WHAT HAPPENED, THIS WEEK, @ WWE RAW

Posted August 5th, 2014 by jshannon

SummerSlam is shaping up nicely. Tonight, Stephanie McMahon and Brie Bella signed the official paperwork for their match at SS. Has one of these signings EVER gone right?

The show began with a look back at last week’s match between Kane and Roman Reigns. It was the match that never actually happened. Randy Orton jumped Roman as he came to the ring. All 3 men got involved in the chaotic situation. Kane Chokeslammed Roman and then took off. Randy just annihilated the big Samoan. Two RKOs put Roman through the announce table.

HHH’s music went off and the full Authority came out to the ring. Roman Reigns vs Randy Orton has been added to SummerSlam. Cool. HHH pushed that Slam is only 2 weeks away. HHH bragged how great the Slam card is becoming. He felt it might be the greatest Slam card of all time. It was a glorified ad for the WWE Network…for only $9.99 (which he told us like a dozen times). Seth and Dean will both have matches, tonight. It will be a Beat The Clock Challenge. The winner of the mini-BTC Challenge Series will get to name the stipulation at SummerSlam. Dean Ambrose will battle Alberto Del Rio. Seth Rollins will square off against Rob Van Dam.

Stephanie started to speak but got booed out of his cowboy boots. Brie got a nice pop. Stephanie threatened to slap Brie into a hospital bed, if Bella got out of line, tonight. HHH took back over and discussed John Cena vs Brock Lesnar. Cena wasn’t at the show because he was filming a new movie. Brock also had the night off.

Randy then took the microphone and guaranteed to decimate Roman Reigns. He whined about not getting to go after the WWE World Title. Randy was cut off by the arrival of the Master of the Roman Empire…Roman Reigns. Roman stopped in the middle of the crowd and got ready to speak. Roman explained he took all The Viper had to give and was still standing. Roman said he would come down and beat Randy’s *ss…for free. HHH wouldn’t let that happen. HHH put Roman Reigns against Kane. HHH warned Kane that he had better bring “The Demon” to the ring for a Last Man Standing Match. That match was on deck…

Roman Reigns vs Kane
Last Man Standing Match

The bell rang and both men went at it. Kicks and punches by both men. Whip by Kane but Reigns came out with Clotheslines. Flying DDT by Kane. Kane blasted his opponents and sent him to the corner. Corner Splash but Roman came back with a Boot and Clothesline off the ropes. Kane rolled out to the floor and Roman followed him. Roman bounced Kane’s head off the announce table and then threw him into the ring steps. The ref began to count but Kane was up at 4.

Roman with a Flying Clothesline off the steps. The ref made it all the way to 6, this time. Roman ran Kane’s back into the barricade. Kane took back control by sending Roman into the ring steps. The count was on. Roman was up at 4.Kane slammed Roman’s face into the ring post. Kane moved a section of the ring steps up the ramp. Roman put on the brakes before being sent into the steps. Kane was sent into the barricade and the count was back on. Kane made it up at 6.

Kane kicked the ribs of Roman and sent him into the barricade. Time for another count. Roman got to his feet at 5. Kane went looking for something evil…and found a kendo stick. He walloped the back and ribs of Reigns before tossing the stick aside. Kane then drove the ring steps into Roman’s face. Roman barely made it to his feet at 7.Raw went to break as Roman threw Kane over the barricade.

