WHAT HAPPENED, THIS WEEK, @ WWE RAW

Posted April 22nd, 2014 by jshannon

The tournament to determine the number one contender to the Intercontinental Title continued. Plus, John Cena had a tough road to travel, this week.

The situation with The Shield vs The Authority was first up for analysis. Triple H and Stephanie sent a whole plethora out to destroy the Hounds of Justice. After that, the reunited Evolution faction came out. No Ric Flair but Orton, Batista and HHH came out to finish off The Shield. The Shield will face Evolution at Extreme Rules. I hope to have my new laptop by the time the show airs so I can watch a muted version while working. (shhh…Don’t tell the boss.).

This week’s show came from the home of one of the greatest directors of all time…Baltimore’s John Waters. Had the honor of meeting him a few decades back when he was on the college circuit tour.

Daniel Bryan and his new wife, Brie, were in the ring. The happy couple hugged. They were interrupted by the arrival of Stephanie McMahon. She looked awesome in hot red. She applauded the new couple.

Stephanie said she needed to come out and support the new couple. Stephanie with a back-handed slap kind of compliment about their “rustic” wedding. Steph said, as a wedding present, Daniel Bryan would be facing Kane…at Extreme Rules. Steph warned Daniel that he should get his girl out of harm’s way.

The fire and organ music exploded. Stephanie told Kane to wait. Kane did not respond to Stephanie’s voice. Daniel moved Brie back. Kane, in his old mask, grabbed Daniel by the throat. He then went after Brie. Daniel attacked as Steph ordered Brie to run. Daniel flew off the apron but Kane caught him and ran him into the barricade. Stephanie kept telling Kane to stop. Kane wanted the Tombstone, on the floor, and he got it. Stephanie again told Kane that it was enough. Kane began to take apart the ring steps as Stephanie told Kane to quit, over and over. Kane took Daniel to the ring steps and got ready to nail the Tombstone. The crowd shrieked in anger. Stephanie called for the EMTs to come help Daniel. The crowd began to chant for Daniel Bryan. THE medics checked on the injured WWE World Champ. They put a neck brace on him. Daniel was placed on the backboard nd lifted onto the stretcher. Kane came back and tipped over the stretcher. Kane ripped the neck brace off and took Daniel to the announce table. He hit another Tombstone, on the announce table. The crowd broke out in a “You’re a B*stard” chant as Raw went to break.

Brie walked back with her hubby, now strapped onto the stretcher. JBL did his best to defend Stephanie. Stephanie with a sarcasm call for support for Daniel. Three Tombstones. That was ridiculous.

Bad News (Wade) Barrett vs Sheamus
Number One Contender Tournament for the Intercontinental Title, Semi-Final Match

The four men (Sheamus, Barrett, Rob Van Dam and Cesaro) advanced, last week. Barrett with wild punches and kicks. Sheamus came back with clubbing shots of his own. Forearms for Barrett. Rolling Senton by Sheamus. The Irishman climbed up top but got caught. Headbutt by Sheamus. Barrett rolled out to the apron but got kicked to the floor. Sheamus with a Crossbody to Barrett. Sheamus threw Barrett back in and went for a reversed version of his 10 Beats. Big Boot, through the ropes, sent Sheamus to the floor. Time for a break.

Rear Chin Lock by Barrett. Scoop Powerslam by Sheamus. Sheamus with Double Sledges. It was 34 years ago, Monday, that the Intercontinental title changed hands for the first time. Ken Patera defeated Pat Patterson in 1980. Sheamus hit the 10 Beats but Barrett fought back. Irish Curse Backbreaker by Sheamus for two. Big E watched the match, from the back.

Barrett blocked White Noise and went for Wasteland. Barrett had to settle for the Winds of Change (Black Hole Slam). 2 count. Barrett loaded up the elbow. Sheamus struggled to his feet. He missed. Sheamus with White Noise, off the ropes. 2 count, yet again. Sheamus couldn’t believe that Barrett kicked out. The fans were thrilled with this great match. The two men threw bombs, from their feet. Sheamus got the best of it and took them both over the ropes with a Crossbody. Both men were stunned. Barrett took the worst of it. Back in the ring, Barrett surprised Sheamus with the Bull Hammer Elbow.

Your Winner: Bad News (Wade) Barrett
Raw Ranking: 3.75 out of a possible 5

It was time to Bo-Lieve. I love these Bo Dallas promos.

Hugh Jackman will return to Raw, next week. He’s feuding with Damien Sandow, on Twitter. Whatever.

