Posted June 27th, 2012 by jshannon

Chris Jericho and a Raw Superstar from the semi-distant past returned. In addition, Vickie Guerrero was this week’s Guest General Manager. Plus, the pieces of Money in the Bank began to fall into place.

The show opened with a look at the twisted love quadrangle involving A.J., Daniel Bryan, C.M. Punk and Kane. Bryan swears that she is Kane’s and Punk’s weakness. Bryan said Punk didn’t care about A.J.. A.J. has been all flirty with The Big Red Monster. A.J. kissed Kane. She also helped C.M. retain at No Way Out. She then turned around and came out in a Kane mask. To quote Punk “You gotta love crazy chicks”.

A.J. pretended to talk to Daniel Bryan, C.M. Punk and Kane. A.J. said she wanted to get wild with Kane but they both knew Kane was a monster, not a man. She felt she and Punk were soul mates, but didn’t think Punk agreed. A.J. said they should all go their separate ways. The camera panned back and A.J. was talking into a mirror.

Run the opening montage!

This was Raw #996! Raw looked at Big Show knocking out Brodus Clay. They would meet, again, tonight. Plus, John Cena had a huge announcement.

Vickie Guerrero came out and screeched at the crowd. Vickie got huge boos as she announced herself as Interim GM. Vickie was almost certain that she would be announced as the new permanent GM on Raw 1000. She brought out the first match…a Three Way Elimination Match.

Daniel Bryan vs Kane vs C.M. Punk
Triple Threat Elimination (Non-Title) Match

The fans were asked to vote who they felt A.J. should be with. Punk with Shoulder Smashes to Kane’s face. Kane pushed both Punk and Daniel away. Scoop Slam on Bryan by Kane. Bryan and Punk with repeated kicks on Kane. Daniel with a School Boy for a two on Punk. Daniel with the Shove Off and Punk with the Shoulder Tackle and Inverted Atomic Drop. Punk looked to be placing Daniel into a Sharpshooter but turned it into a Locked Curb Stomp. Kane with an Uppercut on Punk. Daniel flew off the apron and went for a Crossbody. Kane stood his ground and laid out Daniel. Raw went to break.

Kane blasted Punk and whipped him into Daniel, in the corner. Double Clothesline by Kane. Kane went to the top but Daniel caught him and punched away. Daniel wanted a Superplex but Punk converted it into an attempt at a Doomsday Device. Daniel rolled forward to blocked the move. Kane tried for a Double Chokeslam but Punk and Daniel reversed it into a Double Suplex. Punk and Daniel exchanged fists, Forearms and feet. Flying Leg Lariat. Punk shoved Daniel into Kane, who nailed an Uppercut. Punk Low Bridged the ropes to send Kane to the floor. Punk then flipped Daniel over the top and into Kane. Suicide Dive by Punk to take out both Daniel and Kane. Punk rolled Daniel into the ring. Daniel caught Punk, flying off the ropes, and tried for the Yes Lock. Punk got free and used a Slingshot to send Daniel into Kane. 1-2-foot on the ropes by Daniel. Punk called for the Go To Sleep. Kane with a Big Boot on Punk, in mid-move. 2count. Side Slam by Kane on Punk for two. Kane climbed the ropes, again. This time, he nailed the Kane Klothesline.

Suddenly, A.J.’s music hit and she danced down to the ring. She skipped around and just confused the heck out of everyone. Punk dodged the Chokeslam and nailed the Go To Sleep. 1-2-3.

Kane is Eliminated.

Daniel Bryan quickly rushed in and kicked Punk int he head.

Your Winner: Daniel Bryan
Grade: B (84%)

Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez came into the office to chat with Vickie. He kissed up to her and had Ricardo give her some flowers. Del Rio said it wasn’t what he wanted her to do. Del Rio said he was the number one contender. Dolph said he took that spot when Del Rio got hurt. They started to argue. Vickie made a Contract-on-the-Pole match where the winner would get a title shot, on Smackdown. Ricardo came back, with the flowers in a vase. Dolph took them and smashed them into the wall. Ricardo said something slightly obscene in Spanish that slipped right past the censors. The word I heard would indicate that Dolph’s parents weren’t married when he was born.

