WHAT HAPPENED, THIS WEEK, @ (TNA) IMPACT WRESTLING

Posted November 29th, 2013 by jshannon

Happy Thanksgiving!

After a wonderful day surrounded by my extended family, it’s time to get down to some excellent wrestling action. Team Roode will battle Team Angle in an 8-man war. Who will be on the teams? And what will Dixie Carter have to say? Let’s grab a turkey sandwich, some ice cold eggnog and watch the craziness unfolds.

The show began with a look at the “Death” of Aces of Eights. Mr. Anderson said he had something special in mind for the “Cuts” of the former gang. Plus, as I mentioned, Team Angle will battle Team Roode in an Elimination Match.

Mr. Anderson had a coffin set up for the funeral of Aces and Eights.

Dixie Carter strolled out to the ring for another long and boring speech. Dixie now has a new Chief of Staff. After tons of interviews, she has found her person. The crowd started a deafening “A.J.” chant. Her new Chief is…RockStar Spud. Seriously? He looked like Bill Nye had a child with Dana Carvey. Jeez. Spud paid his respects to Dixie as the crowd chanted “U.S.A.”. Spud said he was Dixie’s eyes and ears, now. Taz called him a “Stooge”. Spud called Dixie his “Queen”.

Dixie then took back the microphone and made Kurt Angle vs Magnus in a Last Man Standing Match and Jeff Hardy vs Bobby Roode in a Tables Match. Dixie said she had something to motivate her crew…Winner, Winner, Turkey Dinner. Please! All winners will get a huge feast and the losers will get nothing. Dixie did her best to ignore the “A.J. Styles” and “We Want A.J.” chants. Dixie then introduced her nephew, Ethan Carter III.

Maybe it’s the turkey kicking in, or maybe this is just boring but my yawns are starting to draw attention from my horses…outside.

Ethan said he hand-picked his challenger. Impact took a break before the latest lamb was brought to slaughter.

Ethan Carter III vs Curry Man

SWEET! I love Curry Man! Curry danced around as Ethan smirked. Curry wanted the microphone to talk to the crowd, in Japanese. Ethan jumped Curry, from behind. Scoop Slam by EC3. Snap Mare by EC3. Ethan then slammed Curry’s face into the mat, over and over. Ethan stomped away at the “Japanese” superstar. Back Body Drop by Ethan. Rear Mount and punches. Huge “You can’t Wrestle!” chant. Corner Clothesline and Back Drop Suplex by Ethan. Whip by Ethan but Curry with a kick and Flying Forearm and Dropkick. Bell Ringer and Hip Attack by Curry. Ethan with a hard throw and Clothesline. 1%er!

Your Winner: Ethan Carter III
Impact Score: 1.25 out of a possible 5

Yeah, yeah, we know…the world needs Carters. Sure, like we need sunburns, chapped lips and earaches.

Kurt thanked Gunner for joining him to fight as Team Angle. Kurt was happy to have James Storm on the team, as well. Gunner tried to explain his actions, last week. James blew him off and walked out.

Zema Ion is now the personal D.J. for the Bromans. Eric Young and ODB walked up with the LEGENDARY TURKEY SUIT! YES! YES! YES! Eric said he didn’t have a single turkey suit…but TWO. The BroMans would have to fight…Norv and Dewey. The BroMans were thrilled to learn that they were going to fight the guys that Ethan Carter has beaten, week after week. This is going to be so much silly fun.

Velvet Sky vs Lei’d Tapa

Gail Kim was with Tapa. There is a Savage Beauty to Lei’d Tapa. Tapa towered over Sky. Tapa pushed Sky into the corner and then pushed her down. Sky ducked Tapa and kicked at the thighs. Tapa blasted Sky, who collapsed. Tapa charged the corner and Sky moved. Sky jumped on Tapa’s back and went for a Sleeper. Tapa flipped Sky off with a Snap Mare-like move. Tapa missed a Corner Rush and Sky worked the leg. Gail tripped Sky and got herself 86’d. Tapa lost in and ran over Sky. Sky grabbed her shoulder. Tapa slammed the back of Sky’s head into the mat, numerous times. Tap sent Sky into a couple of corners. Rikishi Rush variation by Tapa. Goozle by Tapa into a Double Flying Choke. Sky tried to knee free and hit a Jawbreaker. Sky with wild kicks but Tapa dropped her with a Big Boot. Tapa struck her “Alas, Poor Urich” pose and then hit a Spinning Stunner to finish off Velvet Sky.

