Posted May 20th, 2013 by jshannon

Extreme Rules is in the books and the landscape of the WWE definitely took a left turn after that show.

Welcome to Kansas City! My most sincere prayers go out to those in the middle of our great country that are dealing with horrific weather.

Am ambulance drove into the arena. The siren was almost as annoying as Scott Steiner’s old entrance music. Ryback got out of the ambulance. The announcers talked about the wild battle between Ryback and John Cena. Ryback wasn’t happy that the match ended up a “No Contest”. Ryback said Cena left as the champion but he didn’t walk out holding the belt. A video showed Cena wearing a neck brace. Cena refused medical attention, last night. Ryback talked trash about the fans. Ryback wanted an Ambulance Match at WWE Payback (next Pay-Per-View). Ryback was certain that he could put Cena into the ambulance. Ryback went back to trash talking the fans, calling them fat and weak. Ryback called them all “Lost Souls”. Ryback knew that John Cena was the fans’ hero, which he thought was pathetic. Ryback said he would take John Cena and the fans to the morgue. He bellowed “Ryback Rules!”

Paul Heyman said he was going to announce his newest client, later in the night. Who could it be?

Michael Cole pushed the new Sonic shakes. I am so getting one of those when I go to Fallon on Tuesday.

Fandango and Wade Barrett vs Chris Jericho and The Miz

Wade has some kickin’ new theme music. Fandango has the best tights in the business, today. His vest even matches, which is a trick. Summer Rae was at ringside.

Jericho and Wade to open things up. They locked up and Wade took a Side Headlock. Shoulder Tackled by Wade. Dropkick by Jericho. Knife Edge Chops by Jericho. Back Elbow by Jericho. Tag to Fandango. Fanny with Top Mount Punches. Fanny stomped away and sent Y2J into the corner with a Hammer Throw. Jericho started to punch across the ring. Road Dogg was in the back. Tag to Wade. The two were having issues so Raw went to break.

Side Headlock by Wade on Miz. Fanny was on the floor with Summer Rae. Miz started punching away. Kitchen Sink by Miz. Miz threatened the Figure Four but Fandango took the house microphone and started dancing. Wade took out Miz as the couple danced. Wade ordered Fandango to get to the corner and help him. Tag to Jericho. Jericho with Shoulder Tackles. Wade pitched Jericho over the ropes. Ax Bomber into the Lionsault by Jericho. Code Breaker! Miz tagged back in and locked in the Figure Four. Wade tapped out!

Your Winners: The Miz and Chris Jericho
Raw Ranking: 3.0

Miz and Jericho came around to confront Fandango. Fanny took off into the crowd, leaving Summer in his wake. Jericho stared at her and she smiled. He offered his hand for a dance. He spun her into a deep clutch and dip. Jericho then dissed her by rejecting her.

Vickie Guerrero shrieked her “Excuse Me” Catchphrase to the disdain of the fans. Vickie said Jack Swagger will face:

1. Great Khali
2. R-Truth
3. Randy Orton

The fans will get to vote, later on. I’m thinking Orton.

The announcer then talked about The Shield taking the US title and the tag belts at Extreme Rules. Daniel Bryan was livid in the locker room. Kane walked up to him. Daniel said the reality of no longer being the tag champions had finally sunk in. Daniel was angry at Kane about he loss. Kane told Daniel to be confident in their rematch. Daniel thought Kane was calling him the weak link of the team. Kofi Kingston came in to try and play peacemaker.

Sheamus vs Titus O’Neil

After the Strap Match, last night, Mark Henry said he was going home. Darren Young was in Titus’ corner. The two battlers locked up and moved around the ring. Side Headlock by Sheamus. Shoulder Tackle by Sheamus. Kneelift and Side Headlock by Titus. Shoulder Tackle by Titus. Sheamus pitched Titus out of the ring. Forearm shot by Sheamus. Crossfaces by the Irishman. Sheamus then kicked Titus in the knee. Sheamus then went out and took out Darren. Titus with a Clothesline, on the floor.

