Posted April 2nd, 2013 by jshannon

It was the last Raw before Wrestlemania. All the players came out to showcase themselves prior to the Biggest Show of the Year.

John Cena came out to a massively hostile crowd. It was a typical “I am going to beat Rock” ramble. Everyone expected The Rock to come out and confront Cena, but it didn’t happen. Rather a boring waste of the opening 15 minutes or so of the show. Yes, he rambled that long.

The fans were asked to Tout who they thought would win between Rock and John Cena. I have to agree with the majority of the people who have recently written me about this match. Cena takes the gold from Rock.

Randy Orton, Sheamus and Big Show vs Drew McIntyre, Jindar Mahal and Heath Slater
Six Man Tag Team Match

The Finish:

It all broke down into a Mosh Pit. Big Show with hard Clootheslines and a Spear on Mahal. RKO to Heath. Brogue Kick to Drew. KO Punch to take out Mahal.

Your Winners: Randy Orton, Sheamus and Big Show
Grade: B- (80%)

The Shield started to come to the ring but stopped. Dean congratulated the men in the ring for winning the match. Dean promised to take it all from their three opponents. Seth then took over and the team has finally convinced themselves and the fans that they were all on the same page. Seth said The Shield knew the truth. Roman chimed in that the men in the ring weren’t a team. He claimed the trio was a phony team. Roman said they would make the world believe in The Shield.

Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger had a video message for the fans. It was typical propaganda about the “Broken America”. Swagger felt the people had become weak, in recent years. Blah Blah Blah.

Matt Striker then interviewed Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio appreciated Freedom of Speech. Del Rio said he had the opportunity to shut Swagger up. Del Rio talked about Zeb being a “big fat piñata with a mustache” that he was going to break, later on. Yes, Dirty Dutch aka Zeb will have his first official match, tonight.

Daniel Vryan vs Dolph Ziggler

All the players were around ringside: Kane, Big E Langston and A.J. Lee.

The Finish:

Dolph with the Sleeper but Daniel turned it around and put Dolph in the very same move. Dolph with a Backdrop. Dolph went for a cover but Daniel Bridged up. Double Crossbody Blocks in the center of the ring. A.J. flirted with Kane. That allowed Big E to take out Kane. Daniel with a Slider Dropkick to Langston. Dolph with a Roll-up to take the win.

Your Winner: Dolph Ziggler
Grade: B+ (88%)

Big E then came in and destroyed Daniel Bryan. Kane came in and started bashing both tag challengers. Big E broke the Goozle and put Kane in the Big Finish. Both tag champs were laid out. Shawn Michaels and Diesel are reborn, so to speak. A.J. handed the tag belts to her men.

Raw showed the attack on Shawn Michaels, by Brock Lesnar. Lesnar broke Shawn’s arm, that night.

Shawn then came out to talk to the fans. He talked about respect and what it felt to lose a career at Wrestlemania. That brought out HHH. HHH thought Shawn was there to tell him not to fight Brock. Quite the opposite, Shawn wanted HHH to kick Brock’s *ss. Shawn also said he would be in HHH’s corner to watch The Game take out Lesnar. Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar came out but maintained their distance. Heyman bragged about how Lesnar was going to beat HHH into retirement. Heyman said HHH was going to have to learnt o deal with massive disappointment. Heyman talked about all the people that HHH was going to disappoint. Heyman said his man gets paid to fight. There would be no fight, tonight. Heyman said Shawn and HHH fight from emotion, which is why Shawn is retired and HHH will be. Heyman warned HHH that The Game would not be able to walk away from the match on Sunday. Heyman said HHH was about to commit “professional suicide”. HHH answered with a D-X Chop.

The Washington DC crowd was seriously hot. After a flashback to earlier events, it was time for the next match.

Wade Barrett vs Zack Ryder
Non-Title Match

Barrett will battle Miz in the Pre-Show, on Sunday. Miz was at ringside for this battle.

The Finish:

Wade bailed out after Zack got some momentum. Zack threw Wade in and went to the top. He got caught and Wade tore into Zack. Wade taunted Miz, taking his eye off the ball. Elbow Drop by Wade for a two. Knee Strikes, in the ropes, by Wade. Zack to the floor. Wade came out and got in Miz’s face. The two had a verbal sparring match. Flapjack by Rybed into a Flying Forearm. Broski Boot by Ryder for two. Wade rushed Zack into the corner and used Shoulder Thrusts. He pulled Zack off the ropes. Wade with the Bull Hammer Elbow.

Your Winner: Wade Barrett
Grade: B (84%)

JBL who had joined the announce team, warned Miz he just might not win.

