Posted January 18th, 2013 by jshannon

So, it’s Brooke’s and Bully’s wedding day. Hmmm…will Papa Hogan walk his daughter down the aisle? I’ll say this, this wedding had the biggest surprise ending since they spun Norman Bates’ momma around in that basement chair…

The show opened with the flashback segment. Sting came back to exact revenge on Aces and Eights. Sting and Kurt Angle unmasked (Mike) Knox. Hulk Hogan had a meltdown about the relationship between Brooke and Bully. Sting took the fight to Knox. Aces and Eights tried to kidnap Brooke but Bully came to her aid. Hulk said Bully wasn’t the man for his daughter. Bully “Popped the Question” for the wedding, this week.

There were all kinds of wedding things around ringside. The wedding was the Main Event.

Earlier in the day, Bully Ray was getting ready. Spike Dudley aka Brother Runt showed up, as did Tommy Dreamer! They are the wedding party. Elsewhere, Brooke talked with her bridesmaids. Brooke was asked if her dad was coming to the wedding. She didn’t know, for sure.

Jeff Hardy strolled out with his face painted, so oddly. Jeff survived both Bobby Roode and Austin Aries at Genesis. Jeff popped his own match, on Sunday. “You Still Got It” rang out. Jeff thanked the fans. Jeff gave credit to Roode and Aries for being so great. “We are Creatures” was the next chant. Jeff said he fought for the fans, each and every night. Jeff was ready for a fight.

Christopher Daniels and Kazarian came out to confront the World champ. Kazarian told Hardy that, in one week, Daniels will be fighting Hardy for the World title. Kaz was wearing a yellow and red “Kazamania” shirt. Daniels couldn’t believe Hardy was bragging. Daniels bragged about beating “Cowboy” James Storm to get the title shot. Daniels made fun of Hardy’s “Creatures”. Daniels said the fans were losers, just like A.J. Styles, Jimmy Storm and Jeff Hardy. Daniels said the fans could worship him, starting next week. Jeff started a fight with Bad Influence. James Storm rushed down to even the sides. Storm grabbed the house mic and said he heard something about a fight. He invited Bad Influence to face Storm and Hardy, right now. Storm clarified that it wasn’t a requast….

Jeff Hardy and James Storm vs Christopher Daniels and Kazarian

The fight started on the floor and quickly moved back into the ring. Storm with a La Bandera Clothesline on Daniels. Storm pulled Kaz off the apron Storm with a Meeting of the Minds between Kaz and Daniels. Hardy with a Slider Dropkick, through the ropes. Impact went to break.

Back from break and Storm flipped Daniels with a Back Body Drop. Double Whip into Double Back Elbows after Hardy tagged in. Spinning Mule Kick by Hardy, for two. Hardy tagged out and Storm with an Ax Bomber to the extended arm. Sharp Right by Storm. Daniels rushed Storm to the B-I corner. Kaz choked Storm as Daniels kicked away. Double Whip on Storm into a Double Team Flurry. 2 count by Kaz. Standing Dropkick by Kaz. B-I with the Double Team and fake tag. Daniels with a Boot Choke. Daniels with the Hammer Throw. Tag to Kaz. Kaz stood on Storm’s back and drove the neck into the ropes. Shoulder Thrusts on Storm. Kaz raked the eyes and threw him into Daniels’ boot. Tag and modified Funk Neckbreaker. Neck Twists by Daniels into the Side Headlock. Daniels pulled Storm down, by the hair. Hardy tried to get involved but the ref moved him back.

Daniels attacked the neck of the “Cowboy”. Small Package by Storm but Daniels got free and blasted Storm with a Running Clothesline. Back to the Rear Chin Lock by Daniels. Storm elbowed out and hit the Side Russian Legsweep. Both men were down. Storm with a dive and tag. Daniels with a tag, as well. Hardy with a Flying Dropkick to Kaz’s knees. They fought on the floor and then back in the ring. Double Legdop and Dropkick by Hardy. Kaz reversed a Whip. Whisper in the Wind! 1-2-Daniels made the save. Double Team by Daniels and Kaz. Jawbreaker on Kaz, by Hardy. STO by Daniels, on Hardy. Closing Time (Code Breaker) by Storm to Daniels. Storm then flew out of the ring. Storm clutched at his knee , as he landed. Kaz blocked the Twist of Fate and caught Hardy with an Inside Cradle. Hardy kicked out and connected with a razor-sharp Twist of Fate.

Your Winners: Jeff Hardy and “Cowboy” James Storm
Grade: B+ (88%)

After the match, Daniels attacked Hardy. He drove Hardy’s face into one of the title belts by planting Hardy with the Angel’s Wings! I love that move. Daniels taunted Hardy, who was so out.