Back in the ring, Titus with a huge Fallaway Slam. Titus with punches and kicks. Double Chop by Titus for a two count. Crossface/Arm Extender combo by Titus. Sheamus powered to his feet but Titus pulled Sheamus down, by the hair. Pump Handle Drop and Elbow Drop for a two. Wow. Titus went back to the Crossface. Headbutts by Sheamus into a Deep Arm Drag. Double Boot to a charging Titus. Celtic Hammers by Sheamus into a Running Shoulder and High Running Knee. Titus escaped White Noise. Sheamus snapped Titus over the ropes. Darren got involved. Titus with a Clothesline to the back of Sheamus’ head. 1-2-no. Sheamus fought back and connected with White Noise. Sheamus psyched himself up and blasted Titus with the Brogue Kick.

Your Winner: Sheamus
Raw Ranking: 3.5

Paul Heyman came out to a huge round of boos. Paul was smiling as he got in the ring. Paul said he had no problem with being booed. Jerry Lawler even booed him. Heyman said the boos could not change what happened at Extreme Rules. He crowed about Brock Lesnar taking out Triple H, in the steel cage match. Heyman called HHH a Loser. Heyman said Lesnar was enjoying the spoils of victory, tonight. Paul said Brock Lesnar had completed his commitments to the WWE. Heyman said it was time for a DVR Moment. Heyman said to hit record, now. Heyman then introduced his newest Paul Heyman Guy! Curtis Axel came out. The guy cackled like an loony as he came out. Curtis and Paul hugged as a modified Mr. Perfect theme played. Yes, it is the former Michael McGillicutty (aka Joe Hennig). Heyman said Curtis wanted to make his own niche. Heyman said the new name was a tribute to both Curt Hennig and Larry “The Ax” Hennig. Just let him be Joe Hennig, willya?

Triple H strolled from the back. Heyman looked ready to taunt The Fame. HHH slowly strolled down to the ring. HHH grinned as he stepped between the ropes. HHH said Heyman was whipping up more Kool-aid. HHH told Curtis to shut up. HHH corrected Heyman that he wasn’t embarrassed about Extreme Rules. HHH admitted he went to war and he lost. HHH said Brock did limp away from the battle. HHH said he was ready to beat the crap out of Heyman, just because he can. Curtis got up in HHH’s face. Curtis said the game has changed. Curtis told HHH to talk to him, first. HHH grinned. HHH slapped the taste out of the kid’s mouth.. HHH said he was going to battle Curtis Axel. After he kicked Curtis’ *ss, he was coming after Heyman.

Just a side note, Joe Hennig’s middle name is actually Curtis.

The WWE Shake Down looked at the attack by Del Rio on Jack Swagger, last week. Del Rio made Jack tap out. Big E Langston attacked Del Rio. That leads to…

Alberto Del Rio vs Big E Langston

Del Rio won the Submission Match, last night. JBl felt the ref was out of line in that match. A.J. was with Big E. Dolph is not allowed to travel, until he recovers.

Del Rio went after Big E. Big E struck the ring post. Del Rio quickly went for the Cross Armbreaker but Big E lifted him and slammed him. Del Rio kept the hold on. Del Rio went right back after the move, on the floor. Big E swung Del Rio into the ring post. They got back in the ring and Big E with the Backbreaker Stretch. Ricardo rallied his friend. Del Rio with a Knee Strike to the face. Big E threw Del Rio into the corner. Tornado DDT out of the corner by Del Rio. Del Rio with hard Clotheslines. Back Stabber by Del Rio. Del Rio signed for the Cros Armbreaker but Big E pitched Del Rio to the outside.

Step Up Enziguri by Del Rio. A.J. threw the bucket across the ring. Big E with a poke to the eyes. Big Ending by Big E Langstont o take the win.

Your Winner: Big E Langston
Raw Ranking: 2.75

Layla vs A.J. Lee

Kaitlyn and A.J. got into it at Extreme Rules. Kaitlyn got her fill of A.J.’s smart mouth and kicked her butt. The Bella Twins and Tamina just watched the melee.

