WHAT HAPPENED, THIS WEEK, @ WWE RAW

Posted May 6th, 2014 by jshannon

Extreme Rules was an Above Average PPV. I got to enjoy most of it on my nifty new laptop. I say most because Work did keep me distracted, most of the time it was on. The fallout from the show would see new feuds created and new champions, as well.

20 Man Battle Royal for the US Title.

This was payback for Evolution getting dominated by The Shield at Extreme Rules. This was the only match that I got wrong in my predictions. The contestants were:

Dean Ambrose, Goldust, Cody Rhodes, Mark Henry, Titus O’Neil, Xavier Woods, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Dolph Ziggler, Heath Slater, Jack Swagger, Ryback, Curtis Axel, Sheamus, Zack Ryder, Big Show,Sin Cara, Santino Marella Fandango and Damien Sandow

The Finish: Xavier Woods was the first one out. The bodies began to go fast and furious. Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns were not allowed in the battle. Big Show was going wild, throwing out a huge number of the people. There was a great squaring off between Big Show and Mark Henry. Show Chokeslammed Mark Henry!. Brogue Kick by Sheamus led to everyone working together to throw out Show and Mark. Kofi kept up with his wild survival ways but he eventually fell. The Rhodes Brothers went out just about the same time. Santino used the Cobra to eliminate Dolph. Rybaxle double teamed Santino and Curtis sent Santino to the floor. Rybaxle double teamed Sheamus. Rolling Senton to Ryback, by Sheamus. Ryback with a huge Powerbomb on Sheamus. Dean then tore into Ryback. The fans started the Goldberg chants. Ryback pounded away on Dean. Dean held the ropes to stay in the mix. He called for help from his teammates. Dean took out both Axle and Ryback. Dean then dumped Jack Swagger. Brogue Kick! The fans booed the Hell out of Sheamus. Sheamus pitched out Dean Ambrose to end the 353 day reign.

Your Winner (and NEW US Champion): Sheamus
Raw Ranking: 3.5 out of a possible 5

After the match, HHH strolled out and look at The Shield. HHH said The Shield got lucky at Extreme Rules. HHH then put The Shield in Six Man Competition against…the Wyatt Family! Wow!

The announcers talked about how Bray Wyatt used a little kid to beat John Cena.

The Exotic Express was in town for Monday Night Raw. I love his theme music except it gets stuck in my head way too much. Smile. “It’s Party Time…All the Time!”

Renee Young interviewed the new US champ. The fans booed the Hell out of him. Sheamus said he has been spinning his wheels since coming back from injury. Sheamus hoped that Dean didn’t have any hard feelings about the loss.

The announcers then discussed Daniel Bryan vs Kane. That was a wicked match that ended up in the parking lot. Daniel drove Kane to the ring on a forklift and then did a Benoit Diving Headbutt. Kane ended up going through a table that was on fire. Kane fell to the Dragon’s Fang Knee Strike.

Backstage, Daniel and Brie cuddled. Stephanie McMahon came in to congratulate Daniel. She said the only way to stay safe was to stay in the locker room until his match. As Stephanie closed the door, a Kane mask had mysteriously appeared on the door. Creepy.

Rob Van Dam vs Cesaro

Paul Heyman is now calling Cesaro the “King of Extreme”. I don’t think so. Cesaro defeated RVD and Jack Swagger at Extreme Rules in a Three Way Dance.

The Finish:

Cesaro hit a Flying European Uppercuts and a trio of Gut Wrench Powerbombs. JBL compared Cesaro’s strength to the late, great Terry Gordy. Whip by Cesaro. RVD with the Float Over. Cesaro blocked the Monkey Flip. Cesaro tripped RVD on the top rope. RVD’s leg was trapped but he used the other one to kick Cesaro. Cesraro kept pounding away on RVD and drew the DQ.

Your Winner (by Disqualification) Rob Van Dam
Raw Ranking: 1.5

Paul finally pulled Cesaro off to avoid suspension. RVD seemed to have seriously tore up his knee. He was bleeding from the mouth and corner of the eye.

The WWE Network is now offering a cool deal where people can get up to $250 in Gift Cards.

