WHAT HAPPENED, THIS WEEK, @ (TNA) IMPACT WRESTLIGN

Posted January 3rd, 2014 by jshannon

One of TNA’s greatest tag teams reunited to battle common foes. Plus, the new TNA World Champion had his coronation.

The show opened with a profile of Magnus. Best line…”He’s from the UK…That means he’s British”. D’uh.

Kurt Angle then made his way down to the ring. Kurt was limping, slightly. Kurt was ready to address his future. He admitted that 2013 was the worst year of his life. Kurt said he was not a “Cyborg” in 2013. Kurt was ready to announce his plans for 22014…

Enter Bobby Roode. Bobby thought Kurt was about to walk away from TNA. Bobby mentioned Jeff Hardy’s quitting of TNA. Bobby wondered if Kurt finally realized that he didn’t have it anymore. Bobby wanted Kurt to state that Bobby was better than Kurt. Kurt was silent for a bit before explaining to Bobby that he wasn’t leaving. Kurt was planning on kicking *ss in 2014. Kurt then challenged Bobby to one more match. Bobby thought Kurt was crazy. Bobby refused to fight him again. Bobby said he had nothing left to prove to anyone. Bobby insulted Kurt by saying Angle was not Hall of Fame worthy. Bobby started to leave but stopped. Bobby changed his mind and said he would accept, only if Kurt would put his career and his future spot in the Hall of Fame on the line. Kurt eagerly accepted. The match will happen at Genesis. Kurt upped the ante by putting the match inside a steel cage. Bobby was ticked off but did accept the match. The two men then went fist and fire at each other. Security and refs rushed down to break things up. Rockstar Spud came down to stop things, and got put on his butt. Spud ordered both men to find a tag partner and the four would battle in the main event.

Dixie was walking down the hallway. She said tonight was her crowning glory. She mentioned that it took 11 years to find the “perfect” World Champion. After the promo, Dixie got an unsigned telegram that simply said “See you tonight”. Odd.

Dixie talked with Spud about the odd note that she got. Dixie was very concerned about the note. She asked Spud to investigate.

Gail Kim and Lei’d Tapa were in the ring. Gail was ready for another Open Challenge. Gail bragged about how 2013 was her year. She felt 2014 would be a better year, if they could find her some actual competition…

Gail Kim’s Open Challenge

Gail Kim vs Madison Rayne

Be careful what you ask for, toots. Tapa got in Rayne’s face but Gail pulled her back. Madison with a Crossbody, before the bell. Madison exploded with a Corner Attack of kicks on the Knockout Champion. Spear! Madison had Gail rocked. Gail threw Madison to the canvas. Gail kicked Madison in the back and then with Full Mount Punches. Forearm Smash and Whip by Gail. Madison came back with a Suplex and Rolling Neckbreaker.

Tapa yanked Madison out to the floor. The ref didn’t see a thing, of course. Gail put Madison back in the ring and tried to pin her. When that failed, Gail went wild. Seated Dragon Sleeper by Gail. Gail turned it into a Rear Chin Lock while stretching the body of the former champ. Gail choked Madison on the middle ropes. Madison blocked Eat Da Feet and hit a Backslide. 1-2-no. Dual Clotheslines took both women down. Madison with Forearm Shots. Shoulder Tackles and Slide Dropkick by Madison. Modified Rikishi Run by Madison. Reverse Electric Chair by Gail. Madison landed badly. Gail talked trash to her challenger. Gail wanted the Eat da Feet but Madison turned it into a Side Roll Pin.

Your Winner: Madison Rayne
Impact Score: 2.5 out of a possible 5

Velvet Sky tried to talk to Chris Sabin. Sabin said Sky needed to listen to him. He threatened to leave the building, without Sky, if she didn’t follow his instructions.

Kurt Angle talked with Gunner about joining him in the tag match. Gunner said he didn’t like Bobby so he agreed to partner with him. James Storm walked up and seemed disgusted by Gunner’s acceptance.

Chris Sabin (w/Velvet Sky) vs Austin Aries
X-Division Title Match

Impact showed how Aries won the title, last month. Sky played into the win, by accident.