A.J. with a Running Clothesline into a Funk Neckbreaker. She rolled through and hit a 2nd Funk Neckbreaker. Lee just danced around as the Bellas dissed her and called A.J. a “Rat”. Spin Kicks and Butt Bump by Layla. Layla stomped away. A.J. with the Black Widow (a modified Octopus Clutch). Tap Out by Layla

Your Winner (by Submission): A.J. Lee
Raw Ranking: 1.25

It was time to vote for the Swagger Match.

Cody Rhodes vs Zack Ryder

Hammerlock by Zack. Back Elbow by Cody. Back Elbow by Zack. Dropkick by Zack into a Flapjack. Cody threw Zack into the corner. Cody stomped down on Zack, in the corner. Front Drop Suplex by Cody for a two. Hammerlock by Cody. Zack with the X Factor and the Double Knees. Missile Dropkick by Zack. Corner Attack by Zack into the Broski Boot. 1-2-not yet. Cody threw Zack into the corner. Disaster Kick by Cody.

Your Winner: Cody Rhodes
Raw Ranking: 2.5

Ryback stormed down to the ring. Cody bailed out as Big Hungry circled Ryder. Meat Hook Clothesline. Shell Shocked! Ryback picked up Zack and carried him back to the ambulance. Ryback threw Ryder into the ambulance and the big machine backed out of the arena.

All 3 Shield members now have gold. Dean Ambrose is the US champ. Rollins and Reigns are the tag team champs.

Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns vs Kofi Kingston, Daniel Bryan and Kane
Six-Man Tag Team Match

The rogue trio showed off their championship belts. All three men were given microphones. The three talked about who they are and the titles they hold. Dean said Kofi and Tam Hell No learned. So did The Rock. The Shield took credit for Rock’s injury. They even said they took out Ryback and Undertaker. Dean said The Shield even brought about the destruction of John Cena. Blah Blah Blah. Seth then said Justice is Blind has been the saying for years but he feels Justice saw, just fine, last night. Seth said the fans could see the future. Seth suggested that this was just the beginning. Roman said they run the yard. Roman compared the title belts to collars.

Kane and Bryan cut off the rambling. The Shield bailed out as the former tag champs entered the ring. Kane set off his corner explosions as Raw went to break.

Kofi and Dean to start the match. Collar and Elbow into a Dean Hammerlock. Standing Switch by Kofi. Dean switched back. Head Drag by Kofi. The two got into a Slap Fest. Rolling Pin attempt into a Monkey Flip. Arm Drag by Kofi.Tag to Daniel. Uppercut by Daniel into Knee Strike and Kitchen Sink. Yakuza Kick by Daniel. 2 count. Butterfly Arm Bar by Daniel. Tag to Seth. Drop Toe Hold by Daniel into an Elbow Drop. Daniel screamed that he is not the Weak Link. Double Leg Lock into a Double Leg Driver. Repeated Machine Gun Kicks by Daniel. Tag to Kane. Snap Mare into a Dropkick by Kane. Uppercut by Kane. Kane stomped away. Back Elbow, off a Whip, by Kane.

Kofi tagged back in and worked over Seth’s arm. Knee Drive into Seth’s shoulder. Hammerlock by Kofi but Seth with a Back Elbow to escape. Shoulder Tackle by Seth. Kofi laid out Seth with a Flying Takedown. Tag to Roman. Roman punished Kofi with punches and kicks. Roman clubbed the back of Kofi’s head. Roman drove Kofi into the canvas and the Steam Rolled him. Modified Camel Clutch by Roman. Kofi tried to slide under Roman but got caught. Roman slammed Kofi to the canvas and almost pinned him.

