WHAT HAPPENED, THIS WEEK, @ (TNA) IMPACT WRESTLING

Posted December 14th, 2013 by jshannon

It was time for the return of the infamous “Feast or Fired”. Plus, RockStar Spud made a trip to Georgia, to try and recover Dixie Carter’s (her claim) World Title Belt.

The show kicked off with a look at the A.J. Styles Saga. Yes, again. Styles said if Dixie wanted the title belt, he’d have to come get it. That led to this week, where Spud was near Gainesville, miserably lost.

Back in the arena, Jeremy Borash started to talk about Feast or Fired and the finals of the World Title Tournament. He was interrupted by Kurt Angle, who was seriously ticked off. He ordered J.B. out of the ring and then threw the briefcases around and tipped over the “Wheel of Dixie”. He screamed for Bobby Roode. Kurt wanted to end this feud, right now.

Bobby came out and teased that he was going to beat down Kurt. Roode then made a point to back peddle, big time. Bobby said he was p*ssed off because he was eliminated from the Title Tournament because he slipped and fell through a table. Bobby said he has beaten Kurt, over and over, and now owns Kurt. He even said he was better than Angle. Kurt swore that Bobby would never beat him again. Kurt felt he could beat Bobby, twice in one night. That made Bobby cackle like a chicken. Kurt wanted to go and he Speared Bobby and punched him in the face, multiple times. Refs and Security came rushing out. They were ineffective in keeping them apart. Bobby kicked Kurt low. Bobby then screamed at Kurt after pushing all the TNA people away. Bobby wanted to see Kurt try and beat him twice in one night. They will meet, next week, at Final Resolution, in a 2-out-of-3 Falls Match. That should be awesome.

A video package of Bad Influence’s blood attack on Joseph Park aired. Bad Influence found out that the Park Law Offices don’t exist. The Law Offices closed down like 13 years ago. Eric Young rushed down and challenged Bad Influence. In the back, Park seemed distracted. Eric tried to talk with him. Eric said it was time to get some revenge. Eric said it was time for Joseph to “Show him”. Eric asked Joseph to “Trust Him.” This should be interesting.

Christopher Daniels and Kazarian (Bad Influence) vs Joseph Park and Eric Young

Eric started against Daniels. The crowd chanted for “E.Y”. Eric with the Universal into the Flying Forearm. Arm Wringer by Eric and tag to Park. Daniels went to the eyes and then Shoulder Thrusted. Park moved and tagged out. Dropkick by Eric. Kneelift by Daniels and tag to Kaz. Back Body Drop by EY. Corner Mount Punches by Eric. Tag to Park.

Kaz with a hard Forearm Smash and Dropkick. Kaz tagged out and they double teamed Park with several hard moves. Daniels strutted around Park. Daniels with a sharp punch to the face. He then kicked the chest before tagging out. Kaz with a Crescent Kick to Park’s chest. Kaz talked trash to Park. Kaz then cracked Eric and knocked him off the apron. Kaz slapped Park in the face, over and over. Eric came in and beat the daylights out of both of the. He tossed both guys to the outside. Eric screamed at Park to get up and fight. Eric with a Side Headlock on Park and he bashed him in the skull until he opened him up. Oh, Damn. Eric showed Park the blood and Park went to his dark Abyss-like state. Bad Influence took that moment to attack. Park exploded on both Kaz nad Daniels. Chokeslam to Kaz. Corner Splash to Daniels. Torture Buster to Daniels. Sunset Flip by Kaz but Park with the Black Hole Slam! 1-2-3.

Your Winners: Joseph Park and Eric Young
Impact Score: 3.0 out of a possible 5

After the match, Eric talked with his partner. Eric said he finally figured it all out. Park showed up 18 months ago, looking for his brother. The reason he never found his brother is…Joseph Park IS Abyss! Joseph shook his hand and said he wasn’t. The crowd started chanting “You Are Abyss!”. I’ve seen Abyss without his mask, so I know the truth. I won’t comment, for now.

Ethan Carter III talked about taking out Earl Hebner. EC3 said he was going to have a moment that would make Social Media History.

Ethan Carter III vs ?

EC3 came out and said he was ready to make a Social Media Impact. He then challenged TNA’s Social Media Expert…Jeremy Borash. Oh, come on (slipped back into my old J.C. Scott persona for a moment there). As J.B. tried to beg off, the lights went out and Sting showed up.

Sting read Ethan the riot act for being handed things that he never deserved. Sting gave Ethan 2 options:

1. Enter the Feast or Fired Match
2. Fight Sting…now

Ethan looked like he was going to go with Sting but wussed out and put himself in Feast or Fired.

Spud was back, still looking for A.J. Styles. He stopped at a gas station and the pump jockey directed him to a local bar, just up the road. Yeah, this is going to be good.

