WHAT HAPPENED ON THIS WEEK’S MONDAY NIGHT RAW?

Posted March 15th, 2011 by jshannon

The WWE Universe protested in unison as the fifth member of the WWE Hall of Fame, Class of 2011, was announced. Facebook and my e-mail were jammed with “Why Vince Why?”" I just wish I knew the answer. More on the travesty later.

The Rock was talking on the phone to someone. Rock made fun of John Cena’s attempts to embarrass him. Cena’s music cut off Rock, who told the person he would have to call him back. Rock was offended that Cena entered the Rock’s house. Rock said it was Cena’s final chance to talk to him like a man. It was actually a little kid in Cena gear. The little kid did a silly little rap and told Rock to come get some. Rock compared Cena to Kermit and Barney. Yawn. Rock made the kid say he would never be as talented as Rock. Rock made the little kid cry by yelling at him. God, this was so stupid. Rock sent the kid away and then turned his attention to The Miz. There was creepy music in the background as he warned Miz that an a** whooping was coming.

Snooki was backstage with Trish Stratus. Michael Cole was secured in a glass box for protection from Lawler. The Miz then came out. Yeah, more talking. Raw looked at the various attacks on John Cena in the past few weeks. Miz ragged on Rock for his tattoos, movies and promos. Miz dissed Rocky Johnson and Peter Maivia for never being the World/WWE champ. Miz said e would overshadow Rock if he showed up…because Miz is Awesome.

The Mystery G.M. sent an e-mail. That figures. Cole went to answer the e-mail but Lawler cuthim off at the pass. Lawler took the stand and He Quoted. There would be two First Ever Matches. John Cena would face Alberto Del Rio and Miz would battle…The Great Khali. Khali, a former World champ, danced his way out with his brother, Ranjin Singh.

The Miz vs Great Khali

Non-title match

Miz kicked and punched away. Khali dropped Miz with a fist to the face. Open Hand Slap by Knali into the Khali Khop. He then locked in the Khali Khrucsher (Double Vise). Miz got to the ropes. Alex Riley came out of nowhere to attack Khali. Khali planted Riley with the Tree Slam. Miz attacked with a steel chair.

Your Winner (by DQ): The Great Khali

Grade: C (75%)

Miz DDTd Khali on a steel chair. The chair was actually broken.

Michael Cole said he had a special guest for later that would expose Lawler to the world.

Josh Mathews and Jerry Lawler talked about Triple H vs Undertaker at Wrestlemania. They sent it to the video that HHH ran on Smackdown.

John Morrison talked with Snooki. Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler came in and warned Snooki to stay away from Dolph. Vickie said she was offered the cover of Playboy. Snooki slapped Vickie.

Sheamus vs Daniel Bryan

U.S. Title vs Sheamus’ career match

Sheamus swore, last week, if he couldn’t beat Bryan for the United States title, he’d hang up the emerald boots and crown. Sheamus took Daniel down with a Side Headlock. Sheamus then Steam Rolled Daniel. The announcers started talking about the Curse of the King of the Ring. Sheamus went tot he floor and Daniel hit a Suicide Dive through the ropes. Missile Dropkick by Daniel for a two. Sheamus rolled back out of the ring and Raw went to break.

Sheamus cranked on a Rear Chin Lock. Sheamus Elbowed free but ate a Back Elbow. Sheamus with nasty Crossfaces in the ropes. Sheamus stepped on the apron and hit a Mr. Wrestling II Million Dollar Kneelift. (There is someone for the Hall of Fame). Daniel with a kick and blocked a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker into a Roll-up. Sheamus was tossed to the outside and tweaked his knee, again. Sheamus barely got back in the ring. Sheamus missed a Brogus Kick. Daniel cinched in the LeBell Lock but Sheamus made it to the ropes. Sheamus went for the Razor’s Edge but Daniel got free. The two exchanged Fore-arm Shots. Daniel with vicious kicks that rocked the Irishman. Knockout Kick for a two. Daniel, sent to the top rope and ended up on the wrong end of a Brogue Kick on the way down. 1-2-3.

