Raw was live from the state capital of California, this week. Much thanks to the great men and women of the WWE for finally returning to Reno, on Sunday. Sadly, a cut in hours on my “real job” didn’t leave room n the budget for gas and tickets, this time around, but a ton of my buddies got to see some great action. Let’s get on to tonight’s show.
John Cena opened the show. He was really protecting his right arm. He had elbow surgery. Speaking of his right arm, I’m not sure if he was wearing a protective sleeve or if he made a trip to the tattoo parlor for some Tribal work. John said he missed both the cheers and the boos durng his time off. Cena made fun of Team Hell No and Antonio Cesaro. He also made fun of the Divas. John Cena actually asked A.J. Lee for a date. Really? Cena brought up that Vince McMahon, Ah-nold and Larry King were in the house. Cena then switched his focus to C.M. Punk. He called him the “Voice of the Selfish”. He asked Cena if it would matter if he held the belt for 2000 days, if no one watched. Cena asked the crowd to tell Punk how they feel. Cena said it didn’t matter how bad his arm was, he wanted to fight. Cena said Punk was sometimes not a man. He told Punk not to be a punk. He asked Punk to face him inside the Hell in a Cell. Cena then left the ring.
Ryback then arrived on the scene. He now has the new nickname of “Big Hungry”. I like it. The two passed each other with a show of respect.Raw flashed back to last Monday, when Ryback came out to protect Jim Ross. Ryback led JR back to the ring and then cleared the ring.
Ryback vs Primo and Epico (w/Rosa Mendes)
One-on-two Handicap Match
Ryback tore into both cousins. There was a loud “Goldberg” chant. The Colons double teamed the monster. Ryback had a hard time getting out of the blocks. JBL got his shots in on Carlos Colon for owing him money. Ryback then took down both cousins with hard Clotheslines. Ryback with the Double Shellshock. Jeez, that’s incredible.
Your Winner: Ryback
Grade: B- (82%)
Brodus Clay came out and danced with the Funkadactyls. JBL took shots at Clay’s size. JR and Michael Cole questioned JBL’s relevance. JBL, like almost everyone else, was fascinated by Cameron and Naomi.
Brodus Clay vs R-Truth
Seemed like an odd match up to me. R-Truth was having issues with Little Jimmy. Jimmy was going through puberty. Jimmy wanted to dance with the girls. It ended up a major dance party with R-Truth, Little Jimmy, Brodus and the girls. Thank God, Vince stopped the silliness. Vince asked them to dance out of the ring, so he could deliver the Stare of the WWE Address.
Your Winner: The Fans
Vincent Kennedy McMahon made his grand return to the ring to tell everyone how things were going in WWELand. Age is finally starting to catch up with Vinny Mac (he is in his mid 60s, now). He still has that cocky “Stick up his backside” Power Walk (My first wife, Linda’s, term for it). Vince said there was room for dancers, goat faced vegans, monsters, leprechaun (get well soon, Hornswoggle). Vince said hte WWE was all about “Action”.
He was cut off by the arrival of C.M. Punk. Really? Punk came out in a bright yellow shirt that looked like it was taken directly from 1974. I absolutely Hate the color yellow. Green, Red, Purple, heck, even blue, but never bright, gaudy Tweety Bird yellow.Paul Heyman, of course, was at Punk’s heels. Paul carried the WWE title belt. Vince poked fun at Punk’s shirt. Vince didn’t like that Punk dared to disrespect him. Punk went on a rant about respect. Yawn. Punk felt Vince’s words were a shot at him, directly. Wonder where he gets a hat big enough for his swelled head? Punk bragged about beating Cena, over and over. Punk whined about all the disrespect that he gets. Punk even took shots at the fans who still cheered him. Punk asked Vince if Vinny Mac respected him. Vince respected Punk’s championship run. He didn’t respect that Punk considered himself “a Paul Heyman kind of guy”. Vince said he wasn’t a “C.M. Punk kinda guy”. Punk crowed about being the Best in the World. Punk said he wasn’t a spoke on the wheel, he was the wheel. Punk said he was the best that the WWE has. Heyman told Punk not to crowd Vince, but Punk kept going. Punk said he should have an Appreciation Night, like Jim Ross did. Punk threatened to walk out, again. Punk said if he were to leave, it would cripple the WWE. Punk said he was what mnade the WWE go round. Punk said Vince certainly dind’t make the WEW go, anymore. Vince said the WWE was a success because of the WWE Universe. Vince said the fans felt someone needed to shut Punk’s mouth. Heyman said Vince went way too far. Vince said Punk was nowhere near the level of an Andre, Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Stone Cold, etc… Punk went off on Stone Cold Steve Austin and Vince. He called McMaon “a clueless, inept millionaire” and a senior citizen. Punk talked about getting slapped in the face, for years. He then slapped Vince in the face. Dumb *ss. Punk then started to leave. Vince said he should fire Punk but he had a better idea. He challenged Punk to a fight. If Punk refused to fight, Vince would fire Punk, on the spot. Heyman told Punk not to do it. Vince said he might get his *ss kicked but he was going to teach Punk a little something about respect. Heyman tried to talk Punk back into reality but Punk was certain that everything would be fine.
