Posted January 21st, 2013 by jshannon

I want to start out, this week, with major congratulations to the Baltimore Ravens and San Francisco 49ers for making it to The Big Game at the End…no, wait, that was Vince’s thing…oh, yeah…The Super Bowl. I know my youngest grandson, Tim, would have preferred to see the Patriots go, but there is always next year.

On to tonight’s show…

The show opened with the “I Have a Dream” speech by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. “Long Live the Dream”.

Raw was in San Jose, CA. Vickie Guerrero came out with Paul Heyman on her arm. Vickie said she was there to do the “right thing”. Heyman then introduced himself. “Wal-Rus” was solidly hearable, in the background. Heyman grumbled about how The Rock defamed his and Vickie’s characters, last week. Paul called Vickie “Sexy”, which got jeers. Vickie sent it to the video footage of The Rock Concert. “Rocky” broke out from the Cali crowd. Paul brought up that Vickie was “a poor defenseless widow”. Paul sent it to the footage of Rock singing to Vickie.

Vickie said Rock would not do the same thing, this week. Vickie banned The Rock from entering the arena. Vickie said she would have the police arrest Rock, if he showed up. Vickie cackled as a techie told her Rock was there. Vickie sent it to footage of Rock being kept outside. Rock wasn’t surprised that Vickie was screwing the Rock and the Rock’s fans. Rock said nothing was going to stop him from getting in the middle of the People’s Ring. A rent-a-cop warned Rock that they would arrest him. Rock said C.M. Punk and Paul Heyman should be arrested (Punk for impersonating a champion and Heyman for being in public, without a bra). Rock told the cop to ask Vickie what her intestines looked like because Vickie has her head shoved up her own *ss. Rock said it was only a question of when, not if, he would reach the ring.

Back in the arena, Vickie yelled at the fans for cheering The Rock. She said if Rock made it into the arena, he would be singing “Jailhouse Rock”. She did “If you smell what The Vick is cookin’”. Jeez.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler talked over the night’s card. Tonight, there are going to be several Beat the Clock Challenge Matches. The peson who wins, in the quickest time, will get to pick their entrance number in the Royal Rumble.

Randy Orton vs Antonio Cesaro
Beat the Clock Challenge Match
Non-US Title Match

Collar and Elbow into School Boy by Cesaro. 2 count. Cesaro sent Orton to the corner and Orton di a Back Roll pin for two. Shoulder Tackle by Orton. 1 count. Side Headlock converted into a Hammerlcok by Cesaro. Cesaro moved to a Side Headlock. Orton attacked the ribs and sent Cesaro to the ropes. Shoulder Tackle into a pin. 2 only. Side Headlock by Cesaro. Cesaro punched the ribs and hit a European Uppercut. Universal into a Thesz Press by Orton. Kick to Cesaro’s chest and Boot Lace Run by Orton’s boots. Cesaro blocked a Suplex and went for the Small Package. 2 count. Dropkick by Orton and both men went to the floor. Clothesline by Orton. Orton threw Cesaro back into the ring and got a two count. Raw actually took a break at the 3 minute mark of this match.

The time was up to 6:45 as Cesaro rushed Orton to the corner. Orton blocked the Superplex and fought back with a Headbutt. Cesaro shoved Orton off the top rope. Orton landed hard. Cesaro threw Orton back in and got a two count. Cesaro tried, several times, to get a pin. Rear Chin Lock by Cesaro. Orton got to his feet and battled out. Orton with a European Uppercut but Cesaro with a Tilt-a-Whirl Slam. Shot to the gut by Cesaro. 2 count. Rear Chin Lock by Cesaro. Orton with a Headbutt and an Irish Whip. Cesaro with a Big Boot. Orton with Clotheslines and Snap Powerslam. Rope Assisted DDT by Ortonat the 10 minute mark failed. Jackknife Pin attempt by Cesaro for two. Flying European Uppercut by Cesaro for 2 plus. Cesaro seems almost lost, in this one, at this point. Front Face Lock by Cesaro. Cesaro threw Orton into the ring post. Cesaro pitched Orton back in the ring and then got laid out with the RKO.

Your Winner (at 11:36): Randy Orton
Grade: B+ (87%)

No way will that time stand.

