Posted August 7th, 2012 by jshannon

Raw Episode 1002 came from San Antonio, Texas. Hall of Famer, Shawn Michaels, was in the house with a huge announcement.

The show opened with a look at Big Show vs John Cena, last week’s main event. The winner was going to get a shot at C.M. Punk at Summerslam. Show pitched Cena into Punk, who was doing commentary. Cena had Show up for the Attitude Adjustment, when Punk attacked both men. A.J. Lee, the new Raw General Manager, made the title match a Triple Threat with Punk defending against both Cena and Show. Punk had a fit and demanded that Lee show him some respect.

Roll the new opening montage, complete with slightly irritating music.

Speaking of music, just got word that legendary composer, Marvin Hamlisch, has died. It has nothing to do with wrestling, but his music has been in so many films and television shows. May your rest be a peaceful one.

Back to San Antonio. A.J. Lee was introduced to the fans. Sje came out in a Good Humor-white business suit. Skinny Minnie skipped down to the ring. Lee ran down the matches that she made for the night. The fans were happy with her choices: Big Show vs Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan vs John Cena.

C.M. Punk interrupted the new G.M., just as she was about to make another big announcement. A.J. looked annoyed at Punk’s presence. Punk said he lives his life without regrets. He said he was big enough to admit his mistakes. Punk wished that he could change what he did, last week, when he lost his temper. Punk offered an apology to A.J. for yelling and disrespecting the G.M.. Punk said he also didn’t deserve to be disrespected, either. The apology came across a bit phony but A.J. accepted it. Punk said A.J. made a huge mistake by setting up the Triple Threat Match. He asked her to cancel the Triple Threat Match. The fans weren’t having any part of it and started a “No!” chant. A.J. said she will make mistakes but the Triple Threat wasn’t one and the decision stands. Punk thought A.J. was out for revenge for rejecting her proposal. Punk said he would wrestle either one of the top contenders or even a new opponent…

Out walked John Cena. Cena said Punk has become “one of those guys” who demands respect without earning it. Cena let the crowd go into the “Let’s Go Cena/Cena Sucks!” back and forth chant. Cena said he fights for respect, each and every day. Cena said it was Punk’s fault that he was facing a Triple Threat. Cena flirted, a little, with A.J.. Punk countered that he has become anything. Punk said Cena attacked him, at the announce booth. Cena was tossed into Punk by Big Show. Punk said he won’t be disrespected by anybody. Punk believed that he saved Cena’s life, last week. Cena warned Punk that Triple Threats don’t always work so well for the champs…

Big Show lumbered from the back. A.J. Lee told all three of them to stop it. She refused to let things get out of hand. He said both Show and Cena had matches. Punk whined about not having a match. A.J. said Punk would be fighting but she didn’t know who his opponent was. The fans got to vote for either:

A.The Miz
B. Kane
C. Rey Mysterio

Fans voted, during the break, and chose…Rey Mysterio.

C.M> Punk vs Rey Mysterio
Non-Title Match

Rey got the nod with 47%. Punk was actually happy to hear that he got the smallest of the three. Rey came out in neon green and white. Isn’t that the default costume on the various WWE video games? Rey got such the huge pop. Tons of Lucha fans in San Antonio.

Punk stalked his opponent and then the two locked up. They went tot he corner and Punk gave the clean break. Rey with a Drop Toe Hold into a Leg Lace. Punk rolled through into a Hammerlock. Arm Drag and kicks by Rey. Irish Whip by Rey but Punk moved and Rey struck the post. Scoop Slam by Punk into a Leg Drop. Head Scissors by Punk. Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker by Punk. Rey with a Dropkick on Punk, who had gone to the top. Rey Dropped the Dime off the apron. Raw went to break.

Rey went to the top rope and clubbed Punk. Punk turned and hit Double Thrusts and a Forearm to set up a Superplex. Punk clutched his back but still had time to get a two count. Punk with a Body Scissors, until Rey attacked the knee and ankle. Punk pounded on Rey and re-clamped on the Body Scissors. Punk threw Rey out of the ring. Rey with a Top Rope Senton. Punk got free and Rey caught Punk with a Crescent Kick to the face. Punk pushed Rey back but ate the boot. Punk went for the GTS but Rey converted it into the 619. Rey flew off the top rope and Punk got the knees up. Go To Sleep!