The fans got to decided if John Cena would fight:

1. Luke Harper
2. Luke Harper and Erick Rowan
3. Luke, Erick and Bray Wyatt

The Wyatts showed up on the stage. Bray began talking about bitter truth and how much he liked it. Bray said free will was the biggest illusion. Bray waned change to happen. Bray said the fans had free will, this week. Bray said that John Cena was going to learn the truth that the fans stood against him, as did the Wyatts. Bray then mentioned his steel cage match at Extreme Rules. Bray said the fans cold not love Cena anymore. Bray said he was drawing his brothers and sisters away from Cena’s side. Bray got the arena to sing with him “Whole World in his hands”. That was just creepy, but cool. Bray deserves an award for being the best promo man in the business, today. Blip out.

Ok, I officially HATE Hornswoggle’s new look. He’s trying to become mini-Heath Slater.

Drew McIntyre, Jindar Mahal and Mini-Heath vs Fernando, Diego and El Torito

2 and !/2 Men Battle

Raw looked at the battles between Mini-Heath (Hornswoggle) and El Torito.

Drew opened against Diego, I think. The littler guys wanted to fight. Horns vs Horns. The two went forehead to forehead. Slaps by both sides. YAWN! I have a few friends that work in the midget ranks and I’m sure this insults them. Baby Bronco Buster. The match broke down. Drew took the tag and faced El Torito. Drew mocked El Torito which only set the little bull off. Tortio Gored Heath in the nethers. Low show by Tortio. Picador into Fear The Bull!

Your Winners: Los Matadores and El Torito
Raw Ranking: .25 (God, that was awful)

A black stretch limo pulled into the arena. The members of Evolution emerged, dressed to the nines. They would be out, next.

The three active members of Evolution made their way out to the ring. TRIPLE H seemed amused at the crowd booing them. The Shield vs Evolution is going to steal the show at Extreme Rules, book on that. HHH’s voice was shot as he tried to explain how his group was going to embarrass The Shield. HHH said they were about to Spank the Shield like a father to a misbehaving child.

Randy took over and called Evolution the most devastating group, ever. A promo video for the original Evolution aired. Highlights of their destruction were showcased. I want Flair in this mix, darn it. Batista wondered if the fans “got it”. Batista said The Shield had no idea what they had gotten themselves into…

That comment brought out the Hounds of Justice. The members of Evolution bailed out of the ring and backed up. The Shield members picked up the microphones. Dean admitted that they have been beaten up, in the past, and probably would again. Dean asked HHH if they looked humbled. Dean called Randy Orton a “Cream Puff”. Dean talked about how dirty and vicious they are.

Seth took over and mentioned that it took Evolution and 12 other guys to beat them down. Seth said they knew what they were getting into. Seth said Evolution was not built for dominance, like they brag. Seth said it was going to be War, in 2 weeks. Seth knew the members of Evolution would be looking out for themselves…individually. Seth said The Shield would be ripped to pieces. Evolution would come to a sudden halt, thanks to The Shield.

Roman stepped up and acknowledged the Ultimatum that they were given, last week. This week, it was the Shield’s turn. Roman said The Shield were about to come up the ramp and kick *ss. The Shield hopped out of the ring and started up the ramp. A while herd of other wrestlers came out. HHH said there was an Option 3. HHH told Shield to Adapt or Perish. Wouldn’t it be interesting if Flair showed up in the corner of The Shield?

Time for another Adam Rose promo. I really like this guy. I’ve seen some of his stuff on NXT and he can seriously work a crowd. He may never make it to the upper levels but he just might. He has that Edge feel to him.

Next week, there will be a Hall of Fame Best of on WWE Network. It is so worth the $10 a month.

Rybaxle was at ringside for the neat match.

The Usos vs The Brotherhood (Cody Rhodes and Goldust)
Non-Title Match

Naomi’s wedding to one of the Usos was touched upon. For some odd reason, Total Divas didn’t tape for me on Sunday. Darn it. Maybe it will repeat. Yes, I’m kind of hooked on the silly show.

Goldust started against Jey Uso. Inverted Atomic Drop and Arm Drags by Goldy. Jey came back and Arm Dragged Goldy. Shove by both men. The two threw hard punches and a Lariat. Tag to Cody. Missile Dropkick. Ryback suggested that he was Samoan. I’m not sure about that. Tag to Jimmy. Jimmy snapped Cody’s neck over the ropes. Flying Headbutt by Jimmy. Ryback talked about his dad being a bartender in Vegas. Jimmy got rocked with a Goldustin Uppercut and tag to Goldy. Jey tagged back in. . Arm Slam by Goldust.

Tag by Cody. Roll Up by Cody. The ref didn’t se the tag. Cody wanted CrossRhodes but took a Superkick, to the face.

Your Winners: The Usos
Raw Ranking: 2.0

Cody and Goldust got into a little shoving match. Ryback and Curtis Axel rushed the ring and attacked The Usos. Evil Double team on the Championship Twins. Shell Shocked!

Highlights of the new Slam City show aired. It’s on the WWE Network and other places. It’s a cute show.