Michael Cole sent it to a video package about Mick Foley. He is the first inductee into the 2013 WWE Hall of Fame. Very much deserved. Will Mr. Socko induct him? Just kidding. Rock will probably do the induction.

The Shield was back for another video. They said the fans should open their eyes, or they would open them for the fans. Raw showed some of the carnage caused by The Shield. We are just getting started.”

Big Show will fight Alberto Del Rio in another Last Man Standing match at Royal Rumble.

Big Show vs Zack Ryder

Brad Maddox hopped the barrier to do commentary, maybe. Show tore into Zack with punches and a Scoop Slam. Open Hand SLap by Show. Knockout Punch by Show.Kneeling pin by Show.

Your Winner: Big Show
Grade: D (63%)

Big Show took the microphone and said he was going to give everyone a preview of Sunday’s World title match. Show began counting. He got ticked off when the crowd started “What?”-ing him. Show stormed out of the ring and went to the back.

Paul was on his phone, bragging how Rock would not get in. Brad Maddox showed up. Brad said he would do anything to keep his dream alive. Paul respected Brad’s initiative. Paul said he would help Brad live his dream. Paul went back to his phone.

3MB were in the ring. Enter Ryback!

Heath Slater vs Ryback

Ryback pushed Slater into the corner. Slater with a Dropkick to the knee and hard punches. Ryback caught the fist and then Brick Walled Slater. Spinebuster into the Meat Hook by Ryback. Ryback also laid out Drew McIntyre and Jindar Mahal. Ryback threw Mahal into Drew. Shell Shocked on Slater.

Your Winner: Ryback
Grade: C (74%)

Ryback took the stick and said his job, on Sunday, was set. Ryback said this was a match that he was made for. He started the “Feed Me More!” chant.

Rock was talking with the Rent-a-Cops. He said police are supposed to be taking care of “the people”, not doing Vickie’s dirty work. Rock got the crowd to chant his name. The cop said his wife nad kid are in the arena, waiting for him. Vickie came up and said Rock was causing a disturbance. Vickie said that the cops had to do what she said or they would be suspended. Vickie said Punk would be talking to the fans, next. Rock was told that if he apologized to Vickie, she would lift the ban. Rock said he didn’t need to apologize to get into the ring. Rock had an idea that he wanted to share with the cops. Break time.

Raw will be in Las Vegas, next week. Raw Roulette is returning. Oh, Joy.

C.M. Punk’s music went off and the champ arrived with Paul Heyman. Punk showed off his WWE title belt. Punk was up to day 428 of his current title run. Heyman held the microphone as Punk held his title belt. Punk said his title belt was more important than his family. Punk said he would not allow any man, including The Rock, to take the title from him. Punk said there was no way that Rock would leave the Royal Rumble with the title. Punk said he made the WWE Title worth something. Punk said he would stop The Rock. Punk said he has seen into Rock’s soul. Punk knew The Rock could not be champ, again. Punk realized that he was forced to make a choice and he took honest arrogance, over the fans. Punk promised that the fans wouldnot be able to call Rock “Champion”. Punk said he has given blood, sweat and tears to become the champ. Punk said they were on a collision course. Punk called Rock’s fans “Sheep-like”. Punk knew the fans didn’t matter. All that matters to Punk is the title. Punk said the fans could not give Rock the title. Punk crowed about being “Best in the World!” He held the title high as his music started, once again.

Dolph Ziggler (w/Big E Langston and A.J. Lee) vs The Miz
Beat The Clock Challenge Match
Time to Beat: 11:36

Raw showed Antonio Cesaro insulting Ric Flair. Flair and Miz took out Cesaro. Miz was given the Figure Four Leglock by Flair. Too cool.

Dropkick by Miz into a quick cover. Roll Up by Miz for two. Dolph looked freaked out. Front Face Lock by Miz but Dolph with the Push Off. Shoulder Tackle and La Magistral Cradle by Miz. School Boy by Dolph. The two went back and forth with pin attempts. Big Dropkick by Dolph for two. Neckbreaker by Dolph. 1-2-no. Rear Chin Lock by Dolph. Dolph tried to cinch in the Sleeper. Miz went down to one knee. Miz rushed Dolph to the corner. Flip by Miz into a Double Heel Trip. Miz punched away. Kick by Miz. Clip by Miz. Dolph’s knee buckled. Miz dropped his weight onto the bad left leg. Miz went for the Figure Four but Dolph therw Miz out of the ring. Langston shoved Miz into the apron. Dolph went out to get Miz. Dolph got a two as Raw went to break.