The Wyatt Family arrived on the scene. I have had so many e-mails that are negative about this new pseudo-cultism/religiousness of the John Cena/Bray Wyatt storyline. I am a religious person, more or less, and I also find this whole angle to be distasteful and disturbing. This one tops the list for Disturbing Storylines…a future column for he soon to be returning Ringside Remembrances (which has been on temporary hiatus).

The Wyatts were in the middle of the ring. He said Sister Abigail always said Bray was born to lead and to change the world. Bray then talked about he wicked ways of the world. He whined about how people looked down at him and called him a “Nobody”. Bray said he became Somebody at Extreme Rules. Bray discussed the singing child that cost John the match. It was creepy as Hell as the kid was singing through a microphone that was being manipulated to give the kid a weird sounding voice. Bray cackled and said you can’t fool the children. They are the foundation of the future and they see right through John Cena. Bray accepted that he is a Monster. John felt Bray’s message was a lie. Bray admitted that he wanted to see this world burn. Bray started talking about having the world be Reborn in his image. Bray put himself up as the new Leader of the downtrodden. I may have been downtrodden during various times in my life but I didn’t need some False Prophet spouting nonsense to motivate me. That which tests me makes me who I am. Bray called himself a God and began to sing “Whole World in his Hands”. This whole scenario stinks like week-old fish.

Ryback vs Cody Rhodes

Curtis Axel and Goldust were in their tag partners’ corners.

The Finish:

Ryback dominated most of the match. Spinebuster by Ryback. Back Elbow by Cody. Flying Clothesline by Cody. Cody with a Chop Block and Knee Trembler for two. Ryback blocked the Disaster Kick, the first time, but fell to a 2nd one. Springboard Missile Dropkick by Cody. Cody went to the top but Axel went after him. Axel pushed Goldust into the post. That threw Cody off balance and Ryback hit a modified Shell Shocked.

Your Winner: Ryback
Raw Ranking: 1.5

Backstage, Brie and Daniel talked. Brie hated being confined in the locker room. Daniel asked his wife to stay close to him. The lights went out and then the mask, on the table, began to glow. Daniel and Brie left the dressing room but were stopped by Stephanie. Stephanie said she would have their car brought up so they could leave.

The WWE Rewind showed the various midgets at the Wee-L-C match. Three commentators and a midget ref joined Torito and Hornswoggle. One of those midgets was Short Sleeve Sampson, who I have had the honor of working with a few times in the Reno area. Great guy with a wicked sense of humor. Way to go, my friend.

The ring was set up for a Cinco De Mayo celebration. Los Matadores and El Torito were throwing candies to the crowd. 3 ½ Man Band came out. Jindar told Los Matadores to speak English, with a huge accent. Heath said they were there to call a truce. It didn’t fly and Torito and Mini-Heath (Hornswoggle) got into it. Torito did offer candy to Hornswoggle. Hornswoggle spat it out and slapped Torito;s hand. The little bull kicked micro-butt. Heath got thrown over the ropes. Torito jammed a sombrero on Hornswoggle and hit an Airplane Spin and then a Gorito (little Gore!) Too much silliness to believe. Hey, I did my official Mexican dinner…Pescado con arroz (Fish over rice).

It was time for another Bo-Lieve segment. It is so weird that these are presented by the brother of Bray Wyatt. It’s like Night and Day.

Kofi Kingston vs Alexanger Rusev

Lana made my youngest grandson, Tim, sit up and pay attention. She talked in Russian and then switched to English. She bragged about Putin and such. Whatever. So, now the Bulgarian Brute is from Russia. Like anyone really cares about his supposed hometown.

Kofi went wild with hard kicks but a Brick Wall from Rusev stopped Kofi cold. Measured kicks and Headbutts to the chest. Kofi with a knife Edge Chop that had no effect. Over the Head Throw by Rusev. Brutal Crossfaces by Rusev. Double Boots by Kofi. Kofi with sharp kicks until Rusev caught he leg. Kofi came back with a Dropkick. Kofi with a Top Turnbuckle Crossbody. Running Kick. Ruseb dodged a 2nd one. Kofi escaped the Fallaway Slam and hit the Pendulum Kick. Springboard by Kofi but Rusev caught him. Fallaway Sslam.
Lana ordered Rusev to crush Kofi. Spinning Side Slam into the Accolade (Camel Clutch). Tap Out.