JBL was thrilled that Vince was going to fight. Arnold Schwarzenegger was the Social Media Ambassador, this week.
Prime TIme Players (Titus O’Neil and Darren Young) vs Los Masked Marvels (Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara)
Tournament Semi-Finals Match to determine Number One Contender to the Tag Team Titles (wow, longest title in awhile)
My wife, Dianna, really likes Sin Cara (especially in his blue nad white gear). Sin and Darren to start. Darren worked over Sin’s arm. Hammerlock by Darren into a Snap Mare by Sin. Mexican Arm Drag off the ropes into a Hurancanrana by Sin. Tag to Rey, who Low Bridged the ropes. Rey flew off the apron with the Seated Senton. Sin Cara took out Titus.
Sin tore into Titus. Side Backbreaker by Titus. 2 count. Darren took the tag and locked in a Bear Hug. Kneelift by Darren and then he ran Sin Cara into the corner. The two fought on the ropes. Sin with a Tornado DDT. Tag to Sin. Seated Senton. Rey nailed Titus and then planted Darren with a Hurancanrna. 2 count, Titus made the save. Titus then attacked Sin but Sin with the Missile Dropkick. Darren with the Prime Time Gutbuster. He tried the save thing on Rey but ended up in the ropes. Dial it up! 6.1.9! Drop the Dime!
Your Winners: Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio
Grade: B+ (88%)
In the locker room, Paul Heyman tried to talk sense to C.M. Punk. Paul said it was a “Must Lose” situation. Heyman said if Punk were to annihilate Vince, McMahon would spend 24 hours a day trying to make Punk’s and Heyman’s life miserable.
JBL, JR and Cole looked back at the highlights of the first hour.
Sheamus vs Wade Barrett
Raw looked at Sheamus’ attack on Tensai, on Smackdown, to cost Big Show a match. Big Show had dome the same thing during the Sheamus vs Miz match, earlier in the night.
The two men locked up and went along the ropes nad into the corner. Suddenly, Big Show’s music rang out and the huge man walked fromt he back. The match stopped cold. Sheamus was watching Big SHow when Wade attacked. Sheamus fought back with a Side Headlock. Wade got Steam Rolled into a 1 count. Sheamus with the Side Headlock. JBL talked about Sheamus’ accomplishments. Springboard Battering Ram by Sheamus as Michael Cole went off on JBL, telling him to go climb a mountain. Wade with the Corner Back Elbows ala Matt Morgan. Sheamus blocked a Hip Toss but missed a Clothesline. Sheamus blocked a Suplex and hit one of his own. JBL took a shot at Ricky Hatton. Kneelift, int he ropes, by Sheamus. Wade with a Leg Sweep as Sheamus was on the apron. Sheamus landed hard as Raw went to break.
Wade was pulling backwards on Sheamus’ arms. Sheamus turned nad hit another Kneelift. The two had a brutal exchange, during the break. Wade and Sheamus ended up on the floor, again. European Uppercut by Sheamus. Sheamus tried to whip Wade intot he steps but Wade hopped over. He then kicked them back into Sheamus. Wade rolled Sheamus back into the ring and tried for a pin, only getting a two. Wade with a hard boot o Sheamus’ face. Modified Camel Clutch by Wade. Kitchen Sink by Wade. Wade with straight punches. Wade choked Sheamus on the middle rope. Knee Strikes by Wade into a Running Boot. Sheamus was trapped in the ropes, at the time.
After a kick out, Wade tried for a Savage Elbow. He missed. Running Clothesline by Sheamus. Celtic Hammers by Sheamus. Shoulder Thrusts into a Million Dollar Kneelift. Wade lifted Sheamus up but the champ escaped. Pump Handle blocked by Sheamus. Sheamus threw Wade tot he outside and then nailed the Crossfaces. Tensai hit hte ring and attacked Sheamus.
