WHAT HAPPENED, THIS WEEK @ WWE RAW

Posted June 3rd, 2014 by jshannon

The aftermath of Payback saw several WWE-Shattering surprises. Plus, the Main Event options were set in place for Money in the Bank 2014.

The show began with a look back to Payback, where The Shield decimated Evolution in a Clean Sweep. How could Triple H, Randy Orton and Batista come back from that embarrassment?

Randy,”Big” Dave and Hunter strolled out to face the boos of the crowd. They slowly walked down to the ring. The crowd mocked the former World Champion Clique. HHH had a evil looking shiner under his left eye. HHH knew it was always darkest just before the dawn. HHH said The Shield and the fans think this is over. HHH laughed that no one got it. HHH swore that he never loses, he always wins. HHH was on a quest to make sure The Shiield ceases to exist. HHH was ready for that to happen, tonight.

Batista snatched the microphone out of HHH’s hand and demanded the one-on-one WWE World title match that he was promised. HHH tried to put Dave back in his place but it just didn’t happen. HHH said there was a Bigger Picture and Plan. Batista cut him off and said he wanted his title match, tonight, as promised. HHH tried to explain that Daniel Bryan could not compete, because of injury. HHH then made the comment that Batista would likely choke if he did get a shot. HHH quickly apologized for his comment. HHH refused to be the man that lost to The Shield. HHH told Dave that he would have to wait until the end of The Shield to get all that was promised to him.

Batista said he understood…AND THEN QUIT THE WWE!

Dave left the ring and walked out of the arena. HHH shrieked at Batista to run back to Hollywood and then he yelled at him to come back to the ring. Tarantino must have called for another odd character role, like The Brass Man. (Man with the Iron Fists). He’s actually a pretty decent actor. I’ve seen several of his films.

The announcers were shocked at the implosion of Evolution.

Dave was caught, backstage. He was asked about quitting. Batista said he was done with all the empty promises.

Rob Van Dam and Sheamus vs Cesaro and Bad New Barrett

Paul Heyman was with his man, Cesaro. I love Cesaro’s nw “King of Swing” logo that is a lift form the old “King of the Ring” graphic. Barrett did an Insert Video about knocking out RVD with another Bull Hammer Elbow.

The Finish:

Cesaro worked over RVD’s head. RVD punched free but Cesaro dropped him and nailed Sheamus, standing on the apron. Windmill Kick by RVD. Tags on both sides. Sheamus with Double Sledges and a Mr. Wrestling II Kneelift to Barrett. Scoop Powerslams to both Barrett and Cesaro. Paul Heyman left the announce desk to take Cesaro out of the match. Paul helped Cesaro avoid the Brogue Kick. Winds of Change by Barrett. Heyman led Cesaro away from ringside. Barratt was livid at the cowardice of his paartner. RVD with a tag. Brogue Kick before Sheamus left. RVD with the 5-Star Frog Splash!

Your Winners: RVD and Sheamus
Raw Ranking: 3.0 out of a possible 5

Damien Sandow came out dressed as Lance Stevenson (Who?). I guess he is a basketball draft pick of something. I leave basketball to my broher-in-law, Ibrahim, back in Dallas. Damien rambled on about how the Indiana Pacers were losers. Damien had a hoop set up in the ring. He did a few basketball tricks after pushing LeBron James and talking trash about the local team, some more. This long, boring ramble came to an end when Big Show (a former college basketball star) came out to confront the big mouth. Show listened to Damien’s ramblings and then hit the Knockout Punch on Sandow. Show then Slam Dunked (and broke the backboard).

A promo for WWE Network aired. I really appreciate having all the great old events to watch, as well as the new stuff. I’ve gotten seriously hooked on Legends House. It’s a really great escape for those days when I’ve had a rough day at the “Day Job”. Smile. Thank you, Vince and Hunter and Stephanie and whoever else had the future thinking to realize what an incredible option this has tunred out to be.

Kofi Kingston was seriously destroyed, by Kane, at Payback. Tonight, Kofi was ready to face the man he was set to battle, last night, Bo Dallas. It’s time to Bo-Lieve!

