WHAT HAPPENED, THIS WEEK, @ WWE RAW

Posted August 6th, 2013 by jshannon

Daniel Bryan got a “Corporate Makeover” and then ended up teaming with his two current top rivals to face The Shield. Plus, Summerslam got a few more pieces placed. Oh, and did you know that WWE has a Reality Show about the Divas? WWE will definitely keep you informed about the new show.

Roll the opening montage.

Raw was live from Green Bay, WI.

Stephanie McMahon was in the ring. Stephanie understood that her dad, Vince, didn’t think Daniel Bryan was championship material. Steph sent it to the video about Daniel’s Makeover. They even got him to eat steak. The fans hated the changes. Stephanie then brought out the “new” Daniel Bryan. Daniel came out in a sharp suit with his hair pulled back into a ponytail. He still had the scraggy beard. Steph thought Daniel looked sharp. She gave him the microphone.

The crowd started a “Yes!” chant. Daniel understood that the fans did not like his new look. Daniel said the new look was what the company really wants. Daniel said the company wanted another John Cena. Daniel poked fun at how the WWE had John push stuff to buy that people didn’t really need. Daniel felt Cena didn’t think a lowly guy like Daniel Bryan could beat a “Superstar” like Cena. Daniel explained that Cena was an entertainer while he was a wrestler. Daniel talked about his climb out of the mud to reach this level. Daniel said if Cena were to get fired, tomorrow, he’d go back to his big lifestyle and never wrestle again. Daniel said if he were to get fired tomorrow (which could happen), he’d be back at every armory and small place he could find to perform at. `

(If you get fired, I’d like to offer you a change to challenge Mike Mondo for the Rivalry Championship Wrestling World Title).

Vince McMahon suddenly Power Walked to the ring. Vince faked a handshake. Vince acknowledged that Daniel gave it the “Old College Try” as far as the Makeover. He poked fun that Daniel was wearing brown shoes with a blue suit. Vince said he was warming up to Daniel. Vince said the WWE has never had a Dwarf for a champion or had someone with the body of a toothpick and the face of a gargoyle. Vince said he might be convinced to allow Daniel to be champion. He wanted to get rid of Daniel’s beard. Vince really insulted the daylights out of Daniel’s face. Vince had some grunts bring out a barber’s chair. It looked like the same out that Vince sat in when his head was shaved at Wrestlemania 23. Daniel didn’t want the beard shaved and neither did the fans. Vince said Daniel would have to lose the beard to become champion. Vince hinted that Daniel could well end up fired. Vince told Daniel to ignore the fans, who really didn’t want him to be champion. Daniel seemed to listen and then went to sit in the barber’s chair. Since Brutus Beefcake wasn’t available (he was at Jones Beach), Vince brought out an alternate hair master…Wade Barrett.

Daniel took a seat as the Brit strolled out with his “tools”. The crowd booed Wade as he took out his implements of destruction. As Wade went to cut the beard, Daniel stopped him. Daniel Headbutted Wade and threw him in the chair. Daniel then shaved part of Wade’s beard off. Daniel then clubbed away at Wade and shaved more of his face. Vince didn’t look happy. Daniel pitched Wade over the railing and bounced up the ramp. Vince was steaming. Daniel refused to change. He said he would be who he has always been. He tore off his dress shirt to reveal a “The Beard is Here” shirt. I love it. Vince danced on Daniel’s jacket and threw it to the crowd.

In the back, RVD warmed up to face Alberto Del Rio. Ricardo Rodriguez was back at his jefe’s side.

Rob Van Dam vs Alberto Del Rio
Non-Title Match

Del Rio immediately attacked RVD. Whip was reversed by RVD into a Monkey Flip. Crescent Kick into a Springboard Thrust Kick and Standing Moonssault. 2 count for RVD. Christian was scouting from the back. Kick by Del Rio but when ADR rushed the ropes, RVD with a Side Step. Moonsault, off the apron, by RVD. Raw took a quick break.