Santino came in to talk to Vickie Guerrero and Brad Maddox. Santino said Vince McMahon was in the house and very angry. Santino reminded them that Vince likes to fire people. He had one more thing to remind tham…”Aprils Fools”. Santino got a good laugh out of it but Vickie had something to make Santino a fool. He had a match, next…

Santino Marella vs Mark Henry

Raw looked at the Weight Lifting Contest.

The Finish:

Santino took out the Cobra sock but never got to use it. Henry with a Clothesline and World’s Strongest Slam.

Your Winner: Mark Henry
Grade: D (65%)

Ryback came out and got in Mark henry’s face. Mark reminded him that they were under a “No Contact” clause. Ryback picked up Santino and slammed hi into Mark Henry. Mark tumbled out of the ring. Ryback then threw Santino onto Mark. Ryback reminded Mark that “He” didn’t touch Mark, Santino did.

Striker interviewed C.M. Punk. Punk actually got a mixed reaction from the crowd. Punk said he didn’t give a damn about disrespecting the memory of Paul Bearer. Punk said he was about to do something that no one else could do, end the Streak by beating Undertaker. Punk said if Taker gets DQ’d, Punk wins. A Count-Out would also be a loss. Punk said he would do what he had to do to beat Undertaker. Punk kissed the Urn.

Zeb Colter vs Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio begged Ricardo Rodriguez to stay in the back but it didn’t happen.

The Finish:

Del Rio was sporting the new “Viva Del Rio” shirt. I want one of those. Jack Swagger was also at ringside. Zeb kept backing off from the World Champ. Swagger stalked Ricardo. Zeb grabbed one of the crutches. Swagger attacked Ricardo. Del Rio took out Swagger. Zeb attacked Del Rio with the crutch.

Your Winner (by DQ): Alberto Del Rio
Grade: C- (70%)

Swagger and Colter attacked Del Rio with Ricardo’s crutches. This was just stupid. Swagger screamed at Del Tio that We The People were coming.

Now it was time for The Rock to do his extended monologue. Yawn. The crowd was definitely much more into Rock’s ramblings. Rock said he had a connection with The People. Rock bragged about how he was going to Curb Stomp Cena’s Monkey *ss. Rock said he and the fans could change the World. Rock then suggested he might want to live in the White House. The crowd loved the idea of President The Rock. Rock said Cena’s Time was Never. Rock warned Cena that he would be facing The Rock and the Millions and Millions of the Rock’s fans. Rock said Cena could not beat the Will of the People and he could not beat The Rock.

Raw looked at last week’s attack on Chris Jericho, after Jericho was taken out by Big E Langston.

Chris Jericho vs Antonio Cesaro
Non-Title Match

The Finish:

Fnadango was out, giving Jericho grades for his moves. The grades were very low. Bulldog by Jericho. Lionsault. Cesaro countered the Walls of Jericho into the Gut Wrench Suplex. 2 count. Jericho with a punch and chop. Flying Crossbody off the top rope. Jericho with a Bsaeball Slide to take out Fandango. Small Package that only brought Cesaro a two. Jericho put Cearo into the Walls of Jericho. Tap out.

Your Winner: Chris Jericho
Grade; B (84%)

Fandango jumped Jericho, after the match. “You Can’t Wrestle” rang out. Fandango with the Guillotine Leg Drop, twice. To both sides of Jericho’s neck. Fanny took the house mic and told everyone his name.

The Touts were divided as to who would win between Rock and Cena.

The Funkadactyls vs The Bella Twins

The Finish:

Naomi was the only one of the four that could wrestler worth a darn. She’s cute and she can seriously throw moves. Tons of Funk and Team Rhodes Scholars were at ringside.

Naomi worked most of the match. When Cameron did get in, she hit a weird Leg Drop onto Brie. Wicked DDT but Nikki made the save. It broke down into complete chaos. Nikki rolled through a Crossbody to get the pin.

Your Winners: The Bella Twins
Grade: C+ (78%)

The Undertaker came out to warn C.M. Punk about their upcoming war. Suddenly, a bunch of Druids came out in the Old School Undertaker entrance. Paul Heyman, dressed as Paul Bearer, held up the Urn. Taker rushed towards him but one of the Druids ws C.M. Punk. Punk annihilated Taker on the rampway. He blasted the Dead Man, repeatedly with the Urn. Punk then opened the Urn and spilled the contents all over Taker and himself.

Be sure to check out my WWE Hall of Fame Profiles, as well as my new Crystal Ball column, where I will analyze each match and give my predictions of who will take the duke at Wrestlemania.


–Jay Shannon

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