WHAT HAPPENED, THIS WEEK, @ WWE’S MONDAY NIGHT RAW

Posted May 31st, 2016 by jshannon

John Cena is back. What are his plans? And what’s up with the McMahon siblings?

Happy Memorial Day to our Veterans. I’ve been blessed to have 3 generations of military men in my family.

Everyone on the roster stood on the stage. Lilian Garcia asked everyone to stand for the Ringing of the Bell. I’m sorry but that is something very special to wrestling performers that have passed on. I can understand showing honor and respect but that was WRONG. Raw then went into a video package about veterans who gave their lives for the country.

Roll the opening montage!

Raw was live from Green Bay, WI. Shane McMahon danced his way out to greet the locals and the home audience. Stephanie then joined her brother in the ring. Stephanie just knew her big brother wasn’t going to do this opening segment without her. Shane suggested that Steph should keep quiet so he could pull some serious sound from the crowd. Shane said July 19th would be when Smackdown would go LIVE, every week, on the USA Network. Stephanie just could not pull a decent response from the crowd. John Cena did get a massive round of boos.

New Day interrupted the McMahons to bring the crowd to their feet. Xavier Woods said New Day was impressed that Smackdown was going live. Big E liked the idea of doing two live shows, each week. Kofi sent it to some Social Media pieces about the return of the (SHUDDER) New Brand Extension. I freaking HATED the Brand Extension, the first time around, and I can’t believe they are doing that crap, again. Kofi said the New Day was all about the New Era. Woods and Big E joked about how long Kofi has been in the WWE. New Day wondered where they would be going. Stephanie said no decisions have been made, just yet. New Day accused Stephanie of dodging the question. Kofi< Xavier and Big E were concerned about the possibility of being split up as a unit. Breaking up New Day would be so foolish!

New Day then wanted to know who would be running Smackdown. Stephanie said the decision was still pending. New Day had the McMahons do a Dance off. The lights went all funky as the Vaudevillains made their arrival. Shane did get to dance and did ok.

Aiden English and Simon Gotch vs New Day
Non-Title Match

Unicorn Stampede on English. Gotch grabbed Kofi’s ankle to distract Kingston. Aiden attacked and beat down on the tag champ. English Back Stomped on Kofi and then tagged in Gotch. Simon nailed a wicked Uppercut and then tagged in Aiden. 2 count. Simon came back into the match and continued the beat down on Kofi. He only pulled a two count.

Kofi tried to slide under Gotch but Simon held the foot. Kofi dove for the corner but couldn’t make it to Big E. Raw cut to commercial.

The New Day team was still being brutalized by Gotch and English. Kofi was desperate to reach his partner. Big E finally got the tag and hit a pair of Belly to Booty Throws. Rolling Belly to Booty to English. Big Splash by Big E. Anderson and Gallows came out of nowhere and jumped Xavier Woods. The ref called the match.

Your Winner: Match Thrown Out
Raw Ranking: 1.75

Gotch and English left the ring to allow Anderson and Gallows to nail the Magic Killer. All three members of New Day were laid out.

Luke and Karl were walking, backstage. They were asked about what just happened. Luke and Karl wanted to make sure everyone knows that they were just getting started.

The announcers then looked at Sheamus’ attack on Apollo Crews, from last week. Crews was irate and then talked with Big Show. Show said he didn’t come there to fight. Crews said he didn’t want to have to hurt Show. Show knew Crews waned to kick Sheamus’ arse. Show admitted that he liked Crews and his potential. Show explained that Sheamus was in “panic mode” to keep the new kids from taking his spot. Show warned Crews not to back down from Sheamus.

The Golden Truth (Goldust and R-Truth) came out to the ring. I’m not too thrilled with the new rap thing. They will be on commentary for the next match, right after this.

Jimmy and Jey Uso vs Fandango and Tyler Breeze (Breezango)

Michael Cole sent it to an insert video from Breezango. I hate that team name, seriously. Tyler and Fanny insulted Goldy and Truth.

Knife Edges to Tyler. Jimmy went off on both opponents and then tagged in Jey. Knife Edge and punches by Fandango, who became legal. Spin Kick by Uso. Tyler pulled Jimmy off the apron, twice. Flying Crucifix Backslide to take the win.

Your Winners: The Usos
Raw Ranking: 1.0

That was just boring.

