Posted June 5th, 2012 by jshannon

John Cena was allowed to pick his own opponent, tonight. He would battle someone that he had never faced before.

The show opened with a look at the new attitude that Big Show has. He just destroyed R-Truth, Kofi Kingston, Santino Marella, Zack Ryder and Brodus Clay, last week. Show said Cena should have come to his aid, but decided to make jokes, instead. Show was hurt by Cena’s actions, so now he is ready to hurt Cena.

Michael Cole was introduced. He got in the ring to interview John Cena. Cole felt Cena was responsible for Show’s recent destructive behavior. Cena came out and jogged to the ring. Cena drew in the cheers, as well as the jeers. Cole wanted to get right to the point. He brought up that Big Show knocked out Cena, twice in one week. Cole then talked about all the people laid out by Bis Show, last week. I forgot Alex Riley. Cole told Cena that if Cena had done the right thing, this would not be happening. Cole said Cena wanted to be a comedian, instead of supporting his “friend”. Cena came back by saying he was trying to get rid of the “power-hungry bully”, John Laurinaitis. If Cena had gotten rid of Laurinaitis, the new General Manager would have rehired Big Show, no doubt. Cole grinned as Cena talked about how Show would have been rehired. Cole said it wasn’t written in stone that Show would have been brought back. Cole said Cena was so self-centered that he couldn’t understand why Show did what he did. Cole said Show had to take the certain deal. Cole said Show was ready to teach the fans…and Cena…a lesson. Show is no longer an entertainer, he is now a Gisnt that can’t be beaten. Cena came back and said Show was doing this for the money. Cena said Show took the easy way out.

Cena said Big Show turned his back on everyone, not the other way around. Cole found it interesting. Cole suggested Cena might be jealous of the Big Show. Show won his match at Wrestlemania and didn’t get beat up for 20 minutes by Brock Lesnar. Cole said he used to be supportive of Cena but now he sees John as over-rated. Cole said he hoped that Show would put the fans out of their collective miseries. Cole said Cena could not strike him, an announcer.

John Laurinaits rode out on his little Hoveround. He introduced himself and ran down his credentials. Laurinaitis said he was going to allow John Cena to pick his opponent. The only two exceptions were Big Show was not there and John Laurinaitis has officially retired. Neither of them would be eligible to fight Cena. “Anyone else is game!” came from Laurinaitis’ mouth. Cena said this was the first good thing that Johnny has done. Cena chose his opponent…Michael Cole! Cena said the person was over-rated and was being shoved down our throats, week after week. Cole had a look of confusion, mixed with a touch of fear. Cole then started laughing and said Cena couldn’t do that. Laurinaitis said he did say that Cena could choose…anyone! Cole freaked out as the reality struck home for the loud mouth annoucner.

Backstage, Cole begged and pleaded to be removed from the match. Cole said he has been the biggest cheerleader of Laurinaitis. Johnny said everyone’s job would be evaluated, next week, and Johnny needed to give the fans what they wanted. Laurinaitis told Cole “Don’t Call Me, Johnny.”

Raw then looked at how Sheamus bumped Laurinaitis, two weeks ago. Last Friday, David Otunga ordered Sheamus to apologize. Otunga ended up getting the Brogue Kick. Vickie Guerrero then came out to make an announcement. Michael Cole rushed past her, ticked off. Vickie then brought out Dolph Ziggler.

Dolph Ziggler vs Sheamus
Non-Title Match

Dolph went after Sheamus with a fury rarely seen. Sheamus with an Irish Whip but ate a back Elbow. Dolph kicked the knee. Sheamus spun out of the Celtic Crash (Rolling Senton). Sheamus came back and hit it, anyway. Sheamus charged Dolph and ended up on the floor. he pulled Dolph out of the ring. Dolph tried to run Sheamus into the post but the World Champ held his bround. Dolph jumped over the steps. Vickie shrieked at Sheamus. That allowed Dolph to hit a Dropkick, through the ropes. Raw went to break.

