WHAT HAPPENED, THIS WEEK, @ WWE RAW

Posted March 26th, 2013 by jshannon

Several Hall of Famers showed up to do a debate between John Cena and The Rock. Plus, things get a tad clearer as we are only 2 weeks out from Wrestlemania.

Welcome to the true Heart of pro wrestling, Philadelphia, PA. C.M. Punk and “Walrus” Paul Heyman came out to the ring. Heyman was carrying the sacred Urn. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler talked about how likely it was the Punk would defeat and end Undertaker’s streak. (About as likely as a Heat Stroke outside Santa’s Workshop). Punk explained that “They” think the Urn has magical powers. Punk wanted to know who “They” are. Punk said only his opinion matters. Punk complimented Undertaker for winning 20 times at Mania. Punk then felt Undertaker threw it all away by putting himself in Punk’s Wrestlemania. Punk stated that he was not phased by Streaks, magic or legacy. “E.C.Dub” rang out and Punk joked “Talk about things that are dead”. Punk said he took the Urn, not to disrespect Paul Bearer, but to get under Taker’s skin. Punk dropped the Urn. Punk knew Undertaker was scared. Punk felt Taker should have stayed gone but he didn’t. Punk crowed about how great he is and he was certain that he would make the record 20-1. Punk called out The Undertaker.

The lights went out and the gong sounded. When the lights came back up, Taker as in the ring! He just bet the snot out of Punk. Heyman took off like a scalded dog with the urn. Punk bailed out of the ring clutching his left ear. Punk then took the Urn back from Paul and taunted the Dead Man. My prediction: Taker is going to destroy Punk, but it will be a Hell of a match.

Oh, joy. Fandango is going to make his in-ring wrestling debut. Sure he is. Fanny hasn’t come close to actually working a actual wrestling match, yet.

Fandango vs ?

The fans so hated the little poser. Fanny’s like poor man’s Razor Ramon-wanna-be. The silly lighted figure of Fanny sparked to life. You could rub his head on a 69 Plymouth and lube the whole motor.

Chris Jericho rushed the ring and beat on Dance Boy. Fanny bailed out and took off. Fanny kept screaming “What’s My Name?

Your Winner: No Match
Grade: N/A

Dolph Ziggler then came out with A.J. Lee and Big E Langston.

Chris Jericho vs Dolph Ziggler

The two circled each other before locking up. Jericho dropped Dolph and pounded away. Running Back Elbow by Jericho. Suplex by Jericho. Jericho sent Dolph to the ropes but took a hard boot from the Show Off. Jericho opened up on Dolph with Forearms and punches. Jericho wanted the Walls of Jericho but Dolph kicked out. Jericho with a Crossbody off the top, for two. Jericho played up to the crowd as Raw went to break.

Rear Chin Lock by Dolph. Big E got involved, during the break, which swung the momentum. Dolph with a wicked Dropkick for two. Show Off Splash to the corner. Chris with a series of Knife Edge Chops. Dolph used a Kitchen Sink to set up the Abdominal Stretch. Jericho would not submit. Hip Toss by Jericho. Corner missed the second Show Off Splash. Jericho with repeated Shoulder Tackles and an Ax Bomber off the top rope. Corner Clothesline by Jericho. Dolph reversed a Whip but Jericho with the boot. Bulldog by Jericho. Springboard Dropkick to knock Langston off the apron. Jumping DDT by Dolph. 1-2-no.

Jericho blocked the Sleeper and threw Jericho off. Dolph evaded the Walls of Jericho. Jericho blocked the Zig Zag and locked in the Walls of Jericho! Tap Out!

Your Winner: Chris Jericho
Grade: B+ (89%)

Big E Langston came in and attacked Jericho. Big Finish to Y2J. After Dolph, Big E and A.J. left, Fandango rushed back down to assault Jericho. First, they danced over the fallen Jericho. The skinny broad left and then Fanny started beating on Jericho. Fanny kept screaming “What’s My Name?” The fans answered with “You Can’t Wrestle!”. Fanny with a Thrust Kick to Jericho’s face. Fanny went up top and hit the Coup D’Grace (Guillotine Leg Drop) from the top rope. I’m sure WWE Creative will come up with some dance term for the move, but that’s the name that Cole gave it, this week. Fandango then told Jericho what his name is…like anyone cares.

Sheamus was being interviewed by Matt Striker. Matt asked about the tensions between Sheamus and Big Show. Sheamus took the victory, after Big Show nailed the Knockout Punch. There was a major meltdown between Sheamu and Orton and Show. The differences would be shelved, for the moment, to drive off The Shield. Sheamus started to say how he has gained respect and trust for Big Show. The Shield came out of nowhere to beat down on the Celtic Warrior. Randy Orton ran in and tried to help his partner, but got laid out. Big Show then came in to run off the rogue trio. I don’t know why, but I seriously smell a rat. The Shield ran off just a little too fast.