Kokina Clutch by Dolph as the clock crossed the 4 minute mark. Backslide by Miz for two. Sunset Flip by Dolph. Big Kick by Miz for two and a half. Dolph with a punch. Miz answered with a kick. The two went back and forth and then Miz exploded on Dolph with punches. Full Body Clothesline by Miz. Miz went to the top and scored the Ax Bomber but only got two. Miz set for the Skull Crushing FInale but Dolph countered. Dolph with a Zig Zag, for two. Back Elbow by Miz. Reality Check by Miz was blocked. Figure Four! A.J. got on the aporn. Langston pulled Dolph to the ropes. The ref forced the break. Dolph rolled out of the ring. Miz went to get Dolph. Roll Up by Miz. Zig Zag by Dolph on a distracted Miz (who was watching Big E Langston).

Your Winner (at 10:56): Dolph Ziggler
Grade: B (84%)

Cole and Lawler talked about the Royal Rumble Fan Fest. Up next, Kane and Daniel Bryan graduate from “Anger Management”…maybe.

The Slam of the Week, showed Dr. Shelby freaking out when Damien Sandow mentioned Dr. Phil. He sent Kane and Daniel after Team Rhodes Scholars.

Pomp and Circumstance played out as Dr. Shelby stood in cap and gown. He said his full name was Dr. Marion Shelby. Shelby was so poroud of his students. He brought out the first graduates of the course. ..Team Hell No. Kane and Daniel Bran were in the black graduation gowns. I remember wearing one of those, 30 years ago. I’ll be seeing my classmates, come the late Spring, back home in Texas. Daniel’s hair was seriously slicked back. Shelby wanted to show how far both men have come. Shelby taunted Daniel abot his beard and his goat face. Daniel did his best to stay calm. Shelby handed Kane and then Daniel their caps and diplomas. He moved over the tassels on the caps to make it official. Shelby said it was time to pick the valedictorian. He asked both men who should be the valedictorian. Kane said Daniel should get he honor but Daniel yelled “No”. Daniel thought it should be Kane. The two went back and forth. It elevated into a scream fest. Shelby shrieked at both men and then tried to remain calm. Shelby wondered if Daniel and Kane needed hugs. Shelby told everyone, everywhere, to hug, at once. Kane pointed out that Cole and Lawler needed tohug. Cole was cool with it but Lawler was hesitant. Eventually, they did. Big cheer. Daniel had the ring announcer and ringside doc hug. Kane then had the fans hug each other. This got seriously silly. I hugged the wife as Shelby, Kane and Daniel hugged.

The WWE Rewind focused on Kaitlyn beating Eve for the Divas title, last week. After the match, Eve quit the WWE.

Alicia Fox vs Kaitlyn
Non-title match

Lawler wanted to hug Fox. Can’t blame him. Lawler couoldn’t believe that Eve quit. Fox with a kick and then Fox threw Kaitlyn into the corner, several times. Kaitlyn pitched Fox out of the ring. Tamina Snuka watched the match. Kaitlyn with a Thesz Press, off the apron. Fox with a knee tot he face and Hair Tosses. Fox missed the Ax Kick but still hit a Clothesline. Rear Chin Lock by Fox. Snap Mare by Kaitlyn. Kick by Fox. Fox missed a Big Boot. Spear!

Your Winner: Kaitlyn
Grade: C (74%)

Paul Heyman said he had arranged a Skybox for Punk. Heyman had a Paul Bomb for The Rock, next.

