Posted February 20th, 2013 by jshannon

The Rock dispatched the challenge of C.M. Punk, on Sunday. Now it was time for The Rock to hold a huge party. He would make history when he walked from the back…read on. Plus, the pieces of this year’s Wrestlemania began to really fall into place.

Before I begin, I want to say my good-bye to one of my favorite actors of all time…Sir Richard Briers. The English actor who starred in Monarch of the Glen and The Good LIfe/Good Neighbors has been a favorite of mine for close to 40 years. Thank you, Sir Richard, for years of smiles. May your rest be a peaceful one.

To offset the sadness, I get to introduce the newest member of my little family. As a Valentine’s Day present, my wonderful wife, Dianna, got me a Lab/Siberian Husky puppy. Sasha is currently curled up on my shoe, sleeping, as I type this.

A promo piece about what happened at Elimination Chamber ran. Jack Swagger won the Elimination Chamber. Punk and Heyman had a miscommunication that cost Punk the WWE title. John Cena is now the next in line for The Rock. I have to think C.M. Punk will end up battling Brock Lesnar, at Mania.

John Cena’s music blared and the Number One Contender to the WWE title arrived on the scene. Wrestlemania is just 48 nights away. The crowd, of course, was mixed towards Cena. Raw was in the Cajun Dome, this week. Cena said the two top championship matches are now set in stone. Swagger vs Del Rio for the World title and John Cena vs The Rock for the WWE title…

Enter a very ticked off C.M. Punk. Paul Heyman was still at Punk’s side. Punk couldn’t believe that Cena was fighting The Rock. He accused Cena of taking “the easy way out”. Punk admitted that The Rock beat him, fair and square. Punk then grumbled about how he had Rock pinned and how Rock struck an official and didn’t get DQ’d. Punk said Cena has never beat him. Cena told Punk this wasn’t all about Punk, this time around. Punk dismissed Cena’s Royal Rumble win. Punk said he knew Cena could not beat Rock. Cena just grinned at the loud mouth. Punk asked Cena to walk away from the main event of Wrestlemania. Seriously? Cena acted like he was going to leave but waited for the crowd chant to build. “No” was Cena’s response to Punk’s request. Cena said Punk has a heck of a set of stones and is probably a decent guy, deep down. Cena was not about to give away his title shot. Cena said he hasn’t beaten Punk or Rock. Cena wanted to shut up the critics that said Cena couldn’t beat Punk. Cena suggested that the two of them fight. If Cena wins, Punk has to shut up and go away. If Punk wins, Cena gives up his “Golden Ticket” to Wrestlemania to Punk.

Punk talked it over with Heyman before making his decision. Punk said Cena just made the stupidest decision of his life. Punk said he wouldn’t fight him, now. Punk said he would do this on his own terms. Punk said the match would happen, next week. Crap. That would have been great. Cena told Punk to bring his best, next week. Cena said he would beat Punk, next week, and then go on to Mania to take the WWE title from Rock.

(I smell a Triple Threat Match at Mania)

Lawler announced that Wrestlemania XXX will be in New Orleans.Nawlins is a fantastic city that I have visited numerous times, over the years. Good people, great food and an atmosphere that can not be beaten.

A photo of Thomas Jefferson flashed on the screen as a tribute to the presidents.

The Shield defeated John Cena, Sheamus and Ryback, last night. Matt Striker asked Sheamus about finding a weakness in The Shield. Ryback stormed back and forth. Sheamus got up in Ryback’s face. Sheamus said Ryback was supposed to be a machine but maybe he was just a mindless neanderthal. They got into a shoving match, until Chris Jericho stepped in and calmed them down. Jericho brought up the nWo and the Nexus. Jericho said he was there to protect hte WWE. Jericho wanted to join forces with Sheamus and Ryback, tonight, to battle the upstart group. Sheamus told Jericho to get it done. Ryback agreed. “Feed Me, Shield”.