Breezango came out and got into it with the Golden Truth. Snap Powerslam by Goldy to Tyler. Golden Truth slid in the ring and challenged their current arch-rivals.

Michael Cole pushed the return of Seth Rollins. Seth nailed a Pedigree, on Roman, at Extreme Rules. Seth will get his shot to regain the title that he never lost. Roman will talk about the attack on him, next.

Raw pushed Camp WWE. That show is just dumb. I’ve tried watching a couple of episodes and it’s like an animated version of Jackass. Lord knows I hate that waste of time. Most of the stuff on the WWE Network is interesting but that show should be buried next to Jason Voorhees at Summer Camp. Only it would not be back for sequels.

Roman Reigns came out to an exceptionally hostile greeting. Roman soaked in the boos and waited. Roman mentioned how Seth broke up The Shield and claimed to be “The Man”. Roman accused Seth of running from “The Guy”. Roman invited Seth to come out and face him.

He got what he wanted and the crowd went wild. Seth took his time coming down to the ring. The fans got bored with it and started to boo Seth. Rollins headed back up the ramp. Get on with it, already! Some great stars miss TV time so this two Ham and Eggers can work the crowd. Seth rushed towards the ring, stopped, backed up, rushed, stopped, etc… YAWN!

Seth found a microphone but dropped it and walked to the back. What the HELL was all that about? Good Lord. Oh wait, Seth rushed back down and stopped short. Where is my camo blankie and travel pillow? Putting head down on desk until this waste of time is done.

Well, that was 10 minutes that I will NEVER get back.

They ran a teaser trailer for WWE 2k17. Goldberg is a DLC for this one. I have 13 and 14, already, and barely get the time to play them.

Raw ran a promo for “Warcraft”. Not a movie that has me wanting to rush out. I do want to see XMen: Apocalypse.

Lana came out to introduce her man, Rusev. Rusev is the new United States Champion. JBL pushed the new DVD about het US championship. I may add that one to my collection, soon. It looks great.

Rusev vs Zack Ryder
Non-Title Match

Zack did an insert video about still being hungry for gold. Zack wanted to prove that he belongs in the WWE.

Ryder punched away but took a knee to the ribs. Suplexes by the big Bulgarian. Rusev stomped away at his foe. Hard Whip by Rusev. Zack kicked and punched the champion but took a Clothesline to put him on his back. Rear Chin Lock by Rusev. The fans chanted for Ryder. Rusev threw a knee into Zack. Double Knees and Missile Dropkick by Ryder. Zack threw a flurry of Forearms and nailed the Broski Boot, twice. 1-Kickout.

Zack missed the Rough Ryder and Rusev clamped on the Accolade. Tap Out!

Your Winner (by Submission): Rusev
Raw Ranking: 2.0

Rusev got on the house mic to share his thoughts. He insulted Zack and all other Americans. Rusev felt he was what America SHOULD be all about. He was cut off by the arrival of Titus O’Neil. He’s been on the shelf since he ticked off Vince McMahon. Titus read Rusev the Riot Act about disrespecting the USA on Memorial Day. Titus said Americans fight for what they believe in. Titus called Rusev a “Bulgarian Blowhard” and then knocked Rusev on his butt! Titus wanted to fight but Rusev stayed clear of the ring.

Epico and Primo discussed Puerto Rico, again. They invited everyone to come to Puerto Rico. No, thank you. Poland, Yes. England or Ireland, yeppers. Puerto Rico, not on my Bucket List. Sorry.

Raw showed the disturbing break up of Charlotte and her daddy, Ric, from last week. I don’t have any kids but I can empathize with Ric for being kicked in the face by his beloved daughter. JBL said Charlotte’s actions were disgraceful. I have to agree.

Stephanie McMahon commented on Charlotte’s behavior. Stephanie was embarrassed that Charlotte was representing the Women’s division. Stephanie really ripped into Charlotte and told her to shut her mouth. Steph called Charlotte “A waste of Talent”. Damn.

Raw did a Highlight Reel about John Cena. It was an ad for the new Collections segment on WWE Network. Cool.

SWEET! Enzo Amore and Big Cass made their way out. Those two are Gold on the microphone. Enzo pushed the Packers. They talked trash to the Dudley Boyz. Enzo called themselves Muscles Marinara (Enzo) and Don Parmesan (Big Cass). Cass spelled out “S-A-W-F-T”, which is what they felt the Dudleys were.

