Posted August 14th, 2012 by jshannon

Raw took me home to the place I grew up, Dallas, Texas. Brock Lesnar and Triple H were set to sign the contract for the Perfect Storm match. Shawn Michaels was also in the house.

Roll the “Tonight’s the Night” opening montage. Give us back the old Raw theme, please!

The fireworks erupted, as did the Texans (by the way, Texican was the name of a John Wayne movie, not the proper name for residents of the Lone Star State).

C.M. Punk vs Big Show
Non-Title Match

Raw looked back to Big Show’s attack on Punk and John Cena, last week. Both men felt Show’s WMD.

Show pitched Punk aside and then clobbered him. Punk came back with a kick and several punches. Punk with vicious kicks but a Headbutt laid out Punk. Show punched the ribs and then choked Punk on the middle rope. Show went back tot he ribs and then laid in an Open Hand Slap that echoed off the American Airlines Arena walls. Show with a Shoulder Tackle and then stood on Punk’s lower back. Show then switched to standing on Punk’s head! Show with another Open Hand Slap to Punk’s chest. Punk stomped on Show’s feet and hit a Dropkick. Show barely stumbled. Scoop Slam by Show. Show yelled at the crowd that no one could stop him. Show with an Elbow Drop to the arm. Show then threw his leg over Punk’s shoulder and slammed his leg down.

Punk started to fight back with kicks and Running Clothesline. They had almost no effect. Elevator Knee by Punk but Show pushed out of the Bulldog and nailed a Spear!

Suddenly, Daniel Bryan came out from the back. The crowds were actually happy to see “Goat Face”. Daniel screamed that he should be in the title match at SummerSlam. Side Slam by Show. Show went to the corner and climbed. Punk kicked the ankle and Show tumbled down. Springboard Clothesline by Punk. Daniel rushed the ring and caught Punk in the Yes/No/Maybe Lock. Show Elbow Dropped Daniel Bryan and Punk. John Cena rushed out and hit a La Bandera Clothesline on Show. Daniel with kicks to Cena. Daniel charged and Cena flipped Daniel over the top rope.

Your Winner: No Contest
Grade: B+ (88%)

A.J. Lee skipped to the ring. She told Daniel that he may have messed up the opening match, but she would allow him to make up for it, later on. She made a tag match: Daniel Bryan and Big Show vs C.M. Punk and John Cena. Wow! Cena and Punk argued in the ring.

JTG and Kaitlyn talked in the back. JTG was ticked off that he couldn’t get a match on a 3-hour Raw. A.J. thought JTG was dissing her as the G.M.. A.J. had an idea. She told JTG to go to the ring, since he was about to have a match. A.J. then talked to Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn didn’t think A.J. was unstable.

JTG vs Ryback

Be careful what you ask for. JTG bopped his way to the ring, all happy and such. The look changed, big time, when he learned he was about to become another victim. Ryback has modified new more, which now includes the “Feed Me More” line, over and over. It’s like the Road Show of “Little Shop of Horrors” and Ryback is Audrey II.

The two locked up and Ryback pitched JTG across the ring. He tried talking trash to Ryback and got rushed. JTG with a kick but it had almost no effect. JTG with a couple of punches. Ryback yelled “My Turn!” and launched JTG with a Belly to Belly Overhead Release Suplex. Running Boot by Ryback. Incredible Powerbomb. The crowd chanted “Feed Me More!” Ryback with another huge Clothesline. Ryback with Marching Orders (Running Samoan Drop).

Your Winner: Ryback
Grade: B (84%)

Roddy Piper was in the house to do a Piper’s Pit. The fans were able to decide if Chris Jericho, The Miz of Dolph Ziggler would be Piper’s guest.

Piper was in the locker room. He wasn’t happy that he wasn’t given the choice of his guest. He started to talk to Shawn Michaels. Shawn has a new cool “Hall of Fame” shirt. Shawn got a phone call from HHH. HHH was on a commercial flight and was delayed. Shawn was nervous about being alone in the arena.