Raw looked back at last month’s brutal assault by Big Show on Brodus Clay. Clay’s push has just evaporated in just a few weeks. The Funkadactyls introduced the Funkasaurus as Raw came back to live action.

Brodus Clay vs Big Show

Clay is now allowed to compete on Smackdown, now that John Laurinaitis is gone from Raw/Smackdown. The Funky Trio danced their way around the ring. Clay seemed to be just a step or two off his game. Big Show then arrived on the scene.Show ripped off his shirt and tossed his snow cap aside.

Show started pounding on Clay and then went for an Open Hand Slap. Clay blocked it and fought back. Clay used a Headbutt to take Show off his feet. Show kicked at Clay’s injured left leg. Show then focused his total attack on the bad wheel. Show pulled Clay’s knee into the ring post. Show stepped over the top rope and went after Clay. He kicked Clay in the head. Show stumbled up to the middle ropes and hit an Avalanche onto Clay. Show cocked his fist but Clay fought back with Headbutts and fists. Clay went for a Scoop Slam but the knee buckled and the 500 pounds of Big Show collapsed on top of Brodus Clay.

Your Winner: Big Show
Grade: C (75%)

A trainer and the ref checked on Clay, as did the Funkadactyls. Clay was in pain but also extremely frustrated. John Cena had a history-making announcement for later in the night. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler then talked about John Cena granting his 300th Make-a-Wish Foundation Wish. That is so cool Like him or hate him, John is a Hell of a great guy to do so much for charity.

It was time for another Raw Most Memorable Moment. This time, Bob Barker talked about ticking off Chris Jericho and knocking out Chavo Guerrero. This episode is definitely one of my favorites. I am going to be doing my own Top 10 Raw Moments, soon.

Cole and Lawler came back to let everyone know that Big Show attacked Brodus, during the commercial break. WMD = Out Cold Clay. Cole then talked about the HHH vs Brock Lesnar & Paul Heyman situation. HHH challenged Brock, at No Way Out, to fight at SummerSlam. Heyman then came on Raw and taunted HHH. HHH came back and said Lesnar would be considered afraid of HHH. Heyman went to far when he brought up Stephanie McMahon. HHH grabbed Heyman. Paul E. thought HHH was going to let him go. Heyman said he saw everything HHH did, from a mile away. HHH punched Heyman, knocking him out, and asked “Did you see That coming?” Brock Lesnar will have an official answer, next week, to HHH’s challenge.

In the back, A.J. was talking with Kane. Kane said she made him feel things that he never thnought possible. Kane said he wasn’t exactly “boyfriend material”. Kane said he didn’t do relationships, he was a monster. Kane said causing pain was his only joy. He did find A.J. as mentally unstable. Kane told A.J. they should be apart. He told her good-bye. She laughed and cried, at the same time. Calling Nurse Ratchett!

Jack Swagger vs Santino Marella
United States Title Match

Jack was already in the ring. Cole and Lawler talked about how bad Swagger’s career was going, right now. They were interrupted by the arrival by Santino. Jack told Santino to hang on, as the bell rang. He then punched Santino in the face. Swagger with a flurry of corner punches. The ref pulled him back. Swagger went right back in. Santino turned things around and punched away. The two went back and forth. Santino threatened a naked Cobra but Swagger with a kick. Amateur Takedown by Swagger. Leaping Leg Drop by Swagger. Bow and Arrow by Swagger. Santino with a Side Drop Suplex.

Swagger with a punch but Santino with a Kip Up and Splitz. Flying Headbutt off the Hip Toss. Santino wanted teh Cobra but Swagger caught him. Swagger got planted with a DDT. Santino then iced the cake with a Cobra.

Your Winner: Santino Marella
Grade: B- (82%)

A Diva Beach Battle Royal is coming up…soon.

John Cena said he had an announcement. Cena and Zack found a People Power T-Shirt. They threw it in the garbage. Cena would make his major announcement, after this break.