AADR choked RVD with the boot. The Miz was at ringside to add commentary. RVD with Clotheslines but missed Rolling Thunder. Superkick by ADR for a two. Del Rio missed the Step Up Enziguri. RVD with the Springboard Thrust into Rolling Thunder. 1-2-no. Split Legged Moonsault but ADR got the knees up. Ricardo put the bucket in the corner. It backfired as RVD reversed a Whip and sent Del Rio into the bucket. Leg Scissors Roll Up by RVD to get the 3.

Your Winner: Rob Van Dam
Raw Ranking: 2.5 out of a possible 5

Del Rio attacked Ricardo Rodriguez, after th match. First, ADR with the Superkick and then he bashed Ricardo with the bucket, over and over. Del Rio then threw Ricardo out of the ring. Del Rio put Ricardo’s head in between the ring steps and ring post. Del Rio with a Dropkick to sandwich Ricardo’s skull between the two metals. Del Rio brandished his World Title belt.

Cody Rhodes stood in the ring, quoting Oscar Wilde. Cody said he had a gift for Damien. Before he delivered it, Cody showed how he stole the blue Money in the Bank Briefcase and later threw it into the Gulf of Mexico. The video then showed the fight, on the following Smackdown. Damien said Cody’s family was a bunch of clowns. Cody took out the Money in the Bank briefcase. It was damp and covered in seaweed. Damien’s music hit and Sandow stormed from the back. Damien wouldn’t get in the ring with Cody. Cody put the case down and then left he ring. Damien came in and Cody rushed in to beat down his former tag team partner. Cody dumped the nasty contents in the ring. He took the soggy contract but threw the briefcase towards Damien.

The Slam of the Week showed Ryback picking on some stagehand in catering. Yawn.

Ryback vs Mark Henry

It was like a moose vs an elk. The two stared at each other. Ryback with a shove. Side Headlock by Ryback. Shoulder Tackle by Mark. Ryback took Mark down and clubbed away. Ryback with a flurry of kicks, punches and Headbutts. Shoulder Tackle on a charging Ryback. Scoop Slam but Ryback escaped. Ryback slid out of the ring and took his time getting back in. Ryback backed up the ramp and took the count out loss. Really?

Your Winner (By Count Out): Mark Henry
Raw Ranking: 0.01 (Pathetic)

The Bellas were talking, backstage. They pushed Total Divas. The bragged about the ratings. I’m sorry, but the show was ridiculously boring. I ended up turning it off. Eva Marie and Natalya came up. Brie said Nattie being on Total Divas was a Slap in the Face. Nattie showed her what a real slap was. To me, Total Divas is a Slap in the Fan’s face. Just my opinion…

John Cena came out in the shorts and t-shirt that Daniel Bryan made fun of in the opening segment. Cena knew it was “That Time” again. Cena was used to being a target. Cena felt it was unusual to face a true “Fan Favorite”. The WWE Universe would now have to choose between him and Daniel. Cena understood that quite a few have chosen Daniel. John said Daniel mixed truth and ignorance in his speech. John told Daniel that everyone does the same trash talking of Cena’s look and attitude. Cena said he wouldn’t change for Daniel or anyone. Cena said he would always be himself. Cena said, despite his injuries, he continues to fight. Cena suggested that Daniel was more comfortable in the smaller venues. Cena said if he were to get fired, tomorrow, he would never wrestle anywhere else. Cena dissed all other wrestling organizations. Cena got a “You Can’t Wrestle!” chant going against himself. Cena countered that he has been champ on 11 different occasions. Cena wanted Daniel to underestimate him, like all the fans were doing. “Boring!” rang out from the crowd. The rant was a tad dull, to be honest. Cena rallied the crowd by suggesting that he and Daniel fight, right now. “Yes!”. John said Daniel didn’t realize what an opportunity was in front of him. John knew Daniel was on a hot streak but so was he. Cena reminded everyone “The Champ is Here!”

Suddenly, Randy Orton strolled out with the Money in the Bank briefcase. The announcers wondered if Randy was there to cash in. Randy told John that Cena never ceased to amaze him. Randy reminded John that he was Randy’s target. Randy waned to make it clear that “The Champ is Here” really referred to the red briefcase.

The Shield decided to crash the party. Roman, Dean and Seth jumped the railing and waited. Daniel Bryan ran down to even the sides. The Shield backed down. Brad Maddox strolled out to “fix” things. Brad made a six man tag team match. The Shield vs Daniel Bryan, Randy Orton and John Cena.