We’re back and both men were nearly spent. Kane with an Uppercut, from the floor. Roman sent Kane into a chair that was wedged in one of the corners. The ref started counting down both men. Both got up at 7. Roman with hard shots to Kane’s face. Kane reversed a Whip but took a Clothesline. Corner Clotheslines by Roman. Roman came out to nail the Rising Son Dropkick. Kane rolled out of the ring to get to his feet. Kane with an Uppercut as Roman came to the floor. Roman Whipped Kane into the steps that he, himself, had set up a few minutes back. Kane got up at 7. Roman threw Kane into the barricade. Roman went looking for “toys”. Roman found a table. Kane attacked Roman from behind. Back in the ring, Kane set up the table. Samoan Drop by Roman. Kane blocked the Superman Punch and Chokeslammed Roman through the table. Roman actually got to his feet at 9. Kane couldn’t believe it. Kane exploded on his foe. Kane went to get the chair and set it dead center in the ring. Roman fought out of the Tombstone and nailed the DDT, on the chair. Superman Punch! The ref didn’t count. Why? Roman escaped a Goozle and nailed the Spear. The ref finally got his head out of where it had been to count. Kane struggled to get up but fell as he tried to climb the ropes.

Your Winner: Roman Reigns
Raw Ranking: 2.75

Raw ran a video piece about Brock Lesnar vs John Cena.

Damien Sandow vs Mark Henry

Damien came out in Oklahoma Sooners colors and used their theme music. He was at the University of Texas. He faced a former Longhorn in Mark Henry. I do give him credit for being able to draw heat.

Mark Henry came out in University of Texas orange. JBL called Damien a “Dr. Death Wannabe”. JBL took shots at Oklahoma. Lawler also took shots at Oklahoma. Mark with the “Hook Em Horns” sign. He finished this one quickly with the World’s Strongest Slam.

Your Winner: Mark Henry
Raw Ranking: 1.0

In the back, Adam Rose and his RoseBuds came upon the Occulus Mirror. The mirror was supposedly possessed by an evil spirit. Anyone who looks into the mirror sees his/her evil counterpart. Adam looked in deep as The Exorcist-like music played. He saw himself as a Lemon, dressed in a 3-piece suit. Adam took his crowd away from the haunted mirror.

Dean Ambrose vs Alberto Del Rio
Beat The Clock Challenge Match #1

Hulk Hogan will be the Special Guest Host, next week, to celebrate his birthday.

Collar and Elbow to the corner. Del Rio with a kick and punch and then a Snap Mare. 1 count only. Dean turned things around and beat on Del Rio after running him into a corner. Snap Mare by Dean for a 1 count. Knife Edge Chops by Dean. Del Rio reversed a Whip and hit the Step-Up Enziguri. Del Rio pushed down Dean and then went for a Suplex. Del Rio changed gears and turned it into a Rolling DDT. Kicks to Dean’s ribs as the clock neared 2 minutes. Out on the floor, Del Rio sent Dean into the barricade.

Del Rio threw Dean back in the ring and went up top. Flying Clothesline, from the top rope, by Del Rio. Rear Chin Lock by Del Rio and then he hit a Kneelift. Small Package by Dean for a two. Clothesline by Del Rio. Del Rio choked Dean over the middle rope. Del Rio threw Dean into the ring post. Del Rio yanked on the injured arm of Ambrose. Del Rio pulled Dean to the floor but Ambrose reversed a Whip and sent Del Rio into it. Dean with a Suplex, on the floor. Dean pitched Del Rio in and got a two count right at the 5 minute mark.

Dean with an Arm Breaker variation. Dean charged and hit the post, again. Del Rio with the Cross Armbreaker over the ropes. Ouch. Dean began to fight back with hard punches. Double Sledges by Dean into a Flying Crossbody. Machine Gun Punches by Dean. Dean raked the eyes but Alberto reversed a Whip. Del Rio fought out of the Tornado DDT and nailed a Superkick. Raw went to break.

The clock stood at 10:23 as the show returned. Del Rio cranked on the Keylock. Dean got to his feet and popped Del Rio in the ribs. Locked Arm DDT. Del Rio slid out to the floor and placed Dean’s head against the ring post. Dean moved and ADR kicked the post. Suicide Dive by Dean. Dean pitched Del Rio back into the ring and went to the penthouse. Missile Dropkick that missed by a mile but Del Rio still sold it. Corner Shoulders by Dean. Del Rio missed the Corner Step Up Enziguri. Nice Tornado DDT by Dean. 1-2-Denied.