Heath Slater vs R-Truth

Heath did the whole “one man band” schtick. He was ready to turn things around. Kofi Kingston was out of the country. The two locked up and went to the corner. Heath missed a punch but Truth didn’t . Flying Hip Toss by Truth. Truth danced around and Heath scooted out of the way. The two with punches. Flying Neckbreaker by Truth. Heath danced and played air guitar. He then went into a Rear Chin Lock. Whip by Heath but Truth exploded out of the corner. Truth with the Lil Jimmy aka Facing the Truth.

Your Winner: R-Truth
Grade: B- (80%)

The Prime Time Players (Darren Young and Titus O’Neil) hit the ring and beat down on Truth. Their former manager, A.W. aka Abraham Washington, was not with them. He was released by WWE for comments he made. The two-on-one beat down concluded with Titus unleashing his Prime Time-Bomb (Sit Out Powerbomb) on Truth. They danced over Truth’s prone body.

Raw showed the Dallas skyline. “Kermit” glowed in neon green. Raw sent it to a video package of Mark Henry in London, for the olympics. I really like Mark. He’s a fellow Texan. Lawler and Cole thanked the American Olympians, as well as the NBC. Pauly D, from Jersey Shore, was the Social Media Ambassador, this week. Why?

Lawler and Cole talked about how Alberto Del Rio vs Sheamus for the World title was not going to happen. Sheamus was attacked by fake cops on Smackdown. Del Rio then tried to break Sheamus’ arm. Booker T was asked about the issue. He said Del Rio crossed the line and things had to happen. He cancelled the match between Sheamus and Del Rio. Del Rio said he had a contract and Booker couldn’t cancel the match. They are going to face off on Smackdown.

Sin Cara vs Tenshi (w/Sakamoto)

Sin Cara tried to keep out of Tenshi’s grasp but failed. Cara with a Roll Over the back but Tenshi Steam Rolled Cara. Tenshi missed the Avalanche Splash. Cara with a Top Rope Senton. Cara attacked Sakamoto. Cara sent Tenshi into Sakamoto and then nailed Tenshi with a Springboard Tornado DDT for the win.

Your Winner: Sin Cara
Grade: B- (80%)

After the match, Tenshi annihilated Sakamoto with a Backsplash Senton. This abuse is ridiculous. In the back, Shawn asked “Have you seen him?” to a tech. The guy hadn’t. Shawn said let him know if he does.

Just got an e-mail from by buddy, David, who lives in Houston. He runs Who’sAlive and Who’s Dead, a website that looks at famous and semi-famous people that has died. Ron Palillo, who played Arnold Horshack on Welcome Back, Kotter, passed away. Ron, thank you for making me laugh during my youth. May your rest be a peaceful one.

Jerry Lawler brought out Roddy Piper. Piper talked about Jericho, Ziggler and Miz. The fans chose Chris Jericho to be in Piper’s Pit. at 55%.

Piper’s Pit:

Jericho got a monster pop for the Dallasites. This was the first Hour Turner segment. I so miss the Dallas area.Piper was amazed that the fans were cheering for Jericho. Chris reminded Piper about beating him at Wrestlemania. Piper faked not remembering the loss. Jericho was thrilled to be on Piper’s Pit. Piper compared himself to Jericho.Piper rambled on about the kids in the crowd. He was interrupted by the screeching voice of Vickie Guerrero. She brought out Dolph Ziggler. The Show Off strolled out as Piper kept talking to no one in particular. Dolph wanted to know how long Piper has been doing this “same tired routine”. Dolph said Piper was just sad.

Dolph then said Jericho was going to end up as pathetic as Piper. Dolph said he was going to finish Jericho, on Sunday. Jericho then made fun of Dolph’s hair. He then told Vickie to “Shut the Hell up!”. Yes. Jericho said he was going to beat Ziggy, on Sunday.

There were interrupted by The Miz as Piper kept repeating “Y-2-J!”. Miz with the “Reallys”. Miz said he and Dolph can win the big ones. Miz bragged about winning the Intercontinental Championship, three weeks ago. Miz said he was there to take over the show. He told Jericho and Piper to get the Hell out of his ring. Piper refused to go. Jericho laid out Miz and Ziggler. Jericho pitched Miz between the ropes and used a La Bandera Clothesline to send Ziggy sailing over the top rope.