The bell rang but Sabin hid in the ropes. Austin hopped up on the ropes to rest as Sky kissed Sabin. Aries with a Corner Dropkick. 2 count. Sabin with a Spin Kick. Aries with a Bulldog, out of the corner. Last Chancellory by Aries. Sabin ordered Sky to get in the ring but she wouldn’t. Sabin went out and yelled at his girl. Aries ran Sabin into the corner and slipped him in the ring. Running Elbow Drop into the Doink the Clown Stump Puller! Kneelift by Sabin. He flipped Aries onto the apron. Austin snapped the neck and hit a Corkscrew Plancha, into the ring. 2 counts.

Sabin blocked the Brainbuster and hit a Suplex. Sabin trapped Aries in the Sullivan Tree of Woe. Aries tried to roll up but Sabin kept putting him back down. Tornado Cutter by Aries. The two threw huge moves. Discus Forearm by Aries sent Sabin to the floor. Ax Bomber to the floor. Aries pitched Sabin back into the ring. Sabin called to Sky for help. Missile Dropkick by Aries. Sabin ended up in the corner. Sabin told Sky to “Go”. She got up on the apron. The distraction allowed Sabin to nail a Low Kick. Roll up.

Your Winner (and New X-Division Champion): Chris Sabin
Impact Score: 2.75 (points dropped for cheap ending)

Jeremy Borash interviewed the new champion. He thanked the one person that he couldn’t do this without…himself. Jerk Alert.

Spud was practicing his speech for later. His phone went off with a hillbilly theme. There was no one there but the area code was “678”. Did a quick check through Google and found out that “678” is the area code for…Georgia (around the Atlanta area). Hmm…isn’t Gainesville near Atlanta? I’m just saying…

Samuel Shaw vs Norv Fernum

Shaw same out in what looked like street clothes. He did wear black gloves while wrestling. He helped Christy Hemme out of the ring to “protect her”. This is getting a bit creepy. Norv now has his own theme music. Sounds like something taken from the Revenge of the Nerds soundtrack. Taz joked about Norv. Shaw took out Norv with a shot, right at the bell. Hammer Throw by Shaw. Shaw kept looking at Hemme. Norv with punches. Universal into a slide and kicks by Norv. Snap Powerslam by Shaw. Shaw kept staring at Hemme. Orton Twisted Backbreaker by Shaw. Shaw with a modified Sleeper/High Choke. Guess you could call it he Shaw-Shank Redemption.

Your Winner (by submission): Samuel Shaw
Impact Score: 1.0

Shaw kept staring at Hemme. I can’t blame him as she is absolutely gorgeous. Stalker Shaw?

James Storm was asked about Gunner’s choice. Storm said Gunner was like all his other partners…he changed. Storm said he thought Kurt made a mistake in choosing Gunner. He thought he might have done the same. Gunner opened a door and said “Just who I’m looking for”. We didn’t’ see who it was but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who it most likely was…

Bobby Roode said he had enough on his plate. He had a couple of guys on his list to be his partner. Bobby wanted to know why he should trust…James Storm. Storm said he wanted to send a message to Gunner. Storm said he would be out there, either as Bobby’s partner or as the guy kicking everyone’s butt (including Bobby).

Another video ran about how Magnus rose to the position of World Champion.

Kurt Angle and Gunner vs James Storm and Bobby Roode (Beer Money Reformed…at least for one night)

Gunner has new music and graphic. I like it. JB talked with Gunner, before the match. He was asked about James Storm being considered as Roode’s partner. Gunner said it was about to get more violent, if Storm did come out. Break before the battle.

Storm got heavily booed when he walked from the back. Storm set the beer on the ring steps. The four men had a quick stare down and then they went to their individual corner. Kurt and Storm to open the match. Go Behind by Storm. Standing Switch. Arm Wringer by Storm. Reversed by Kurt. Hammerlock by Kurt into a Back Elbow. Snap Suplex by Kurt. Gunner took the tag and worked on Storm’s arm. High Knee by Storm. Bobby tagged himself into the ring. Gunner ran over Bobby and hit a Back Elbow. Bobby with a hard kick and Bum Rush into the corner. Gunner did a tribute to the late, great Missing Link by slamming his own head into the turnbuckles, several times. Gunner sent Bobby into the corner and then hit the Blanchard Slingshot Suplex. 2 count. Knee Lift by Bobby. Roode sent Gunner into the corner. Gunner and Storm stared at each other. Double R Spinebuster by Bobby.