Your Winner (by DQ): Sheamus
Grade: B (84%)
Tensai and Wade atarted to double team the World Champ but Tensai wanted to go it alone. They did eventually work together. Sheamus nailed Tensai with the Brogue Kick and threw out Wade. Big Show slid int he ring. Sheamus went for the Brogue Kick but Show caught the foot. He flipped Sheamus over the top rope and then walked off.
JBL and JR argued about Vince getting in the ring. JR said he was off to talk to Vince. JBL was happy that JR left.
C.M. Punk came in to talk to A.J. Lee. He tried to explain how attacking an od man on her show would possibly bring the wrath of the Board of Directors onto Lee. Lee said Punk was too scared to fight Cena but she was surprised he was scared to face Vince. Punk said he wold take the fight and any consequences would be on Lee’s “pretty little head”.
Michael Cole sent it to John Cena’s appearance on Live With Kelly and Michael. He signed a photo of C.M. Punk to auction off to help Susan G. Komen. They talked about the whole subject of Breast Cancer.
Raw looked at Antonio Cesaro’s defeat of Brodus Clay, last week. It was pretty impressive. On to this week…
Antonio Cesaro vs Tyson Kidd
Antonio looked at Chili Cheese Fries. He used it to make fun of American obesity. He said only a swine would eat the food. The guy serving the food took a bite after Antonio walked off.
The two locked up and Antonio with a Hammerlock. Kidd went through the ropes to reverse the move. Elbow Drop by Antonio. Wrist Lock by Cesaro. Kidd with a Wheelbarrow Roll Up for two. Antonio with a Big Boot. The announcers mentioned Kidd was the final graduate of the Hart Dungeon. Antonio stomped Kidd. Gut Wrench Suplex by Antonio. Cravat by Antonio. Kidd with a Flip Kick but Antonio snapped Kidd’s neck on the ropes. Antonio missed a Clothesline, on the floor. That allowed Kidd to hit a Baseball Slide. and Springboard Sunset Flip for a two. Slider Dropkick into a Legdrop, on the ropes. Springboard Elbow Drop missed. Launch into the Uppercut by Antonio. Neutralizer!
Your Winner: Antonio Cesaro
Grade: B+ (89%)
Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero) and Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) vs Team Hell No! (Kane and Daniel Bryan)
Dolph has had a war of words with Arnold Schwarzenegger, over the past week.ADR came out in another fancy new car. Speaking of fancy cars, over on my Facebook page, I now have a photo of what should have been my first car. It’s a powder blue (though it looks more green in the photo) 1965 Ford Mustang in prime condition. Due to the accident that cost me the majority of my vision, I was never able to drive the car. A couple of years later, it went to my little sister, Jo. Talked with her recently about the old car. She is the one who sent me the photo.
Anyway, back to wrestling.
Dolph and Daniel to start. They locked up and Dolph with the Arm Drag. They locked up again and Dolph with the Side Headlock. Shoulder Tackle by Dolph. Kitchen Sink by Daniel. He faked a tag to Kane. Dolph with a punch and tag to ADR. ADR moved Daniel tot he corner and Kane made the tag. Kane with a hard kick and punch. Kane ran ADR into the corner and assaulted ADR. Kane worked over the arm. Kane also faked a tag. JBL talked about ADR’s uncle Mil Mascaras in a very unflattering way. I won’t repeat his comments, out of respect to the Hall of Famer.
Dolph took the tag and got laid out with a right hand to the face. Snap Mare by Kane into a Basement Dropkick to the face. Dolph kicked the knee and went into Corner Punches. Kane threw him off. Kane pitched Dolph over the ropes. Daniel with the tag. Flying Knee Trembler by Daniel. Raw went to another break. (This is starting to flash me back to the Clunk during a favorite song on 8-Tracks…God, am I really That old?)
Dolph with a Side Headlock on Kane. Kane got free and hit a Big Bott. Tag to Daniel. Flying Clothesline by Bryan. Daniel with a Flying move into the corner. Dolph rolled through the Hurancanrana, out of the corner. Standing Dropkick by Dolph. Tag to ADR. Rear Chin Lock on Daniel. Daniel got to his feet and punched free. Sunset Flip by Daniel for two. Thrust Kick by ADR. Tag to Dolph. Dolph with a Rude Awakening Neckbreaker (which JBL caught). Jumping Elbow Drop by Dolph. Tag to ADR. ADR with a punch and Suplex. 2 count. ADR with a series of sharp kicks. Daniel answered with some of his own. Irish Whip by Daniel but he missed the Double Leg Lariats. Tag to Dolph. Rear Chin Lock by Dolph.