Sin Cara vs Mark Henry

Raw looked back at how Mark Henry destroyed Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio, recently. Raw then showed Mark Henry hit a World’s Strongest Slam on the ginormous Great Khali.

Sin ducked under Mark and kicked away. A Headbutt by Mark stopped Sin cold. Mark threw Sin into the corner and then threw Sin down by the head. Mark stood on Sin’s back. Corner Splash by Mark. “This is what I do!” was the scream by Mark. Sin with an Enziguri. Running Powerslam by Mark. World’s Strongest Slam!

Your Winner: Mark Henry
Grade: C (74%)

Mark attacked Sin Cara, after the match. Mark went for a second W.S.S. but Great Khali stormed from the back. Mark just tossed Sin Cara aside like he was nothing. Mark baile dout of the ring when Khali entered. Mind Games or Cowardice? You decide. Mark then mocked Khali’s dance routine. Mark walked away but told Khali, before he left, that Khali was only good for dancing.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler then moved over to talking about the United States title match, last night. Miz got disqualified because of an accidnetal (maybe) Low Blow. Miz and Antonio Cesaro will have one more battle, in just a moment..

And it was time for Fandango to do his dance schtick. If Chris Jericho and Razor Ramon had a child…

The Miz vs Antonio Cesaro
Non-Title Match under No-DQ Rules

Miz had a bandaged shoulder because Cesaro whipped Miz into the barricade, over and over, last week. That was just nasty. Miz went straight after Cesaro and sen thim flying with a La Bandera Clothesline. Cesaro ran Miz into the barricade and then drove the bad shoulder into the ring post. Cesaro threw Miz back in and went after steel chairs and a kendo stick. Cesaro blasted Miz with the Singapore Cane. Cesaro wedged a chair in the corner but couldn’t take advantage of it. Another Kendo Stick shot for a two count. Cesaro pulled back on the bad arm, which was stuck inside a steel chair. Keylock but Miz would not submit.

Kneelift and Scoop Slam attempt by Cesaro. Miz got out of the Slam but got sent into the chair, in the corner. European Uppercut on Cesaro. Miz got his boots up. Cesaro hit his knee on one chair and fell into another chair. Figure Four Leglock! Tap Out!

Your Winner: The MIz
Grade: B+ (87%)

The announcers made it sound like this was for the US title, but I guess not. Swagger and Zeb will be out to give their State of the Union address.

Zeb did another obnoxious promo about Immigration. Shut the Hell up, you jack-*ss. I grew up in a Mexican neighborhood and everyone in the barrio were hard-working individuals that did their best to support their families and those who needed help. To Hell with this stupid “We the People” B.S.. More like “We the Pinheads”.

A photo of Abraham Lincoln ran as another tribute to the Presidents.

Backstage, Daniel Bryan ran into Kane. Daniel was ticked off that Kane struck him, last night. Daniel said he was going to face Jack Swagger, later on. He ordered Kane tostay in the back. Kane said he would get his own match. Kane mumbled that he didn’t deal well with snakes. Randy Orton thought someone must have been talking about him. Orton said he wasn’t intimidated by the “New” Kane. He said Kane was more like Barney, the dinosaur.

Vickie was on the phone as Paul Heyman strolled up. Vickie had ordered Heyman to show up. She mocked Paul for the stipulation that failed. Paul said he didn’t have anything to say to her. Vickie said she had dramatic news that would affect Paul’s career. Vickie said she would deliver the news, in the ring. Paul said he didn’t like surprises. “I Know” was the giggled response by Vickie.

Dolph Ziggler (with Big E. Langston and A.J. Lee) vs Alberto Del Rio
Non-Title Match

Del Rio retained after he made Big Show Tap Out, at Elimination Chabmer! The crowd adored the Mexican Aristocrat. Dolph with a hard kick and sharp Dropkick. Punches and Stomps by Dolph. Del Rio started to fight back. Kick to the face by Dolph. Dolph went to the apron and ate a Step-Up Enziguri. Raw went to break.