Storm tagged in and cracked his former partner. Bobby quickly tagged back in and they hit a Double Back Elbow. Shoulder Thrusts by Bobby. Tag to Storm. Storm with measured punches to the skull. Arm Wringer into a Front Face Lock. Gunner tried to power his way to the corner but Bobby distracted the ref. Double team on Gunner. Gunner with a Knife Edge Chop to Bobby but Roode with a thumb to the eyes and boot rake and Kneedrop. Double Suplex by Beer Money. Storm went back to work on Gunner’s arm. Universal into a Double Shoulder collision.

Kurt got the tag but the ref didn’t see it. Really? Kurt pushed past he ref and hit Suplexes and Clotheslines on Bobby. Hat Trick minus one on Roode. He got the third one on Storm. Storm waned the Superkick but Kurt caught the ankle and went for the Angle Lock. Gunner put Roode into the Gun Rack but Storm with the Last Call Superkick. Roode took out Gunner with the Deciding Factor (Attitude Adjustment).

Your Winners: Beer Money (Bobby Roode and James Storm)
Impact Score: 3.5

After the match, Kurt attacked Bobby Roode, from behind. Bobby escaped the AngleSlam and took off running. Storm grabbed Gunner’s briefcase and laid it on the Modern Day Viking’s chest. That feud is going to be awesome.

Backstage, Spud rushed up and confronted Sting. Sting said he didn’t have time to speak to Spud. He wanted to speak to “Dixie’s Lapdog” (Magnus?). Spud grumbled that Ms. Dixie didn’t have a lapdog. Nope, just a sleazy little flunkie.

TNA showed how Jeff Hardy left TNA.

Ethan Carter III was in the ring. “You Suck!” rose like a wave over the arena. EC3 claimed that he has changed the face of wrestling, thanks to his auntie, Dee/Dixie. He actually tried to talk about all his great competition. EC3 reminded everyone that he pinned Sting, last week. EC3 mocked Jeff Hardy’s exit from TNA. EC3 threw out a challenge to Jeff Hardy to come back to the ring and face him. Christy Hemme introduced Jeff Hardy, who wasn’t there. EC3 decided to count Hardy out.

Ethan Carter III vs Jeff Hardy

Carter did the 10 count…or tried to. At 9, Sting walked from the back. Sting told Ethan that he would not allow Carter to trash talk Hardy. Sting questioned if Ethan was a man. He called EC3 a “Puppy Dog waiting for Aunt Dixie to rub his tummy and be on Dixie’s leash”. He asked Ethan to get off the leash and prove himself as a man. “Dixie’s Lapdog” rang out from the crowd. Carter said he would not let Sting manipulate him. Ethan quickly rushed out of the ring. Sting said Ethan just proved that he was the lapdog that he thought he was. Ethan stopped and said “Enough!”. Ethan agreed to fight Sting, one on one…at Genesis. Ethan then stormed to the back.

Joseph Park told Eric Young that he didn’t remember turning into Abyss. Park didn’t understand why Eric put him in the ring with Bully Ray. Eric said Abyss fought Bully Ray, exactly two years ago. Bully Ray walked up and said Park shouldn’t go to the ring. Ray said Park would burn for the sins of Ken Anderson. Ray threatened to set Park on fire. I don’t like where this is going. One of the only things that I’m afraid of in this world is fire. My hand was badly burned, as a young kid, and fire still freaks me out.

Bully Ray vs Joseph Park

Park looked so nervous. Ray just stood in the corner, looking down. Park slowly moved towards Ray. “Kick his *ss” was chanted. Ray finally looked up as Park got near. Ray with a kick between the legs.

Your Winner (by disqualification): Joseph Park
Impact Score: n/a

Ray doused Park with lighter fluid. Park shrieked as the fluid got in Park’s eyes. Ray brought out matches. Ken Anderson rushed the ring but Ray sprayed him with the same fluid. Ray lit his lighter and threatened Ken with it. Ray then bailed out of the ring. That was just scary. Ken had the can of lighter fluid. He looked so stunned at what almost happened.

In the back, TNA’s “Royal Family” made their way out for the coronation.