Dolph had Sheamus trapped in a variation of the Shinu-Numaki. Sheamus used Headbutts to get free. Dolph with a Kitchen Sink to send Sheamus spinning to the mat. Dolph tried to lock in a Crippler Crossface but couldn’t cinch it in. Sheamus with Celtic Hammers. Sheamus then rushed Dolph into the corner. Running Kneelift by the champ. Powerslam by Sheamus led to a two count. Dolph ducked a Short-Arm Clotheslien and hit a Leaping DDT. 1-2-no. Dolph went to the top rope. Sheamus with a shot to Dolph’s head. Sheamus wanted a Superplex but Dolph fought free. Famouser from the top rope for a two plus.

The crowd chanted for Sheamus. Dolph wanted the Sleeper but Shamus nailed White Noise (Celtic Cross). Sheamus went to the corner and psyched himself up. Brogue Kick!

Your Winner: Sheamus
Grade: B+ (87%)

After the match, Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez attacked Sheamus. Del Rio placed Sheamus’ head against the metal of the WWE statue and kicked it into it. Del Rio locked in the Cross Armbreaker, off the stage. Ricardo screamed, in Spanish, for Del Rio to continue.

Laurinaitis wanted to know where his coffee was. David Otunga came up and said Mr. McMahon was returning to Raw, next week. McMahon was coming in to give Laurinaitis a Job Evaluation. Cole said Laurinaitis is only doing the match between Cole and Cena to try and impress McMahon.

Sin Cara vs Hunico

Camacho was in Hunico’s corner. Hunico used to be Cara Negro, back in the day. Sin Cara with an Arm Drag off the ropes. Hurancanrana by Cara, on the floor. Sprngboard Sunset Flip backfired as Hunico rolled through and hit a Basement Dropkick. Butterfly Backbreaker by Hunico. Hunico with a Rear Chin Lock. Torture Rack countered by Cara into an Arm Drag. Huncio missed a Corner Splash. Jumping Enziguri into a Sprimgboard Hurancanrana. Cara flipped off the roeps and nailed a Japanese Arm Drag. Springboard Back Elbow. He took out Camacho. He took out Hunico with his new finisher, a Tilt-a-Whirl Faceplant. I’d call that the Chupacabra.

Your Winner: Sin Cara
Grade: B+ (88%)

Raw started their Best of 1000 clips. John Cena’s favorite was Raw getting John Cena on June 6, 2005. The crowd was explosive. Cena loved that it was such a surprising moment.

Stan Stansky and Arthur Rosenburg vs Ryback
2-on-1 Handicap Match
(I think the 2 are the ones handicapped in this one)

They were both from Downer’s Grove Ill (Bonus points if you can guess who ELSE is from there?)The guys did really bad poetry. Hmmm…maybe they ARE related to The Genius, Lanny Poffo. Ryback then came out to stare at his victims. Ryback stormed to the ring. Arther was the dark headed one. Arthur was launched into the atmosphere. Ryback pitched up Stan and threw him into Arthur. Stall Suplex on Arthue. He held him up forever. Ryback threw Arthur into the corner and then flung Stan into the same corner. Double Running Clotheslines by Ryback. Ryback picked up both guys and took them both on his back. Running Samoan Drop to end the torture.

Your Winner: Ryback
Grade: B- (80%)

C.M. Punk vs Kane
There Must Be a Winner, Non-Title Match

Cole pleaded, on the phone, to be taken out of the match. John Laurinaitis hung up on Cole. Daniel Bryan came out to watch the match. Daniel, Punk and Kane will be in a Triple Threat Match at the next PPV. Daniel said he wanted to do a little Q&A. He talked about A.J. going delusional since he dumped her. He said Kane would destroy Punk, tonight. He also thought “Yes!” he would beat both men for the WWE title at No Way Out. Kane’s entrance music and lights hit and it got very quiet. Kane slowly walked down the ramp.Kane set off his corner pyro.