Your Winner (and New US Champ): Sheamus

Grade: A (94%)

Michael Cole stood on his desk and said he was read to commit Regicide. Cole said he was going into Lawler’s past to find someone to destroy King’s rep. That person would be out, next.

WWE showed how Stone Cold Steve Austin became the ref in the Lawler vs Cole match at Mania. Back to live action and Cole was ticked at the footage. Cole talked about how defensive Lawler gets when the family was mentioned. Cole said he wouldn’t talk about Lawler’s family…Lawler’s family would talk about him. Brian Christopher came out to talk trash about his dad. Brian looked pathetic as he tried to dance his way down to the ring. It’s kind of like those too chunky, middle age women at the Walmart in a tube top and Daisy Duke shorts., thinking they are super-models. Cole asked Brian why he never used Brian Lawler. Brian sounded like a whining baby as he said he never felt like he had a father, growing up. Guess what, Skippy, I spent my first 16 years without my father in the picture and I don’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. Suck it up…buttercup. Brian whined about Jerry never wanting a child. Jerry just sat stone-faced as Brian grumbled and complained. Lawler finally took the stick and said that he was glad Brian didn’t use the Lawlwer name because “You are a bigger screw up that Charlie Sheen”. Brian taunted his father with the reminder that he worked a Wrestlemania match before his dad did. Brian pushed Jerry but The King wouldn’t respond to the punk. Brian said he was ashamed of Jerry.

Cole decided to keep pushing the insults by calling Lawler a coward and a loser. The Oklahoma Sooner theme rang out as JIM ROSS came down to have a little talk with Mr. Cole. Cole went off on JR for daring to show up. JR said this has gone far enough. JR said this has gone far enough. Cole told JR to go away. Cole said he was the “Voice of the WWE”. JR said neither he nor Cole are or were the voices of the WWE, the fans are. JR said Lawler was carrying Cole for years. He said Michael Cole was a Rat B*stard. JR started to leave but Cole taunted JR, a step too far. JR took his hat and jacket off and got ready to kick Cole’s skinny little butt. Let me tell ya..Texans and Oklahomans take their hats off for only two things…fighting and loving and it didn’t look like JR wanted a hug.

Jack Swagger suddenly rushed out and attacked Jerry Lawlwer. Swagger then stalked his fellow Oklahoman. Cole told Swagger to attack, which he did. Swagger clubbed JR and slapped on the Anklelock. Lawler recovered and got in the ring. Cole jumped on Lawler’s back and Swagger went to the Ankle lock on Lawler. Cole and Swagger stood over the fallen men and Cole slapped an Anklelock on JR. Kurt Angle and Ken Shamrock both had to be laughing at this sad attempt at the finisher.

Randy Orton vs Mason Ryan

If Orton wins,, Ryan can’t be at C.M. Punk’s side at Wrestlermania. This was in St. Louis, Randy’s hometown, and the crowd exploded when The Viper showed up. Cole was back in his box for this match. Randy’’ family as at ringside. Ryan came out with Mason. Ryan is using Punk’s music. Collar and Elbow and the rwo ment to the corner. Orton with European Uppercuts. Ryan punched his way across the ring. Orton then punched back across. Ryan reversed an Irish Whip, Orton exploded with a Clothesline but Ryan came back with a hard boot.

Ryan with a Scoop Backbreaker., several times. Orton still kicked out. Ryan with a Bearhug. The crowd was deafening with their “Let’s Go, Randy” chant. Out of nowhere, Orton caught the Welshnan with the R-K-O!

Your Winner: Randy Orton

Grade: B (84%)

Now, C.M. Punk has to face Randy Orton, one on one, at Wrestlemania. Orton left the ring and started up the ramp. He stopped short and stared at Punk. He then looked back at the ring. Punk urged Orton into the ring. Orton rushed in and caught Ryan with The Punt. Orton then spun around and invited Punk to fight him. Punk oozed back out of the ring, leaving the fight for another day.