Your Winner: C.M. Punk
Grade: A (94%)

In the back, Alberto Del Rio parked his black Ferrari. Ricardo rambled in Spanish. Del Rio told Ricardo to follow him.

Raw ran a nifty video about the returning Wade Barrett. He has a new look.

Ricardo and Alberto came in and kissed up to A.J. Lee. Alberto talked trash about Booker T forcing him to fight. Lee said she didn’t have anything booked. Alberto told Ricardo that he was worried that she would do something crazy. She took offense and quickly put Alberto into a match against an unknown opponent.

Michael Cole talked about Shawn Michaels being in the building. Raw took a break to give “Bertie” time to get dressed.

Christian vs Alberto Del Rio

Ricardo rushed out and introduced “El Patron” Alberto Del Rio. Alberto was only about half-dressed for his match. He finished tapings up his wrists and zipped up his boots. Raw showed Alberto’s attack, on Sheamus, with a car hood from a month ago.

Christian started pounding on Del Rio until Alberto went to the floor. Del Rio ran Christian into the ring post and barricade. Back in the ring, Del Rio with a two count. Del Rio then attacked Christian’s left arm and shoulder. Headbutt into a Flying Armbreaker by Del Rio. Christian came back with a punch and Flying Fore-arm. Christian hopped over the ropes and smacked Del Rio. Flying Crossbody off the top rope. Del Rio went for the arm but Christian with the Jacknife Pin. Del Rio missed a Middle Rope Backsplash. Christian set for the Spear but took a Superkick. Christian blocked the Cross Armbreaker. Del Rio stopped the KillSwitch. Ricardo provided a distraction, which allowed Del Rio to crack Christian in the head with his boot. Cross Armbreaker.

Your Winner: Alberto Del Rio
Grade: B (84%)

Sheamus came on the TitanTron. Sheamus agreed that “Bertie” was right about Sheamus being beneath Del Rio. Sheamus said Ricardo had left the keys in Del Rio’s Ferrari. Sheamus took the car for a Sight Seeing ride. Del Rio was livid. He rushed to the back, but it was way too late. Michael Cole screamed that someone should stop Sheamus.

Randy Orton vs Big Show

Big Show easily tossed Orton to the corner . He went for the Open Hand Slap but Orton exploded on the giant with punches and Clotheslines. Show pushed Orton off and hit a Side Slam. Show stepped on Orton’s chest. Show kicked Orton around and taunted him. A Massive Headbutt sent Orton down. Orton came back with kicks and punches but a Back Elbow laid out Orton. Rear Chin Lock by Show nearly smothered Orton. Orton Elbowed his way free but Show pushed Orton to the corner. Orton with Running Clotheslines and a Dropkick to level Show. Orton went into his “Special Place” Show blocked the RKO and nailed a Chokeslam. 1-2-no.

Orton rolled out to the floor but Show lifted Orton. Orton snapped Show’s neck over the top rope. Orton rushed into the ring and Show sent Orton sailing right back out. The two began fighting on the floor. Show pitched Orton back in the ring and screamed for another Chokeslam. Orton kicked Show and Big Show dumped Orton up and over the top rope. Show with a Slap on the announce table. Orton slid free and sent Show into the ring post. Orton tried for an RKO on the floor but took a Spear from Show. The ref reached 10 and both men were counted out.

Your Winner: Double Count-Out
Grade: B (84%)

Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins vs Ryback
Handicap Match (but who was being handicapped?)