Daniel with a Jawbreaker. Dolph missed a Corner Splash. Kane screamed for his partner to get to the corner. Dolph tried to prevent Daniel from reaching the corner. Dolhp with a tag to ADR. ADR with hard stomps. Back Drop Suplex by ADR into another Rear Chin Lock. Ricardo told Vickie to quit yelling. It’s like asking a fish not to swim. Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker by ADR. Tag to Dolph. Dolph and Daniel traded punches. Dolph with a kick to the knee. ADR tagged back in and kicked the daylights out of Daniel. Seated Cravat by ADR. Daniel poered to his feet and took a Headbutt. ADR ended up striking the steel post.
Kane finally got hte tag and laid out ADR. Running Clotheslines off the Irish Whips. ADR fell into his corner and tagged out. Kane wanted a Double Clothesline but ended up on the wrong end of a Famouser. 1-2-no. Sidewalk Slam by Kane. Kane went to the top but Daniel tagged in. Missile Dropkick by Daniel for a two. ADR made the save. Del Rio ended up flying out of the ring, between the ropes. Dolph with a Roll Up on a distracted Daniel. Daniel with a Crescent Kick. Kane with the tag. Chokeslam!
Your Winners: Hell No! (Kane and Daniel Bryan)
Grade: A- (92%)
Raw looked back at the C.M> Punk/Vince McMahon confrontation from Hour One. In the back, Jim Ross chatted with Vince. He mentioned that they have become friends and he was worried about Vince. Vince appreciated the concern but he needed to do this. Vince asked JR to call his match and give it his all. Vince wanted a taste of it, prior to the match. JR still thought Vince was making a mistake. Vince quoted the Rock with a “It Doesn’t Matter…”. Vince then went to get dressed for action.
Raw showed JBL on the top of Mount Kilimanjaro. He will climb another mountain in January.
Sigh. Time for a huge waste of time. Larry King and his latest wife were there to do Larry King Now. Miz was the guest. Miz talked about it being his birthday. He wanted King to lead the crowd in singing “Happy Birthday!” to him. He got a mixed reaction when he announced his birthday. I do wish Mike that happiest of birthdays. King said no one cared if it was Miz’s birthday. King then decided to replace Miz with Kofi Kingston. He said he was replacing a boring guest. How about replacing a Boring Segment? Kofi babbled on about his day. Miz interrupted him and they eventually got into a scuffle. Maybe Raw should go back to two hours if this is how they fill space.
Santino Marella and Zack Ryder vs The Rhodes Scholars (Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow)
Tournament Semi-Final Match to determine the Number One Contender fo the Tag Team Titles (whew)
An Insert Video had Cody and Damien taking about how smart they are. JBL verbally jabbed at Zack. Cody moved Zack to the corner and punched him. Uppercut by Cody into a Suplex attempt. Zack converted it into a Backslide. Roll Up by Zack. Running Clothesline by Zack. Cody with a boot to the face. Sandow with the tag. Kneedrop for two. Front Face Lock into a Rear Chin Lock by Sandow. Tag to Cody, who stomped away.
Cody with a hard puncha nd a tag out. Goldustin Uppercut into the Elbow of Disdain by Cody and Sandow. Front Face Lock by Cody, who had tagged back in. Tag to Santino. Cody popped Santino in the face. Splitz into the Hip Toss and Diving Headbutt. Santino went for the Cobra but got distracted. Beautiful Disaster Kick by Cody.
Your Winners: The Rhodes Scholars
Grade: B- (81%)
After the match, The Band (Heath Slater, Drew McInture, and Jinder Mahal) hit the ring. They triple teamed Santino and then danced and acted silly.
In the office, Paul Heyman came in to apologize to Vince for Punk’s actions. Heyman talked about their history. He wanted to broker the peace between the two of them. Vince knew Heyman was lying. Vince accused Heyman of poisoning Punk’s mind. Heyman said he was there for Vince’s sake, not Punk’s. Heyman said Punk might do to Vince what Brock Lesnar did to Triple H.
Eve walked to the ring to defend her Divas title.