Your Winner: Lei’d Tapa
Impact Score: 2.0

Eric Young is now the Turkey Bowl Commissioner and the infamous Turkey Bowl Tag Team Match was on deck!

TNA showed a preview of the Aces and Eights Funeral.

A promo for the Turkey Suit ran. This so takes me back to the days of the Chicken Suit in WCW and other assorted silliness. There is such a column lurking in there someone.

BroMans (Jessie G and Robbie E) vs Dewey Barnes and Norv Fernum.
Non-Title, Turkey Suit Tag Team Match

I didn’t think Zema Ion could get any more irritating, but he proved me wrong with his goofy D.J. schtick.

Hmmm…Worst Tag Teams? Yep, going to be working on that during breaks at work tomorrow. Jessie made fun of Dewey and Norv. Jessie slapped Dewey. Quick Double Roll Up almost got a three. The Nerds lost as BroMans nailed Norv with the Bro-Down.

Your Winners: The BroMans
Impact Score: .25

Norv and Dewey put on the Turkey Suits as Jessie screamed a weird Turkey Gobble…I think. Norv and Dewey were good sports as they danced away. I like the Ultra-Nerds. Eric ran off Jessie and Robbie, so the fans could enjoy the zany actions of the World’s Skinniest Tag Team…The Ultra-Nerds.

Dance Score: 2.5 (higher points for enthusiasm)

Another “Friends of A.J. (Styles)” video ran. Styles was in Mexico and Japan, defending the actual TNA World Title. A.J. told Dixie Carter that he was the one true champion. Dixie got really ticked off and said she was tired of hearing about Styles’ World Tour. Dixie said she was breaking out her lawyers to shut him down. She gave A.J. one week to return her title belt. Give her some cheese to go along with that Whine.

Bobby Roode, Chris Sabin, Christopher Daniels and Kazarian talked. Bobby really praised them all. Kaz wanted to get the Turkey Dinner. Kaz joked about Joseph Park testing positive…for gravy. Bobby said he wanted to prove, again, that he was better than Kurt Angle.

The Funeral is up next!

RockStar Spud talked with someone about the food he wanted on the dinner table.

Kurt Angle chatted with Magnus about teaming with him, later tonight. Magnus knew that Kurt would bring his all when they fight, next week. Magnus said he wanted to make it so Kurt got to take the fight to Bobby Roode.

A promo about how Mr. Anderson got his revenge on Bully Ray and the other members of Aces and Eights. Anderson used a hammer to knock out Bully Ray and dismantle the rogue group.

A preacher, who looked like a really young Mike Rotunda, read the service. Various TNA stars were in attendance. He asked fo someone to come up and share positive words. The coffin opened and Mr. Anderson crawled out. Ken talked about being trapped in Aces and Eights for most of a year. Kurt was asked to come up and speak. Kurt talked about D’Lo Brown and Wes Brisco. Kurt pitched a D’Lo Bobblehead into the casket.

Samoe Joe then came up to speak. Joe talked about the masks that Aces and Eights used to wear. Joe went to put a six-pack of beer in the casket but decided to share the beer. He toasted Aces and Eights that they might ride their mopeds to the shores of Valhalla.

Mike Tenay was next. He talked about Taz still being his announcer partner. Tenay had Taz’s cut and Brooke’s Booty Shorts to put in the casket. Tenay actually slipped the shorts into his jacket.