They announced…Drew Carey…as the next Hall of Fame inductee. The comic (not that I find him at all funny) made one wrestling appearance, in the 2001 Royal Rumble. He was the first celebrity to work a Royal Rumble. Who’s next into the Hall of Fame…David Arquette? This is just wrong. I seriously wouldn’t blame Sunny, Jim Duggan, Bob Armstrong or Shawn Michaels if they were to call Stamford and say,”Get me out of this sham of a Hall of Fame ceremony”. I try to be positive with my writings but this is a slap in the face of the fans. No, I’m not happy about this.

Michael Cole then started rambling, again. Cole bragged about his Anklelock. Yadda Yadda Yadda. Thankfully, Raw cut his rant off. Backstage, Snoki ran into Zack Ryder. She seriously blew him off and continued to talk to a auburn-stressed Trish Stratus.

Justin Roberts brought out Snooki. I thought Raw got rid of this stupid Guest Host/Star stuff? Josh and Cole talked about Jersey Shore. I have to admit, I haven’t wasted the time needed to watch the show. Snooki butchered Trish Stratus’ name and got out of the ring.

Vickie Guerrero v Trish Stratus

No Disqualification, Career on the line Match

Vickie took the microphone and started rambling about what she was going to do. After Vickie’s rant, Trish bopped out to the ring.

Vickie warmed up before the match. Vickie with a quick Roll-up for a two. Trish caught Vickie’s foot and shoved her down. Trish ripped Vickie’s show off. Vickie got the shoe back and hit a Fencing stance. She threw a showe at Trish, but missed. Trish got the other shoe and walloped Vickie’s butt with it. Dolph got in the ring. John Morrison rushed out and attacked Dolph. Lay-Cool hit the ring and jumped Trish. Michelle McCool with a sharp kick to Trish’s face. Lay-Cool had Vickie cover Trish. Really?

Your Winner: Vickie Guerrero

Grade: D (64%)

Lay-Cool decided to take the fight to Snooki. She didn’t look worried. Snooki was a full foot shorter than McCool. Snooki pulled McCool off the apron and went after Layla. Trish then took the fight to McCool. Vickie hit the floor at warp speed. Vickie is now a part of Monday Night Raw. Vickie took the stick and told Snooki that Raw was her show, now. Vickie made the challenge: Lay-Cool and Dolph Ziggler v Snooki, Trish and John Morrison. No Money in the Bank but we get this? Really?

Raw ran another promo for Sin Cara. This guy has been compared to legends like El Santo, Rey Mysterio and Jushin “Thunder” Liger. Fans are just going to love this superstar.

Shawn Michaels talked about the Undertaker and his intimidation factor. Shawn said the Streak was a mystic barrier. Shawn said a person would have to stay totally focused to beat the Deadman. Shawn said beating Taker is the hardest thing anyone would try to do.

Alberto Del Rio v John Cena

Brodus Clay joined Del Rio at ringside. Cena then arrived for the main event. Cena rushed the ring with only moments left in the Raw program. The heels hit the floor and Cena soaked up time and cheers. The two men stalked each other and then locked up. Del Rio with a Kneelift. Del Rio took Cena down with a Side Headlock. The Rock was supposedly in the building. Cena with a Hip Toss and Dropkick. Del Rio went to the floor.

Del Rio with a Dropkick to rock Cena. He only got a two. Del Rio with a Rear Chin Lock. Cena powered to his feet and used a Back Suplex to get free. Both men hit Clotheslines on each other. When they got to their feet, the two men traded fists. Cena got the advantage and went Vintage on Del Rio. Clay hit the ring as Cena went for the Attitude Adjustment. . The two pounded on Cena.