Tons of Funk and The Funkadactyls were having a little Dance Party in the ring. The music stopped as The Wyatt Family made their entrance. I still think they have the best entrance theme since Badstreet USA.

Brodus Clay and Tensai vs Luke Harper and Eric Rowan

Harper and Tensai opened the match. It was a major slugfest between the two big men. Hrper slapped Tensai. Shoulder Tackle and Face Slap by Tensait. Jumping Boot by Harper. Tag to Rowan. Rowan with ballistic corner shots. Running Clothesline by Tensai. Bridging German Suplex by Clay on Harper. Pounce by Roan to Clay. Discus Clothesline by Harper on Tensai. Harper held Clay as Roan hit the Big Splash to take out Tensai. Wow, that was far too quick.

Your Winners: The Wyatt Family (Harper and Rowan)
Raw Ranking: 1.5

Bray got in the ring and bent around. The Kiss Goodbye to Clay. Bray ordered his boy to put Clay in the center of the ring. Bray then said Kane was a fairy tale. Bray said he was the “Man of 1000 Truths” and “Eater of Worms”. Bray told Kane to “Follow the Buzzards”. The lights then went out but Kane’s fire exploded. The arena went red. Kane didn’t condemn Bray’s actions, only his words. Kane liked that Bray wanted to maim those in his path. Kane did the same but for his own amusement. Kane set a match against Bray…inside a Ring of Fire! (Inferno Match?) Kane said Bray’s family would be able to save him. Kane then set off the turnbuckles.

Raw showed Brock Lesnar’s attack on C.M. Punk from 3 weeks back. Last Monday, Punk returned to take out Curtis Axel and then try to go after Paul Heyman. Axel jumped Punk to allow Heyman to bail.

Josh Mathews chatted with C.M. Punk. Punk was set to battle Curtis Axel. C.M. Punk talked respect about Bobby Heenan and Mr. Perfect. Punk said Axel had blind loyalty that would get Axel beaten down, tonight. Punk said he was coming after Paul Heyman. Punk said he was going to “Neuter the Beast”.

Kaitlyn vs Layla

Layla turned on Kaitlyn to join A.J. Lee’s camp. An insert video explained that Layla did what she did because she wanted to be the center of attention and flawless. Kaitlyn took Layla down and pounded away. Short Arm Clothesline by Kaitlyn. LaylaLayla scooted between the ropes. She then nailed a DDT. Layla clubbed Kailyn’s back. Layla with a variation of the Tarantula but the ref forced the break. Layla slammed Kaitlyn down and drove the knee into the neck. Kaitlyn came back with a Backbreaker and Clothesline. Flying Shoulder into a Torture Buster. A.J. Lee hopped down to distract. Layla avoided The Spear as Lee distracted again. Bombshell (Crescent Kick) by Layla to take the win.

Your Winner: Layla
Raw Ranking: .25

Layla and Lee skipped to the back.

It was announced that Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow will square off at SummerSlam.

Christian vs Heath Slater

The rest of 3MB were at ringside. Heath with Back Elbows. Heath with a Leg Lariat for a two count. Crossfaces by Heath. Rear Chin Lock by Heath. Christian battled out but Heath with a straight shot to the face. Jindar Mahal and Drew McIntyre got in cheap shots as the ref was distracted. Christian rushed but ate a boot. Flapjack and Missile Dropkick by Christian to gain a two. Christian with a hard pop and Back Body Drop to bring Heath back into the ring. Rope Sunset Flip for a two. Heath sent Christian into the corner. Heath wasted time dancing and ended up getting Speared.

Your Winner: Christian
Raw Ranking: 1.25

C.M. Punk vs Curtis Axel
Non-Title Match

Punk came out to meet Axel and Paul on the ramp. Heyman took off waddling to the back. Axel and Punk fought down the ramp. Punk threw Axel in the ring. The bell officially sounded and Axel jumped Punk. Drop Toe Hold into a Leg Breaker by Punk. Punk got up and hit the Leg Breaker twice more. Punk flipped Axel by kicking the thigh. Reminded me of Mr. Perfect. Punk sent Axel to the outside and nailed a Suicide Dive. Break time.