Dolph had Del Rio in a Sleeper, on the ropes. He had to break it. Dropkick by Dolph for a two count. Dolph then choked ADR on the bottom rope. Cheap Shot by Big E as Dolph distracted the ref. Modified Kokina Clutch by Dolph. Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter watched, from the back. Kitchen Sink by Dolph. Famouser by Dolph for two plus. Dolph went to the top, but got caught. Del Rio tripped Dolph and kicked Dolph in the back. Incredible Inverted Superplex by Alberto! Man, that was freakin’ impressive. “Si!” rang out from the crowd.

Dolph and ADR traded hard fists and kicks. Running Clotheslines by Del Rio into the Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker. ADR tuned up the band and nailed the Superkick. 1–2–Kick Out by Dolph! Dolph blocked the Cross Armbreaker and hit a Rolling Neckbreaker. 2 count by Dolph. ADR reversed a Whip and attacked the kidnets, over and over. Lung Blower aka Back Stabber by Del Rio. He only got a two because Dolph grabbed the bottom rope. Big E got on the apron and Del Rio with a Dropkick. Alberto blocked the Lawn Dart DDT and slapped on the Cross Armbreaker! Tap Out!

Your Winner: Alberto Del Rio
Grade: B+ (87%)

After the match, Big E. Langston attacked Del Rio and said it was all over for Del Rio. The Big Finish by Big E. Dolph thought about what he should do. Dolph wanted to cash in the Money in the Bank but Ricardo Rodriguez stole the briefcase and took off running. Ricardo dropped the case and A.J. got it back but Del Rio with the Enziguri before Dolph could cash in.

Wade Barrett was in the ring, with a microphone. Wade talked about being in the movie “Dead Man Down”. He played a trailer of the film. Sheamus said Wade isn’t the star of Dead Man Down. Wade was ticked that Sheamus ruined his special moment.

Michael Cole showed off the new action figures.

Rosa, Epico and Primo vs Brodus Clay, Tensai %and Naomi
Mixed Six-Person Tag Match

The girls started the match. Butt Bump by Naomi. Naomi rolled up the rope and hit a Flying Crossbody. Flying Hurancanrana on Epico, by Naomi. Tag to Tensai. Primo had also tagged in. Tensai took a Dropkick. Brodus and Tensai with a Double Jurassic Splash (call his mama).

Your Winners: Tensai and Broduc Clay and Naomi
Grade: C+ (79%)

A Press Conference were held, earlier in the day. Wrestlemania 30 will be in New Orleans.

Harry Truman was pictured with a quote from the great man.

Sigh. Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter were in the ring to blather on about how great Jack is and what an American he is. Jack let Zeb unleash his diatribe of racist crap. Zeb said Jack would capture the World title and reclaim America for real Americans. What-the-Hell-ever. Jack chanted, over and over, “We the People”.

Daniel Bryan came out to shut up the doofus duo. Bless his little Goat-Faced Heart.

Daniel Bryan vs Jack Swagger (w/Zeb Colter)

Jack with a Go Behind. Daniel rolled under. Daniel had heavily-taped ribs. Daniel with hard kicks. Sunset Flip for two, by Daniel. Daniel went for the Surfboard but Jack broke loose. Drop Toe Hold sent Jack into the corner. Hard kick and Dropkick to the back of the knees by Daniel. Daniel snapped the arm of Jack over his shoulder. La Bandera Clothesline by Jack. Daniel ran Jack into the post and then Dropkicked him. Jack had wanted to do that to Daniel. Daniel missed the Flying Knee Trembler and Jack ran Daniel into the barricade. Daniel’s ribs struck at full force.