Your Winner (by Submission): Alexander Rusev
Raw Ranking: 2.0

Raw showed a picture of the midget announce team, with Micro Cole, Jerry “The King” Smaller and J.B.-Elf. The announcers said you can now get the WWE Network on Xbone1. Heck, I’m barely out of Playstation 1…ok, it’s a 2.

Daniel and Brie went to their car to leave. Stephanie approached and said if Daniel took off he would be in breach of contract.

Alberto Del Rio vs Daniel Bryan
Non-Title Match

Brie came out with her hubby for this match. The fans loved it.

The Finish:

Del Rio went to the top and mocked Bryan’s Yes gesture. ADR flew and took a Double Thrust to the chest. Dragon Screw Leg Whip by Bryan. He then twisted the knee in the ropes and Dropkicked the knee. On the outside, Del Rio blocked the Kneebreaker. Del Rio dropped Daniel on the ring barricade.

Del Rio with a wild DDT. Del Rio dropped the knee pad and waited. Daniel dodged the Superkick and hit a standard kick. Both men were down. Del Rio and Daniel traded punches and kicks. Daniel got the better of it but Del Rio with a Whip. Drop Toe Hold sent Del Rio into the corner. Daniel then kicked the ropes up into Del Rio’s chest. Del Rio with a brutal shot that seemed to knock out Daniel…almost. Del Rio put Daniel on the top rope. Daniel blocked the Superplex and punched Del Rio’s ribs. Daniel with a strong Headbutt. Daniel stood up the very top and nailed the Benoit Diving Headbutt. 2 count. Daniel with the Suicide Dive that almost put Del Rio into the front row. Daniel threw Del Rio back in the ring. Step Up Enziguri by Del Rio. 2 count. Del Rio was so ticked off at his failure to get the win. Daniel reversed the Cross Armbreaker into a Flying version of the Yes Lock. Tap out!

Your Winner (by Submission): Daniel Bryan
Raw Ranking: 3.0

Kane’s music hit as Brie and Daniel celebrated the win. Daniel and Brie went to rush out of the arena. No one was sure where Kane was. Daniel and Brie got in the car and started to leave. The car would not start. As Daniel tried to fix the car, Kane showed up in the backseat. Apparently, they have never watched Zombieland or they would know to always check the back seat. Daniel got the car going and started to leave…with Kane on the roof. They threw him off. Kane looked dead but Monsters never die…they just wait for the sequels. Kane sat up and Daniel got back in the car. Daniel and Brie took off into the night.

Time for another Adam Rose vignette. He is just going to be fun to watch.

Big E vs Bad news Barrett
Intercontinental Title Rematch

Barrett had the microphone. He had some “Bad News” to give out. Barrett said it was time for some changes. He insulted the crowd for their ugliness.

The Finish:

Both men were down and hurt. Clotheslines by Big E. Belly to Belly by Big E. Big Splash but Barrett got the Knees up. Winds of Change by Barrett, for two. Big E pushed out of Wasteland. Big E rushed in but took a hard Knee. Barrett loaded up the elbow but didn’t get to deliver. Steam Roller and Spear, through the ropes, by Big E. Big E threw Barrett back in but only got a two. Barrett begged for a break. Overhead Throw by Big E. Big E then hit a 2nd one. The straps came down. Barrett fought out of the Big Ending and the ref got rocked. Bull Hammer Elbow!

Your Winner: Bad News Barrett
Raw Ranking: 2.5

Jack Swagger came out with Zeb Colter. Zeb had a deportation list sign. The sign had several names on the back. Zeb went off on Cinco de Mayo. Zeb then complained about he influx of immigrants to the WWE. Zeb wants to get rid of Cesaro, Paul Heyman, Santino Marella and Emma, Sheamus and Paige. Jeez. He was cut off by the arrival of…

ADAM ROSE! Yes. It’s party time! The Bad Boy from the Bahamas was ready to bring his Rosebuds to the ring to throw a massive Raw Party. He did a Backwards Stage Dive into the throng of party animals. The crowd went all Fandango with singing along to the music. Zeb couldn’t figure out Rose. Zeb told him to stay away from him. Rose grabbed him by the beard and told him to be a Rosebud. Rose kicked Jack in the face and sent him up and over the ropes. The party animals hit the ring and they all started dancing, Cole was even dancing to this cool music.

The Wyatt Family vs The Shield
Six-Man tag Team Match

I still think the Wyatts have the best entrance theme, though Adam Rose’s is pretty good, as well.