Heyman said “Hey, Champ, this one is for you!” Heyman said he wasn’t just the “Voice of the Voice of the Voiceless”. Heyman said he served as Punk’s advisor. Heyman understood Punk was too articulate for the fans to understand. Heyman was going to interpret Punk’s words for the fans. Heyman comprehended that the fans just knew Rock was going to win the WWE title. Heyman also knew Vince McMahon was desperate to have someone beat Punk. Rock was just “Flavor of the Month” for January. Heyman elaborated that Rock wasn’t focused on Punk, he was focused on Heyman, Vickie and the fans. Heyman said The Rock, just like the people, are stupid…

Rock’s entrance music went off and The Rock came out. Rock showed off the ricket that he got to be in the building. Heyman looked ready to soil himself as Rock got in the ring. Punk didn’t look too worried, up in the Skybox. Rock thanked the cops for the ticket. Heyman said Rock wasn’t allowed in the ring. Rock called Heyman “Twinkie T*ts” and ordered him out of the ring. Rock looked up at Punk and acknowledged that Punk has been king of the mountain for 428 days. Rock thought Punk has earned the title of Best in the World. Rock told Punk that this was Punk’s last Raw as WWE Champ. Rock was proud to be the People’s Champ. Rock was ready to rip Punk’s face off. “Boots to *sses” rose from the crowd. Rock said he has waited for 10 years for this shot. Rock brought up MLK and the dream. Rock wanted one more run as a champion. Rock promised himself, and the fans, that he would beat Punk for the title. Rock said, on Sunday night, the fans would be chanting “Free at Last” (Free of being under Punk’s reign).

The lights went out and The Shield attacked The Rock. Rock fought back and kicked serious butt, for a moment. The numbers were too much. Rock got stompes and kicked. They set him for and hit the Sword of Damacles Triple Powerbomb. Seth, Dean and Roman then took off. Punk took the stick to tell Rock there was only room for one at the top of the mountain. Punk was ready to wake Rock up from his dream. Punk knew Rock wasn’t great enough to beat The Best in the World. Rock was spitting up blood, in the ring. “Rocky” rang out as Punk lifted the belt high. Break time.

Raw ran the ” I Have a Dream” speech, again.

Cole and Lawler looked back at the end of the last segment. Rock walked out, during the break, under his own power.

Sheamus vs Wade Barrett
Beat the Clock Challenge Match
Non-Intecontinental Title Match
Time to Beat: 10:56

The two circled and then locked up. They went to the ropes and Sheamus with a Side Headlock Takeover. Push Off by Wade but Steam Roller by Sheamus. Double Trip by Wade for a one count. Front Face Lock by Wade but Sheamus moved them to the corner. Kick by Wade as Dolph, A.J. and Langston watched the monitor. Sheamus with kicks and clubbing blows. Shoulder Thrusts by Sheamus into a Running Celtic Hammer. Front Senton Roll by Sheamus for two. Wade went to the apron. Wade snapped Sheamus’ arm over th top rope. Running La Bandera Clothesline by Wade sent it to break.

Wade with a hard shot to Sheamus’ mid-section. It was down to under 5 minutes. Wade pulled backwards on Sheamus’ arm. Sheamus with punches to Wade’s face. Wade with a kick and punches. Whip by Wade but Running Celtic Hamemrs to Wade’s face. Mr. Wrestling II Running Kneelift by Sheamus. Sheamus flipped Wade to the apron and unleashed the Crossfaces. Sheamus Suplexed Wade back in the ring and got a two count. Fireman’s Carry but Wade blocked White Noise. Pump Handle but Sheamu blocked it. Sheamus missed the Brogue Kick but Wade with two incredible kicks to Sheamus that almost scored the pin. The second, a standard Superkick, nearly decapitated Sheamus. Savage Elbow by Wade but only a two.

Wade went for Wasteland But Sheamus converted it into White Noise. Sheamus looked at the clock. Sheamus called for the Brogue Kick. Dolph, Langston and Lee rushed the ring. Lee slid in the ring. Winds of Change (Black Hole Slam) by Wade. The time was down to under 30 seconds as both men were down. Wade loaded up his elbow. Brogue Kick. The time ran out!

Your Winner: Time Limit Draw
Grade: B (84%)

Dolph Ziggler gets the choice of which number entry he wants. Dolph taunted Sheamus for being just too slow.

A commercial for the Royal Rumble ran. The people in the bar were trying to figure out who would win. At the end, John Cena was at the bar and he nodded.