Mark Henry vs Jimmy and Jey Uso
2-on-1 Handicap Match

Raw looked back at the opening confrontation between Mark Henry and Ryback. The Shield got involved, nailing the Sword of Justice Triple Powerbomb. After that, Mark Henry hit several World’s Strongest Slams on Big Hungry.

Mark tossed the Usos around like rag dolls. Whip by Mark into a double team by the Usos. A pair of Thrusts Kicks and a Superfly Splash led only to a two count. Mark was double teamed but he then took out both twins. Mark used a Clothesline to spin one brother a full 360 degrees. World’s Strongest Slam.

Your Winner: Mark Henry
Grade: C (74%)

After the match, Mark went out and got the other Uso and hit a World’s Strongest Slam on him, as well. He screamed “That’s what I do!” Mark went back to his original victim and hit a second World’s Strongest Slam. The Usos were out and helpless. Huge Splash by Mark.

Antonio Cesaro vs Alberto Del Rio
Champion vs Champion Match

Ricardo Rodriguez limped out on crutches to introduce his friend, Alberto Del Rio. He stumbled, a bit, but still did a great job. The two came down to the ring, together. Antonio mocked how long it ws taking for them to reach the ring.

Antonio went right after Del Rio’s arm. Alberto reversed it. Forearm, European Uppercuts and kicks rocked Del Rio. Antonio with a cover after an Elbow Drop. He only got two. The two went back and forth until Del Rio hit the Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker. Zeb Colter came out to distract Del Rio. Antonio took advantage and pounded away. Headbutt, by Antonio, to the jaw. Del Rio dropped Antonio on the top rope. Del Rio with a Superplex. During the chaos, Jack Swagger came up and ran Ricardo into the ring steps. Swagger slammed the bad ankle into the ring barrier. . Del Rio saw it and came out to beat the daylights out of the “Real American”. Del Rio got counted out but he could care less.

Your Winner (by Count-Out): Antonio Cesaro
Grade; C (75%)

Del Rio checked on his friend, Ricardo, and then hit the ring. He tore into Cesaro and slapped on the Cross Armbreaker! Cesaro Tapped Out so it was a personal victory, even though he got counted out.

Raw flashed back to the opening segment with C.M. Punk and the Undertaker.

Kane and Daniel Bryan vs Darren Young and Titus O’Neil
Non-Title Match

It was Team Hell No vs the Prime Time Players in this one. Kane and Daniel will face Big E Langston and Dolph Ziggler, for the titles, at Wrestlemania. Kane and Titus to open . Kane with a kick and Whip. Back Elbow by Kane. Daniel took the tag and kicked away at Titus’ mid-section. Tag to Kane. Kane whipped Daniel into Titus. Uppercut by Kane off a Whip by Daniel. Titus kicked and punched Kane to the PTP corner. Darren with a tag. Kane punched back the other way. Tag to Daniel Double Hip Toss. Kneedrop by Daniel for only a one. Dolph and Big E and A.J. strolled out to scout the match. Daniel upped his kicks to show off to the Show Off. Belly to Belly Throw by Darren. Titus with the tag and a European Uppercut. He barked to the crowd and then Darren was dropped onto Daniel. Rear Bearhug by Darren on Daniel. Back Elbows by Daniel into Knee Strikes. Whip by Young but Daniel took him down with a Flying Clothesline. Kane took the tag and tore into his opponents. Kane with hard punches and a Big Boot and Slider Dropkick. Kane with a Corner Clothesline and Whip. Big Boot to drop Darren. 2 count. Darren escaped the Scoop Slam but Kane came back with the Side Slam. Titus got involved but Daniel and Kane worked together to take him out. Flying Knee Trembler by Daniel. Chokeslam by Kane. 1-2-3-.

Your Winners: Kane and Daniel Bryan
Grade: B (84%)

Raw went back to last Monday to look at the Contract Signing for the Triple H vs Brock Lesnar match. Heyman teased what the stipulation would be. He went too far when he said the winner would get Stephanie McMahon. He sent HHH off when he said the loser got stuck with the Billion Dollar Princess. HHH beat the daylights out of Heyman and hs security force. HHH told Heyman to call his Monser. Lesnar came out with a chair but HHH had his trusty Sledge Hammer. The match would be No Holds Barred with HHH’s career on the line.