The Royal Coronation of Magnus

There was a throne and Union Jack flags inside the ring. Spud was dressed all in white. He was flanked by Ethan Carter III. Spud said he was the spokesman for the entire Carter Kingdom. Whatever. Spud said tonight’s events would outshine the wedding of Katherine and William. Seriously? Spud then introduced Madam Dixie Carter. “USA” rose from the crowd. Spud corrected them that they should be chanting “DixieLand”. Spud said it wasn’t just about Dixie, it was also about the man who was going to change professional wrestling…your World Champion…a British Man…Magnus. Get on with it, will ya? Spud then turned things over to Ethan Carter III.

Yawn.

Ethan talked about power being with the 1%. Carter bragged about beating Sting. He reminded everyone that the world need Carters. Ethan then talked about Magnus becoming the man that rules the world. Ethan then really laid it on heavy for TNA’s Queen, Dixie Carter. He then brought out Aunt Dee.

Dixie joined her nephew and toadie in the ring. For this, we don’t get a real main event? Jeez. Dixie wanted to tell a story. The fans really booed the Hell out of her. Dixie started to talk about seeing a six page feature on Magnus. “We want A.J.” was the next chant to break out. Dixie talked about how Magnus had “All of It”. Dixie said Magnus has done it all on his own. Dixie ordered the fans to stand and show respect to the new World Champion…Magnus.

Magnus came out in a sharp suit with the World title slung over his shoulder. Mike Tenay reminded the fans that Rockstar Spud definitely helped Magnus defeat Jeff Hardy. Magnus sat on his throne as the fans went off on him. Magnus said it was time for everyone to listen to him. Magnus showed respect to Spud and EC3 for their kind words. He then had a special thanks to give to Dixie Carter. God, I may hurl day-glo. He called her the wind beneath his massive wings. Snore…oops sorry. Magnus stated that he was superior to Jeff Hardy, Bobby Roode and Kurt Angle. Magnus felt that the fans turned their backs on him. Magnus refused to take a back seat to anyone, anymore. Magnus was confident that he would be the World Champion for a logn time…

Gunner came out with his briefcase. Would he cash in? Impact quickly went to break.

Gunner got in the ring and addressed the new World Champion. Gunner said his history was about to be made, right now. Gunner said he was going to cash in. Dixie told the people in charge not to ring the bell. Gunner threw Spud aside and Back Elbowed EC3. Gunner was Double Teamed by EC3 and Spud. They held Gunner as Dixie called for the attack. A.J. Styles slid into the ring and exploded on Spud and EC3. He cleared the ring as Dixie ordered Styles out of the ring. Styles and Magnus both held up World Title belts. Dixie was losing her mind. Styles put his belt on the canvas and told Magnus to come and get it. This is interesting, since Styles is scheduled to debut in Ring of Honor in a few weeks. Styles told Dixie he was man enough to show up with the belt. He refused to just hand over the belt to her. Styles said he came back because Dixie screwed over the fans. He called Magnus a “Farce” as a World Champion. Styles got the fans into a “You’re a Farce” chant. He said Magnus would not be a World Champion until he beat him. Magnus responded by clarifying that Styles was challenging him. Styles said there needed to be a unification match. Magnus started to get in the ring as Dixie ordered Magnus to stop. Styles said Magnus did have to accept the challenge. “You’re a Muppet” was chanted at Magnus. Styles told Magnus that Magnus did care about the fans. He warned Magnus that there would always be doubt if Magnus didn’t face him. Dixie kept saying “No.” and “This is not going to happen”. Magnus told Styles that A.J> was not now or would never be better. Next week, Magnus vs A.J. Styles…Unification Match. Dixie said it would not happen. Magnus told Dixie that if it did not happen, he would leave TNA, as well. Dixie said she would not risk the liability to allow Styles to compete. Magnus demanded a One-Night Only Contract to Styles for a Winners Take All Match. Dixie screeched if Magnus lost, she’d have nothing. Magnus told her if she didn’t make the match, she’d still have nothing. I so want to see the mach. Styles offered his hand to Magnus. Fade out.

Dam n, I will SO be there.

Happy New Year to one and all.

Peace

–Jay Shannon
WordSlingerJay@Gmail.com
Twitter.com/jayshannonnv

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