The New Era Goldberg stormed from the back and looked for fresh meat. Ryback explained, through insert video, about his “Feed Me More!” catchphrase. Reks with a kick and Kneelifts. Ryback with a Powerslam. Ryback clubbed Reks’ back. Reks slipped free and tagged out. Big Boot to Curt’s chest. Ryback threw Curt to the corner, who instantly tagged out. Hip Toss by Tyler. Running Boots by Reks and a Clotheslien got him a one count. Curt with a tag. Curt with a shot or two. The two went back and forth. Double Facebuster Suplex to get a two count. Curt worked over Ryback’s neck. Tyler distracted Ryback. Ryback with a Back Body Drop, tot he floor, on Curt. Backin the irng. Ryback with a Spinebuster and Clothesline. Ryback with the Running Samoan Drop on Curt to take the win.

Your Winner: Ryback
Grade: B- (83%)

Titus O’Neil and Darren Young (Prime Time Players) vs Epico and Primo

Darren pushed Primo and got Dropkicked. Titus went after Primo. Primo got Double Teamed by PTP. Primo reversed an Irish Whip and did a Headstand on the turnbuckles. He kicked Darren but Young rushed Primo to the corner. Titus with the tag and a Hip Toss that sent Primo all the way across the ring. Pimo and Titus exchanged shot. Titus with a Front Drop Suplex of his partner onto Primo. Darren with a Stretching Rear Chin Lock. Primo started fighting back and twisted on a Back Drop Suplex and almost pinned Darren. Snap Powerslam by Darren. 2 count. Darren with an Irish Whip but Primo rolled through and tagged Epico.

Epico with Knife Edge Chops and Dropkicks. Back Body Drop and Back Drop Suplexes by Epico (Three of them). AW told his men to get out of the ring. Kofi Kingston and R-Truth prevented their escape. Primo and Epico attacked. PTP got the worst of it. Darren and Epico got in the ring. Back Stabber by Epico on a distracted Darren Young.

Your Winners: Epico and Primo
Grade: B (86%)

Raw looked at D-X’s assault on Damien Sandow, at Raw 1000. Last week, Sandow attacked Brodus Clay, who was laughing at the footage. Sandow was interviewed by Josh Mathews. Sandow said he was obligated to remove the stupidity from the WWE. We are welcome. Whatever.

Brodus Clay vs Damien Sandow

The Funkasaurus and his Funkadactyls started to dance on the ramp. Damien Sandown Clipped the knee and pushed Clay off the ramp.andow attacked Clay’s bad knee. Sandow flew off the ramp and went back to work on the left leg, which was injured, some time back. The ref ordered Sandow to stop but he wouldn’t. Sandow kicked and stomped on the injured leg. Several refs rushed out to pull Sandow off Clay.

Your Winner: No Match
Grade: N/A

Sandow screamed “You did this to yourself, Brodus!” Elsewhere, A.J. Lee talked with Daniel Bryan. Lee said Daniel has Anger Management Issues. Daniel said he was calm now. He was happy to face John Cena. Daniel wanted the title match to be a Fatal Four Way. Lee told Daniel that he would be facing Kane at SummerSlam. They got into a “No!”/”Yes!” scream fest. Yawn.

Kelly Kelly vs Eve Torres

This was Kelly’s in-ring return. Eve was put in this match because of her tacky comments on Tout about A.J. Lee. The two got into each other’s faces and Eve decided to leave. Kelly with a pull down by the hair and Thesz Press. Kelly rammed Eve into the corner and kicked away. Backspring Elbow into a SweetFace attempt. Eve slid out of the ring. Kelly went out nad got Eve. Whip into the barricade by Kelly. Kelly went High Rent and nailed a Flying Crossbody for two. Eve Reversed the Irish Whip. She tried for the Float Over but Eve caught and then dropped her. Eve with a Flying Corner Choke. Rear Chin Lock by Eve. Eve with a Kneelift and Whip. Kelly with a Small Package off the Hurancanrana. 1-2-3.

Your Winner: Kelly Kelly
Grade: C (74%)

Raw looked back at Sheamus “borrowing” Alberto Del Rio’s car.

Shawn Michaels arrived and the crowd lost their minds. After soaking in the hometown love, Shawn talked about being too out of shape to keep running to the ring. Shawn thanked the WWE Universe for letting him be part of Raw 1000. He brought up the D-X Reunion, which he called Priceless. Shawn said he was enjoying sitting at home on his ranch but he had to come down to the ring when it was in his home town. Shawn said the more things change, the more that they stay the same. Shawn said everyone, in the back, was talking about HHH vs Brock Lesnar.