John Cena came out for the Hour Turner segment. He soaked in the cheers and jeers. They were more positive than negative, this time out. John said the WWE has been turned upside down over the last month or so. He compared Big Show to Darth Vader and John Laurinaitis to The Emperor. He made all kinds of Star Wars cross-over characters. I love it that he called Vince Yoda McMahon. . This was just silly. He did a great Yoda impression. The crowd loved it.(so did I). John was interrupted by…

The Return of Chris Jericho! Jericho got into a bit of trouble in South AMerica and was taken off TV for a few weeks. It had NOTHING to do with the Wellness Program! Cole said Jericho has been working with Fozzy in Europe. Fozzy has another album coming out, as well as a summer tour. Takes me back to the days of Michael Hayes and the Fantasia Band. I still have that album, autographed by Hayes. Chris told John to make his announcement and get the Hell out of his ring. John gave Jericho his due for coming back. John gave Jericho a run-down of the updates since Chris has been gone. Cena’s announcement was…He is going to be IN the Money in the Bank match. Jericho took exception to that. Cena said he has had the MitB briefcase cashed in on him, more than once. Cena said he was going to win the whole “Fudging” thing (ah, Cena’s Politically Correctness). Jericho said Cena was always so self-centered. Jericho said he invented Money in the Bank, in 2005. Cena understood that Jericho was 0-3 in Money in the Bank matches. Jericho said this wasn’t for fun. Jericho mocked Cena’s earlier Star Wars promo. Jericho said MitB was a “career-ender”. Jericho said Cena should worry about stopping him…as Jericho put himself in the match, as well.

Vickie Guerrero returned. She wanted to make things clear for both men. Vickie said there would be two MitB matches and no one could put themselves in the matches. Jericho started to say something but she put Chris in his place. The WWE Championship MitB would be for ONLY for former WWE Champs: Kane, Big Show, Chris Jericho and John Cena. Four men? Seriously. Cena said Vickie was a great GM, as long as she listened to the Board of Directors and didn’t make any decisions, on her own. She reminded Cena that she was in charge of Raw. She made the main event of Chris Jericho vs John Cena.

Cole and Lawler talked about all the recent returns: Vader, Cyndi Lauper (sigh), Mick Foley, Roddy Piper and Wendi Richter. A pro that hasn’t been on Raw in 15 years would be out..next.

Lilian Garcia was starting to announce the former 2-time…Well, she didn’t get to finish because Heath Slater came out to ramble. Raw looked at how Cyndi Lauper and Roddy Piper took out Heath, last week. Heath let everyone know that he was the One Man Rock Band. He didn’t care what the Legends thought of him. He considered himself the Ruler of the World…

Heath Slater vs Sycho Sid!

Seriously! I remember seeing Sid as Lord Humongous, so many years ago. Sid looked great as he came down to the ring. He was in fantastic shape. The fans seriously exploded. The two locked up and went to the corner. Heath with a shot. Sid with a slap that put Heath on his backside. Sid kicked heath in the chest and at him on the top rope. He slapped Heath, who tumbled to the apron. Weak Spinebuster by Sid. Heath went after Sid’s left leg and worked over the neck. Clothesline by Sid as Heath came off the rpe. Leg Drop o’ Doom by Sid. Sid called for his Powerbomb. Say goodnight, Gracie!

Your Winner: Sycho Sid (Justice/Vicious)
Grade: B+ (87%)

The crowd chanted “Sycho Sid”!.

Alberto Del Rio vs Dolph Ziggler
Contract-on-a-Pole Match

Del Rio came out in a fancy yellow car (I hate yellow). Give me Candy Apple Red, anytime. Ricardo did Del Rio’s introduction. Dolph then came out without Vickie. Go Behind by Dolph and a quick climb up the pole. Del RIo pulled Dolph down and went up. Dolph pulled him down. Back Elbow by Dolph but a Quick Spin Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker by Del Rio. Delph stopped him cold > Del Rio missed an Enziguri but Dolph with the Side Russian Leg Sweep. . Both tried to climb but stopped each other. Dropkick by Dolph after escaping a second Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker. Del Rio flipped Dolph to the corner but Dolph landed on the middle ropes. Dolph tried to run over but Del RIo stopped him. Dolph climbed up Del Rio’s back. Super Samoan Drop by Del Rio! The contract was pulled off the hook but no one could keep control of the contract. Del Rio and Dolph both held it and then nailed each other. Ricardo slid in the ring and almost got the contract. Dolph kicked it out of their hands and the clipboard hit the outside floor. There was a scramble but neither man could get to it. Both men tumbled over the top rope to the opposite side. They were both hurt.