Dean tagged back in as Hour Three got started. Dean pulled on the face and then punched Kofi. Headbutt and Slap by Dean. Running Dropkick by Dean. 2 count. Tag to Seth. Seth with a sharp punch to Kofi’s face. Seth stomped away, in the corner. Kofi kicked up and punched away. Seth drove Kofi into the corner with a variation of the DDT. 2 count. Seth with a Rear Chin Lock but Kofi got to his feet and punched away. Scoop Slam by Seth. Seth mocked Kofi’s Hand Slap ritual. Kofi with a Hurancanrana, from the floor. Tag to Daniel. Daniel punched away like crazy. Daniel ran the ropes and hit the Flying Clothesline. Damn. Seth flipped a full 360. Running Corner Dropkick. Daniel would not take he pin. He nailed Seth with a ton of kicks but only drew a 2 count. Daniel with an evil-looking Clothesline. Daniel went to the top but got caught. Dean tagged in and attacked Daniel, in the corner. Daniel blocked the Superplex and hit a Top Rope Face Drop. Huge Missile Dropkick off the top. 2 count. No Lock attempt couldn’t get cinched in. Dean crawled to the ropes to force the break. Daniel laid out Seth as Roman pulled Dean to the outside. Time for another break.

Kane and Roman were in the ring. Kofi took the tag. Ax Bomber by Kofi to the arm of Roman. Roman with a hard right. Tag to Dean. Dean with punches and Forearms. Kofi reversed a Whip and kinda hit the Corner Lock. Corner Punches and a European Uppercut. Daniel with the tag. Dean ended up in the Sullivan Tree of Woe. Daniel with hard kicks and a Baseball Slide Dropkick. 2 count. Seth with a knee to Daniel’s back. Seth with a Corner Powerbomb. 2 plus count. Seth with Top Mount Punches. Roman tagged back in. Short Arm Clothesline by the big Samoan. Roman stood on Daniel’s hand. Roman taunted Daniel and slapped on a Side Chin Lock. Daniel turned under and used Sledges to get free. Back Elbow and Running Kneelift by Roman. 2 count, yet again.

Dean tagged back in and went for a pin. Daniel kicked out at two. Back Drop Suplex by Dean for a two. Dean ripped at Bryan’s fingers. Punches to Daniel’s face. Headbutts by Daniel into punches. Kitchen Sink by Dean. Tag to Seth. Seth punished the ribs of Daniel. Seth choked Daniel. Seth called Daniel a Weak Link. Tag to Dean. Dean kept making fun of Daniel and shoved him down. Daniel nearly took Dean’s head off with a Crescent Kick. Tag to Roman.

Daniel finally tagged Kane. Kane laid out all in sight. Tilt-a-Whirl Slam and Clothesline to Roman. Corner Clotheslines by Kane. Sidewalk Slam by Kane. Dean made the save. Kofi took out Dean. Kofi and Daniel took out both Rollins and Ambrose. Roman punched away on Kane. Jumping DDT by Kane for a two plus. Dean Suplexed Daniel and Seth sent Kofi into the ring post. Kane escaped a Samoan Drop and hit a Big Boot. Dean flew off the ropes, into an Uppercut. Goozle by Kane. Seth flew into Kane’s Arm. Spear by Roman.

Your Winners; The Shield
Raw Ranking: 4.25

Raw replayed the introduction of “Curtis Axel”. I absolutely HATE that goofy name. At least Michael McGillicutty had a good sound to it. “Curtis Axel” sounds like a replacement part to a 70 Dodge or the made up name for a cheesy Rock Star Wanna-be.

In the back, Triple H was taping up. Larry came in and said the doc warned that HHH shouldn’t compete. HHH said the doc could say what he wants but if he tries to stop him, Doc will be working somewhere else.

Kaitlyn and Natalya were talking about her “secret admirer”. Kaitlyn now has a number that has been texting her. Cody Rhodes strolled up with his phone but he wasn’t the admirer. I’m still thinking it’s Great Khali.

Jack Swagger vs Randy Orton (well, duh)

Orton got 72% of the vote.