Shawn was cut off by the arrival of Brock and Paul Heyman. Brock bounced around and the crowd booed him and Paul, strongly. Paul said he wasn’t surprised that everyone was asking Shawn about the HHH/Lesnar match. Paul said Shawn was the greatest in-ring performer in WWE History. Paul said he and Brock wasn’t going to ask Shawn’s opinion, because Lesnar wasn’t going to SummerSlam to entertain. He was going there to fight HHH and to prove, once again, that he is the baddest dude on the planet, today. Shawn said he wasn’t there to dispute Lesnar’s attributes. Shawn told Paul not to put words in his mouth. Any other time, Shawn would go with Lesnar. However, Lesnar and Heyman attacked HHH’s wife and kids. Shawn said it was a HHH that he didn’t recognize. Shawn was ready to share his opinion. Shawn said HHH would take the win at SummerSlam. Shawn said he believed in HHH, so much, that he wanted to be at SummerSlam, personally, to watch the match. Shawn said he would be in HHH’s corner.

Paul said the match would be the end of HHH’s career. Lesnar took the microphone and said the only reason he thought that HHH could beat Lesnar was that Shawn had not been in the ring with him…til now. As he stalked HBK, Triple H walked from the back, ready for war. No suit or tie, no jokes…just the look of determination. HHH stood next to his long time friend and urged Brock to bring it. Lesnar grinned, stupidly, and exited the ring. He then got back in, with the microphone. He threatened to “see” Shawn Michaels before SummerSlam. Lesnar then dropped to the floor. Shawn looked rather nervous at the threat. Lesnar backed up the ramp. HHH’s music hit to escort Lesnar out of the ringside area. HHH talked with Shawn.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler looked back at Sheamus taking Alberto Del Rio’s car. Cole went to Sheamus’ Tout Page. Sheamus was at the Alamo. Cole whined about Grand Theft Auto.

Alex Riley vs Dolph Ziggler

Chris Jericho was at ringside for this one. Cole talked about the “Mirrored Rivals” column on WWE.Com. Vickie Guerrero screeched out the intro for Mr. Ziggles. I so hate Dolph’s goofy t-shirt. Horrible color combination. Raw looked at Dolph Ziggler’s attack on Jericho, last week. Jericho made fun of Dolph’s shirt. Dolph ducked under Riley an stared at Jericho. Go Behind by Dolph but Riley with an Arm Wringer. Collar and Elbow into an Arm Bar by Dolph. Snap Arm Drag by Riley..Kneelift and punches by Dolph. Corner Stomps by Dolph. Jericho called Riley “Alex Wright”. Not quite the same guy.

Dolph yelled at Jericho but still managed to catch Riley with a sharp Dropkick. Jumping Elbow Drop by Dolph for a two. Riley punched away but took a series of kicks. Riley with Forearm Shots into a Hip Toss Suplex. Riley rushed and struck the ring post. Funk Neckbreaker by Dolph (obvious that Dory Funk, Jr. helped in his training). Jericho got on the table to take a photo with his phone. The distraction allowed Riley to roll up Dolph for the surprise win.

Your Winner: Alex Riley
Grade: B (84%)

Chris Jericho taunted Dolph about his loss. A.J. Lee placed Kane and Miz against each other, since they weren’t chosen to face C.M. Punk, earlier.

Sheamus sent another Tout. Sheamus spilled all kinds of Mexican food in the seat of Bertie’s car.

Kane vs Miz
Non-Title Match

The two circled and locked up. Miz with a cheap shot from the corner. Kane rushed Miz into the corner and punched away. Kane was almost disqualified for strikes int he corner. Miz Clippe the leg when he escaped. Miz got out of a Scoop Slam and assaulted the leg. Seated DDT by Miz. Miz punched in the corner and kicked the hurt wheel. Kane with a series of Uppercuts. Basement Dropkick to Kane’s left knee. Running boot to the face. Rear Chin Lock by Miz. Miz continued to blast the left leg of Kane. Kane came back with a Scoop Slam/Basement Dropkick combo for a two. Corner Clothesline by Kane. Kane missed a Corner Clothesline. Kane blocked the Skull Crushing Finale but did send Kane into the corner with a Drop Toe Hold. Kane with a modified Snake Eyes into the Chokeslam.