Bo Dallas vs Kofi Kingston

The Finish:

Bo did one of his annoying Inspirational Speeches and then self-promoted to Hell and back. Kofi did well, for awhile, in holding his own against the semi-rookie. The fans started a “BO-ring” chant. Kofi with a wild Dropkick and Double Chops and another Dropkick. Corner Clothesline by Kofi. 2 count. Monkey Flip by Kofi. Top Rope Springboard Crossbody for 2. Back Elbow by Bo. Kofi with a hard kick. Bo dropped Kofi on the top turnbuckle and then hit a nasty version of the Bo-Dog.

Your Winner: Bo Dallas
Raw Ranking: 3 point Bo

Kofi refused to shake Bo’s hand, after the match.

Raw looked back at Batista quiting the company.

Renee Young tried to talk with HHH but got Stephanie instead. She said HHH was a little busy, right now, but she had a huge announcement, next.

Stephanie’s Big Announcement

The announcers talked about how Brie Bella-Danielson quit the company and then slapped the taste out of Stephanie’s mouth. Stephanie said Daniel was a “Selfish, Little Man”. Stephanie felt Brie fell on the sword for her hubby. Stephanie considered that she should have fired Brie, several weeks back, for slapping her, but let it slide. Stephanie told everyone that she was tough because she was a McMahon. Stephanie taunted Brie that Brie’s dreams were done because of her selfish spouse.

Stephanie then made a match between Daniel Bryan and Kane, at Money in the Bank. It would be a Stretcher Match. If Daniel could not compete, the Money in the Bank Ladder Match would be for the vacated WWE World Title.

Stephanie was cut off by the arrival of John Cena. The crowd really popped huge for Cena (that hasn’t happened in quite awhile). Stephanie tried to play it up that the fans were actually booing Cena. Stephanie congratulated John for his outstanding match against Bray Wyatt. A huge “C.M. Punk” chant rose for the second time. Cena said Stephanie had to make tough choices. Some were good, others questionable. “Let’s Go Cena/Cena Sucks!” rose like a wave from the depths of the audience. Cena wanted the fans to have a good time. Cena said he has been a champ on 14 occasions. Cena had to give up his title, in the past. Cena agreed that the WWE Universe deserves to see a fighting champion. Cena called Stephanie a “Spoiled Egomaniac”. Cena told Stephanie that Daniel Bryan is really good. Cena said the fans would be as loud as they wanted for who they wanted. He also said the wrestlers had to prove themselves in the ring to keep that fan enthusiasm going. Cena pushed just how great Daniel Bryan is. John Cena said the title belt situation was all Stephanie’s fault. Stephanie replied Daniel was a good B+ player, not a A-level guy like Cena is. Stephanie brought up that Daniel hasn’t defended the title in over 30 days. Strip him, already, and move on.

John joked about Stephanie’s “Surgeries” that put her in action but they decided to lock that up in a “Chest” somewhere. Grin. Cena said Stephanie has made the WWE World title an embarrassment. He also considered Stephanie to be an embarrassment. Cena felt on a scale of 1-10, Stephanie ranked a ZERO (which means she sucked). She just grinned at his opinions and the WWE Universe’s opinion. Stephanie decided to give John an opportunity, tonight. She wanted to see how tough Cena is…against Kane! That match starts…NOW! Stephanie finished the segment by sharing the thought that “Payback’s a B*tch but then again, so am I”.

Kane vs John Cena

The Finish:

Kane spent most of the match brutalizing Cena. Cena went Vintage on the Big Red Monster and connected with the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena tried for he Attitude Adjustment but couldn’t lift Kane. Kane attacked Cena in the corner and then pushed the ref. When Kane refused to listento the ref’s orders, the ref called for the bell.