Jack stomped on Daniel’s ribs and then hit Kneelifts. Hip Toss by Jack. Corner Rush by Jack. Butterfly Lock by Jack.Daniel fought free but ate a Kitchen Sink. Swagger Bomb for two. Back Elbow and Boot by Daniel. Daniel with hard punches to the skull. Kneelift and Whip by Jack. Daniel ran the ropes and then hit a Running Clothesline. Low Bridge sent Jack to the floor. Suicide Dive by Daniel. Wicked Missile Dropkick by Daniel for two plus. Daniel with sharp kicks to the chest of his opponent. Swagger with an Amateur Takedown. Daniel snapped on the No Lock but Swagger was able to get his foot on the ropes. Daniel missed a Running Dropkick, in the corner. Daniel hurt his ankle. Jack dropoped his weight on Daniel’s leg. Chop Block by Jack. Jack slapped on what is now called the Patriot Lock. (Maybe the US Government took offense to having the “Real American” stealing their little term).

Your Winner: Jack Swagger
Grade: B (84%)

After a promotional video about WWE “Coming Home” for Wrestlemania. (It’s only 48 days away), it was time to hear Vickie tell her big surprise. She decided to hire an assistant…Brad Maddox. Jeez. Paul was bored before this got started. Brad said Vince McMahon gave Brad the position. Brad and Vickie got into a war of words about Brad’s title. Paul didn’t think this was such a great surprise. He started to leave but…

Vince McMahon came on the Tron. Paul started to suck up to Vince. Vince told Paul to shut up and listen. Vince called Paul on his “I will do anything to get the special stipulation”. Vince assured Paul that Vinny Mac has no heart….or if he did have a heart it was a cold, black heart. Vince taunted Paul that he could fire him, right on the spot. Vince said it might be a good idea but firing is too good for Paul. Vince said he would get in the ring, next week, to fight Paul Heyman. Really? The announcers didn’t understand why Paul was so scared.

The WWE Reading Superstar program was profiled. Cool program.

The opening segment was shown, again. Cena put his Wrestlemania shot up..

Chris Jericho, Ryback and Sheamus vs Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns (The Shield)
Six-Man Tag Team Match

The Shield took forever to get in the ring. Ryback threw Seth into the corner and nailed a gazillion Shoulder Thrusts. Jericho had to calm Ryback down. Dean came in and got Chopped by Jericho. Suplex by Y2J. Jericho with hard kicks. Jericho with a Missile Dropkick but only got a two. Jericho with a Back Elbow but Dean with a Kitchen Sink. Flying Crossbody by Y2J. Tag to Sheamus. Roman also tagged in.

Sheamus exploded on Roman with clubbing blows. The two really cut loose with hard shots. . Celtic Hammes by Sheamus. Mr. Wrestling II Kneelift. White Noise! Sheamus called for the Brogue Kick. Seth pulled Roman out of the ring. Dean took the Brogue Kick, instead. Raw went to break.

Rear Chin Lock by Roman. Sheamus battled back but Roman with a Kneelift and tag to Dean. Running Dropkick that blew Sheamus out of his boots. Dean with a Front Face Lock. Corner Stomps to the Irishman’s chest. Tag to Roman. Sheamus kicked at Roman and hit a Clothesline. Tag to Ryback and Seth. Ryback with a Back Body Dorp and Spinebuster. Meat Hook but Dean with a Spear when Ryback went for Shell SHocked. 2 count by Seth.

Roman tagged back in and choked Ryback on the ropes. Dean also choked Ryback. Ryback was just getting mugged. Seth with the tag and a series of kicks to the head. Dean with the tag and a Front Face Lock to weaken Ryback. Falling Neckbreaker by Dean. Roman back in and punched away at Ryback. Roman missed a Corner Splash. Both men were down and stunned. Dean and Jericho with tags. Jericho took out Seth and hit a Running Bulldog on Dean. Lionsault on Dean. 1-2-no. Jericho went for the Walls of Jericho but it was countered. Jericho with a Roll Through into the Walls of Jericho on Dean. They were in the middle fo the ring. Seth flew off the top rope as the ref was distracted. 1-2-3. Are you serious?

