Shera came out. Grado called Al Snow a liar. Grado knew Snow jumped him from behind and used a fanny pack to bash him. Grado asked for the full footage by shown. That showed the attack by The Tribunal and the use of a weapon. Grado and Shera rushed the ring to fight Dax and Baraka. Snow came back in with a steel chair to destroy Grado and Shera. Snow had his forces do their best to destroy the upstart youngsters.

TNA interviewed Braxton Sutter, formerly known as Pepper Parks. Braxton discussed his lifelong love of wrestling.

Jeff and Matt Hardy went to the old ring that they started at. More on them in a few minutes…

Drew Galloway vs Abyss and Rosemary and Crazzy Steve (Decay)
3-on-1 Handicap Non-Title Match

The bell rang and all three Decay members looked ready to go. Steve and Abyss jumped Drew. He fought them. When Rosemary got on Drew, Drew held back. Steve got dropped on the guard rail and then Knife Edge Chopped to the ends of the Earth. Rosie jumped on Drew’s back. He shrugged her off. Abyss rushed in to attack Drew. Abyss threw Drew over the ring steps. Steve dove onto Drew. Rosie shrieked at Drew. Daffney did that so much better. Grin. Abyss sent Drew into the ring post. That was the sickest thud that I’ve heard in forever.

Abyss pitched Drew back in the ring. Steve ripped at Drew’s head with brutal Crossfaces. Tag back to Abyss. Drew was exhausted but not quite ready to give it up. Drew kicked and chopped away. Abyss threw Drew into the corner and hit a huge Splash. Abyss mocked Drew, asking him to get up. Abyss twisted Drew’s neck, sideways. Drew fought up to face Abyss. Drew threw all he had at Abyss. A hard knee stopped him. Drew dropped both Abyss and Steve. Drew refused to fight Rosemary but he sure kicked the stuffing out of both of his other opponents. Overhead Belly to Belly by Drew to Steve. Rosie jumped on Drew. He thought about hitting a Future Shock DDT but turned to take out Steve. Drew set for the Claymore. Abyss caught Drew and hit the Chokeslam. 1-2-Kick Out!

Rosemary found Janice, under the ring. Bobby Lashley rushed the ring. He went to Spear Drew but hut Abyss. Claymore to Steve. Future Shock DDT to Steve.

Your Winner: Drew Galloway
Impact Scorecard: 2.5

We finished up back in Cameron, NC. Matt and Jeff walked to the ring where they started. Matt wanted to sign the contract but Jeff just wanted to fight, now. Reby came in to distract Jeff. Matt attacked his brother. Matt did a Side Effect to put Jeff onto the hard wood table. Matt claimed that it was over with Brother Nero. Done.

Peace

–Jay Shannon
WordSlingerJay@Gmail.com

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