All Hell broke loose to open the match. It spilled out to the floor. Seth took the fight to Bray. Dean went at with Erick, in the ring. Dean with Corner Mount Punches. Dean was ticked off and ready to beat some butt. Tag to Seth. Seth held the beard and punched away. Kneelift t by Erick. Tag to Luke Harper. Seth out of the Suplex. Tag to Dean and a Double team assault began. 2 count. Tag to Roman. The big Samoan tore into Luke with Headbutts and punches. Seth with the tag and a Fist off the ropes. Thrusts by Like and European Uppercut. Suplex by Luke for a two count.

Ray took the tag and punched away. Running Punt ot the ribs of Rollins. Seth rolled out to the floor. Bray went out and got Seth. Back in the ring, Bray got no count on the pin attempt. Tag to Erick Rowan. Erick blasted Seth and then lifted him up. Forearm to Seth’s chst. Hard Whip but Seth got the boot up. Seth dove off the ropes but got caught. He escaped and rocked Erick with an Enziguir. Dean tagged in and threw bombs to the skull of Rowan. Crossbody into some hard punches. Kitchen Sink Knee and a Running Dropkick. Dean also took out Luke by diving over the ropes. Erick with a hard shot but Dean used the ropes for a Clothesline. Figure Four by Dean on Erick. All 6 men ended up in the ring. Time for a break.

We’re back and Luke was using a Rear Chin Lock on Dean. Jawbreaker by Dean. Dean then threw straight fists. Luke threw the leg out from under Dean. 2 count. Tag to Bray. Bray with a Running Boot to Dean’s face, through the ropes. 1-2-no. Brutal Crossface to Dean’s chest. Tag to Luke. Luke quickly tagged out to Erick. Elbow Drop by Erick. Hammer Throw by Erick. Dean got the boot up, several times, to rock Rowan. Low Bridge for Harper and Rowan. Tag to Seth. Flip Dive! This guy is your next big superstar, count on it. Spinning Inverted Faceplant. Corner Punch into the Faceplant into the corner. Seth missed the Moonsault but came back and nailed one. Luke pushed Seth off the top rope and to the floor.

Luke with a Suicide Dive to send Seth over the announce table. Luke lost it, throwing chairs and such. Luke put Seth back in the ring and tried for a pin. He didn’t get the 3. tag to Bray. Bray kicked away at Seth’s ribs. Bray ran Seth into the corner and then hit a Full Speed Corner Rush. 2 count. Tag to luke. Harper with a cheap sot to Dean. Sth flipped out of the corner but took a Superkick. Dean made the save and took out Rowan. Bray got in the mix and sent Dean into the announce table. “We Want tables!” rang out. Seth pulled at Luke’s beard and then punched him down off the ropes. Seth with his Flying Knee but he didn’t get the full effect. Tag to Roman and Bray. Roman with a Flying Clothesline. He then took out Rowan. Uppercut by Roman. La Bandera to take Rowan out and then the Rising Sun Dropkcik to Bray. Clothesline off the ropes to Harper. Roman loaded up for the Superman Punch but it broke down into total chaos. Seth and Dean with dual Suicide Dives to take out Harper and Rowan. Superman Punch to Bray! The Shield stood in wait for the Sword of Justice Triple Powerbomb! They were stopped by the arrival of Evolution. It was a 6-on-3 face off but The Shield kept going strong. Seth and Dean with Stereo Suicide Dives to take out batista, Orton, Rowan and Harper. In the ring, Roman blasted HHH with the Superman Punch. Bray with the wild Crossbody to Roman, followed by Sister Abigail.

Your Winners: The Wyatt Family
Raw Ranking: 3.0

After the match, Evolution attacked The Shield. Seth got double teamed and Dean was sent into the ring steps. Orton with a Top Rope-Assisted DDT. Batista with a weak Spinebuster ontot he ring seps. HHH then planted Roman with the Pedigree, almost. Orotn picked up the slack with a RKO after Roman Back Body Dropped HHH. HHH came back and got the Pedigree that he waned. Evolution hit the Sword of Justice Powerbomb on roman. He was bleeding from the mouth.

Peace

–Jay Shannon
wordslingerjay@gmail.com
twitter.com/jayshannonnv

Add Your Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*