Kane kicked and stomped Punk, in the corner. Kane ran Punk into a different corner and punched away. Irish Whip by Kane but he ate a boot and Flying Leg Lariat and La Bandera Clothesline. Tope Suicida by Punk. Punk slid back in the ring and went tot he top. Ax Bomber to the outside. Punk rolled Kane back in and went up for a Flying Crossbody for two. Punk with sharp kicks. Kitchen Sink by Kane into a Basement Dropkick to Punk’s skull. Kane beat on Punk, in the corner. Hard kicks by Kane and shots to the heart of Punk. 1-Kick Out. Scoop Slam by Kane. Hogan-like Legdrop for a two. Kane with a variation of the Kokina Clutch. Punk bit Kane’s fingers to get free. Punk attacked Kane’s right thigh and knee. Punk with chops, fore-arms and kicks. Punk got out of a hold to attack with kicks. Kane threw Punk up and over the top rope. Daniel giggled as Punk tried to get up. Break time.

Sleeper by Punk. Back Drop Suplex by Kane to get free. 2 count only. Kane with a Rear Chin Lock. Punk elbowed free. Uppercut by Kane into the Side Slam. Again, only a two count. Kane went up to the Penthouse but got nailed by the Elevator Knee. Both men were down. Punk hit a second Elevator Knee with the Bulldog. Sptingboard Flying Clothesline by Punk for a two. Punk lifted Kane for the GTS but Kane was too heavy. Big Boot by Kane for a two. Punk ducked the Goozle and hit a Rolling Neckbreaker to almost get the win. Punk went up top but got caught. Big right by Kane. Punk blocked the Superplex and used Double Thrusts to send Kane sailing to the canvas. Savage Elbow! 1-2-NO! Daniel nodded in appreciation of the kick out. Baseball Slide, through the ropes, by Punk. The two fought on the floor. Punk was sent into the retaining wall, right by Daniel Bryan. Daniel got out of his chair and attacked Punk from behind. Kane Hip Tossed Punk into the ring. Punk with a Crescent Kick to escape the Chokeslam.

A.J. rushed down and tried to tell the ref what Daniel had down. Punk with a Suicide Dive on Bryan. The distraction allowed Kane to catch Punk with the Chokeslam!

Your Winner: Kane
Grade: A- (92%)

Kane stared at A.J.. Daniel went after Kane, for some odd reason. Kane sent Daniel flying. A.J. smiled at Kane. What a flake. Kane looked confused. Next Monday’s Raw will be a three-hour show with the return of Mr. McMahon. Vince will evaluate John Laurinaitis’ performance.

A.J. strolled,backstage. Matt Striker asked A.J. about “the look” in the ring. She smiled at Matt and flirted with him. She said she liked it when men looked at her. A.J. thought Matt was uncomfortable. She light switched back and forth. Serious Manic/Depressive. She then said Matt might be her type. Lawler thought she was cuckoo. Raw then showed Cena choosing Cole as his opponent. Lawler told Cole to put on his game face. Cole begged and pleaded for the fans to use social media to get him out of the torture. Lawler thought it was great. That led to discussions about No Way Out.

A Big Show video piece ran. Show talked about not needing the fans, anymore. Show said he was forced into being a big fool, in the past. He said he was fat and fed up. Show said it made hm feel good to destroy Brodus Clay. Show said he has held back for 18 years. It was now time for everyone to feel his pain.

Kofi Kingston and R-Truth vs Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins
Tag Team Non-Title Match

R-Truth held the ropes open for the imaginary “Little Jimmy”. Curt and Kofi were already fighting, after the break. Kofi sent Curt into the ropes. Steam Roller by Hawkins. Double Leapfrog into a Back Elbow by Kofi. Hammerlock by Kofi into a tag to Truth. Dancing Legdrop by Truth for a one count. Reks took the tag and got laid out with a Drop Toe Hold. Lie Detector by Truth. Corner Punches by Truth. Hawkins got knocked off the apron. Reks with a Powerbomb off the corner turnbuckle. Powerslam by Reks. Quick tags back and forth. Truth got free and laid out Reks with a Flying Leg Lariat.

Kofi took the tag and unleashed Controlled Frenzy on Hawkins. Boom Drop by Kofi. Kofi attacked Reks. He missed Trouble in Paradise but his a Flying Crossbody off hte top rope. Truth pulled Reks out of the ring. Hawkins missed a Corner Splash but Kofi was on target with Trouble in Paradise.

Your Winners: Kofi Kingston and R-Truth
Grade: B (84%)

John Cena walked backstage. The main event was up next. Cole looked so depressed.