Your Winner (By Disqualification): John Cena
Raw Ranking: 2.0

Kane continued the assault, after the match. Kane sent Cena into the ring steps. Kane then took the steps apart and picked up Cena. Kane took Cena up for a Tombstone, on the steps, but Cena pushed Kane into the ring post. Cena picked up the steps and threw them into Kane.The refs and others rushed out to get Cena to safety. Cena limped to the back but took time to meet and greet with the fans. Kane sat up and started to throw steps and announce table pieces around. Kane picked up a chair and threw it across the ring. Temper Tantrums are so childish.

In the back, Renee chatted with Randy Orton. Orton said Batista took his ball and went home. Orton then announced that he was granted a match against Roman Reigns, tonight.

The WWE Rewind talked about how Hornswoggle lost his hair atPayback. Torito shaved the other midget’s head after what turned out to be a rather fun match.

Los Matadores came out with El Torito. After them, 31/2MB came out. Heath Slater said they used a ton of Miracle Gro to bring back Hornswoggle’s hair. He came out in a horrible wig. Los Matadores and El Torito giggled at the site of the midget.

Los Matadores vs Drew McIntyre and Heath Slater

Drew went off on Diego but Diego gave as good as he got. Drew took down Diego and hit Crossfaces. Leg Sweep by Diego to Heath, who had tagged in. Leg Lariat by Heath. Hornswoggle with a Moonwalk and Air Guitar. Torito snatched off the wig and showed Hotny’s Skullet. Heath got Rolled up for a 3.

Your Winners: Los Matadores
Raw Ranking: 1.0

WWE pushed their relationship with Special Olympics.

Nikki Bella vs Aksana and Alicia Fox
Handicap Match

The Finish:

This was just ridiculous. Aksana and Nikki locked up and Nikki flipped Aksana over with a modified Monkey Flip and Leg Trip. Back Elbow by Aksana. Tag to Fox. Nikki blasted both opponents. Nikki with a Roll Up but Aksana broke up the pin. Ax Kick by Fox. 1-2-3.

Your Winners: Alicia Fox and Aksana
Raw Ranking: 0.5

Fox threw Nikki threw the ropes and then ran back and forth and did Cartwheels into a Round Off. Fox bragged about what a winner she was. Fox attacked Nikki with a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker, on the floor. Fox then threw Nikki into the retaining wall.

Bray Wyatt’s chair was empty. Luke Harper said they would take up His cause. Harper sounded as bizarre as Bray as he rambled about taking out the Usos.

Zeb Colter went off on Adam Rose and his RoseBuds. He basically called them Hippies and Deadbeats. Zeb said it was time for Jack to run Rose out of town. Adam and his crew came out to the ring. JBL really hates Adam’s crew, especially The Bunny.

Jack Swagger vs Adam Rose

This one didn’t take long. Adam danced around and got taken to the corner by Jack. Rose slapped Jack on the butt. Jack kicked and punched away. Rose escaped a Scoop Slam and slapped the butt again. Universal into a Back Elbow by Rose. European Uppercuts by Rose. Corner Climb but Jack pushed Rose away and hit a Big Boot. Jack ran Rose into a couple of corners. Jack wanted the Swagger Bomb but Rose wouldn’t stay down. Belly to Belly Suplex by Jack. Butterfly Nelson by Jack. Rose got to his feet but took a knee to the chest. Rose with a Big Boot and hard punches. Huge Thrust and Inverted Atomic Drop and Rolling Neckbreaker by Rose. Bronco Buster by Rose into the Party Fowl.

Your Winner: Adam Rose
Raw Ranking: 1.5

The party started up, again. JBL talked about all the weirdos that he hated.

Byron Saxton interviewed the Usos. The Usos will battle Harper and Rowan, tonight, in a Non-Title Match. The Brothers said they would give out all they needed to take out Haper and Rowan. They talked about the viciousness of Pitbulls. Excuse me, but my Princess is just the sweetest pup to ever draw a breath. In fact, she is cuddled up to me as I type this.