The Dudley Boys vs Colin “Big Cass” Cassidy and Enzo Amore

Cass opened up against Bubba Ray. This was Enzo’s first match since his concussion. Collar and Elbow and both men stood their ground. Bubba smacked Cass and Colin went back to the Collar and Elbow. Tag to D’Von. He clubbed away on Cass. Bubba tagged back in and they Double Teamed Cass, almost. Cass hit a Double Clothesline and then worked over Bubba. Tag to Enzo.

Double Team on both Dudleys. Big Boot by Cass. Bubba hit the floor and Enzo danced around. Time for another break.

The Dudleys had gained control, during the break. D’Von took down Enzo with a European Uppercut. Scoop Slam and Bubba tagged back in. Spinning Elbow Drop brought Bubba a two. Crossfaces by Bubba. Enzo kicked Bubba and dove for his corner. He came up short. Enzo went for a Sunset Flip but couldn’t’ get Bubba over. Bubba tried to Bombs Away but Enzo moved. D’Von was now legal and he worked over the little loud mouth, Enzo.

Enzo punched away but D’Von laid him out. Bubba Ray took the tag and walked around looking at Enzo. Bubba mocked his foe and then blasted Enzo. Dropkick by Enzo to a distracted Bubba Ray. Tag to Big Cass and then one to D’Von. Cass hit a wild Corner Splash. Scoop Slam and Empire Elbow by Cass. D’Von clubbed Cass’s back and tagged in Bubba. Inverted 3D but Cass still had some left in the tank. Bubba went up top and Enzo distracted Bubba. Rocket Launcher by Cass. Running Boot by Cass. Tag to Enzo. Rocket Launcher sent Enzo onto D’Von.

Your Winners: Enzo Amore and Big Cass
Raw Ranking: 3.0

Sami Zayn talked with his partners about he Six Man Match. Sami will team with Dean Ambrose and Cesaro to face Kevin Owens, Alberto Del Rio Chris Jericho. Dean kept making derogatory comments about Canadians without realizing that Sami is from Canada.

It was about time for John Cena’s return.

John Cena’s music hit and the 15-time World Champion returned! John jogged his way down to the ring. The reaction was somewhat mixed, but mostly positive. John said to all nations that we will pay any price, support any friend and confront any foe for liberty. That got a “USA” chant going. John discussed brave heroes who have fallen. After some more patriotic rambling, John wondered if he still belonged. John was aware of the New Era. John was pretty sure that his time was winding down. John quoted one of my favorite poems when he mentioned not going gently into that good night. John said the new era would have to go through him!

Enter A.J. Styles! Holy Moses, that’s a match I want to see! The fans were definitely divided in their loyalties. The fans were so loud that neither A.J. nor John could speak. Styles finally spoke. Styles admitted that he had been waiting for this moment for a very long time. John knew the fans had been waiting for it, as well. Styles was there to welcome back Cena, a man that he had a ton of respect for.

As they shook hands, Styles and Cena were interrupted by Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows. Luke accused Styles of “sucking up” to Cena. Karl reminded everyone that they were there to Kick *ss not Kiss it. Karl and Luke said they had their sights set on Styles. Suddenly, Styles, Gallows and Anderson jumped Cena! Big Boot by Gallows. This was ridiculous. Karl and Styles took turns working over John. The Club proved that they had never actually split up. Styles just kept running back in and beating on John Cena.

Natalya vs Dana Brooke (w/Charlotte)

Raw looked at how Dana cost Nattie the Women’s title at Extreme Rules.

Natalya ripped into Dana with wild punches. Snap Suplex by Nattie Neidhart. The ref had to pull Nattie back. That allowed Dana to hit a cheap shot. Charlotte slapped Nattie in the face as the ref was looking the other way. Cartwheel Splash by Dana. Nattie smacked Charlotte but paid for it. Weak Michinoku Driver but it was enough.

Your Winner: Dana Brooke
Raw Ranking: .5

Charlote and Dana continued to assault Nattie, after the match. Knife Edge Chop as Dana held Nattie. Becky Lynch rushed own at warp speed to stop this insanity. Dana and Charlotte took off into the crowd.