Eric Young came up to take about his shedding a tear. Eric said the Aces and Eights guys would never get to wear the turkey suit. He put one of the turkey suits into the coffin. Eric broke down and started to scream for the turkey suit.

Ken got back up and brought out the hammer that Bully and his crew used, so many times. Ken wanted to lay it to rest but decided to keep it.

Bully Ray entered and said Ken should sleep with one eye open. Ray threatened Ken’s pregnant wife. Ray then made some cryptic comments and left.

TNA looked at Kurt Angle joining 1Direction. He wrestled one of the guys.

Rockstar Spud didn’t like something on the food buffet. He complained about it and ordered the culinary person to fix it.

Team Roode (Bobby Roode, Chris Sabin, Kazarian and Christopher Daniels) vs Team Angle (Kurt Angle, Magnus, Gunner and James Storm)
8-Man Elimination Tag Team Match

Kurt and Booby started off with wild shots. Roode lifted Kurt and then Kurt tried for the Angle Slam and AngleLock. Roode wanted the Crippler Crossface. Neither succeeded. Kaz and Daniels got in and got blasted. Magnus hit the ring and Whipped Kaz. Kaz with a kick but Magnus came back with the Magnus-Driver. Storm took the tag and blasted Daniels. The former tag team champs of Storm and Gunner with their Double Team. Gunner was sent to the ropes but Kaz grabbed the foot. Gunner stomped the hand and Daniels sent Gunner to the floor. Gunner was double teamed on the floor by Kaz and Sabin. Chris took the tag. Double Whip into Dual Back Elbows. Sabin stomped away at the Modern Day Viking. Daniels came back in and slammed Gunner into the corner. Gunner attacked the Turnbuckle. Gunner with a Slider Fallaway Slam on Kaz. Tag to Sabin and Storm.

Flying Forearm and Inverted Atomic Dorp to Sabin. Clothesline to Sabin and Enziguri and Back Stabber to Daniels. Code Breaker to Sabin. Kaz rushed in and got Superkicked. Sabin rolled up James Storm.

James Storm – Eliminated

The Cowboy was irate. Magnus took over and hit a Clothesline. Daniels came back and kicked Magnus. Tag to Kaz. Bad Influence with a Double Team on the Brit. Magnus was Shouldered in the corner. Daniels with a Neckbreaker on Magnus. Elbow Drops to the neck of Magnus. Uranage Shoulder Driver by Magnus. Tag to Gunner and Kaz. Gunner exploded with a Headbutt and punches. Uranage Backbreaker by Gunner. Gunner went for he Gun Rack but Daniels rushed in. Hi/Low by Bad Influence to eliminate Gunner.

Gunner – Eliminated

Daniels with a huge Headbutt to Magnus. Daniels then knocked Kurt off the apron. The two men, in the ring, traded Haymakers. Daniels with a Jawbreaker. Daniels blocked the Clothesline but Magnus sent Daniels flying out of the ring. Magnus hurt his knee as he flew off the apron. The ref checked on him. Trainers looked at the knee. Impact took a quick break as the medicos checked on him.

Magnus – Eliminated due to injury and inability to continue

Sabin jumped onto Kurt. Magnus was taken to the back, during the break. Bobby got a shot in and then let Chris continue. Kurt had a Cradle but the ref didn’t see it. Daniels came in and blasted Kurt. Kaz with the tag. High-Low by Bad Influence. Bobby tagged in but Kurt was able to duck and doge. Bobby nailed Sabin. Kurt with a Flying Forearm off a reversed Whip. Belly To Belly Throws on Roode and Sabin. La Bandera to Sabin. Hat Trick Germans by Kurt. Daniels also got Germaned into the middle of next week. Kaz also felt the Hat Trick. Kurt with an Incredible Double German on Daniels and Kaz, at the same time. Angle Slam to Sabin. Kurt dropped the strap and locked in a Double Angle Lock on Bad Influence. Chair Swing by Roode but Kurt ducked and hit the AngleSlam. Kurt got the chair and prepared to destroy the others. Kurt cracked Bobby, then Sabin and Daniels and Kaz. All of Team Roode bailed.