Chris Jericho vs Dolph Ziggler vs The Miz
Triple Threat, Non-Title Match

A.J. Lee set up this match, during the break. Vickie was still at ringside. It started as a 2-on-1 on Jericho. Chris blasted both guys. Miz will face Rey Mysterio, for the IC title, on Sunday. Chris with Dropkicks to both opponents. Snap Mare by Miz into a Yakuza Kick. Jericho with a huge Suplex on Miz for a two. Knife Edge Chop by Jericho to send Miz to the canvas. Dolph tripped Jericho and kicked away at Y2J. Miz took over the stomps as Dolph looked on. Miz held Jericho so Dolph could punch him. Dolph then held Jericho so Miz could kick away. Miz choked Jericho on the ropes. Double Suplex on Jericho. Jumping Elbow Drops by Dolph. Miz prevented the pin. Dolph and Miz were sent into each other. Jericho threw Miz over the ropes and then flipped Dolph to the outside. Jericho with a Crossbody over the top rope and to the floor. Jericho threw the announce desk top on his two opponents. Jericho rolled Dolph back in the ring. Jericho with a Back Kick to Miz. Dolph Elbowed Jericho off the apron and into the announce table. Raw went to break.

Miz had Jericho in a Rear Chin Lock. Dolph was on the floor. Miz took over, during the break. Kitchen Sink by Miz to Jericho. Miz choked Jericho with his boot. Slingshot up into the bottom rope made Jericho’s head go in ways it was never meant to go. Miz kicked Dolph out of the ring and then went back to Jericho. Miz dropped his weight on Jericho’s back and then yanked on Jericho’s face. Miz went back to the Rear Chin Lock.

Jericho got to his feet and went off on Miz with chops. Miz missed his Full Body Clothesline. Jericho with Running Shoulder Tackles. Jericho with a Springboard Dropkick on Dolph and a Running Bulldog on Miz. Lionsault! Jericho got off the pin to attack Dolph. Jericho flipped Miz up and he straddled the ropes. Jericho wanted a Superplex on Miz but it turned into the Tower of Power. All three men were down and almost out. Dolph and Jericho both went for pins. Famouser, by Dolph, to Jericho for a two. Miz snuck in and nailed the Skull Crushing Finale. Jericho made the save. Miz reversed a whip. Miz went for the Reality Check but Jericho blocked it. Dolph nailed Miz after the IC champ escaped. Jericho with the Code Breaker on Dolph. Vickie put Dolph’s foot on the bottom rope to break the count. Miz went for another Skull Crushing Finale but Jericho put Miz in the Walls of Jericho. Dolph came in and nailed the Zig Zag to take the win.

Your Winner: Dolph Ziggler
Grade: A- (93%)

In the hallway, Eve came up to talk with C.M. Punk. She congratulated him on his new attitude. Punk said he hasn’t changed, he just wanted respect. Eve said no one believed that Punk hasn’t changed, including John Cena. Punk said he would go talk to Cena about it.

Lawler and Cole talked about the Jersey Shore guy, Pauly D. I have no clue who the guy is, since I refuse to waste my time with Jersey Shore. Cole and Lawler then sent it back to the opening match. That led to the creation of tonight’s main event.

John Cena ran into Shawn Michaels and nearly caused him to have a stroke. Shawn said he was just distracted. Punk then walked up. Cena said he was ready for Punk to stab him in the back. Punk said he wasn’t that kind of guy. Punk said he didn’t like the Triple Threat match and he was going to make sure to keep his WWE Title, on Sunday. Punk said, at the end of the night, he was going to make sure it was all about him.

Raw ran a new Wade Barrett promotional video.