Sheamus suddenly showed up. Sheamus aid Vickie set up a Triple Threat match: Sheamus vs Dolph Ziggler vs Alberto Del Rio…on Smackdown. Sheamus was on his way to Smackdown…t kick both of your ar*es.

The vote wa sin and 51% of Twitter fans said A.J. should be with C.M. Punk, romantically. He can have Skinny Minnie. Take her to a nice restaurant and feed that poor waif.Raw looked back at the opening match. Daniel Bryan will now face C.M. Punk at Money in the Bank.

A.J. came up and covered Punk’s eyes. She was in a terrycloth robe. A.J. wanted to make it up to Punk. She wanted to dedicate her match to Punk,. Punk said it was time for a serious talk about their relationship. She thought he was ready to go to the next level.

Time for another Most Memorable Moments. Mick Foley took it back to September 27, 1999. He looked at the “Here is Your Life, Rock” birthday party. It was hilarious. Foley brought out all kinds of people from Rock’s past.There was even a clown involved.

A.J. vs Caitlin vs Alicia Fox vs Beth Phoenix vs Layla vs Natalya vs Tamina vs Aksana vs Rosa Mendes vs Vickie Guerrero
Summertime Beach Battle Royal

Oh My. Where did I put my blood pressure pills? Vickie was wearing a leopard one piece. She was a former cheerleader, in case you didn’t know. All the Divas attacked Vickie. Then they broke off. The bodies flew out of the ring, left and right. It was down to Layla, Beth< Natalya, A.J. and Vickie. Beth and Natalya were next to go. A.J. eliminated Layla. Vickie thought she eliminated A.J. but she didn’t hit the floor. Vicki screamed she was the G.M. Chest bump by Vickie. The Two fought and A.J. kicked out Vickie.

Your Winner: A.J.
Grade: D (64%)

The Great American Bash has dropped to the point of being a special episode of Smackdown. Now, I am officially insulted. I always liked G.A.B. because it happened around the time of my birthday (July 7th).

Chris Jericho vs John Cena

The two men locked up and went to the corner. Side Headlock Takeover by Cena. Jericho escaped as Cole read down the laundry list of Jerihco’s accomplishments. Cena went for the Attitude Adjustment but Jericho got free and bailed out of the ring. Raw went to break.

Jericho with a Standing Side Headlock. Cena powered out and punched away at Jericho. Jericho got his boot up and nailed a Missile Dropkick. Jericho choked Cena on the ropes. The ref pulled him back but Jericho went back to choking Cena. Back Drop Suplex by Jericho. Kicks to Cena’s back and ribs. Cena with a Haymaker. Cena reversed a Suplex. Jericho sent to the ropes but he kicked Cena in the face. Jericho planted his knee in Cena’s back and pulled back on the chin. Cena twisted under and kicked Jericho. Headbutt by Cena. Jericho missed the Lionsault. Cena went Vintage on Y2K. Jericho blocked the Five Knuckle Shuffle and tried for the Walls of Jerricho. Cena came back with the Five Knuckle Shuffle.

Big Show strolled from the back. Cena lifted Jericho for the AA but Jericho turned Cena into the Walls of Jericho. Cena wouldn’t submit. Big Show got in the ring and dropped a monster Legdrop to Cena’s neck.

Your Winner (by DQ): John Cena
Grade: B-(80%)

After threatening to take out Jericho. Big Show planted Cena with a Chokeslam. He then brought back his old submission finisher…The Colossal Clutch! Cena was out like a light.


–Jay Shannon

Category: Wrestling.

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