The judges talked about he two candidates in Gut Check. Both men, Brian Cage and Jay Bradley, really rocked the crowd. Taz said it was really all about the finish. The judges were definitely divided, on the decision.

Bully, Spike and Tommy talked in the dressing area. Bully said Tomy was in charge of Spike. Joseph Park came in and thanked Bully for talking to Hulk and getting him on the roster. Park gave Ray a box of cigars. Ray thanked Park and threw the smokes to Spike.

It was Gut Check decision time. Jeremy Borash was running the segment. The judges were introduced the judges: Taz, Bruce Prichard and Al Snow. Brian Cage and Jay Bradley were brought down to the ring. First, Brian Cage was eliminated from consideration. The vote was divided on Jay Bradley.

Taz: No.

Jay was given time to “Kick Out”. He was getting booed like crazy. Jay talked about “Humping the highways to the point of probably needing to pay child support”. He said he has been around the world and trained by the best. He talked about his Boomstick finisher trending, last week.

The crowd was chanting “No!”

Al Show: Yes
Bruce Prichard: Yes

So, Jay Bradley gets the contract. He reminds me of a very young Undertaker.

Christian York vs Kenny King
Number One Contender to X-Division Title Match

King attacked York, post match, on Sunday. York complained about not being at top form, after being laid out with the Royal Flush. TNA agreed and this match will determine the number one contender. York attacked King, on the floor. York ripped at King’s face and slammed King’s face into the ring steps. King tried to shove York into the post but ended up getting Clotheslined.

As they got in the ring, King stomped York. York came back with a Clothesline and Knife Edge Chop. King crawled away. York took down King and got a two count. York with Inverted Corner Crossfaces. Taz admitted that he wasn’t able to be at Ray’s Bachelor Party, earlier in the week. Taz is the Best Man. King tried to escape but got caught. King with wild swings. Enziguri, by King, but York flipped out of the Royal FLysh. York with a School Boy into a Crescent Kick. Cradle Back Suplex by York. York into the Torture Rack. King went to the eyes and rolled up York. A handful of tights assured the win.

Your Winner: Kenny King
Grade: B (84%)

Sting and Ray talked, in the back. Ray told Sting that Sting was the only guy who trusted him. Ray asked Sting to talk to Hulk about walking his daughter down the aisle. Ray only wanted Brooke to be happy. Sting agreed to try and talk sense to Hogan.

Taz excused himself to go help with things, in the back.

Elsewhere, Austin Aries and Bobby Roode talked about not winning the World title. Roode accused Aries of screwing him out of the title, at Genesis. Aries said things were slanted away from them. Aries said he had some objections, so he was wearing all black. Roode and Aries decided to head to the ring.

Outside, Hulk Hogan arrived. He was confronted about the wedding. Hulk refused to discuss the wedding. He ordered the crew to find something better to do and get the camera out of his face.

Taz came into the Groom’s area. Ray joked about Taz needing Entrance Music. They joked about Paul (Heyman) not coming to the wedding. They asked Ray about Hulk. Ray said Hulk needed to be there. Ray said he was glad that his brothers were there. Ray went to get dressed. Taz said he had some things to take care of.

A video piece ran abou the feud between Hulk and Ray.

Sting made an appearance inside the Impact Zone. The crowd was completely into the Stinger. Sting said it felt great to be in the Impact Zone. He pulled a line out of Rocky Horror, sort of. “You’ve arrived on a rather special…evening”. Sting said there was love and tension in the air. Sting asked Hulk to join him in the ring. The nWo music erupted and Hogan came out in black and white. The crowd was mixed in their reaction to the TNA G.M.. Hulk told Sting to cut the crap and get down to business. Hulk said Sting wouldn’t pull the wool over his eyes. Sting said Bully Ray has come to both his and Hulk’s aid, several times. Ray has also protected Brooke, over and over. Sting wanted to know what it was going to take to trust Ray. Hogan said Social Media was telling Hulk not to drop his guard. Hulk said he would never trust Ray. Sting said he needed to do “this” for Brooke. The crowd broke out in a “Do It!” chant. Hulk said he always does the right thing…brother. Hulk then vacated the ring as Sting was left confused.

Gail Kim got in the face of Taryn, the lady ref. Gail showed Taryn how she screwed up, at Genesis, and cost Gail the number one contendership. Brooke Hogan set another number one contender match. Gail warned Taryn to call things right down the middle.

The video of the Bachelor Party ran. Dang it, I’ve been married twice and never got a single Bachelor Party.

Gail Kim vs Velvet Sky
Number One Contender Match

Gail got in Taryn’s face. Gail and Velvet locked up and went to the ropes. They locked up, again, and moved to the corner. Gail with a Side Headlock. Velvet sent Gail to the ropes and Shoulder Tackled her. Gail bailed out. Velvet is the perfect example of “Less is more” There is just enough of her peeking out of her new Catsuit to really spice up the imagination. Such a beautiful young lady.

Gail choked Velvet with her boot, in the corner. Fireman’s Carry thwarted by Velvet. School Girl by Velvet. Gail with a hard low kick. Forearm Shot and Flying Clothesline by Gail. Velvet blocked the Necktie Neckbreaker but Gail would not be denied. She went back to it and hit it. European Uppercut by Gail. Whip to the corner but Velvet with a kick. Snap Suplex by Velvet. Gail sent Velvet to the mat and put her knee across the throat. Leg Scissors by Gail. Gail twisted her body to increase the pressure to Velvet’s neck. Gail pushed out of a Bulldog and hit a wicked Running Dropkick. Eat da Feet but Velvet got her leg under the bottom rope. Gail argued with Taryn. Velvet staggered up and hit the Running Bulldog and Clotheslines. Head Scissors Takdown. Velvet with the Sky Flowers (Modified CrossRhodes). In Your Face by Sky to take the win.

Your Winners: Velvet Sky
Grade: B (84%)

Dixie Carter chatted with Brooke Hogan. Dixie thought Brooke looked so beautiful. I guess all brides do. Dixie said Hulk does love his daughter. The two hugged as Brooke told Dixie to get out there.

Bobby Roode and Austin Aries came out to talk. Aries shook one of the wedding gift boxes. The two got in to discuss their objections. Roode wanted help understanding this wedding thing. Roode said that only he and Aries should be celebrated. Both men crowed about how fantastic they are. Aries said all the great moments of 2012 were due to either Austin Aries, Bobby Roode or both of them. Aries said they didn’t get the credit, respect or thanks that they deserve. Aries said he and Roode had mutual respect for each other. Aries then started dissing the current roster of champions. He went off on Devon, RVD, Chavo and Hernandez and then, of course, Jeff Hardy. Roode said he and Aries objected to the wedding…

Chavo and Hernandez came out. They also had an objection, not to the wedding…but to the statements by the “Clowns” (Roode and Aries). Chavo botched the promo but covered himself. Aries called the tag champs, the wedding caterers. It also became racist but the tag champs beat the bejesus out of Aries and Roode. Roode pulled Aries out of the Border Toss. I see a future match between Chavo and Hernandez and…Superior Forces.

Impact flashed back to Sting’s earlier request for Hulk to walk Brooke down the aisle. Hulk and Sting talked about how bad the business can be and how Hulk has tried to protect his daughter, over the years. Hulk said he knew how the movie ends. Sting agreed with Hulk but he knew that Hulk had done a good job with Brooke. Sting felt Brooke could see something in Bully that Hulk was blind to. Hulk said he was leaving but he always does the right thing for the business and for his family.

The Wedding of Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan

The Groom, Bully Ray, came down to the ring. He joked with the announce team. Tommy Dreamer and Miss Tessmacher came out, next. Spike/Runt was out next, with Mickie James. Taz arrived with Christy Hemme. There were hugs all around. The entrance of the bride was postponed to run a few commercials.

Brooke came out but no Hulk…at first. He came from the side in tux and black bandana around his bald skull. He did walk his daughter down to the ring. “Shake his Hand” rang out as Hulk and Mark/Ray stared at each other. Hulk also gave his daughter away. Brooke and “Mark” exchanged their vows. Just before the preacher could make it official, Taz grabbed the microphone and asked Mark if he really wanted to do this. Mark/Ray was like “Well, yeah.” Taz then asked “Is it just me? or is it freakin’ hot in here?” Taz took off his tuxedo jacket to reveal….

Wait for it….


Suddenly, Aces and Eights rushed the ring and took out all the old ECW guys and Hogan. Knox and DOC held Brooke. They taunted Brooke as everyone was laid out. Mark/Ray was cracked in the skull by a statue. Brooke nearly fell out of her dress. Hulk told Brooke to check on Bully. Sting, who had rushed down, was also laid out. My buddy, Scooter, called me, on Friday, and mentioned that Sting hadn’t been out there when things started. Editing is a wonderful thing.

I’m so glad that the only disruptive person at my wedding, three years ago, was my idiot now-ex-son-in-law. I had a fantastic man, my now-brother-in-law, Dave, standing as my Best Man (and he is one). Smile.

There will be so much Hell to pay for this, starting next week.


–Jay Shannon

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