Layla and Kaitlyn vs Eve Torres and Beth Phoenix

Beth lifted up Layla into a Gorilla Press but Larla rolled down Beth’s back. Beth rushed Layla to the corner. Eve took the tag and nailed a Forearm and Kneelift. Layla rolled through an Arm Drag. Layla with a Back Spin Kick and Spinboard Crossbody. Side Headlock by Layla. Eve danced to mess with Eve and then threw her cute tushie into Eve. Eve knocked Kaitlyn off the apron. Kaitlyn took the tag. Sid Slam Backbreaker by Kaitlyn for a two. Jacknife cover for two. Eve reversed a Whip but ate an Elbow. Eve pulled Kaitlyn off the ropes and pounded on her. Eve dragged Kaitlyn tot he enemy territory and tagged Beth. Beth with a vicious kick to Kaitlyn’s chest. Beth with a Whip tothe corner. SHe then knocked Layla off the apron. That led to a double team on Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn with sharp Forearms. Beth took Kaitlyn up into the Ventura Body Vise. Kaitlyn shoved Beth into Eve and then rolled up Beth for the win.

Your Winner: Kaitlyn and Layla
Grade; C (74%)

Raw looked at the Triple H/Brock Lesnar feud.

Big Show and Daniel Bryan vs John Cena and C.M. Punk

Cena and Bryan to open the match. “Yes!” chants broke out, which distracted Bryan. Cena with the Side Headlock and Shoulder Tackle. Cena tagged himself in. Show wanted the tag but Daniel refused to give it to him. Side Headlock Takeover by Punk. Punk with the Shoulder Tackle. Reversed Hip Toss by Punk. Cena tagged himself in. Show asked for a tag which led to a “Yes!”/”No” chant-a-thon. Bryan with the Side Headlock. Universal by Cena. Cena avoided his own corner, so Punk couldn’t make the tag.

Show got the tag and nailed Cena with a Headbutt and punches to the ribs. Hammer Throw by Show. Cena started punching away. Cena with the Flyng Shoulder Tackle and Show didn’t move an inch. Raw went to break.

Cena was down in the corner. Show with a Backsplash, in the corner. Cena started fighting back. Show caught Cena in a Bear Hug. Daniel tagged himself into the match. Show was ticked as Bryan told him to get out of the ring. Show told Bryan “You shouldn’t have done that”. Daniel missed a Corner Legdrop. Punk tagged himself in and hit a Springboard Clothesline. Another Clothesline and Whirling Neckbreaker by Punk. Show made the save. Daniel dragged Punk to the enemy corner. Cena had fallen off the apron, so he was not there to tag Punk, a moment earlier. Show waited for Punk to rise and then popped the ribs. Show with the Open Hand Slap to Punk’s chest. Punk with fists but they had little effect on Show. Show clamped on a Bear Hug and Punk had to Elbow his way free.

Show with a Third Story Back Body Drop. Show stepped on Punk’s back and walked over the WWE Champ. Punk attacked both opponents but fell to a Scoop Slam by Show. Daniel with another blind tag. The two partners argued with each other. Show got off the apron and walked over and took a seat. Daniel with incredible kicks to Punk’s chest. Punk returned with a Crescent Kick that nearly took Bryan’s head off. Punk couldn’t believe that Cena wanted a tag. Punk with the Double Flying Shoulders, Proto-Bomb and You Can’t See Me. Cena tagged himself in and hit hte Elevator Knee and Bulldog on Bryan. Punk was ready to leave the match;. Surprise Roll Up for a two. Cena rebounded with the Attitude Adjustment!

Your Winners; C.M. Punk and John Cena
Grade: A (94%)

Show started to attack Cena but Punk clocked Show with the WWE title. Punk offered his hand to Cena, who wasn’t sure how to react. Punk left the ring, offended that Cena just snubbed him.

Punk was stopped by Josh Mathews, in the back. Punk was asked for an explanation. Punk said Cena went into business for himself. Punk said Cena showed him ultimate disrespect. Punk said he was going to teach Cena and everyone about respect.

Raw looked at the Asian tour that WWE went on, last week.

Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman talked in the back.

Damien Sandow vs Christian

Raw showed Sandow’s attack on Brodus Clay, last week. Captain Charisma was ready to bash and batter the Intellectual Savior of the masses. Cole announced that Antonio Cesaro would battle Santino Marella for the US title on the SummerSlam pre-show.