Kurt Angle — Disqualified

Your Winners: Bobby Roode, Kazarian, Christopher Daniels and Chris Sabin
Impact Score: 3.25

Tenay and Taz recapped what just happened in the Elimination Match. It was a complete wash-out for Team Angle.

Team Roode gathered in the trailer to talk. They decided to get ready for their Turkey Dinner. Bobby Roode said he was thankful for being himself. He was also thankful for beating Kurt Angle for he third time.

James Storm went off on Gunner for allowing him to be pinned. They were asked if Storm and Gunner were still able to be a successful team. Gunner got frustrated and walked off. Storm seemed to say that they would still be a successful team. Going to be a tough challenge to rebuild the GunSlingers.

An extended profile of the Final Four (Bobby Roode, Kurt Angle, Magnus and Jeff Hardy) aired. I still think Jeff Hardy is going to win this one and bring back “His” title belt. I think it will be Kurt Angle vs Jeff Hardy, in the finals.

Dixie and Spud looked over the Turkey Day Meal. Ethan came up and said he didn’t want to eat the food. Dixie said she would take her nephew and fly to the family estate. Dixie left Spud in charge of the meal. This should be pretty messy.

Rockstar Spud had a table with 8 chairs set up, in the ring. Spud praised the Carters and then brought out the winners from earlier on. Bobby Roode, Chris Sabin, Kazarian, Christopher Daniels, Jessie G, Robbie E, Lei’d Tapa and their various seconds arrived. This would NEVER work at my house. You come to MY table, your happy self Better be wearing a shirt. That came down from my grandfather. Bobby got ticked that Velvet Sky was at the table. Sabin agreed with Bobby and told Velvet to leave and he would bring her a doggie bag. Jerk. Zema Ion got her seat. Bobby said it was a table of true winners. Lei’d Tapa didn’t get a seat to sit at. She gave hers to Gail Kim. Bobby thanked Dixie Carter for the Turkey Dinner and asked everyone what they were thankful for. Daniels said he and Kaz were thankful for Bad Influence and all their success. Kaz took shots at Joseph Park and said he was thankful for E.G.O.. Gail was thankful for Lei’d Tapa and for being the prettiest and most dominant Knockout in the company’s history…and her family. Chris Sabin was thankful for his beautiful…hair…and for being the X-Champion and for Velvet Sky. Jessie said he was thankful for Zema and someone else that I didn’t recognize. Robbie said the BroMans were also thankful that they didn’t have to wear the Turkey Suits and for being the greatest Tag Champs of all time.

Bobby finished this stupidness by saying he was thankful for the Canadian Thanksgiving, last month. He was also thankful for beating Kurt Angle, over and over. Bobby said it was time to eat. They were interrupted by Kurt Angle. Kurt said it was a ring full of turkeys, not winners. Kurt said no one would get o enjoy the spoils of victory. Bobby invited Kurt to come face them all. Kurt said he wasn’t alone. Kurt brought out James Storm, Norv, Dewey, Velvet, Gunner, Eric Young, ODB. All Hell Broke Loose as the two groups went wild. Sky shoved a pumpkin pie into Gail’s face. ODB took a chair to Tapa. Spud kept trying to keep order. Young with a Turkey Shot to the heads of Bad Influence. The BroMans got taken out by the GunSlingers. The Nerds went up top and flew! “As God is my witness…I thought Turkeys could fly” – Bonus points for all who know where that one comes from (hint…it ran a million times on Antenna TV on Turkey Day Eve).

Happy Thanksgiving, once again, to one and all. I hope all your families are healthy and happy.

I want to finish by again thanking my brother-in-law, David, and his lovely wife, Claudia, for inviting myself, my wonderful wife, Dianna, my daughters and grandsons to share the day with them. It really made me appreciate and be thankful to have a great family.

Peace

–Jay Shannon
WordSlingerJay@Gmail.com
Twitter.com/jayshannonnv

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