Your Winner: Kane
Grade: B (84%)

By the way, to squash a horrible rumor that came across my desk. No, Kane’s brother, The Undertaker, is not dead. There was an M.W. Calaway who died in Florida, recently. That person was not the same person who is known as The Undertaker.

Sheamus finally returned with Alberto Del Rio’s Ferrari. The thing was seriously trashed. There was food and tree branches on it. Sheamus talked about hte horrible smell. The car was actually smoking. Jeez.

Daniel Bryan vs John Cena

As Daniel Bryan came to the ring, Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez found the trashed car. Del Rio freaked out and told Ricardo to clean the car. He found an orange cone (state flower of Nevada) in the front seat and started to removed the tree branches. Del Rio blamed Ricardo for this mess. Raw went to a break before the main event.

Daniel Bryan covered his ears, so he didn’t have to hear all the “Yes!” chants. They stopped when John Cena arrived. Cena bounced, saluted and rushed the ring. Raw looked back at the finish of last week’s main event. Punk attacked both Cena and Big Show. A.J. Lee then made the Triple Threat Match.

The two locked up and Cena took the Side Headlock. Break on the ropes. The crowd were deafening with their chants for and against Cena. Daniel screamed that this was about him, not Cena. Daniel went out and screamed at several fans, including a bunch of guys in ref shirts. Cena with the Hip Toss into the Rear Chin Lock when Daniel returned to the ring. Daniel punched Cena’s ribs. Shoulder Block into the Side Headlock. There was an audible “Oompa Loompa” chant. Daniel with a wicked Arm Breaker. Cena with an Irish Whip but Daniel held the ropes and then slid out. Daniel with the Baseball Slide into Cena as they started back into the ring. Flying Trembler, off the apron, to down Cena. Bryan got into a screaming match with the crowd, again, as Raw went to break.

Hammerlock by Daniel. Daniel stomped at Cena’s ribs. Daniel with the Running Corner Dropkick. Hard kicks by Daniel to Cena’s back and chest. Cena reversed an Irish Whip into a Back Body Drop. Drop Toe Hold by Daniel to send Cena into the corner. Kick to Cena’s skull. 1-2-kick out.

Daniel back to the Hammerlock. Cena lifte Daniel but Bryan escaped. Flying Kneedrop to the back of hte head. 2 count only. Daniel went back to the Hammerlock. Daniel with a kick but Cena went Vintage on Daniel. Five Knuckle Shuffle!. Daniel converted the Attitude Adjustment into the Flying Guillotine. Cool move. Cena rushed Daniel into the corner. It took a second rush to break the hold. Drop Toe Hold by Cena but Daniel kicked out. Roll Up by Daniel for a two. Crescent Kick by Daniel for a two. Daniel couldn’t believe that Cena kicked out.

Daniel went to the ropes. Benoit Flying Headbutt for 1—2—no way, Jose. Daniel seemed to be talking to the spirits in his head and then tore into Cena with incredible kicks. Cena switched hte last kick into the lead in for the STF!. Daniel tried to reverse the move into the Yes/No/LeBell Lock. Attitude Adjustment!

Your Winner: John Cena
Grade: A (94%)

Cena absorbed the cheers from his fans. That came to a halt when C.M. Punk showed up. He walked to the ring and got in Cena’s face. Cena wasn’t ready to fight the champ. Cena shoved Punk out of the way to avoid Big Show. Cena lifted Show for the AA but Punk clocked Cena in the back of the head. Punk went tot he announce desk. Punk got on the headset and said maybe it was his fault that people disrespect him and he finds himself in these situations. Punk said he was time to do what he does best. The show will always end with C.M. Punk getting all the attention. Punk hopped back in the ring but ran into a WMD from Big Show. Show also had one for John Cena.


–Jay Shannon

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