Vickie Guerrero was in her office. Dolph, A.J. and Big E came in chuckling about winning. Lee nad Dolph smooched like crazy. Dolph then mocked Vickie with the “You look wonderful tonight” song. Dolph was trying to figure out if he wanted spot number 30 or 27. Vickie said Dolph would get to choose which spot his wanted…either number ONE or number TWO. Ouch! That is great. I love swerves.

Raw looked at the attack on Rock, yet again.

Paul Heyman and C.M. Punk were chatting away when they ran into Vince McMahon. Vince said Heyman and Punk thought they were clever. Vince warned Punk if The Shield gets involved in the title match, on Sunday, there would be severe consequences. Heyman asked Vince to think about how The Shield has attacked numerous people. There was no evidence that The Shield were involved with Punk. If The Shield dares to get involved, Punk will be stripped of the WWE title!

Alberto Del Rio vs Tensai
Non-Title Match

Del Rio came out without the fancy car. Darn it. Bring them back. I do like the Face Del Rio. The ref held Tensai back. Tensai with a kick and punch. Tensai with repeated Headbutts to ADR’s shoulder. Whip to the corner by Tensai. Tensai dropped his weight on ADR, twice, with Vader Bombs. ADR got the boots up and hit a Flying Hurancanrana. German Suplex by ADR. “Si! Si! Si!” as Del Rio nailed hte Step-Up Enziguri. Moonsault by ADR, from the second rope, to take the win

Your Winner: Alberto Del Rio
Grade: B- (80%)

Del Rio took the microphone and told Big Show that the counting will be done, by ADR, in Spanish, on Sunday. He got the San Jose crowd to count with him, in Spanish. Ricardo Rodriguez got the “Si!” chant going, again. Poor Tensai. He was on such a push and now he has degraded to Talent Enhancement.

Michael Cole talked about Wrestlemnania Axxess. Tickets go on sale, Saturday.

It was time to see who was going into the Hall of Fame…next! It was Bob Backlund! YES! It’s about time! Yes! Yes! Yes! Next week, could it be Bruno? I could cry to finally see someone that should have been in the first class FINALLY get his deserved spot! Woooohooooo!

John Cena got a mixed reaction from the Cali crowd. Cena noticed the crowd was lively. Cena talked about Sundays being a day of rest, normally. Cena said everyone enjoyed Sundays. Cena said a kid, in the crowd, probably took the day off. He said the kid probably played Black Ops II. Cena asked the kid to give him a break. Cena sia his username was “skidmarks187″. That will be trending, in moments. He picked out a girl and mentioned having a Girls Night Out. Cena then gave a big guy in the crowd a hard time. He talked about beer and blow up dolls and Bret Favre. Cena moved to talking about this coming Sunday. He talked about the Royal Rumble. Darn it, I have to work! Cena knew that a lot of people were starting to pick the winner.

Cena realized Sunday would be “an all-out war”. Cena was sure all eyes from the WWE Universe would be focused on Arizona and the Rumble. “Let’s Go Cena/Cena Sucks” started to swell. Cena was certain that he was going to win the Royal Rumble…on Sunday…

Suddenly, Sheamus came out. He said Cena was wrong. Sheamus was certain he woudl repeat as the winner. The Prime Time Players then came out to make their case for winning the big battle. Randy Orton cut the team off and came out to talk. He, too, knew he was going to win. Miz was next to join the party. I’d like to see Miz win it. He’s seriously grown on me. Kane’s flames exploded as The Big Red Machine came out with Daniel Bryan. Daniel and Kane argued who would win. They were joined by Antonio Cesaro, who knew he was going to win. Cesaro said he would dedicate his win to the USA. 3MB then came out to throw their collective hats in the mix. More and more people came from the back and all Hell broke loose. Wade Barrett was there. Great Khali, the Colons, Brodus Clay, Team Rhodes Scholars and a whole ton of people were flying all over the place. Raw faded out before the final winner of this melee was determined.

Who is MY pick to win the Royal Rumble? It’s got to be either Cena or someone totally unexpected, like Miz. I’m leaning more towards Cena, as the storylines could be stronger. There is the outside chance that Dolph Ziggler could win and have a double shot at a title at Wrestlemania. Let’s go with…Cena.


–Jay Shannon

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