Sandow with Corner Shoulder Thrusts. Side Russian Legsweep and Spinning Elbow Drop by Sandow. Christian got the boots up and then started blasting Sandow in the face. Christian hopped over the ropes and hit an Uppercut and Morningstar on Sandow. Sandow bailed out. Christian went out to get Sandow. Sandow threw Christian into the steel steps and then rammed his head…over and over.

Brodus Clay limped out to confront Sandow. Roll Up by Christian but Sandow kicked out. Sandow with his version of the Rude Awakening Neckbreaker.

Your Winner: Damien Sandow
Grade: B (84%)

Sandow with a Cartwheel to show off. Elsewhere, Shawn Michaels ran into Brock Lesnar. Brock didn’t say a word but grinned at HBK.

Raw looked back at the confrontation between Brock and Shawn, from last week. HHH rushed out to protect his D-X partner. Shawn told Brock he would be in HHH’s corner.

Brock Lesnar’s music hit and Lesnar and Heyman entered the American Airlines Arena. The locals didn’t care for Lesnar. Lesnar circled the table and waited for Triple H. Heyman introduced himself to the crowd. He was proud to be the advocate for Brock Lesnar. Lesnar and Heyman both believed that HHH was dealing with flight delays. They understood that HHH wanted this match more than anyone, even Lesnar. Heyman said the most personal fight of HHH’s life and career. Heyman brought up HHH’s family, yet again. Jeez,he never learns. Heyman showed off the agreement that would not hold Lesnar legally responsible for what would happen on Sunday. Heyman said there would be an uncomfortable beating happen at SummerSlam. Heyman really pushed how bad Lesnar is. Heyman mentioned how Shawn Michaels didn’t agree with them. Lesnar was asked if Shawn was in the arena. Heyman urged Shawn to come out and tell Lesnar how HHH was going to do against him. Heyman said Shawn wouldn’t be coming out. Heyman said there was no shame in being afraid of Brock Lesnar. Heyman brought up that all Texans have a yellow streak. Up yours, Heyman (Texan, here).

Shawn Michaels walked from the back, stone faced. Shawn stared at Heyman and Lesnar. “H-B-K!” rang out. Heyman told Shawn to sign for HHH. “Let’s go, Texas!” rang out. The music of The Game then hit. HHH took off his jacket and started down the ramp. “Triple H!” rang out. Lesnar told HHH to sing the ocntract. With one eye on Lesnar and the other on the paper, HHH signed. Lesnar then signed his name and tossed the clipboard into HHH’s chest. Lesnar and Heyman left the arena and headed for the back. How boring.

Lawler and Cole ran Touts about Booker T calling off the World title match. The fans were split on the decision.

HHH and Shawn talked, in the back. Shawn said he needed to get something off his chest. Shawn said Brock was on an all-different level. Shawn said HHH would have to beat Brock, by himself, even though Shawn would be in his corner. Shawn then walked off.

Matt Striker asked Big Show about what happened earlier. Matt rushed ovr where Paul Heyman had crashed into Shawn’s car. The video was lost but Lesnar told Shawn to send HHH a message. Raw went to break.

Another camera showed up and Shawn’s windshield was shattered. Everyone wanted to know where Shawn was. A.J. Lee didn’t know. HHH came out and asked what happened. A.J. told HHH that Brock dragged Shawn away. Lesnar came out with Shawn over his shoulder. He walked Shawn to the ring and then rolled Lesanr out of the way. He got in the ring and put Shawn in the F5! Lesnar walked around Shawn and considered more punishment. Shawn refused to stay down. Kimura Lock by Lesnar. HHH was warned not to come closer tothe ring or Lesnar would break Shawn’s arm. Heyman repeatedly warned HHH to stay back. Lesnar snapped the arm and then bailed out of the ring. HHH started to rush after Lesnar but stopped to check on Shawn. Heyman mocked HHH by screaming that “you broke his arm”. HHH kept saying that he was sorry. Shawn told HHH to stay away from him. Shawn told the EMTs to stop touching his arm. Lesnar started down the ramp and HHH begged him to come back.

Fade out.


–Jay Shannon

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