Axel had Punk trapped in an Arm Bar. Punk got out and hit a Spin Kick. Double Sledge by Axel.Scoop Slam and Elbow Drop by Axel. Axel with the Rear Chin Lock. Paul Heyman came back out and it fired up Punk. Punk with a Back Drop Suplex to Axel. Clothesline by Axel for a two. Axel with a Whip but he took a Boot. Crossbody by Punk. Punk went out and chased Paul. He was stopped by Axel. Axel threw Punk back in the ring and pounded the skull. Axel missed a middle rope Elbow Drop. Axel missed a Corner Splash. Punk with a pair of Clotheslines and a Rolling Neckbreaker. Elevator Knee by Punk into a Short Arm Clothesline. Punk climbed the ropes but Axel tripped him. McGillcutter Neckbreaker for a two. Punk blasted Axel, who rolled under the bottom rope Punk grabbed Heyman as the ref called for he bell.

Your Winner: No Contest
Raw Ranking: 2.25

Brock Lesnar rushed down to face Punk. Axel pulled Punk out of the ring but got taken out with the Go To Sleep. Brock took a chair from Punk. Punk exploded on Lesnat with a shot. Knee Strikes by Lesnar. Punk sent Brock into the post and hit a series of kicks and Forearm Shots. Flying Clothesline by Punk. Brock with an Overhead German Suplex. Brock threw Punk in the ring. Paul slithered in, as well. Punk escaped the F5 and waffled Lesnar with a steel chair. Punk turned to attack Heyman but Brock caught Punk with the F5. Heyman screamed to hurt Punk. Brock blasted Punk’s back with the chair, multiple times. The Heyman crew headed to the back.

Renee interviewed the Heyman Forces. Brock mocked what Punk brought to the fight. Brock screamed he was both the Best and the Beast. Paul had a message for Punk. Next week, Punk will be facing…Paul Heyman. Yep, the Second City Saint vs The Walrus!

Fandango (w/Summer Rae) vs Kofi Kingston

This was Kofi’s return match after being injured by Ryback, a few months back. Kofi and Fandango with their own dances. Kofi attacked the legs and then hit a Dropkick. Enziguri by Fandango. Hammer Throw by Fandango. Whip into a Back Elbow by Fandango. 2 count. Fandango flipped Kofi over and dropped a knee to the shoulder. The fans cheered for Kofi. Flying Butt Bump by Fandango. Fandango missed a Knee Drop off the ropes. Pendulum Kick by Kofi. Springboard Ax Bomber into Controlled Frenzy. Boom Drop! Fandango avoided the Trouble in Paradise. Fandango tried for a cheating pin with his feet on the ropes but got caught. Fandango missed a top rope move but Kofi connected with a Crossbody. After a series of counters, Kofi nailed Trouble in Paradise.

Your Winner: Kofi Kingston
Raw Ranking: 2.0

Triple H was on the phone when a crying Stephanie came in. Vince had ripped into Stephanie for the Makeover thing. HHH told her to calm down. HHH said Vince has lost it and was completely gone. HHH said it was enough. HHH felt Vince was getting ready to throw away SummerSlam. HHH said he would stop whatever Vince had planned for SummerSlam.

The Real Americans were in the ring with their leader, Zeb Colter. Zeb did his typical berating of the locals. He drew cheap heat by trash talking the Packers.
The Usos vs Antonio Cesaro and Jack Swagger

Jack started out with Jimmy. Jimmy with hard Knife Edge Chops. Uso blocked a reversed Whip. He dropped Swagger and hit a Flying Head Drop. Jimmy with a Whip but Jack with a Back Elbow. Antonio with a European Uppercut, thankds to help from Jack. Gut Wrench Throw by Antonio. Jack tagged back in and pounded away. Antonio with cheap shots as the ref pulled Jack back. Headbutt by Jimmy. Jimmy fough out of his corner and tried to tag his twin borhter. Jack stopped him and hit the Swagger Comb. Antonio had tagged in and did a Leap Frog Stomp to Jimmy.