Layla (w/Fandango) vs Emma (w/Santino)

Fandango yanked Santino off the ropes. Layla slammed Emma’s face into the mat. 2 count. Layla choked Emma on the middle ropes. Snap Mare into a Bow and Arrow. Emma fought her way out of the hold and hit a hard knee. Layla held the ropes to avoid a Dropkick. Layla with a Whip but Emma with a Clothesline. Santino took out Fandango with the Cobra, on the floor. Emma went into her boot to get her own pink Cobrette. Strike.

Your Winner: Emma
Raw Ranking: 1.5

The two cobras kept twisting around each other. Rather silly but cute.

Renee Young talked with John Cena. She asked him how he felt. He knew his fate was in the hands of the WWE Universe. Cena was ready to have to fight the entire Wyatt Family, if he had to. Cena has heard the song that Bray has been singing and he just might. Cena was ready for his back to be against the wall, tonight. In 2 weeks, they would battle in a Steel Cage.

Cesaro vs Rob Van Dam
Number One Contender Tournament for the Intercontinental Title, Semi-Final Match

Cesaro’s new music is the most annoying thing that I’ve heard since Scott Steiner’s theme and the Right to Censor’s theme. Paul had to get in a shout-out to Brock Lesnar. Paul was cut off in mid-promo. That’s unusual.

Paul was still blathering about Brock beating Undertaker. Shut Up, already! I’ve never wanted a commercial break so bad in all my life. Thanks the stars in the firmament for having RVD come out and shut Heyman the Hell Up!

Go Behind and Standing Switch to open. Shoulder Tackle by Cesaro. RVD Roll. Universal into an aborted Suplex. Kick by RVD. Scoop by RVD but Rob fought. Cesaro still hit a Spinning Backbreaker. Whip by Cesaro. Thrust Kick, off the ropes, by RVD. Monkey Flip by RVD. Cesaro popped RVD. Suplex by Cesaro for a two. RVD with a shot to the face of Cesaro. Corner Thrusts but Cesaro Dropkicked RVD into the ring post. RVD tumbled out of the ring as Raw went to break.

The party continued as Cesaro held a Side Headlock. Sunset Flip by RVD but Cesaro converted it into a Double Stomp. 2 count. Cool. Gut Wrench Suplex for 2. Paul screamed at Cesaro to not let RVD breathe. European Uppercut and Boot Wash by Cesaro. Modified Savage Elbow by Cesaro to get a two count. Rear Chin Lock by Cesaro. Knee Strikes by Cesaro. RVD came back with a wicked kick to the face. Both men fell to the canvas. RVD with wild punches and a Shoulder Tackle. Back Thrust Kick into Rolling Thunder! Paul walked away, in disgust. 2 count.

Cesaro reversed a Whip. RVD with a Springboard Thrust Kick otthe face. RVD went to the corner. Cesaro rocked RVD with a European Uppercut. Cesaro with a Headbutt. RVD used a kick to drop Cesaro. Split Legged Moonsault. 1—2—no! RVD missed a Kick. European Uppercut into a Rolling Faceplant. Body Scissors Pin for two. Cesaro caught RVD with a Butterfly Bomb. Cesaro started to go with the Swing when Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter came out. Kick to the face of Cesaro. Swagger distracted Cesaro but Cesaro was still able to blast RVD with a shot. Paul Heyman and Zeb Colter argued. The ref didn’t see Cesaro get pushed into the ring post by Swagger. Cesaro was counted out!

Your Winner (by count out): Rob Van Dam
Raw Ranking: 3.5

Swagger attacked Cesaro, after the match. Cesaro threw Jack up and over the ropes. Paul told Cesaro to attack Zeb. Cesaro wanted to Swing Zeb. Thankfully, Jack Swagger stopped it. Jack then ended up in the Swing! There goes that damn Air Raid Siren again. Please get him some new music.

Time for mini-Crystal Ball Prediction. Expect Bad News Barrett to get past RVD to face Big E. I don’t think Barrett will get the I-C strap at Extreme Rules, though.

The destruction of Daniel Bryan was shown, again. Daniel took a bad Stinger but no permanent damage was done, thankfully.

Renee interviewed RVD. Paul Heyman and Cesaro said that RVD could not beat Cesaro, on his own. Paul taunted RVD for taking the cheap win. RVD said his conscious was clear. RVD warned Cesaro to stay as far from Paul Heyman as possible. RVD then walked off.

Aksana vs Paige
Non-Title Match

This has to be my favorite current Diva. The bell rang and Paige ducked a charging Aksana. Paige with Hair Biels. Springboard Sunset Flip by Paige. Knee Strikes by the Brit Lass. Aksana backed off to draw Paige in. The two got into a Slap Fight. Aksana pulled Paige off the ropes. Snap Suplex by Aksana. Aksana with wild kicks to Paige’s ribs. Aksana choked Paige on the middle rope. Slap by Aksana. 1 count, only.