Layla was at ringside to watch the next match.
Eve Torres vs Kaitlyn
Divas Title Match
Michael Cole did a history lesson of how Eve won the title match. Layla will get a title rematch, soon. Kaitlyn was still wearing a protective boot on her right foot. Layla knew Kaitlyn wasn’t still 100%. Kaitlyn with a Flying Spear to open the match. Suplex by Kaitlyn for a two. Dev with a kick tothe weaken leg. Back Body Drop by Kaitlyn for a two. Kaitlyn hoisted Eve up and locked her in a Torture Rack. Eve went to the eyes. Eve blasted Kaitlyn. Side Backbreaker by Kaitlyn but she hurt her ankle in the move. Eve attacked the ankle and stood on it. Kneedrop tot he ankle. Step Over Ankle Lock into a Leg DDT. Ankle Lock by Eve. Kaitlyn tapped out.
Your Winner: Eve Torres
Grade: C (74%)
Layla rushed into the ring to force Eve to back off. Eve then pretended to care if Kaitlyn was hurt. Layla wasn’t buying a bit of it. Eve backed off, big time.
Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodrigue walked backstage. Josh Mathews tried to show him the tweet from Randy Orton. ADR didn’t care about the tweet, until he learned The Viper sent it. Orton said he would be at Smackdown, on Friday. ADR walked off without comment.
Larry King and his wife walked backstage. They ran into Daniel Bryan. Bryan brought up when David Letterman compared King to an owl. That led to him whining about being called a Goat Face. Daniel tried to flirt with King’s wife, which backfired. Larry said accept what people say and move forward. Kane then walked up and said how he has carried Daniel Bryan. That led to another “I Am the Tag Team Champion” battle.of screams. Sigh. Larry and his wife left. Kane said he didn’t realize it was Larry King, he thought it was Skeletor (from He-Man).
Paul Heyman tried, one last time, to talk sense to C.M. Punk. Heyman then changed his attitude and said Punk should beat Vince senseless so he could never make another decision in his life. Punk was ready to destroy Vince…next.
Mr.McMahon vs C.M. Punk
Punk jumped Vince while the Chairman made his entrance. Punk blasted Vince with Knee Strikes. The crowd booed him like crazy. Punk pushed Vince in the ring and then got in, as well. Punk took off his shirt. Spear by Vince! Vince pounded away but Punk took back over. Vince then rolled through and punched. Crescent Kick by Punk. Punk back kicked imaginary dirt on Vince. He then threw Vince out of the ring. Punk then went out and picked up Vince. Punk slammed Vince’s face into the announce table, several times. Punk snatched the headset off Michael Cole and mumbled something into the micrphone. Punk wanted the GTS but wasted too much time . Vince slipped out and pushed Punk into the steel ring post. Heyman looked shocked.
Vince pitched Punk across the announce table. The crowd was loving it. Vince took the house mic and said it was time to teach Punk something about respect. Vince dove over the announce table and punched away at Punk. This was just bizarre to the extreme. Vince shoved a chair into Punk’s crotch. Vince threw Punk back in the ring. Vince then went looking for a “toy”. He found a kendo stick. Yeah! Vince slid in the ring and started to Blith Whap Punk. Punk bailed out of the ring. Punk yelled at Heyman to get his belt and they would get out of there. Vince blocked Heyman’s exit. Vince took the belt and then belted Heyman. Vince got in the ring, witht he belt, and urged Punk to come get the title, if he wanted it.
Punk started to get in but backed off when Vince started swinging the kendo stick. Punk found his own kendo stick. Punk inched up the ring steps and got in the ring. The two started blasting each other with the kendo stick. I’ve taken more than one shot with a kendo stick and they sting like Hell. Punk lost his kendo stick. He nailed Vince with an Low Blow. Punk picked up both kendo sticks and began to destroy Vince with the Singapore Canes. Punk pitched the sticks out and called for the Go To Sleep.
Enter Ryback! Big Hungry stormed down to the ring and hit the ring. Punk bailed out. He started to back out. John Cena rushed in and threw Punk back in the ring. Meathook Clothesline! Ryback went for Shellshock but Punk escaped. Punk took off into the crowd.
Your Winner: No Contest
Grade: A (94%)
Punk started to run away but Vince stopped him. Vince said Punk had a decision to make. He would face either John Cena or Ryback at Hell in a Cell. Punk had a week to decide…or Vince would decide..for him.