Your Winner: The Shield
Grade: B (84%)

John F. Kennedy was the next President to have his photo shown.

Kofi Kingston vs Damien Sandow

Sandow ran off at the mouth, as usual. Sandow said several members of hte Sandow family have been aides to presidents. Sandow wanted a New Deal…for the nitwits to be silent and let Damien save them all. “You’re Welcome!” Damien tore into Kofi even before the bell was sounded. Kofi started to fight back. Damien kicked Kofi in the head and ran Kingston into the ring post. Kofi clutched his hurt shoulder. Damien with hard Kneelifts…

R-Truth made his return! He rushed down and just beat the bejesus out of Damien. Lie Detector by R-Trith into a La Bandera Clothesline.

Your Winner: Match never started
Grade: N/A

Josh Mathews talked with a couple of the people that will be in the new G.I Joe movie with The Rock. Josh then sent it to a sneak Peak at the new movie.

And again, Fandango was profiled.

Randy Orton vs Kane

Collar and Elbow into an Orton SIde Headlock. Shoulder Tackle by Kane. Kick by Orton into an Arm Yank. Whip reversed by Kane. Crossfaces by Orton. Uppercut by Kane that sent Orton tumbling off the ropes. Raw took another break.

Rear Chin Lock by Kane. Orton turned under and hit a Headbutt and hard kick. Big Boot by Kane. 2 count only. Another hard kick to Orton’s face. Kane ran Orton into the corner. Orton with staggered punches. DDT by Kane. Rear Chin Lock by Kane. Orton powered up to his feet but Kane with a punch to the face. Corner Clothesline by Kane. Orton dodged a Corner Rush. Corner Mount Punches by Orton. Dropkick by Orton. Orton Stomp on Kane. Uppercut by Kane. 2 count, again. Dropkick by Kane for 2. Kane went back to the Rear Chin Lock. Orton turned in and punched Kane in the face, multiple times. Snap Powerslam by Orton. Sidewalk Slam by Kane. 2 but no more. Orton ducked the Kane Klothesline. Rope-Assisted DDT blocked. Kane dropped Orton on the top rope. Daniel Bryan walked out to ringside.The distraction allowed Orton to nail the RKO!

Your Winner: Randy Orton
Grade: B- (80%)

A Marching Band was there to start the Rock’s big party. This was actually kind of fun. The Rock then came out to meet with the fans. There was a podium in the center of the ring. There was a bright red cloth over whatever Rock was about to show the crowd. “Rocky” rang out all across the Cajun Dome. Rock said C.M. PUnk did everything he could to beat The Rock. “The Best in the World wasn’t best enough”. Rock talked about beating Punk’s *ss, twice in a row. Rock said he was not taking the current WWE title belt to Wrestlemania. Rock said he has deep respect for the WWE title. Rock reminded everyone that the current WWE title has been in place for 8 years. Rock didn’t think the title was cool. Rock felt the belt looked more like a toy and it should never spin. Amen, brother. Rock gave the belt to a tech and asked that it be put in the Hall of Fame. Rock said the WWE title should inspire. Rock unveiled the new WWE title. Damn, that sucker is freaking pretty. It does have the Brahma Bull logo on the side plates. Rock asked the fans if they loved hte new title. Rock felt the new title was just “Bad *ss”. I agree. “Who Dat?” rang out, mixed with “Boots to *sses”. Rock felt there were some crazy cajuns in the house. Rock wondered if he would be facing C.M. Punk or John Cena. The crowd really wanted Cena. Rock started to say who he really wanted to fight at Wrestlemania.

Before he could say who it was, John Cena’s music erupted fromt he speakers. It got really quiet as Cena and Rock stared at each other. Punk came out of nowhere to attack Cena, with the old WWE title belt. Punk then threw down the title in a disrespectful way and said “I want THAT one”. Rock bounced in the ring and waited to fight Punk.There was an extended stand-off before Punk turned and walked tothe back.

Fade out.


–Jay Shannon

Add Your Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *