WHAT HAPPENED WHEN SANTA WAS @ WWE RAW

Posted December 25th, 2012 by jshannon

It’s Christmas Eve and Santa is in charge. Got my hot cocoa and home made cookies. Let the Christmas Chaos run wild.

An animated C.M. Punk sent it to the Christmas video of everyone (except Kane) singing. I love it. The Animated JOhn Cena knocked out the cartoon Punk. Cute.

Santa Claus was introduced. Tonight’s show came from Pittsburg, PA. Santa gave out presents to the kids. I remember playing Santa, one year, while working for “The Shack”. Alberto Del Rio came in and hit Santa with his car. Oops. So much for a face turn for ADR. Del Rio looked shocked at what just happened. Ricardo Rodriguez tried to usher Alberto out as the medics put Kris Kringle on the stretcher. “You Hit Santa Claus!” rang out. Ok. that was bizarre. Ricardo was in tears and ADR looked ready to be sick. Ricardo told Alberto to run away. Santa with the Thumbs Up. Break time.

There was crime scene tape around Alberto’s car. They are going to stretch this silliness out the whole show, I just know it. Little kids were crying, in the crowd. All the talent was in the hallway wanting to know what was going on. Booker T came out and said Santa was down. Booker said he didn’t look good. Booker wanted the show to go on. Alberto Del Rio came in and it was time for a lynching. John Cena even got in Alberto’s face. Alberto said Santa got in his way, so it was Santa’s fault. Booker said Santa put Alberto vs John Cena in a MIracle on 34th Street-Fight. Booker told Cena to do it for Santa. There was a huge Santa chant, led by Yoshi Tatsu (nice to see him back).

Cody Rhodes vs Kane

Raw showed how Kane injured Rhodes, some weeks ago. This was a revenge match. Kane set off the corner post pyro. Lawler poked fun at Cody’s mustache. The bell rang and Cody with a punch. Gorilla Press Drop by Kane. Biel by Kane. Cody kicked the knee and flew off the ropes. Kane caught Cody and rushed Cody into the corner. Cody with a Dropkick. Cody stomped on the knee and clubbed the back of the Big Red Monster. La Bandera Clothesline by Kane. Cody pulled Kane’s Arm over the top rope and slammed the hand into the ring post. Kane punched Cody with the other fist. Missile Dropkick by Cody. Cody untied the turnbuckle. The two went back and forth. Cody wrapped the arm in the ropes.

Cody with hard kicks. Cody switched to punches. Uppercut by Kane. Whip by Kane but Cody with a kick. Cody pulled Kane’s arm in the ropes. Cody and Kane traded fists and Kane won. Cody with a Flying Armbreaker. Figure Four Armbar by Cody (haven’t seen that in years). Kane with the Goozle but Cody escaped the Chokeslam. Big Boot by Kane and Corner Clothesline. Sidewalk Slam by Kane. Kane headed up top and nailed the Kane Klothesline. Goozle by Kane but Cody went to work on Kane’s arm . Cody escaped the Tombstone and connected with the Beautiful Disaster Kick. Cody took another Turnbuckle pad off. Kane ran Cody’s chest into the original bare turnbuckle and then nailed the Chokeslam!

Your Winner: Kane
Grade: B (94%)

Layla, Alicia Fox, Natalya and Kaitlyn vs Eve Torres, Aksana, Rosa Mendes, and Tamina Snuka
Sant’a Little Helper 8-Diva Tag Team Match

This one actually made the 17-year old grandson pause his Playstation. Smile. I so remember, barely, being that young. The women looked incredible, especially Natalya. Nattie started against Aksana. They locked up and Nattie with the School Girl. Whip by Aksana but Bridging Roll Up by Nattie. Tag to Fox, who slapped Aksana on the tushie. Dropkick by Fox. Fox missed a Running Boot. Hair Toss. Aksana crawled over and tagged Tamina. Headbutts by Tamina. Dropkick by Fox after a flip. Tag to Layla. Layla with a Rolling Arm Drag off a reversed Whip. Tamina with a Whip but Layla got the boots up. Tamina took Layla off the top rope and hit a Samoan Drop. Tamina was about to lose her top.

Tag to Rosa. She dropped Layla and then Snap Mared her. The faces wanted a tag. Kaitlyn was wearing antlers. Rosa pulled back on Layla’s chin. Layla flipped free but Rosa didn’t let her tag out. Tag to Eve. Elbow Drop by the champ. Kneelift and Jump Kick by Eve. 1-2-no. Eve missed an Elbow Drop and Kaitlyn got the tag. She exploded on Eve with all kinds of offense. Rosa made the save. It broke down into chaos. Nattie with the Sharpshooter. Thrust Kick by Tamina. Ax Kick by Fox. Everyone got involved. Gut Buster by Kaitlyn on Eve to take the win.

Your Winners: Kaitlyn, Alicia Fox, Layla and Natalya
Grade: B- (80%)

We are going to have a LumberJackFrost Match.

There will be an update on Kris Kringle, next.

They did a post that Santa makes over 842 Million stops on his journey. Dolph Ziggler and A.J. Lee snuggled on a rug watching a “Christmas” movie. It was A.J. shoving over the ladder at TLC. They chuckled as they talked about beating up on Cena.

Cole and Lawler talked about the auto accident from earlier. Reps from the North Pole have been contacted. Why do I feel Hornswoggle is going to be in the middle of this, soon? Matt Striker was outside Santa’s training room. You could hear the beeping of the monitor.

The Lumberjacks all came out in Santa hats. 3MB, Tensai, The Usos, Santino, Brodus Clay and several more strolled down, Raw took a break.

There will be a 20-man Battle Royal on Main Event. The winner will get Antonio Cesaro in a future match for the US title.

Big Show vs Sheamus
LumberJack-Frost Match

Sheamus took Justin Gabriel’s Santa hat and donned it, before getting in the ring. Collar and Elbow into a Push by Show. They locked up, again, and Sheamus pushed Show into the ropes. Sheamus stomped Show’s foot and took a Side Headlock. Shoulder Tackle by Show into a Headbutt. Open Hand Slap by Show. Power Whip by Show but Sheamus dodged a Corner Splash. Crossfaces by Sheamus after snapping Show’s neck on the top rope. Battering Ram by Sheamus. Show bailed out to avoid the Brogue Kick . The Lumber Jack-Frosts didn’t want to mess with Show. Raw went to break.

Sheamus kicked and punched at Show. Shoulder Tackle by Show. During the break, Sheamus was pitched out and attacked. He took out all of 3MB. Show nailed Sheamus as he returned to the ring. Keylock by Show. Show was singing Christmas Carols, badly. Sheamus grabbed Show by the nose. Show then dropped Sheamus and threw him to the outside. 3MB attacked. It broke down into a complete Mosh Pit. Back in the ring, Show with a Headbutt. Sheamus tried to attack but Show with a Snap Suplex. Wow.

Show choked Sheamus on the ropes. Tensai with a shot to Sheamus’ face. Open Hand Slap by Show. Show climbed the ropes but Sheamus slid out underneath. Electric Chair Drop by Sheamus! Are you freakin’ kidding me? The two threw hard fists, back and forth. Sheamus went wild on the World Champ. Chokeslam by Show for a two. He couldn’t believe that Sheamus kicked out. What an Hour Turner match. Headbutt by Show but Sheamus fought back. Final Cut by Show. 1-2-no. The guys on the outside were yelling at Show to put Sheamus away. Sheamus got to his feet but ended up in a Bear Hug.

Sheamus with fists and forearms to get free. Flying Forearms by Sheamus. Corner Shoulder Thrusts by Sheamus. Clothesline by Show. 2, again. Running Elbow Drop by Sheamus for two. Vader Bomb by Show misfired. Sheamus rolled in to avoid it. White Noise! Man, that is impressive. 2 count. Show blocked the Brogue Kick and threw Sheamus to the outside. All the LumberJack-Frosts tore into each other. Tensai threw Sheamus back into the ring. Show cocked his fist but Sheamus with the Brogue Kick. 1-2-3!

Your Winner: Sheamus
Grade: A (94%)

The Lumberjack-Frosts hit the ring and all Hell broke loose. The heel L-J-Fs bailed out and Sheamus was left with his buddies to party it up.

Cole sent it back to Tribute to the Troops. MizTV festured the Muppets. They briefly talked about “All I need is love” with Cee-Lo Green and the Muppets. I posted the video on Facebook. Miz and Kermit talked about the relationship between Kermy and Miss Piggy. Miz asked Kermit if he loved and wanted to marry Piggy. Damien Sandow interrupted the wedding of Kermit and Piggy. Jerk. Miz stepped in for Miss Piggy and blasted Damien. That led to a match, which Miz won.

Ok, so…are The Muppets going into the WWE Hall of Fame? Better than Drew Carey…I’m just saying

David Otunga was in the ring. He bragged about how great he is, being a Harvard Lawyer. He was there to comment on the Santa Claus case. Ambulance Chaser. Otunga tried to put the spin on it and make Santa the bad guy. Thank the Heavens that Zack Ryder came out.

David Otunga vs Zack Ryder

Lock Up and David with hard shots. Otunga Whip but Zack with Running Clotheslines and a Dropkick. 2 count. David pulled Zack into the corner. Clotheslines by Otunga, in the corner. Falling Neckbreaker by Otunga, for a two. Otunga pulled up on Zack’s neck. Back Elbow by Otunga. Close Quarters Clotheslines by Otunga. Short Arm Clothesline by Otunga. Roll Up by Zack for a two. Whip by Otunga into a Spear. 1-2-no. Otunga went back to work on Zack’s chin and neck. X-Factor by Zack. Double Knees by Zack into a Missile Dropkick. Flying Forearm into the Broski Boot. 2 count, yet again. Zack missed the Rough Ryder, at first, but came back to nail it.

Your Winner: Zack Ryder
Grade: B- (81%)

Booker and Teddy talked about Vickie going on vacation. They laughed at Otunga. Brad Maddox and his cameraman (Carson) came in. Brad thought he was there to get his contract. Booker told Brad that the kid was awful. Booker wanted to give Brad another chance to get his contract. Booker said Bread had to beat one of Santa’s elves. Hornswoggle? Great Khali? Xanta Claus (Balls Mahoney?)

The Miz and Kofi Kingston vs Wade Barrett and Antonio Cesaro

Antonio and Miz to open. Collar and Elbow into a Go Behind by Antonio. Miz and Antonio went back and forth. Cesaro Paint Brushed Miz’s skull. Go Behind into a Side Headlobk by Miz. Kick and Running Kneelift by Miz. Miz did the Pain Brush. Flapjack by Miz into a Running Boot. 1 count only. Shoulder Tackle by Antonio. Wade with the tag and hard punches. Stomps by Wade. Miz came back and tore into Wade. Whip reversed by Wade but Miz with a Dropkick. Tag to Kofi.

Ax Bomber by Kofi. The two ended up in the corner and Kofi rocked Wade with kicks. Wade just avoided Trouble in Paradise. Wade out to the floor. Tag to Antonio. Kofi with a Front Face Lock. Antonio ran Kofi to the enemy corner. Wicked Spinning Spinebuster by Antonio. European Uppercut by Antonio. Tag to Wade. Arm Stretcher by Wade. Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker by Wade. Tag to Antonio. Gut Wrench Throw by Antonio. Rear Chin Lock by Antonio. Kofi tried to fight free but got thrown into the corner. Pendulum Kick by Kofi. Antonio tried to prevent the tag but Miz and Wade both got tags. Miz went wild on Wade with lefts. Full Body Clothesline. Antonio prevented the Skull Crushing Finale. Miz fought out of Wasteland. Trouble in Paradise, from the floor, to Wade. Skull Crushing Finale!

Your Winners: The MIz and Kofi KIngston
Grade: A- (92%)

Time for another round of commercials. That gives me time to put the scallops in to marinate. Thanks to my brother, Joe, who sent me scallops for Christmas. Actually got two shipments. Love seafood. Olive oil, garlic, onion powder, paprika, parmesan cheese. Baked for 20 minutes at 400 degrees. That’s serious good eats (nod to Alton Brown).

Dolph and A.J. were back. Lee re-gifted Dolph with the blue Money in the Bank Briefcase. God, this is annoyinig. They smooched and Lee said she had one more present for him. She opened her robe. She was wearing a cut up Ziggler t-shirt. Lord, I may lose my lunch.

Cole got all serious when talking about the assault/accident on Santa. We had to see this clip, for the gazillionth time. Cole was hoping for a Christmas Miracle. Cole sent it back to Striker. Striker said there was some damage done to Ol’ Saint Nick.

Brad Maddox came out singing, kinda. I do like the leather jacket. Looks like he stole it out of Chris Jericho’s closet. Raw went to break before…

Brad Maddox vs The Great Khali

Hornswoggle brought out the Largest Elf, ever. Khali was in red and green. Too funny. Brad was just not happy. Hornswoggle was wearing a matching outfit. Brad said he wanted to fight Hornswoggle. Brad slapped Khali. Brad yelled “You aren’t an elf!” Open Hand Slaps by Khali. The third one sent Brad to the floor. Brad snapped Khalis’ leg on the rope. Elbow Drops on the leg of Khali. Hornswoggle had hit a Bombs Away on Maddox, before all this. It had no effect. Dropkick by Brad. He stopped to pose. Doofus. Khali kicked Brad into the corner. Brad went up and flew…into a slap. Clotheslines by Khali. Khali Tree Slam.

Your Winner: The Great Khali
Grade: C (75%)

Khali and Hornswoggle danced. Hornswoggle wished Santa Get Well Wishes. Khali tried to sing. It was just so awesomely bad.

C.M. Punk and Paul Heyman walked backstage. Punk had something to say.

Heyman and Punk came out to huge boos. Punk will defend against Ryback on January 7th. Punk grumbled about having to deal with the ring steps. Punk was at 400 days as champ. This was the second Hour Turner moment. Punk made fun of Great Khali’s singing. Punk said Christmas was ruined. “Here we go Steelers!” rang out. My “other mom”, Esther, would be loving that chant. Punk said it wasn’t his fault that Christmas was spoiled. Punk said he was unfit to compete, due to his injury. Punk said it was Ryback’s fault. Punk said Ryback should be punished. Punk is now wearing a Rock Rip-off shirt. It said “Knees to Faces” as opposed to “Boots to *sses” that Rock wears. Punk said he had nothing to do with The Shield or Brad Maddox. Punk really tore into the crowd.

Paul took over the microphone and said the crowd should not boo Punk. He brought up that Punk has held the belt for 400 straight days. Paul said there was a conspiracy to take the belt from Punk. Paul talked about Ryback failing to take the title. Punk said he was better than Ryback, even if he was missing a leg or arm.

Out came Ryback. He stormed down to the ring. Paul told Ryback to listen. Paul warned Ryback that if he touched Punk, they would sue for assault. Ryback said he got his Christmas present. In two weeks, he will challenge Punk for the WWE title. It will be a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match! He got a “T-L-C” chant going. Punk and Heyman got out of the ring to avoid contact.

Daniel Bryan vs Damien Sandow

Damien told Daniel to be silent. Daniel said no. That led to a “Silence” vs “No” chant war. Daniel quickly went for the Yes-No-Maybe Lock. Flying Knee Trembler off the apron by Bryan. Daniel pitched Sandow back into the ring. Running Dropkick, to the corner, by Daniel. Sandow with a Headbutt. Corner Shoulder Thrusts by Sandow. Whip by Sandow but Daniel flipped off the ropes. Shouolder Tackle and hard kicks. Sandow with a School Boy off a missed kick. Daniel tried for the Lock but got tossed to the apron. Sandow ran Daniel into the ring post.

Sandow ran Daniel into the apron and rolled him back in. 2 count. Whip by Sandow into a Snap Suplex. Arm Bar/Crossface by Sandow. Sandow said something about Christmas being in January. Sandow with a little bow after a beating on Daniel. Side Russian Leg Sweep. Elbow of Distain. Sandow screamed “You’re Welcome!” Sandow put Daniel on the top rope. Daniel blocked the Superplex. The two fought on the ropes and Sandow fell. Diving Headbutt missed. Daniel reversed the Termineux into the Yes/No/Maybe Lock. Tap out!

Your Winner: Daniel Bryan
Grade: B+ (87%)

Brodus Clay and the Funkadactyls came out.

Justin Gabriel, Tyson Kidd, Brodus Clay, Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso and Santino Marella vs Heath Slater, Jindar Mahal, Drew McIntyre, Titus O’Neil, Darren Young and Tensai
12- Man, 12 Days of Christmas tag team match

Darren Young and Brodus to start. Darren got dropped and then whipped to the corner. Tag to Tyson Kidd. Ax Bomber. Hammerlock by Darren that Tyson reversed, in the ropes. Hip Tosses blocked, on both sides. Dropkick by Tyson. Tag to Justin Gabriel. Double Team on Darren. European Uppercut by Darren and tag to Tensai. Double Underhook Suplex by Tensai. Justin with an Enziguri. Tag to Santino. Thrust by Tensai. Tag to Jindar Mahal. Mahal with an Elbow Drop. Rear Chin Lock by Mahal. Back Drop Suplex by Santino. Tag to one of the Usos. He took the fight to Drew McIntyre. Cole talked about the Bay City Rollers (I remember them). Tag to Titus. Impact Kneelift. Tag to Tensai. He screamed at the Uso. Tensai with a Shoulder that sent Uso flipping. Tag to Titus. He stomped on Uso and yelled at the others. Double boots to Titus’ face. Tag to the other Uso and tag to Heath. Thrust Kick on Heath into a Bubba Bomb. Rikishi Run to the corner. 1-2-broken up by the rest of 3MB. Heath refersed a Whip and hit the Smash HIt. 1-2-Brodus made the save. Cobra by Santino on Tensai. Thrust Kick to Slater. Springboard Moonsault by Justin. Springboard Savage Elbow by Tyson. Uso with a Superfly Splash to end things.

Your Winners: Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, Brodus Clay, Santino Marella, Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel
Grade: B (84%)

Daniel Bryan and Kane talked, in the locker room. Daniel loved Christmas. Kane hates Christmas but he knew it meant a lot to Daniel. Kane got Daniel a present. It was a Slammy Award. Daniel was thrilled. He had a presetn for Kane. It was a cute little dog. The dog seemed to like Kane. Kane said he was starving. Daniel said “Animals are our friend, not food”.

Lee read a modified Christmas story. It was a bad take-off of “Twas the Night Before Christmas”. She actually rhymed Dolph Ziggler and butt-wiggler. Lee took Dolph under the mistletoe and they smooched like crazy. Puh-lease. They ended up knocking over the tree and cackling like a yard full of chickens.

Cole did another update on Santa. Striker said Santa had supposedly taken a turn for the worse. His beeping machine started beeping Christmas music. Too silly for words.

John Cena vs Alberto Del Rio
Miracle On 34th Street-Fight

Ricardo cried through his introduction of Alberto. Cena and Alberto argued. It led to Cena punching away on ADR. Corner Punches. Cena then pitched ADR to the outside. Cena was sent into the steel steps. ADR shook out his sore arm. Back in the ring, ADR got a two count. ADR wanted the microphone. Ricardo cried out for Santa. ADR said it was all an accident. ADR said he didn’t want to hurt Santa. He took his aggression out on Cena, striking him with the micrphone. He said, in Spanish, that he loved Christmas. Cena screamed for Santa and dropped ADR. Cena hopped out of the ring and looked for a toy. He ripped open a packacge and found…a steel chair. He drove it into ADR’s ribs and then blasted the back. 2 count before Ricardo pulled the ref out of the ring. Cena chased after Ricardo. ADR with a Pearl Harbor. ADR punched away.

Ricardo had another present. This time, it was a pie. Ricardo took the pie in the face. What a waste of a good pumpkin pie. Whip by Cena into the Flying Bulldog. Cena threw ADR out to the floor. They fought up the entrance ramp. Cena with a hard punch and Kneelift. Cena looked for another present. He found a TV monitor. He cracked Del Rio in the face with it. ADR fell into the presents as Raw took a break.

They fighters were still on the ramp. ADR was back in control. Ricardo offered another box. This box contained…a teddy bear! Cena couldn’t keep a straight face as ADR threw it at Cena. Cena ran ADR into the screen Cena. then attacked Ricardo with a wreath and a box. ADR with a kick and punches. He popped Cena with a box and then attacked the kidneys. They almost got in the ring but ADR ended up in the barricade. Cena went searching for more “toys”. “Use the Tree” rang out. Cena picked up a Christmas Tree and threw it into ADR. I haven’t had this much fun in wrestling, in a long, long time.

Cena found another present….a bowling ball. It was a nice red one. I love the colors of Christmas, red and green. Cena rolled the ball into ADR’s well…nether regions. Cena ripped open a red box and found a fire extinguisher. Cena and ADR got back in the ring and Cena sprayed ADR with it. Cena sent the stuff up into the air. Ricardo put Cena in a Sleeper. Cena fell to the mat, as if he were out…

Out came SANTA! Ricardo didn’t know how to respond. He rushed out of the ring and went for a hug. Santa blasted Ricardo with the sack. Santa with a Santa Socko! Attitude Adjustment!

Your Winner: John Cena
Grade: A+ (98% — major extra points for the laughs)

Ol’ Saint Mick err Nick walked around ringside. Santy got in the ring and Cena held Santy’s arm high.

Merry Christmas!

Peace!

–Jay Shannon
JesseCShannon@att.net

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