Dolph Ziggler was interviewed about his Extreme Rules match against Baron Corbin. Baron used a Low Blow (which was completely legal) to win the match. Last week, Dolph challenged Baron to an actual wrestling match. Dolph pushed his amateur career. Dolph said he was now “The Man of 1005 Moves”. He did pay tribute to Chris Jericho and Dean Malenko. Dolph was ready to steal the show, one more time.

Baron Corbin vs Dolph Ziggler

The announcers talked about Dolph’s amateur career at Kent State. Dolph put on head gear before th match got rolling. He even inserted the mouthpiece. Baron looked confused. Dolph kicked Baron right in the crotch!

Your Winner (by Disqualification): Baron Corbin
Raw Ranking: .25

Dolph took the stick and said he might have lost the match but Baron was the true loser.

Maryse introduces her husband, The Miz. Miz was pushing “Marine V”. Miz showed off his Intercontinental title belt. Miz will be giving us video updates from the film set.

Kevin Owens, Alberto Del Rio and Chris Jericho grumbled, backstage. Alberto wanted to lead their trio. Jericho reminded Del Rio that Chris invented the concept of Money in the Bank. Chris wanted to take out the three opponents so they would not be able to compete at Money in the Bank.

Chris Jericho, Kevin Owens and Alberto Del Rio vs Sami Zayn, Cesaro and Dean Ambrose
Six Man Tag Team Match

Alberto sent Cesaro flying with a Suplex. Uppercut Train left the station and all three of Cesaro’s foe got to feel the effect. Cannonball, off the apron, by Cesaro. Cesaro Swing to Alberto aborted when Del Rio got to the ropes. Cesaro was thrown out to the floor. Jericho and Owens worked over eh Swiss Superman. Del Rio hit an Ax Bomber to Cesaro but only drew a two. Rear Chin Lock by Del Rio.

Cesaro battled away but took a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker. Knife Edge Chops by Jericho, who had tagged in. Owens and Del Rio worked over Cesaro. Cesaro came back with a European Uppercut. Jericho kicked away on Cesaro. Jericho worked over Cesaro’s weak arms. The fans started chanting “Stupid Idiot” towards Jericho. Owens became legal and hit an Enziguri. Cesaro blocked a Suplex and hit a Stall version of the same move. That was impressive to watch. Tag to Sami. Sami Shouldered Del Rio and then went after Owens. Sami blasted away at Del Rio. Sami knocked Jericho off he apron. Flying Crossbody by Sami, from the ropes. 2 count. Del Rio barely escaped the Helluva Kick. All Hell broke loose as Dean rushed in and used a La Bandera to send Jericho to the floor> Sami hit a Tope Con Hilo. The good guys were in control as Raw took another break.

Sami was fighting with Kevin, as we turned. Owens dropped Sami over the top rope and then hit a Backsplash Senton. Tag to Del Rio. Alberto kicked away at Sami and then sat him on the top rope. Del Rio dropped Sami into the Sullivan Tree of Woe. Sami did get free but Alberto put him in a Rear Chin Lock. Jericho made himself legal and choked Sami on the middle rope. Jericho bashed Sami’s back. Jericho messed up the Skidmark and hurt his knee. Sami inched towards his corner. Dean was energetic about wanting in the match. Jericho blocked Sami’s progress.

Knife Edge Chop by Jericho but Sami came back with hard Forearms. Sami reversed a Whip but took a boot to the jaw. Blue Thunder Bomb by Sami! Tag to Dean. Dean tore through Jericho. Jericho wanted an Ax Bomber but didn’t get it. Jericho did block the Dirty Deeds finisher. Dean got the knees up as Jericho went for the Lionsault. Suicide Dive by Dean. Dean went up top and waited. Standing Savage Elbow but Alberto made the save. Dean pitched Alberto out of the ring. Dean blocked the Code Breaker, at first. As Dean came off the ropes with the Rebound ClotheslineChris hit the Code Breaker. Kevin tagged himself in. Cesaro also came in and put Jericho in the Cesaro Swing. Back Stagger by Del Rio. Helluva Kick to Del Rio. Pop Up Powerbomb avoided. Dirty Deeds to Owens. 1-23.

Your Winners: Cesaro, Dean Ambrose and Sami Zayn
Raw Ranking: 3.25

Peace

–Jay Shannon
WordSlingerJay@Gmail.com

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