Your Winner (by DQ): John Cena

Grade: B (84%)

Suddenly, The Rock came back to Monday Night Raw. Wait, that wasn’t Rock..no tattoos. It was actually Miz with a skull cap. Miz, Clay and Del Rio triple teamed Cena as the crowd booed. Miz does bald well. Miz ran Cena’s back into the ring post. Mix said he has owned Cena and would continue to do so through Wrestlemania. Miz Suplexed Cena on the steel ramp. The crowd was almost silent at the carnage. Cena tried to fight back but Miz hit a Seated DDT on the top of the ramp. Miz taunted Cena and then ran Cena into the WWE sign on the ramp. Cena struggled to his feet, only to have Miz use the Skull Crushing Finale to send Cena’s face into the metal sign. Miz’s music rang out as Raw drew to a close.

I want to end this week’s column with a special request for your thoughts and prayers to those struggling in Japan. Thousands are dead and missing and life on the island nation may never be the same again. To my buddy,Jay M, and his family, I hope you are safe . Jay’s an English teacher that I went to high school with. He’s been in Japan since the late 80s.

God Bless

Peace

Jay Shannon

Jade89512@yahoo.com

Category: Wrestling.

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Comments

  1. By Max, posted

    Jersey shore cast member Snooki is now invoved in a WWE story line.
    I’ts interesting that the WWE is now taking an idea from a wrestling company{TNA}that is hated by almost 90% of the internet wrestling community.

  2. By simonsebs, posted

    I disagree with you about the Rock’s segment. I personally thought it was really funny. When they announced Drew Carey for the Hall of Fame and Snooki for Wrestlemania all I could do was shake my head. It was one thing to have Mr. T in Wrestlemania one, at least was an athlete.

    Hopefully Daniel Bryan losing the U.S. title means a push to bigger and better things or at least a rematch at Wrestlemania.

  3. By The 86er, posted

    People tend to forget that Drew Carey had HHH on The Drew Carey Show, but that still doesn’t warrant his induction. At this rate, my shoes will go in for being at over a dozen WWF/E shows. Keep an eye out for them, they’ll be the main inductee when Taker goes in. I think it’s time WWE lets the fans vote someone in…Randy Savage is just the first name that comes to mind. Mr. T would actually make much more sense because of his involvement in 2 Wrestlemanias and his work with Hogan on The A-Team. I pity da foo who inducts Drew Carey! The Carey Incident completely re-directed my anger that I had for the dibacle of a match with Snooki and company. Couldn’t we have just had Jim Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler? Maybe even Laycool vs. Trish and maybe a surprise tag partner, like another Diva Legend (Lita)? No wonder why Taker stays on Smackdown…

  4. By "MR" GM, posted

    I’m going to start with this first.

    Please stamford

    As much as I’m NOT a mike mizanin fan-please don’t put the belt back on john cena.

    Here’s why-as of now-the miz is a monster heel (whitch is alarming considering who he put out on monday-sighhhhh). For him to lose to john cena at WM would be a joke, because the q would then be “why dd he have the belt put on him to begin with?”.

    Anyhow….ladies n gents….FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME….to tape delay. If the last three weeks don’t indicate that dwayne johnson isn’t interested in being a wrestler AGAIN-nothing does. “Hums ‘money talks’”

    I still got alex riley as a nexus member come april 2nd.

    Alberto del rio-please win.

    JR-welcome back.

    No comment on drew carey-one comment on the hall;bruno essentially said it was bs. I’m not going any further.

    “God bless” cm punk’s push.

    “God bless” daniel bryan’s push

    “God bless” john morrison’s “push”

    Congrads to sheamus- get ready for an irish history lesson next week.

    Yeh thas it. After all lay-cool looked liked they were gonna break up. Howevaaaaa.

    Onwards

  5. By fred, posted

    the rock has a stupid segment yan.. oh if forgot jshannon is a one of those john cena ites i bet hes got cena p.j.’s lol anywho john cena is a boring wrestler who is the equivelent of goldberg knowing only the same 5 wrestling moves. the rock on the other hand is and always will be the peoples champ.