Jack tagged back in and Jack with a Inverted Chop Block. Jack with the Butterfly to keep Jimmy down. Jimmy started to fight back with punches nad a spinning kick. Antonio and Jey got the tag. Jey took out Jack and then hit a kick and Thrust on Antonio. Flying Forearm by Jey. Rikishi Run by Jey for a 2. Jack made the save. Jakc was sent to the outside. Suicide Dive by Jey. Antonio kicked Jimmy in the face. Jimmy with a Crescent Kick as Cesaro flew. Jey was sent into the ring post. Antonio sent Uso to the ropes and Jack popped him. Neutralizer by Antonio.

Your Winners: The Real Americans
Raw Ranking: 2.0

Dolph Ziggler vs Big E Langston

Raw showed how A.J. got involved in last week’s match between Dolph and Big E. A.J. came out with Big E. While Big E can’t come out during an A.J. match, she can accompany Big E for his matches.

Dolph ducked and dodged E. E sent Dolph to the roeps but Dolph hung onto the ropes. Dolph with a wicked Dropkick. Gorilla Press Drop by Big E. Dolph snapped E on the ropes. Clothesline by E to send Dolph to the floor. E threw Dolph back in and tried for the pin. He got two. Abdominal Stretch by Big E. Jawbreaker by Dolph. Big E rushed the corner and ended up striking the post. Corner Splash into a Funk Neckbreaker by Dolph. Knee to Dolph’s spine almost got Big E a 3. Famouser by Dolph after Big E missed a Big Splash. Kaitlyn stormed down to the ring. A.J. jumped on her and the girls battled. A.J. rushed into the ring and the fight kept going. In all the confusion, Big E Clotheslined Dolph. Big E then nailed the Big Ending on Dolph.

Your Winner: Big E Langston
Raw Ranking: 1.75

Michael Cole sent it to a video package about Summer Camp. Another boring Reality Show/Competition thing. They’ve moved it to right after Raw. Josh talked to a couple of the campers. Whatever. Get back to wrestling, darn it. They rambled on about the silly crap that they do at camp.

Daniel Bryan, Randy Orton and John Cena vs Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns (The Shield)
Six-Man Tag Team Match

After the extended intros and announcement that C.M. Punk did accept Paul Heyman’s challenge, the action got hot and heavy.

Randy and Seth started. The two traded hard fists to the skull. Seth added several hard kicks. Corner Mount Punches by Randy. Corner Clothesline by Randy into a Suplex. 2 count. Daniel took the tag and hit a Missile Dropkick. Dean took the tag as Daniel laid out Roman with a Flying Dropkick. Daniel ran the ropes and hit the Flying Clothesline to send Dean to the floor. Daniel with a Suicide Dive onto Dean. Dean then blasted Roman. Dean with a Pearl Harbor on a distracted Daniel. Dean and Daniel fought on the floor. Clubbing blows by Dean. Roman finally tagged in and they Wishboned Daniel’s legs. 2 count.

Roman with Headbutts and a pin attempt. 2, again. Roman with a wicked Clothesline for a two count. Tag to Seth. Backsplash Senton by Seth. Seth mocked Cena and went back after Daniel. Rear Chin Lock by Seth. Double Team, dropping Daniel over Seth’s knees. Roman, who had tagged in, taunted Daniel. He told Daniel to stay down. Daniel started to fight back with hard kicks to Roman. Daniel flipped out of a Back Drop Suplex and hit the Decapitation Crescent Kick. Seth stopped Daniel from tagging. Daniel did tag Cena but the ref didn’t see it. Orton got in and sent Dean to the floor. Seth sent Daniel into Orton. Daniel clamped on the Yes Lock. The other members of the Shield rushed the ring and pulled the DQ.

Your Winners (by Disqualification): John Cena, Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton
Raw Ranking: 1.0 (Cena and Orton didn’t really get involved)

Randy with an RKO on Daniel, after the match. Orton also laid out Cena with an RKO. Everyone expected Randy to cash in. He almost did. The only thing that stopped him was the return of The Shield. The crowd was seriously unhappy. Cena was blasted with a Spear. Dean then stomped away on Daniel. Randy just walked away. The crowd really turned on Randy. The Shield with the 3-on-1 Stomp Down. Sword of Justice Powerbomb to Daniel Bryan.

Peace

–Jay Shannon
WordSlingerJay@Gmail.com

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