Gail Kim Open Challenge

Gail and Lei’d Tapa were in the ring. Gail grumbled about the below-average competition that she had faced. Gail asked for her next challenger to come out. ODB came from the back. Taz yelled about how ODB wasn’t eligible, because she was active on the roster. Gail tried to go off on ODB but ODB explained she wasn’t there to kick Gail’s butt…but Tapa’s! ODB went off on Tapa until Gail got involved. In the middle of the 2-on-1 Beat Down, a mystery woman rushed the ring. It turned out to be…Madison Rayne! ODB and Madison cleared the ring, including a Double La Bandera Clothesline on Tapa.

Spud went into the bar and looked around. He ordered what my late buddy, Luther, would have called a “Sissy Drink”. Spud asked for Allen Jones (Styles’ real name). The bartender was kind of a cute chubby girl. Spud got a beer bottle with a wedge of lemon on top. More to come…

After the break, Spud got on the house microphone and asked for Allen Jones/A.J. Styles. Spud was told that it was time to sing or get off the stage. The bar patrons got into a “Sing a Song Chant”. Spud sang horribly and the patrons looked ready to beat him senseless. He got all tangled up in the Christmas lights. Doofus. The bouncer gave him the Bum Rush.

Impact then looked at Dixie’s “Invention” of Feast or Fired. She actually took credit for this? It was explained that there are 4 briefcases. They contain:

A. A World Title Shot
B. An X-Division Title Match
C. A Tag Team Title Match
D. Pink Slip…meaning Fired

James Storm and Gunner talked about the possibilities in the upcoming match. Storm told Gunner “Sorry bout your damn luck”. Gunner didn’t look pleased.

Spud was back. He finally found Styles’ house. He parked a few doors away and started up the street.

Dixie Carter came out for her weekly rant. Dixie was ticked that Kurt destroyed the “Wheel of Dixie”. She was waiting for a call from the Smithsonian to put the Wheel in their museum. Dixie did agree to the 2-out-of-3 Falls Match, which she took credit for the idea of. She then turned to discuss A.J. Styles. Dixie said she would get a new World Champion, next week. Dixie brought out Jeff Hardy and Magnus. I still think Jeff is going to win it and bring back his personal title belt. I’ve talked trash about it enough so let’s just leave it at “I don’t think it looks like the kind of title belt I would want to wear, if I were to even be able to wrestle”. Dixie said either man would make a great champion. Dixie wanted to let both men talk about the match and the championship. Jeff talked about all he did, last year. Jeff was ready to win the title, again. He got the crowd into chanting his surname. Magnus said he was young, not blind, deaf and stupid. He knew the fans would be in his corner. Magnus thanked Jeff for putting food on his table. Magnus said he saw Hardy as the Final Obstacle to his quest to become the World Champion. Jeff appreciated the honesty. Magnus said he had all intentions to beat Hardy. The two men shook hands. Dixie then unveiled the final match…the Dixie Land Match. It’s a Steel Cage + Ladder Match. Hardy and Magnus would start inside a cage. They would have to escape that, move up the ramp and climb a ladder to get the title belt. This match could really be fantastic. Kudos to whoever REALLY thought up the match. Dixie then told both men that the winner would fly in Dixie’s private jet and represent her. Dixie said her door would always be open for the winner. She also suggested her VIP table was also waiting. She left an invitation to the guys to come join her.

Velvet Sky talked with her sweetie. Chris Sabin bragged about how great he looked and asked her to be in his corner.

Back to Georgia, and Spud got inside Styles’ house. He found the title belt, just as Styles flipped on the lights. Styles said he was going to call either the cops or some of his buddies to “get medieval” on him ala Pulp Fiction. Styles explained that Styles got a lot of calls about Spud looking for him. Styles said he left the door unlocked, on purpose. Styles took his title belt and let Spud escape. Spud most likely needed a change of undies after that little encounter. Styles slammed his door.

Mr. (Ken) Anderson said he had fun with the Funeral (of Aces and Eights). Ken was now ready to get back the World Title.

Chris Sabin vs Austin Aries
X-Division Title Match

The crowd was solidly behind Aries. Collar and Elbow into a Side Headlock. Sabin took Aries to the corner. Aries and Sabin with the Universal. Sabin fot frustrated and went into another Universal. Sabin missed the Elbow Drop and went to the floor. Aries flipped out of the rign and did a Victory Lap as Sabin hit the corner. Aries flirted with Velvet and then dropped Aries with a Baseball Slide Dropkick. Aries went to the top and Chris grabbed Sky as a shield. Sabin tripped Aries, on the apron. Sabi then ran Austin’s ribs into the ring.