  6. By sal rough cuts lasardo, posted

    the one true celebrity that should be in the WWE Hall of Fame is Cyndi Lauper — She was part of the rock n roll generation leading into and beyond WrestleMania I — she was part of the 1st WWE music video Land of Thousand Dances, still a classic in my book — she did more for wrestling than any other celeb out there and its a travesty that drew carey is picked over her — no savage, no elizabeth, no arn anderson, etc — what a travesty this turned out to be for the fans and i expect the ppv to be even worse — as the late gorilla monsoon would say and i quote, “Gimme a Break!!!”

  7. By Jimmy, posted

    Sal! Right On! you hit that one right on the head, I agree 100% Drew Carey? GTFO!!!! Never in a million years does he belong in the Hall of Fame! As Much as I am NOT! Shamus fan, Thank God he beat Daniel Bryan!! I am not a fan of these undersized wrestlers get rid of them all from Rey Mysterio to Daniel Bryan and all in between. Just like that weirdo in ROH mini Lumber Jack!!

  8. By j shannon, posted

    Just a quick note to dispute being a “John Cena-ite”. I can respect what he’s done for the business but I’ve never been his biggest fan. I respect any and all wrestlers for doing something I only wish my beaten and battered body could do. Cena, like Rock before him, has a natural ability on the stick. Rock and Cena both tend/ed to use a limited set of moves in their regular move sets. I appreciate your opinion and respectfully disagree.

    Jay

  9. By "MR"GM, posted

    Ummmmm fred.

    Mr shannon isn’t a “cena-ite”.

    I am.

    It started after I read john cena’s wiki bio and wondered “when will I see a protobomb. That would be awesome.” However in the wwe- the simple is often considered the better.

    After all lou thesz is an outstanding wrestler-howeva….mr thesz isn’t in the wwe hall. Weird that…..

    As for dwayne-outside of the time-he had to show in an arena;he HASN’T been back since.

    “But he lubs me.” Said fred. “He’s the PEOPLE’S CHAMP” and yet he’s telling u dead on “were it not for the benjamins- I’d be getting ready to play sinbad.”

    Oh wait my bad- he’s a fbi agent in the fast n furious remake.

    Yup-hes become better at selecting movies. Frankly if there’s a remake of evita-he should go for the title role; after all he’s telling u and others that he is WWE- he’s saying it in front of a camcorder.

    Stacy keibler-please come back. The 90′s are in vogue. All is forgiven with the fans (just ask trish). However plz come back as ms hancock. Its where u did your most damage.

  10. By creo18, posted

    I have read pretty much all of Jay Shannon’s reviews and views on wrestling and he is definitely not a Jon Cena-ite. He has been critical of the Cena character (and rightfully so) Keep up the good work Jay.

  11. By sal rough cuts lasardo, posted

    hey fans, rough cuts is not dead — i have been going through very terrible times in my life and want you to know rough cuts will be back better than ever — jay is holding the fort for me –

  12. By fred, posted

    dear mr. gm be a john cena fan hate john cena idc but noone can take away the rocks achievment before him there was no one with catch phrases and charisma like him maybe shawn micheals but his charisma was in ring and didnt show up until the early dx as for the rock why would he damage his body for less money than he makes in the movies he has already done it all. my only complaint with him is that he stayed away to long, but there is one major diffrence between cena and the rock aside from the rock sheer athletisism (srry if mispelled) even when they turned the rock heel which they should do with john cena he still sold MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of rock merchindise and 90% of the ppl who buy cena gear is kids. so yes if your a cena-ite then good for you but never bash the rock his achievments or acomplishments plz…also if your a cena ite i guess im just a huge rock fan(could’nt think of a cool name for a rock fan lol…ty

  13. By pienman, posted

    damn, that sucks indeed…what is the WWE doing? for all that they could have placed the rabid wolverine in the hall of fame for headlines & heat… then this bullcrap

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