Eric Rowan and Luke Harper vs The Usos
Non-Title Match

The Finish:

Jey with a Missile Dropkick to Luke, into the Samoan Drop. Jey went up top but changed gears and jumped on Erick. Luke with a Suicide Dive. Jimmy nailed a Tope Suicida. Jimmy was the one with the taped-up ribs. Luke got the knees up as Jey flew off the ropes. Luke went into a Zone. He went for the Discus Clothesline but Jey nailed a Superkick. Erick with the blind tag. Jimmy rushed at Erick . Roll Up by Jey for a two. Erick caught the leg and threw Jey into the corner. Rowan with a Choke-Side-Slam to take the win.

Your Winners: Erick Rowan and Luke Harper
Raw Ranking: 3.25

Dolph Ziggler vs Alberto Del Rio
Money in the Bank Qualifying Match

The Finish:

Del Rio wasted a ton of time before going up to the top rope. Dolph iwth a Super-X-Factor, from the top. 2 count. Seriously? Del Rio blocked the Zig Zag. ADR missed the Superkick. Del Rio blocked the Flying DDT and locked in the Cross Armbreaker.

Your Winner (by Submission): Alberto Del Rio
Raw Ranking: 3.5

Cody Rhodes told his brother, last night, that Goldust needed a better tag partner than Cody. Cody was on a quest to find Goldy a new partner. Who would it be?

Ryback and Curtis Axel vs Goldust and…Sin Cara

The Finish:

Cody was watching the match, from the back. The announcers talked about the Ding Dongs (a favorite team from the past…I miss the bells). The new team went back and forth with tags. Ryback took Goldy to the corner and hit a huge Chop. Dust came back with punches. Shoulder Tackle that sent Goldy out to the floor. Axel rushed Goldy into the turnbuckle. Axel got a two. Tag back to Ryback. Double Team on the Bizarre One. Goldy began to fight back but took a Dropkick to the chest, from Axel. Goldy tried to fight back but failed. Ax Bomber by Axel. Ryback tried for the same move but Goldust blasted him. Tag to Sin Cara. Springboard Crossbody and all kinds of flying moves. Leg Kick and a Backspring Back Elbow. Ryback made the save. Ryback ended up hitting the post. Axel threw Goldy out of the ring. Enziguri by Sin Cara. He missed the Swanton and Axel with his Power Spinner Faceplant.

Your Winners: RybAxel
Raw Ranking: 1.75

Rusev Honoring Ceremony

Lana came out, looking pretty darn good. She went off on the lowly Americans. She then rambled on with her typical anti-American crap. Yawn. Hotness only goes so far. After a long waste of time, Lana brought Rusev out to receive a special medal. Some Russian officials gave him the award.For this, Zack Ryder and Yoshi Tatsu miss out on getting a spot on Monday Night Raw? Jeez.

Bray Wyatt will return to Smackdown, this week.

Randy Orton vs Roman Reigns
Special Challenge Match

The Shield came out and cut a typical promo. Dean said they were bruised and beaten up but they felt great. Dean said there were no losses in The Shield, at Payback. Seth bragged about how Evolution perished, last night and tonight. Seth said The Shield was one and Evolution was three, which is why they failed. Roman talked about the men in the ring being Brothers. Roman told Randy to come out and get his jaw broken by the symbol of excellence.

HHH came out with Randy. HHH had the sledge hammer with him. Seth went out to get some chairs. Seth slid back in the ring. HHH said this was Plan B. Seth cracked Roman and then Dean with the chair! He turned on his Brothers! Seth went nuts with the chai, to the point of destroying the first chair.

Your Winner: No Match
Raw Ranking: N/A

Seth with the Curb Stomp to drive Dean’s face into a chair. Seth then came out and gave Randy the other chair. Randy took his turn in assaulting Roman and Dean. Someone in the crowd kept screaming “Why?”. Randy ripped open Roman’s vest to show the welts that were caused by the chair shots. Seth and HHH got up on the apron as Randy planted the injured Roman with the RKO. Roman’s face bounced off the steel chair. The New Evolution stood over the shattered remains of The Shield.

Peace

–Jay Shannon
WordSlingerJay@Gmail.com
twitter.com/jayshannonnv

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