Dean rubbed his shoulder into the mat to get feeling back. Del Rio ran Dean’s shoulder into the corner. Del Rio ripped Dean’s protective bandage off the shoulder. Del Rio with an Inverted Superplex! 2 count. Are you kidding me? The clock was up to 14 minutes. Del Rio went for the Cross Armbrekaer but Dean countered it. Springboard Clothesline at 14 and a half. 2 count. Dean psyched himself up and went for Dirty Deeds. Del Rio blocked it and locked in the Cross Armbreaker, over the ropes, again. The clock hit 15:30 as Del Rio got back in. Dirty Deeds!

Your Winner: Dean Ambrose
Time to Beat: 15:42
Raw Ranking: 3.25

The Brie Bella-Danielson vs Stephanie McMahon feud was highlighted. Their match is going to rock the house or stink like week-old garbage. Not middle ground here.

Rusev and Lana bridged he next commercial break. Raw looked back at how Rusev and Lana issued a challenge for a Flag Match at SummerSlam. Someone apparently reads my little words. Smile.

Rusev vs Sin Cara

This all took place during the break. Accolade

Your Winner: Rusev
Raw Ranking: N/A, since the match didn’t air on Raw.

Lana started rambling about Mother Russia and tweets that were sent out. This is so lame. Thankfully, Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter came out to stop Lana’s caterwauling of “Happy Birthday” to Barack Obama, in Russian. Jack and Zeb got a huge pop, despite Jack being an Oklahoman. Lana grumbled in Russian until Zeb told her to shut up. Hallelujah. Zeb said Lana was the reason that Russian men drank so much Vodka. Zeb was tired of hearing about Putin, Mother Russia and Rusev Crush. Zeb sent it to a stills montage of the people that Jack was fighting for, including the military. Zeb called Rusev a “Dancing Bear”. The “U.S.A.” chant was deafening. Zeb predicted that Old Glory would be waving in the breeze and Lana’s ego would be all that would be crushed. “We The People!” nearly blew the roof off the arena. Jack stared at his bitter enemies. Lana backed off her man but he came back to attack Jack with the Russian flag and pole. Rusev used the flag to nail a La Bandera Clothesline. Rusev then turned to face Zeb Colter. Zeb refused to run from the Bulgaria/Russian duo. Lana pulled Rusev back and mocked Zeb. Interesting that Lana would keep Rusev at bay.

WWE Network is going Global. One week from Tuesday, the Network will be available in dozens of countries. It will expand to England and it’s colonies in October.

Dolph Ziggler vs Cesaro

The bell rang and Cesaro immediately laid out Dolph with a Big Boot. Miz was at ringside to watch the two count. Cesaro insulted Dolph with Face Washes. Rear Chin Lock by Cesaro. Dolph will face Miz at SummerSlam for the IC title. Dropkick by Dolph but Cesaro with a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker. 2 conut. Cesaro blocked a Small Package and turned it into a Stall Suplex attempt. Zig Zag by Dolph!

Your Winner: Dolph Ziggler
Raw Ranking: 1.5

Miz got up in the ring in his Funky Brewster Blue Jacket and white pants. The fans screamed at Miz “You Can’t Wrestle!”. Dolph faked out Miz with the threat of a Superkick to the Moneymaker (Face).

A.J. Lee will battle Paige at Summerslam. Their relationship was spotlighted. Lee got Whiplash on last Friday’s Smackdown. Paige was interviewed. She wished A.J. a speedy recovery. She called Lee her idol. Paige then skipped away.

Goldust and StarDust will be out for action, next.

That new Paul Heyman DVD looks great. I’ve heard from a few friends that got it on Tuesday morning who said it was one of the best DVDs that WWE has done in quite some time. I remember watching Paul E from way back in the old AWA days.