The two locked up and Jack took a Side Headlock Takeover. Orton took his own Side Headlock. Jack powered out and went for an Over Hand Wristlock. Jack forced Orton down. The crowd chanted “Boring!”. Orton forced his way up. Headbutt and European Uppercuts by Orton. The wo ended up on the floor. Orton with a shot to the back. Orton sent Jack into the barricade. Jack rolled in and out. Orton with a hard Clothesline. European Uppercut by Orton. They got back in the ring and Orotn only got a one count. Corner Mount Punches by Orton. Snap Suplex by Orton. 2 count. Jack kicked the lower leg of Orton. Shoulder Tackle by Jack. Jack moved Orton to the corner and hit a flurry of Kneelfits. Orton came back and punched away at Jack’s skull. Orton was limping, slightly. Jack Clipped the knee of Orton and hit the Leg DDT. Step Over Spinning Toe Hold by Jack. Orton punched the face of Jack to get free. Zab Colter whispered advice to Jack. Orton flipped Jack to the outside.

Orton put Jack on the apron and then went for the DDT. Jack ran Orton into the barricade and then the ring apron. Jack stomped Orton’s ribs. 2 count by Jack, when they got back in the ring. Spinning Toe Hold by Jack, yet again. Orton punched away and hit a Headbutt. Jack reversed a Whip but ate a boot. Jack nailed Orton, who tumbled to the outside. Orton clutched his knee in serious pain. Raw went to break.

Jack was back with the Spinning Toe Hold. Orton tried to punch free. Orton got to the ropes to get free. Kneelifts by Jack. Jack charged and ended up hitting the ring post. Orton rammed Jack into the top turnbuckle. Orton lifted Jack up and then hit a Superplex. Shades of his fantastic father. Zeb screamed at his charge to fight back. European Uppercuts by Orton. Belly to Belly Suplex by Swagger for a two. Orton dodged the Swagger Bomb and hit the Snap Powerslam. Orton went for the Rope Assisted DDT but Swagger avoided it. Orton came back with the Twisted Sister Backbreaker. Orton finally connected with the Rope Assisted DDT. Orton went into his Special Place. Jack reversed the RKO into the Patriot Lock. Orton spun under to try and kick free. Jack reapplied the hold. Orton refused to submit. Orton reached the ropes but Jack didn’t let go. Orton kicked Jack to the outside. RKO! As Jack slid back into the ring.

Your Winner: Randy Orton
Raw Ranking: 4.25

Triple H vs Curtis (Joe Hennig) Axel
Special Challenge Match

Curtis’ music is just so cool. Curtis so looks like his grandpa, Larry. Curtis danced around as HHH just smiled. Curtis went for advice from Paul. HHH rushed Curtis to the corner and began to attack. Short Arm Clothesline by HHH. HHH with a 2nd Short Arm Clothesline. HHH threw Curtis to the outside nad then stalked Heyman. HHH rolled Curtis back in. Axel with a brutal stomping, in the corner. The ref forced Curtis back. HHH came back and unloaded on Curtis. Wild Dropkick by Curtis for only a one count. Axel pushed on HHH’s hurt jaw. Brock cracked the jaw with the Sledge Hammer on Sunday. Curtis with Elbow Drops to the jaw. Curtis flew off the ropes nad struck the jaw, again. 2 count. Rear Chin Lock by Curtis. Paul screamed at his new charge that everyone was going to know who Curtis Axel is. HHH got to his feet and Bum Rushed Axel to the corner. Shoulder Thrusts by HHH. The ref ordered HHH to bring Axel out of the corner. HHH dropped Axel and stared at Heyman. Spinebuster by HHH. HHH shook out the cobwebs. La Bandera Clothesline sent Axel out to the floor. HHH kept shaking his head. Something was definitely wrong with The Game. Acel with hard punches to HHH’s face. Clothesline by HHH. HHH threw Axel back in the ring but couldn’t climb back into the ring. HHH staggered over to the announce table and then sat down. Even Paul looked worried. HHH asked for water. HHH poured the water over his head and got back up. HHH had to go back to the chair. The docs shined a light into HHH’s eyes. The Docs refused to let HHH continue. HHH got up but then collapsed. The ref called the match. HHH kept trying to get back in the ring but couldn’t stand.

Your Winner: Curtis Axel (HHH unable to continue)
Raw Ranking: 2.5


–Jay Shannon

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