Triple H then came out to discuss the upcoming match. Cole and Lawler discussed how much the stipulations were in Brock’s favor. HHH fully understood that the Wrestlemania match could be his last. HHH knew that Lesnar could end a career in the blink of an eye. HHH talked about his 20-year career. HHH took every match as if it were his last. HHH felt Heyman and Lesnar made a mistake with this match. HHH warned Brock to come prepared that his life might well be on the line. HHH said he was not coming to wrestle or fight…he was coming to kick Brock’s *ss!

Wade Barrett entered as HHH was leaving. Wade wouldn’t step aside for The Game. HHH responded by kicking Wade in his crotch and dropping him like a bad habit.

Wade Barrett vs The Miz
Non-Title Match

Wade was nursing a sore nether regions. Miz mocked him and hit an Inverted Atomic Drop. Wade bailed out to avoid the Figure Four Leglock. There was an update on Ricardo Rodriguez. There was no further damage. Miz with an Atomic Drop and Inverted Atomic Drop on Wade. Barrett hit the floor and grumbled at the ref. Wade got in and clubbed and kicked The Miz. Miz tried for a Flying Head Scissors but Wade threw him over the ropes. Wade worked ove Miz’s back and hit a High Knee to Miz’s ribs. Elbow Drop by Wade. Full Mount and Punches. Rear Chin Lock by Wade. Miz flipped out of a Back Drop Suplex. Roll Up by Miz. Miz got half of the Reality Check before being sent to the ropes. Miz flipped Wade over the ropes and to the floor. Ax Handle, off the apron, to take out Wade. Miz threw Wade back in the ring for a two count. It was time for another break.

Wade tried for a pin but only got a two. Wade took control of the match during the break. Wade choked Miz on the middle rope. Knee Strikes by Wade. Big Boot sent Miz to the arena floor. Wade came out to get his fallen foe. Wade ran Miz’s back into the ring apron. Back in the ring, Wade got a two count. Wade pulled back on Miz’s arms. Miz with hard Elbows. Back Elbow b y Miz. Drop Toe Hold sent Wade crashing into the corner. Miz with hard lefts to Wade’s face. Flying Forearm and Running Knee and Big Boot by Miz. Full Body Clothesline into an Ax Bomber (I guess that was decided as over-played move of the week). Wade blocked the Skull Crushing Finale and nailed the Winds of Change. Miz barely kicked out. Miz fought out of Wasteland. Back Heel Trip by Miz led to Wade with a Small Package. Miz Dropkick the knee and tried for the Figure Four. Wade kicked Miz into the corner. Wade with a big kick but couldn’t get the pin. Wade loaded up the Bull Hammer Elbow but missed it. Miz with a School Boy for two. Wade went for a Big Boot but he straddled the top rope. Miz with the Figure Four!

Your Winner: The Miz
Grade: B+ (88%)

Kane and Daniel Bryan argued backstage. They talked about “She who should not be named”. Kaitlyn came in and tried to calm them down. Kaitlyn talked about A.J., calling her crazy. That set off the diminutive dingbat who tore into the Divas Champion. Kane and Daniel had to drag A.J. off Kaitlyn as she screamed “I will show you crazy”.

Great Khali, Zack Ryder and Justin Gabriel vs Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns (The Shield)
Six Man Tag Team Match

Seth started against Khali. Seth kicked away but Khali with a Clothesline. Open Hand Slap by Khali. Tag to Ryder. Seth reversed a Whip but Ryder with a Double Knee Strike. Seth side stepped the Missile Dropkick. Seth punched away and tagged out to Dean. Wishbone on Ryder’s legs. Dean with Strikes and a Running Dropkick. Roman tagged in and hit a solid punch to the ribs. Justin got the tag and hit a series of kicks. Dean with a blind tag. Clothesline to te back of Justin’s head. Dean tied of the legs and held Justin in a Surfboard. Seth tagged in and hit a Kneedrop.

Your Winners; The Shield
Grade: B- (80%)

The Shield Tripe Teeamed The Great Khali. Sword of Justice Triple Powerbomb! Sheamus walked from the back, ready to fight. He was joined by Randy Orton. Sheamus and Orton strolled down to the ring. Big Show came out of the crowd, on the other side to close off the exits. Shield stood Back to Back to Back. The faces got in and tore into The Shield. All three members got annihilated by Sheamus, Orton and Show. I still have a feeling that Big Show is getting ready to set up his partners at mania. Maybe I’m just way too much of a cynic.

Josh Mathews found Chris Jericho. Jericho had a heck of a shiner on his left eye. Jericho had been in with Vickie Guerrero. She okayed the match: Chris Jericho vs Fandange at Wrestlemania. Jericho said Fandango would never, ever be the same, again.

Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes came out. Sandow made fun of the Philadelphia fans and the area. Damien brought out the Bella Twins.