Another 1000 moment. This time Triple H talked about the night he returned, in 2002, after his quad injury. It was January 7, 2002 and the fans were incredible in their support. HHH was scared that the crowd would be dead when he walked through the curtain.

John Cena’s music rang out. Cena mocked Cole’s look of fear. Cena slid into the ring and invited Cole to join him.

John Cena vs Michael Cole
Special Challenge Match

John Laurinaitis came rolling out on his little scooter. Laurinaitis said he was thinking about it. He understood that the fans wanted to see the match. “Big Johnny” said he always over-delivered. He made the match a no-DQ match. First, Laurinaitis said Cena would have to fight…Lord Tensai.

John Cena vs Lord Tensai

Cole danced as the big tattooed man came out. The two locked up and Tensai beat down Cena with Forearm shots and kicks. He screamed at Cena to get up. Headbutt by Tensai. Tensai choked Cena on the bottom rope. Cole rambled on as Tensai used a Slingshot to send Cena into the middle rope. Cena started to punch his way back into the match. La Bandera Clothesline by Cena. Cena sent Tensai back into the ring. Sakamoto attacked Cena. Cena was laid out as Raw went to a final break.

Tensai twisted Cena’s neck. Cena with a Dropkick taht didn’t move Tensai, a muscle. Tensai moved Cena into the corner. Irish Whip into a Corner Splash by Tensai. Another Irish Whip by Tensai led to Cena with a Flying Bulldog. Legdrop Armbreaker by Tensai. 1-2-no. Tensai dug into the Traps and then used a Headbutt to send Cena out of the ring. Tensai rammed Cena’s face into the announce table. Cole slapped Cena and Lawler went off on him. Tensai with another Headbutt and a whip into the steel steps.

Tensai waite din the ring as the ref counted Cena. Cole ran off at the mouth. Cena slid in the ring at nine. Butterfly Suplex, for two, by Tensai. Tensai missed teh Backsplash Senton. He went Vintage on Tensai and took out Sakamoto, as well. Five Knuckle Shuffle by Cena. Attitude Adjustment by Cena

Your Winner: John Cena
Grade: B (85%)


John Cena vs Michael Cole
No-Disqualification Match

Cole tried to back peddle as the bell sounded. He was almost in tears as the reality kicked in. Cole tried to run away but Cena chased him and caught him. He gave him Noogies and threw him back over the railing. Cole kept trying to run but Cena was too fast. Cole had a house microphone. He asked Cena to wait. He said they didn’t have to do it, this way. Cole talked about their history and friendship. Cole offered a handshake. Cena was grinning like crazy. Cole took off his jacket and tie. Cole lost his cool and told Cena to come get some of him. Cole wanted to know how embarrassed Cena would be when he lost to Michael COle on Raw. Cole bragged about being undefeated at Wrestlemania. Cole drove his finger into Cena’s chest. Cena said they would remember Cole as the man who got his *ss kicked. Cena stripped Cole to his undies and hit a Knife Edge Chop from Hell. Cena grabbed Cole’s legsa nd stomped the stomach. Cena moved Cole tot he corner and mocked Big Show’s Open Hand Slap. Rear Chin Lock by Cena. Cena said Cole owed Cole an apology. He said he was so sorry for what he has done. Cena said another man deserved an apology…Jim Ross. Cole did as he was told. Cole kissed up to JR, his mentor and his friend. Cena then started talking about JR’s BBQ sauce. Cole said the sauce was “Slobber Knocker Good”. Cena wished there was some BBQ Sauce at ringside. Lawler had several bottles, which he gave to Cena. Cena took a couple of bottles and drenched Cole in the stuff. This is just stupid. Cena then got a fire extinguisher. He sprayed down Cole. I’ve been picked on by wrestlers and managers and this kind of thing is just annoying to me. Cena went for the AA but Tensai returned and nailed the Tensai Bomb. Cole rabbitted over and tried for a pin. He only got a two. Cole slapped Cena in the head and screamed at him. Cole went over and got the extinguisher. When he charged in with it, Cena nailed the Attitude Adjustment.

Your Winner: John Cena
Grade: D (64%)


–Jay Shannon

Category: Wrestling.


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