Rybaxle (Ryback and Curtis Axel) vs Dust2Dust (Goldust and StarDust)

Goldust started against Ryback. Collar and Elbow to the corner. Inverted Atomic Drops by Goldust. Ryback screamed at Goldy to stop. Goludustin Uppercut. Axel with a tag and a trip. Nice Dropkick by Axel for a two count. Ryback back in with a hard Suplex. Goldy fought both men with hard shots and Back Elbows. Kneelift by Axel, after a tag. 2 count. Star got the fans going. Tag to Star. Flying Clothesline and Crossbody. Goldustin Uppercut. Cartwheel Dropkick by Star. Face Drop by Star. Ryback made the save. Ryback ran into the post. Stardust with an Inverted Side Russian Leg Sweep that he calls Dark Matter.

Your Winners: Dust2Dust
Raw Ranking: 2.5

Backstage, Stephanie and HHH talked. Kane came in and wasn’t happy. He took off the mask and handed it to Stephanie. What does that mean?

Chris Jericho vs Luke Harper
If Chris wins, Luke (like Erick Rowan) will be banned from ringside at SummerSlam during the Bray Wyatt vs Chris Jericho match.

Luke came out to an annoying child singing “Whole World in his Hands”. The arena was alight with cell phones. Luke moved Jericho to the corner and stomped away. European Uppercuts by Luke. Luke hit an Uppercut and then continued with Double Thrusts. Luke dug at Chris’ eyes. Jericho came back with Knife Edge Chops. Elbow Drops to Chris’ neck. Gator Roll by Luke Harper. Eric Rowan watched from the floor.

Headbutt by Luke but Jericho with a kick and a series of Knife Edge Chops. Enziguri by Jericho. Jericho kicked away but Luke with the Michonoku Driver. 1-2-no.

Corner Rush Elbow by Luke. Palm Strike by Harper but Chris fought back. Harper went up the ropes but Jericho knocked him down. Big Boot to Jericho after Chris came off the ropes. Sit Out Powerbomb by Harper that brought a strong 2 count. European Uppercut and Whip by Luke but Jericho hit the Bulldog. Jericho also took out Rowan. School Boy brought Jericho a two. Jericho put Luke in the Walls of Jericho.

Suddenly, the lights went out as the discord of the Wyatt Family entrance theme hit. Bray Wyatt was at ringside. Code Breaker to Rowan. Luke with a sneak attack but Luke got taken out by the Code Breaker. Bray hit the ring and attacked Jericho, drawing the DQ Loss for Luke. Bray hit Jericho in the throat. It was like the old Terry Gordy Asiatic Spike. Sister Abigail.

Your Winner (by Disqualification): Chris Jericho
Raw Ranking: 2.75

Diego (w/El Torito, Layla and Summer Rae) vs Fandango (w/Hornswoggle)

Hornswoggle danced around as Fandango blasted Diego with European Uppercuts. Back Roll by Diego into a Dropkick. Hornswoggle danced. Fandango crashed into Hornswoggle. Back Stabber by Diego.

Your Winner: Diego
Raw Ranking: .5

Hornswoggle came in and made amends with his former rival, El Torito. They all danced around. Fandango went to attack his new dance partner. Diego took exception and sent Fandango into a Seated Bullton from El Torito.

Renee Young tried to interview Randy Orton but Randy cut her off. Randy had footage that he wanted to share. It was his brutal attack on Roman Reigns, last Monday. Randy came back to say that he could strike at any time or any place. He threatened to kick off Roman’s head.

Bo Dallas vs R-Truth (again?)

Raw looked back at how Truth ended Bo’s winning streak. Bo snapped and attacked Truth.

The bell rang and the two went to the corner with a Collar and Elbow. Truth with a series of punches and a Back Body Drop. Bo threw hard bombs but took a Back Elbow. Full Mount Punches by Truth. The ref pulled Truth back. Leg Lariat by Truth after the Splitz. Truth missed the Ax Kick. Bo with a Roll Up while holding Truth’s pants.