Modified Rear Chin Lock by Aksana. Elbow Drops by Aksana. Paige tried to fight back but got laid out. Side Slam by Aksana. Paige rammed Aksana and hit a series of Sort Arm Clothesline. Horrible Spinebuster by Aksana. Elbow Drop by Aksana. Paige tried to put Aksana in a submission hold but settled for a hard Knee Strike. Aksana tried to fight out of the Modified Scorpion Crosslock. I love that move.

Your Winner: Paige
Raw Ranking: 1.75

Alexander Rusev was the focus of he WWE Rewind. He put R-Truth in the Accolade and then hit took out Xavier Woods.

Lana, who is hotter than a Vegas Summer, came out to introduce her charge, Alexander Rusev. She makes Russian sound so sexy,

Alexander Rusev vs Sin Cara

This is going to be such a Squash Match. Rusev will face R-Truth and Xavier Woods in a 2-on-1 Handicap Match at Extreme Rules. The bell rang and Rysev with a push. Sin with kicks and punches. Rusev caught Sin Cara and hit Knee Strikes, in the ropes. Fallaway Slam by Rusev. Rusev with a series of Jumping Knee Strikes, in the corner. Forearm Shot that dropped Sin Cara, big time. Rusev pulled on Sin’s arm and then hit a Headbutt. Cara with a boot. Sin Cara wanted a Hurancanrana but Rusev fought out. Backspring Elbow by Cara. Rusev reversed a Whip but Cara with an Enziguri. Missile Dropkick to the big man. Shoulder Tackle by Rusev. Power German Suplex by the Bulgarian Brute. Lana told Rusev to crush Cara. Trapped Spin Slam into the Accolade. Cara tapped out at warp speed.

After another Bo-Lieve vignette, it was time to find out which member or members of the Wyatt Family would face John Cena. Cena made his way out to learn his fate. Kerry Lawler delivered the news:

John Cena vs Luke Harper, Erick Rowan AND Bray Wyatt.

The Wyatt Family won with a 53% of the vote. Raw went to break before this slaughter got under way.

Cena didn’t look happy at the Wyatts made their entrance. The crowd clapped along to the best theme music in wrestling, today. Bray screamed at Cena, asking if John “Feels it”. The Wyatts talked and then all three attacked Cena. The bell had not sounded when the attack went down.

The bell did ring and Luke attacked Cena. He took Cena to the enemy corner and tagged to Rowan. Scoop Powerslam to Cena. Side Headlock into a Corner Run by Rowan. Cena began to fight back. He went for a Crossbody but ended up the victim of a Fallaway Slam. Bray Wyatt…the False Prophet…entered the fray. Bray danced with Cean. Uppercut by Bray. Tag to Luke. Double Thrust by Harper. Cena reversed a Ship and hit a Corner Splash. Harper dropped Cena with a Crossbody. Luke stepped on Cena’s neck and then rocked John with a European Uppercut. Cena with a nice German Suplex. Luke tagged to Rowan. He stomped away on Cena.

Pumphandle Backbreaker by Rowan. 2 count. Tag to Bray. Bray went for a Running Kick but stopped short. He tagged in Luke. Cena with a Drop Toe Fold into the STF. Rowan made the save. Cena ended up on the floor and Rowan went to get him. Cena ran Erick into the barricade. Harper came out and whipped Cena into the ring steps. Raw took a final break.

Cena tried to get back in the ring but Luke stopped him. Cena fought back and hit a Flying Tornado DDT. Bray took the tag and blasted John with a Flying Uranage, for a two count. Full Mount Elbow Smashes by Bray. Bray wan into John with a Running Headbutt. Systematic Destruction by Bray and his family. Bray kept singing on the floor.

Eric took the tag and popped Cena in the face. Knuckle Digs by Erick. Bray told John to “let it go”. Cena began to kick and punch back. Rowan reversed a Whip but Rowan ended up hitting the ring post. Tag to Bray, again.

Corner Splash by Bray. Cena sent into his Bizarro Crab Walk. I wish I was that flexible. Cena with an Exploder Clothesline. Cena dropped but Luke and Erick. Bintage Time. Low Bridge on Harper. The crowd popped monstrous for Cena. Five Knuckle Shuffle. Attitude Adjustment! Luke and Erick went after Cena, which drew the DQ.

Your Winner (by Disqualification): John Cena
Raw Ranking: 2.0

Bray watched as his boys took the fight to Cena. Bray had Erick and Luke to hold Cena. Sister Abigail! Bray then cradled the knocked out Cena and began to sign “Whole World” yet again. This was like some kind of psycho religious experience. This was beyond disturbing.

Peace

–Jay Shannon
WordSlingerJay@Gmail.com
Twiter.com/jayshannonnv

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