A C.M. Punk vs Undertaker match video profile aired. There is just No Way in Hell that Punk wins this match.

Team Rhodes Scholars (Sandow and Rhodes) vs the Tippin’ Scales (Brodus Clay and “Sweet T” Tensai)

Clay and Tensai danced. Clay ran over Sandow as the bell rang. Corner Splash by Clay. Double Team on Sandow. Sweet T missed a Corner Splash. Backsplash Senton missed and Cody tagged in. Cody with a Flying Neckbreaker. Tag back to Sandow. Sandow is now in all pink and white. Cody tagged back in and worked over Sweet T’s left arm. T shoved Cody into the corner. T with an Uppercut on Cody as Cody flew off the ropes. Clay wit the tag. He assaulted Cody and it the Trapped Leg Throw. Corner Splash by Clay. Cody fell out to the floor. The Funkadactyls and the Bellas went after each other. Disaster Kick by Cody to Clay to score the win.

Your Winners: Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow
Grade: B- (80%)

Cole and Lawler talked about he new G.I Joe movie. It opens on Thursday. They sent it to a sneak peak at the movie and some behind-the-scenes stuff.

Ryback was ready to One Up Mark Henry. He asked Vickie Guerrero for a chance to face all 3 members of 3MB.

Raw looked back at Ryback dropping Mark Henry with the Meat Hook Clothesline.

Ryback vs Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre and Jindar Mahal
3-on-1 Handicap Match

3MB talked strategy and then fed Heath to Ryback. Ryback took swings at Drew and Jindar. Heath with a few shots but Ryback with a Thesz Press, Head Bounces and a Big Splash. Tag to Drew. Ryback with the Corner Rush and Knife Edge Chops. Shoulder Thrust by Ryback. He then took out Heath and Jindar. Wild One Legged Dropkick by Drew. Tag to Jindar. Mahal stomped on Ryback and struck with the knees. Heath tagged in and hit a Flying Knee for a two count. Front Face Lock by Heath. Front Drop by Ryback. Drew with the tag and a hard Clothesline. Drew worked over Ryback’s arm. Side Headlock by Drew but Ryback threw him off. Flying Knee by Jindar, who had tagged in. Mahal stomped away and tagged to Heath. Heath missed a Corner Splash. Meathook by Ryback. He threw Jindar into Drew. Pounce by Ruback on Heath. Spinebuster to Heath and then to Jindar. Ryback lifted both Jindar and Heath for a Double Stack Shell Shocked! Guess that proves he can lift weight equal to or more than that of Mark Henry’s carcass.

Your Winner: Ryback
Grade; B- (81%)

Ryback and Mark Henry will take part in a weight lifting competition on Friday.

Raw went back to last week when Jack Swagger broke Ricardo Rodriguez’s ankle. From there, Raw looked at this week’s attack on Ricardo. Alberto Del Rio beat the daylights out of Swagger, including a gun-shot sounding Superkick to the face.

It was announced the Arnold Schwarzenegger will induct Bruno Sammartino into the Hall of Fame. Kinda cool. I’ve heard rumors that Bret Hart will induct Bob Backlund and Terry Funk will induct Mick Foley. Those two have not been confirmed.

A.J. Lee vs Kaitlyn
Non-Title Match

Kaitlyn took down A.J. and went to town on her. Kaitlyn with a Back Elbow and a series of Whips. A.J. is pathetic in selling moves. A.J. with a couple of hard slaps. Shoulder Block by Kaitlyn. This is painful to watch. Kaitlyn with an Over the Head Gutbuster. The two went to the floor. Kaitlyn went for the Spear but A.J. moved. Kaitlyn crashed, face first, into the barrier. She was counted out. Yawn. You know they could have done another induction into the Hall of Fame in the space they gave to this turkey of a match.

Your Winner (by Count Out): A.J. Lee
Grade: D- (60%) I am being overly kind on that grade.

WWE 13 is back on the shelves. I love that series of games. I have several of them, up through WWE 11. Just got to upgrade to a PS3 or PS4, one of these days.

Hall of Fame Questions and Answers Panel

Jerry Lawler brought out: Mick Foley, Booker T, Dusty Rhodes and Bret Hart. The entrances were kinda cool, with video clips of all the Hall of Famers or Hall of Famers-to-be. Sadly, things then got down to the panel discussion. It had to be the most boring waste of a quarter hour in recent wrestling history. The Hall of Famers basically spoon-fed Cena and Rock their promotional lines. It went back and forth and never really got above a mid-level discussion. At the end, Cena got his drawers in a twist and got in Rock’s face. Rock took his out with a Rock Bottom, after blocking the Attitude Adjustment.

Face Out.

Peace

–Jay Shannon
JesseCShannon@att.net

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