Your Winner Bo Dallas
Raw Ranking: 1.0

Truth came out and attacked Bo, after the match. Bo pushed Truth into the ring steps. Bo Dog, off the steps.

Bray Wyatt came on the Tron to answer “Why?”. Why do things happen as they happen? Why is Bray different than the others? Bray said he may not have his brothers but he is never alone. “She” (Sister Abigail) is always at his side. Bray started singing “Whole World in His Hands”. Whatever.

Raw ran the Brock Lesnar vs John Cena promo piece, again.

RVD vs Seth Rollins
Beat The Clock Challenge Match #12
15:42 is the time to beat

RVD was replaced in the match by Heath Slater. Seriously?

Seth Rollins vs Heath Slater

I’d love to see Heath win this one. Seth was all smiles. Seth took quite some time to talk trash and tell Heath to get out of his ring. Heath thought about it but then turned and blasted Seth. Kick by Seth, followed by tons of kicks. Dean Ambrose came down to watch the match. Seth bragged about all the time he had. Seth missed a Corner Splash. Flying Neckbreaker by Heath. 2 count.

Seth was getting so ticked off and beat away on Heath. Dean took the Money in the Bank Briefcase. Dean removed the contract out of the Briefcase. He tore the contract up. Seth was losing it as Heath got his second wind. Heath with the Leg Lariat for a two plus. Seth tried for pins but Dean took a drink and poured it into the briefcase. Seth was about to go out after Dean. Dean went and got a container of popcorn. Seth blasted away at Heath but stopped when Dean poured the popcorn in the briefcase. Dean put on JBL’s hat and walked around. Dean put JBL’s hat in the briefcase and shut it. Soda flew out of the case. Heath with a School Boy to beat Seth!

Your Winner: Heath Slater
Raw Ranking: 2.0 (extra points for the fun aspect)

Dean now gets to pick the stipulations for the SummerSlam match. Seth grumbled about the briefcase. He screamed as he poured the popcorn, soda and JBL’s hat out onto the announce desk.

Dean Ambrose will make his stipulation announcement on Smackdown, this Friday.

The Contract Signing

Nikki came out with her sister, Brie. HHH was with Stephanie. HHH had to get another $9.99 plug in. HHH called his wife an “Icon”. HHH took himself out of the officiating and let Michael Cole make things official. HHH then kissed his wife. Brie said could we get to business before everyone started throwing up. Stephanie asked Brie where her “Hippy Dippy Husband” was. Brie said Daniel was still recovering. Brie showed the footage of Stephanie’s arrest, a few weeks back. Stephanie looked ready to explode. Brie called her a “Jailbird”. She asked Stephanie if she traded in HHH for Big Beulah, her cellmate. Ouch. Brie promised to embarrass Stephanie in front of the WWE Universe. Brie wanted to prove that Stephanie was a fraud, a failure and an embarrassment for the McMahon Family. Brie said she was doing this for Vickie Guerrero, The Big Show, the Rhodes Family and all the rest who has been mistreated. That kick-started a huge “C.M. Punk” chant. Brie said Karma was coming for Stephanie. Brie signed the contract and said so many insulting things. Stephanie reminded Brie that she was a 4th generation McMahon. Stephanie told Brie to go look in the mirror to see what a piece of trash she was. Stephanie was embarrassed to have to share the ring with Brie. Stephanie then signed the contract, making it final. Stephanie said she was going to tear Brie’s heart out, at Summerslam. HHHused the desk to shoved Brie into the corner and trap her there. Nikki had been taken down. Pedigree by Stephanie. Seriously? Brie slapped the taste out of HHH’s mouth. Stephanie slammed Brie’s face into the table. She then dropped Brie with a Pedigree. Stephanie then played tonsil hockey with her hubby to finish off the show.

Peace

–Jay Shannon
WordSlingerJay@Gmail.com
Twitter.com/jayshannonnv

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