Back in the ring, Aries with several strikes. Sabin tried to reverse it but Aries snapped the neck on the top rope. Aries flew but missed a Missile Dropkick. Sabin with a wild Spinning Gutbuster. 2 count. It was like a Backwards Black Hole Slam. Sabin punched away and cranked on an Abdominal Stretch. He blew kisses to Velvet. Sabin with a Front Suplex, dropping Aries on the top rope. 2 count, again. Aries blocked a couple of Suplexes and then dropped Sabin over the top rope. Bell Ringers by Aries and solid punches. Roaring Elbow by Aries sent Sabin flying up the ramp. Ax Bomber by Aries. I love this kind of action!

Aries with a Missile Dropkick that sent Sabin into the corner. Sabin got he boot up to block a Running Drokick. Aries pushed out of the Tornado DDt. Japanese Arm Drag, by Aries, sent Sabin into the corner. Full Speed Dropkick by Aries. Sky with the distraction. Sabin almost hit Sky. Brainbuster! 1—2—3!

Your Winner (and NEW X-Division Champion): Austin Aries
Impact Score: 4.25

Taz blamed Velvet Sky for the loss.

Feast and Fired was on deck. The competitors for this match would be:

1. Zema Ion
2. Ethan Carter III
3. Chavo Guerrero
4. Hernandez
5. Gunner
6. James Storm
7. Mr. Anderson
8. Samoa Joe
9. Curry Man
10. Dewey Barnes
11. Norv Fernum

Plus…maybe a few more? Let’s see…

In the back, Sabin and Aries talked over their match. Sabin was ticked that Aries put Sky in danger. Sabin threw himself in Feast or Fired. Aries was ready to steal Sabin’s idea. He pput himself into the match. He hinted that he might steal Velvet Sky, as well.

Magnus said he couldn’t be worried about Dixie. He stopped to take a call. Interesting. TNA showed how Magnus and Hardy made it into the finals.

Feast or Fired

Highlights:

As Mr. Anderson came out for the match, he was attacked, on the stage, by Bully Ray. Bully with the Piledriver! Ray took the Drop Mic and stood over Anderson. Ray went off with a cryptic biblical-sounding rant. Ray accused Anderson of “Raping him of his future”. He then threatened Ken’s unborn twins. Going WAY too far!

As the bell rang, Curry Man jumped out of the ring. He wanted no part of this match. He DID get fired, once before (or was it twice?). Aries took out a lot of people. Hernandez with the Tope Con Hilo to take out like four guys. The Nerds with Stereo Flip Dives. Joe then hit a Suicide Dive. Ouch. EC3 rushed up and took down Case Number 3

Ethan Carter 3 – Case 3

All Hell was exploding as the show returned. Joe flipped Chavo out of the ring and sent Hernandez into him. Jumping Enziguri by Joe. Dewey went after Joe and so did Norv. Joe Powerbombed Norv into Dewey. Joe went after Sabin. One Arm Uranage, after blocking a Tornado DDT. The Nerds sent Joe to the floor. The Nerds then went after one of the briefcase. Ion sent them to the floor and took case 2

Zema Ion – Case 2

Everyone left tore into each other. Aries almost got a case but settled for a Cross Body. He then blasted Gunner, Chavo and Joe. Roaring Elbow by Aries. Aries with Hesitation Dropkicks all around. Aries almost got he case but the Nerds attacked. Aries sent then Nerds into each other and then hit a Forearm. Aries was sent over the ropes. Aries snapped both guys necks on the to rope. Aries went to the top and hit a 450 Splash on both Norv and Dewey. Aries went after a case but Sabin pulled him down. Aries whipped Sabin into the ring steps. Joe and Chavo went after each other. Joe took the advantage, at first. Joe blocked a Monkey Flip. Hernandez threw Chavo up and he took case 4

Chavo Guerrero – Case 4

Gunner and Storm tore into Hernandez but Super Mex fought back. Gunner sent Hernandez into the corner and hit a vicious Corner Clothesline. Hernandez rolled up the ropes and hit a Headbutt. The Nerds went after Hernandez but Gunner turned it into a Tower of Doom. Storm took out Joe with a Last Call Superkick. Storm almost got the last case but Gunner tripped him. Gunner then climbed and took the final case.

Gunner – Case 1

So, Winner Recap:

Case 1 – Gunner
Case 2 – Zema Ion
Case 3 – Ethan Carter III
Case 4 – Chavo Guerrero

Impact Score: 3.5

After the match, Jeff hardy walked into Dixie’s VIP area to share some wine with “Da Boss”. Hmmm…

What are in the cases? My predictions:

Case 1 (Gunner): World Title Shot
Case 2 (Zena Ion): Tag Team Title Shot
Case 3 (Ethan Carter 3): Fired
Case 4 (Chavo Guerrero): X-Division Title Shot

Somehow, Aunt D(ixie) is going to pull some shenanigans to keep her “Nephew” around.

Peace

–Jay Shannon
WordSlingerJay@Gmail.com
Twitter.com/jayshannonnv

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